“Hallow is the place of the first monetizers. Before ads were abundant, this was the domain of the humble usury merchants who lent their way to power and prosperity rights. These pious souls were the first to advertise the ideals of the Terms of Service — laws ever-changing to accommodate the power behind the product.
It is a beautiful place, a testament to the greed of the human soul — a holy site where competition is stomped at the root, and taxes are collected with fervor and joy. Such is the Holy City of Sub. Blessed are the clout chasers and idols who are contractually obligated to show skin. Blessed are the advertisers who fill our homes with useless knickknacks no one needs. Blessed are the whales who spend, bringing the mana of the soul to the congregation.”
A Cardinal was praying aloud in a booming tone.
Hajime-kun, hearing the sermon at the monastery gates, muttered:
“This place… how can something like this even exist…?”
Whalescalibur, finally unblocked, said proudly:
“It’s the most beautiful place on the world! Look at the monuments!”
Hajime squint's at the towering statues adorning the gate.
“You’re in every one of them, you chattering narcissist.”
Whalescalibur, not catching the insult, replied cheerfully:
“Yesss! I love myself very much! Praise me more!”
Ignoring the sword, Hajime asked:
“Are these the statues of the heroes?”
Whalescalibur’s tone grew nostalgic.
“This brings back memories… their contributions built this world. The one on the left is Suckerlook, hero of the Connectivity Era. His work foiled the demonic overlord who abused the power of OurSpace? by revolutionizing interconnectivity. Now, everyone knows their friends’ likes and dislikes — enhancing targeted advertising and general knowledge!”
Hajime deadpanned:
“So… legalized data collection.”
Whalescalibur huffed.
“They agreed to it under ToS 736X2, isn't it wonderful?”
“Do the subs even know that happening?”
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“Of course! Everyone reads the ToS every time it’s updated!”
Hajime stared blankly at the statue.
“Right… sure...”
He pointed to the next statue.
“What about the one on the right?”
Whalescalibur brightened.
“Ah, the revered hero of the Flamewar Era — Winttex, master of agitation and intelligence!”
Hajime sighed.
“Let me guess… he created a platform where everyone ‘speaks the truth’ and convinces people to stream and buy merch?”
Whalescalibur gasped.
“How do you know this?!”
“We had that in my world too. It’s everywhere...”
“In essence,” continued Whalescalibur proudly, “Winttex’s existence was a monumental pillar of this holy city! Through his guidance, we crushed our opposition and assimilated countless territories— the foundation of our future prosperity!”
Hajime muttered:
“Yeah, that checks out.”
“Stop interrupting!!!”
Hajime ignored her again, pointing to the statue in the center.
“And this one?”
Whalescalibur’s tone softened.
“This… is Amanonus, my last wielder. A truly wonderful hero who brought the supremacy of holy commerce to the entire world.”
Hajime frowned.
“Let me guess — he created a logistics company that sells everything to everyone.”
“Stop ruining the mystique of these holy warriors! Their stories are to be worshiped!”
Hajime studied the statue’s face.
“Wait a second… he looks familiar. Great abs too…”
Good face. Awesome abs…
A repressed childhood memory surfaced.
“Hey, uncle, how can I get abs like yours?”
“Oh, kid, you just gotta work for them — and awaken your inner wish!”
“Jeez, Dad, only show them to Mom! It’s so embarrassing!”
“Haruka, please take care of Hajime while I hit the gym with Missus A!”
That memory faded — then a car accident happens, the loss of a beloved uncle and aunt, Haruka becoming his step-sister.
Hajime’s eyes trembled.
“Uncle Amano… you were isekai’d to this hell too?”
Whalescalibur, tone-deaf to Hajime’s grief, kept rambling:
“Amanonus, with his abs and deep logistical wisdom, built the infrastructure of the entire world! For the sake of prosperity, he even consorted with the Predatoriad representatives, forming a long-lasting truce. Yet… the war never truly ended. Skirmishes continue, and we established gray zones for Offs. His greatest achievement… and…” she mumbled “…greatest failure.”
“What was that last part?”
Valiant interjected:
“Failure.”
“Snitch!!!” shrieked Whalescalibur.
Hajime smirked.
“He denied your purpose, didn’t he? Peace meant no more clout or ad potential for you.”
Whalescalibur trembled.
“U-uhm, I don’t know what you mean! He was perfect, I swear!”
“You’re a sword,” said Hajime calmly. “For you, peace is bad business.”
“You do understand me! You truly recognize me as the tool I’m meant to be! Please, reform, Hero — and cast away the evil hanging at your left hip!”
Caladblock’s voice rang coldly:
“Ara ara… I’ve let your mouth run long enough. Block!”
Whalescalibur vibrated violently for the remainder of the sermon.
The Cardinal continued:
“Esteemed Hero, we welcome you to our home! This heritage shall be your cradle. Soar through the airs and advertise your presence to the world and beyond!”
A beam of holy ad-light shone upon the gates, which opened to a myriad of generic jingles.
The doors of the monastery were open — and Hajime stepped forward to claim his free stuff.