Let’s see my current stats:
Cheapo Scrub Demon – Level 10
(Title subject to change upon class selection)
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Vit: 200/200
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Str: 10
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Dex: 7
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Mana: 0
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Luck: ?
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Resistance: 99% Error
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Attack: 120
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Defense: 50
Not that bad but then I see the extra titles:
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Feet Fanatic
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Slave to One’s Whims
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Aggro Maker
These look more like debuffs than achievements… shit.
Feet Fanatic: “Nocture has a claim to this one. 70% increased probability of feet-related ads.”
God dammit...
Next: Slave to One’s Whims: “Compulsion to be your own self. Let your dark emotions be the trigger for your inevitable ascension.”
So that’s why I’m angrier here than usual…
Last: Aggro Maker: “You have a punchable face, encounter rate increased by 50%.”
No wonder a mob spawns every three steps wasting my damn time!!!
Biting my lip… status effect: bleeding. -5 HP. Vit: 195/200.
I’ve got 250 store points. Let’s check what the companion merchant has for sale.
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Cheapo Imp: A shortstack red woman that looks like trailer trash...
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Cheapo Fairy: A shortstack fairy that looks like hippie trailer trash...
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Cheapo Golem: A shortstack blow-up doll made of plastic or mud...
I hate this so much, what is this?
This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.
Ding! Increased a level in “Slave to One’s Whims.”
Why the hell are they all shortstack?! What’s wrong with the demons?!
Ding! Level 3 in Slave to One’s Whims.
I don’t hire any of them, I leave the town alone and head into the forest.
Heading north, I’m ambushed by—
Highway Woman Lv. 15.
Her sword is literally an ad for road maintenance. She screams:
“First Strike: Maintenance Awareness!”
Critical hit. My HP drops to 50/200.
I slash back—she parries me. Second strike, I’m already dead.
Five minutes of feet ads later I’m screaming:
“Physical attacks affect me but magic is resisted?! What cursed constitution do I have in this game!!!”
So I do what every normal gamer would in this situation:
Back to the beginner dungeon and kill the village girl.
After grinding her for one in-game month—and watching nothing but feet ads—a new monster is born in this world.
New Level: Cheapo Berserker Demon – Lv. 50
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Vit: 1,500/1,500
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Str: 80
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Dex: 50
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Mana: 0
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Luck: ?
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Resistance: 99% Error
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Attack: 5,528
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Defense: 1,588
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Store Points: 1.5M
Titles: Feet Fanatic, Slave to One’s Whims, Aggro Maker
New Titles: Hoarder, Psychological Rabies, Terrifying Aura
Narrator-kun: Such a tragedy. Allow me to translate from now on.
Grrrrrrr (Finally, I’ve overleveled enough to leave this cave!)
AHHHHHHHHH! (Yataaa!) Hajime fist-bumps the air.
Snorting, he storms back to town. He sees the NPCs, with blinding rage consuming him
he kills the merchants. Burns down the houses with a torch.
ARRRRGGGGGGGGGG! (MURDER HOBO LIFE FOR MEEEEEEEEE!)
Ding! First Conquest! Reward: Cosmetic Item – Golden Middle Finger Sticker.
He rages harder, slamming a crater in the town before leaving.
On the road, the highway woman ambushes him again. This time he parries first!
WOLLLLLSNARLLLLL! (Not this time!)
He slashes. She evaporates in a storm of pixelated ads.
Without realizing it, Hajime has basically turned into a raid boss in this MMO.
Next stop: Port City of Lucielvagrod.
Entering Lucielvagrod… “Minimum Level 100 required. To access early content, pay 5M Store Points or purchase Early Access with Real-Time Ad Currency.”
GAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! (DLCCCCCC!!!)
Checking the local map, Hajime sees a dungeon in a sea cave. He rushes there with mild hope.
Inside: Level 40 Siren.
She looks like a fisherwoman with a K-pop mic.
Berserker mode activates. Hajime charges. There's a beautiful slash. Then she explodes into water-pixel ads.
Grunt. Grunt. Grunt. (It’s the same layout as the beginner dungeon…)
Yes. It’s obviously recycled assets. Two new enemies here. That’s it.
GAAAAHHHHHHH! (IT’S SOOO BORINGGGGGGG!!!)
At the end, he finds… another Village Chief.
GRAAAHHHHHH! (I HATE THISSSS!!!)
Slash. 5 store points.
And so Hajime endured another in-game month of grinding, just barely able to afford something incredible.
New Level: Berserker Demonkin – Lv. 150.
His body has evolved. Bloody horns sprout. Muscles triple. His armor long since discarded.
In his underwear, he looks like Asura incarnate.
Truly, the makings of a great murder hobo lord.
He returns to Lucielvagrod. Punches the barrier with strength.
“Payment Accepted. -5M Store Points.”
The gates open.
And thus, an unfortunate guild will soon suffer its first defeat…
Under the fists of NAKED ASURA.