I wake up in a cold sweat. Mouth dry. IV in my arm. Cold blue bed with thin sheets. I had a terrible dream. I was promoted to an Expeditionary Captain. Can you believe that? Me? Once voted most likely to die licking something that should never be licked. What an insane, terrible, unbelievably unlikely thing to dre-

  "CAPTAIN!"

  Fluffy arms from a crying Vixten wrap around me. Looks like Fairy had been sleeping on the couch in the corner for a while. Must have been waiting for me to wake up. I'm flattered. Nice to know someone appreciated everything I've done for my ship.

  Ah shit. That wasn't a dream was it?

  "There there. I'm alright. What’d I miss?"

  Fairy lifts her tear covered face out of my chest.

  "A lot. There was a Diegiton Armada. They were so angry and I thought we were all going to die. Then the Harvesters showed up and they started arguing and Inanna just kept telling them to wait for Union to show up but that just made them yell louder and then-"

  "Slow down. I only just got back up. Sounds like a crazy couple of hours."

  A second ago Fairy couldn't stop looking at me. Now she's refusing to stare into my eyes.

  "Fairy, how long was I out?"

  "... Three days. It looked like you weren't going to make it at first. Sagaci spent eight hours patching you up."

  I lift up the hospital gown. In these modern times stitches are almost extinct as flesh binding has made the practice obsolete. Only the most severe of injuries need them. My belly is covered in a lot of stitches.

  "Did I get stabbed thirty six times by a jagged knife made of acid? What happened?"

  "According to Doctor Sagaci, excessive use of pain killers not suitable for your biology. It melted your stomach."

  "And here I thought I was good at roulette."

  "What's rule tet?"

  "I'll show you some time. First, can I get a sandwich or something?"

  "No, sorry. You're on a liquid only diet until your new stomach is fully grafted."

  "Then a coffee."

  Well would you look at that? She actually has coffee. I haven't had a cup since I left Human Space. Kept it nice and warm for me in a thermos.

  "Do you like it with sugar? Sweet syrup? Salt?"

  "Black is just fine, thank you."

  Looking at it closer, this might not be coffee. At least not the kind I'm used to. The color is right. Jet black like a starless night. But the smell is a bit off. More musky and vegetal. Oh well, beggars and choosers and all that. Bottoms up. The smell may be wrong but the taste is on point. Tastes like a decent grade dark roast. Less bitter than I remember, doesn't even need sugar. Goes down smooth. Soothes my aching stomach.

  "That is a fine cup of coffee."

  "Actually, it's not Coffee. It's actually a blend of two drinks similar to what you call coffee. While your drink is made from ground seeds, this is one part bones from a rodent species from Akratum Four and three parts smell sack from a plant like animal from-"

  "Space coffee, got it. Can I have another?"

  Fairy just tops up my cup when the door opens. Sagaci walks in on their many leg tentacles.

  "Caaaptaiiin. I am soooo happy to sssee youuu awake."

  "Glad to not be dead. You're going to have to show me which medicine is the right one."

  "I'll showww you morrre thannn that. Thooose patchesss you uuused burnt your skinnn. And the limmmb claaaamp was immmpropeeerly caliiibrated. The pinnns were not meeeent to piiierce the booones."

  "Did I do anything right?"

  "You tooook the riiight injectionnn to stop thhhe bleeding."

  "What would have happened if I took the wrong one?"

  "Caaaan you surviiive with blllood as thiiick as rock?"

  "So glad that was the one I got right. Where is my watch? I should check with Inanna."

  "Innnnanna can handllle things herssself. Rest. That isss an ordeeer."

  "Oh come on. Just one call so she knows I'm ok."

  "Fiiine. But make iiit quick."

  Fairy hands me a data pad. A few quick taps and I’m connected.

  “CAPTAIN!”

  Woah. I was expecting that kind of enthusiasm from Fairy, not Inanna.

  “Things aren’t going great. The Armadas are refusing to speak unless you are here. I need you at the bridge immediately."

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  Can one thing be done on this ship without me?

  “Alright. I’ll be up there soon.”

  “Nooo you wonnn’t.”

  “Sagaci, this is for galactic peace.”

  “Whiiich you wooon’t see if youuu die halfff way theeere.’

  “Then stick a second IV in me and lets go. This is important.”

  “Doctor, please. I am begging you!”

  Maybe it was the desperation in Inanna’s voice that convinced them, or may it was just what made sense. Either way, Sagaci sighed deeply.

  “Fiiine. But III am coming wittth you.”

  “Deal. Now help me up.”

  “Aaabsoluuutly not.”

  Sagaci snaps their tentacles, somehow, and an orderly comes in pushing a hover chair. Orderly is some kind of Fish man. Think I saw something like him in an old black and white holovid. I really need to make headway on that naming thing. Either way, him and Sagaci help me into the chair and push me along.

  “Cool chair. Can I pilot it myself?”

  “Nooot in your conditiiion.”

  “Yeah yeah, whatever you say Doc. Fairy, it’s going to be a long ride. What’s the status of our guests?”

  “The Diegiton Ambassador has remained in their cell. They have barred it from the inside and all cameras are disabled.”

  “And you just let them get away with that?”

  “They left the scanners untouched. We detected nothing explosive and no energy spikes. There has been a continuous stream of data from the Diegiton vessels to them. All going in, nothing out.”

  “What do they say?”

  “Impossible to tell. They are immensely dense and complex. Though Alcea thinks they are some kind of schematic. For what, who knows.”

  “Always something with those guys. And the Knight?”

  “Formed into some kind of chrysalis. Harvesters are well known for being able to alter their forms. Whatever it’s trying to become, the changes must be something new. It’s been in there for days.”

  “Sagaci, any idea what that’s about?”

  “We havvve little connncept of transssformaaation lengths. Aaall I can say is it muuust be drrrastiiic.”

  Two of our guests are going through some things. They probably look better than I do right now. Especially since the main transport to the Bridge is busted so we are stuck in the secondary track. Not exactly wheelchair accessible. Not that this chair has wheels.

  “Hey Tom.” Fairy tugs on my gown. “You didn’t ask about Raze.”

  “Didn’t plan to.”

  I get pushed into the bridge. Room went from being totally empty to well past full capacity. There are important people from dozens of systems. At least four other Captains that outrank me., Each of the Greater races has five or six representatives, save the Seraph. Never seen more than one of them at a time. I’m flooded with questions. People wonder what I did, how I came up with it, is it true I almost killed them, and most of all who am I.

  “Everyone stand back.” Inanna’s voice cuts through the noise. “Everyone will get their turn with the Captain but we need him first. Captain, please come to the front. The Diegiton and Harvester want to speak with you personally.”

  The front viewscreen is filled with things I don’t care to see. There are three armadas all pointing at each other. One is the Union fleet, and a large one at that. Must be at least 300 ships from Destroyers to Dreadnaughts. It’s a full superiority force, the kind they only break out for the really big brawls. Plus auxiliaries from half a dozen Major race fleets. Mostly Rackter.

  To the right is a Harvester fleet. Easily a thousand ships, probably at least two. Could be five or more for all I know. The mass kind of blends in after a while. On average Harvester ships are a lot bigger than their Union equals. Though that doesn’t mean they are stronger. A Union cruiser could take on four or five Harvester cruisers and come out in one piece. Of course that only means so much when they always have ten. Each one looks like some kind of parasite that you’d find in a dead body. The long thin ones that look like tapeworms are destroyers. The fat ones that look like ticks are carriers. The jagged ones with all the legs like a deformed spider are frigates. And so on and so forth. It’s disgusting.

  The Digeiton fleet, by contrast, seems rather puny. About a hundred ships give or take. They are small too. Their dreadnought is about the size of a Union Light cruiser. Of course the problem with them is much the opposite. A single Diegiton ship is worth five or more of anything we got. Their ships are both simple and esoteric. Remind me of something you’d see at a pretentious art gallery pieced together with garbage but worth more than a space station. .

  Two screens pop up to block my view. Would be glad if it was any better. In one is a Diegiton. One with a lot more bits and parts then the one trapped in my brig. The picture is clear and direct. The other is a Harvester. I think. The message is coming in half static and poorly angled. Harvesters don’t normally use this kind of tech so this must be on loan. It takes a while to figure them out. This Harvester must be some kind of commander. Not necessarily a Queen. Perhaps a Duke or Lord. Their command structure above Knight was always contentious.

  “Inquiry: Is this the Captain we have been waiting for?”

  “Yes, it is.”

  Well if it isn’t High Admiral Tristeriol. He looks about as happy to see me as I am to see him.

  “Though as I have assured you, First Officer Inanna is perfectly capable of handling these negotiations.”

  “Counter Argument: According to the reports from our Delegate, the one known as Inanna is in fact not sufficient for the task of negotiations.”

  “A–ee. W- wish to —ak to the on- tru-ey in charge.”

  The Harvester transmission is coming in all broken. Can’t tell if they make more or less sense this way.

  “I’ll take it from here Admiral. Look, I greatly appreciate that you both seem to want my opinion on this. But I’m just a ship captain, and not a very good one. And as you can plainly see, I am in no condition for long negotiations. We humans don’t heal as fast as you two can. Please allow the negotiations to be handled by the far more experienced hands of the Greater Race representatives. They’ve managed to get everyone else on their side, including me. And I promise you that when I am well enough, I will do everything in my limited power to help. Do we have a deal?”

  The Diegiton and Harvester are looking at each other. Sound has been muted on our end. Are they talking to each other? Civilly? Somehow that’s the craziest thing I’ve seen so far.

  “Acknowledgement: We of the Diegiton will adhere to your request. So long long as you, Captain Tom, allow one request.”

  “We of –e Har-este– ask the sam-.

  “I am listening.”

  “Request: Aboard your vessel is a single Diegiton and a single Harvester. It is our request that they remain upon your vessel and join the ranks of your command crew.”

  “You want me to let two people who both tried to kill me have access to my bridge and be not half a meter away from me at all times?”

  “Confirmation: That is correct.”

  “For how long?”

  “Un-ill the neg–iat–ns are compl–e.”

  “That could take years.”

  “Ultimatum: These are our terms. Accept them or resign the negotiations to failure.”

  “.... Yeah sure. What’s two more problems on my plate? I’ll leave you to the guys who actually know what they are doing now. I need to go back to bed before I die or my doctor kills me.”

  “Good hea–h to -ou. And, tha-k you.”

  The screens go empty. The delegates make their way to change the galaxy. Inanna and my fish faced orderly push the rubberneckers aside so I can get some proper rest.

  “Sagaci, do me a favor when we get back to the med bay.”

  “ANnnythiiing. So looong as it does not iiinvolvvve leaving.”

  “That was my request. Tell ‘em all I went into a coma or something. Need a few days alone. Week maybe. Then wheel in a Holo screen. Does your planet have good romance?”