“Calm down, Nero, for fuck’s sake!” Sam barked.
[Nero] We are all doomed. DOOMED!
“If that was true, wouldn’t the System have just killed us?” Pete said. “The fact that it’s set up the quest means it actually wants us to go ahead with the plan, right?”
[Nero] I…I… Perhaps you are correct. But this does not make any sense. There are stringent safeguards in place and implacable consequences for utilizing code such as this for one’s own personal ends. There is no logical reason why the System would tolerate such an infraction. I can think of no instance in the past where this has been acceptable.
“Yeah, but you said storms are pretty rare too, right? And if the System already knows there’s a storm here, why doesn’t it just send a bunch of Data Wardens down here to sort it out? Maybe it’s planning to use this storm as part of the contest?”
[Nero] Perhaps, as you say, it is most unusual to have a storm come into being in the novice area of a contest. Data Wardens may not have been sent yet because the System is still evaluating the situation and determining the best course. In previous seasons where storms have arisen, the Data Wardens have proven ineffective in their attempts to quell The Tempest. Typically, the storms devour everything within sight and then run out of steam on their own. The Data Wardens then come in and clean up.
Onto the road, Pete opened the passenger side door and stepped out with Coop held in one hand. She jumped down onto the ground as Sam and her wolf exited the vehicle. They all stared past the kiosk out to the distant hills, dark storm clouds brewing in the distance.
The storm stretched across the horizon, flashing occasionally with bright shards of lightning as the unmistakable rumble of a savage storm reached their ears, followed shortly after by a loud crack. Pete squinted, shielding his eyes from the sun, which was beating down from the opposite direction, and focusing on the storm. He could see a copper tinge to the dark clouds and imagined a torrent of copper coins swirling around in the tempest.
It wasn’t the moment for it, of course, but Pete made a mental note to find out more about the currency that existed in this new apocalyptic world. He knew about Belch Bucks, of course, but there seemed to be different variations beyond the standard copper coins. He’d seen gold coins and remembered something Nero had said about a different type of Belch Buck.
Given that this entire System ran on money, it would be important to understand the difference at some point. Right now, though, the storm was a more pressing concern.
“That’s a monster,” Sam said. “Reminds me of the storms we get back home, in Florida.”
Pete turned to face her, grinning. “You’re from Florida?”
“Fort Lauderdale. Don’t hold it against me.”
The sound of the distant storm was interrupted by a crackle of static and movement above the Vend-o-matic machine. They spun around to see a giant goblin face hovering above the kiosk. It took a moment for Pete to recognize the figure, and by the time he did, the holographic head had already announced himself.
>> Greetings contestants! It is I, Augustus Greedwell, Principle Profit Pimp and Overseer of the Sol Contest Domain. I come to you with exciting news at this early stage of the Dominion Ultrimax Contest. The emergence of a Coinflayer storm in the novice area of the game has presented us with a unique opportunity.
“Looks like we’re going to get our answer,” Pete said to Sam out of the corner of his mouth.
“Can’t be good though, right?” she responded. “Last time this bastard showed up, everyone who wasn’t in the competition was locked up or disintegrated.”
Pete remembered seeing someone disintegrating in front of him on the road outside of his apartment. Everything had been moving so quickly that he hadn’t really had time to reflect on what he’d seen. So many people snuffed out in an instant while the bulk of humanity was imprisoned within their own homes or workplaces. At least, he hoped the bulk of humanity had survived, forced to work on some kind of computerized station to pay off humanity’s ‘debt.’
>> Queen flare storms are quite a rarity. It seems that the fates have chosen to bless this contest by allowing a Tempest to spring up so quickly. And in the novice area, no less!
The overseer was clearly delighted with that fact and wasn’t doing anything to hide his glee. He stared down at them from above, eyes twinkling with avarice, his face adorned with gold rings, studs, and jewels. The pointy ears protruding from beneath his outlandish hat boasted a row of hoop earrings dangling from the bottom. There must have been thirty earrings in each ear, and each piece of jewelry held a different gem or trinket dangling from beneath the hoop.
So much for the Star Trek ideal, Pete thought. Once a species had managed to travel through interstellar space, once they had conquered the stars, surely base qualities such as greed and avarice would no longer be tolerated? Wasn’t that one of the guiding principles of Star Trek, the notion that war and famine had all been eradicated and now that humanity's basic needs were all met, they devoted themselves to exploration, art, and the well-being of others?
As he stood staring up at the giant goblin face, Pete’s lips twisted into a smile as he remembered another aspect of that particular franchise. He remembered watching Deep Space Nine over and over again with Ollie when they shared a room at college. They’d had the series on repeat pretty much all the time. Once they finished, they’d move to Voyager, and then go all the way back to The Next Generation and start from scratch.
Star Trek had become a constant theme throughout their college years. No matter how their studies were going, no matter which parties they attended or which they were excluded from, these stories would always be waiting for them back in their room.
The Ferengi, Pete thought. The bulbous-eared, wealth-obsessed, greedy personification of everything that was worst in capitalism. There was a precedent in Star Trek, apparently, for the goblins that conquered the universe in reality. Looking up at the overseer, Pete remembered the many scenes dominated by money-grubbing Ferengi. He couldn’t help but wonder whether the overseer and his ilk had their own Rules of Acquisition.
>> It should please you to know that the Baron himself has taken an interest in this matter and has determined that the storm will be allowed to proceed. In fact, he has instructed that the storm be incorporated into this early phase of the contest. Those of you in the local area will now have the pleasure of taking part in an impromptu event which promises great rewards to those who are victorious.
Sam snorted, shaking her head. “And great death to whoever gets in the way of the storm,” she muttered.
>> A series of quests has been designed by the mammon System to accommodate this change to the contest. Each party or individual will be given a specific quest relating to the storm, but these quests will be delivered one by one rather than at once. If the first team fails their quest, they will be eradicated, and a second party or individual will be given the next quest in the chain. So on and so forth until either every player in this region is dead or the storm is dealt with. The quests themselves will be varied, but the essential premise of each is to defeat the storm in some way and allow passage to the novice arena.
Pete thought through the quest information that had appeared on his display a moment before they stopped the truck. It was essentially the plan that Nero had suggested: distract the storm and reach the novice arena.
“So,” he said, “we must have the first quest then.”
“Seems like it,” Sam agreed. “All we have to do is not screw it up, and we’re golden.”
“And the quests will give us five attribute points. I’m guessing that’s much better than a normal quest reward at this level?”
[Nero] Correct. Typically, a single attribute point would be the most you could hope for, and those are typically reserved for extremely difficult quests or rare achievements.
Pete looked around the area, noting the number of parked cars and the surrounding buildings, all shimmering with green light, all wrapped in those translucent force fields. He wondered how many people were stuck in those buildings right now. He also had the sneaking suspicion that they were being watched by more than just the billions of Dominion citizens watching the feeds.
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“Can’t see anything on the map,” Sam said, sensing his unease. “No enemies nearby at least.”
He nodded. “Just feels like we’re being watched, you know?”
“Of course we’re being watched,” Coop barked, spitting a gob of Copper Chew onto the ground in front of her. “The whole damn universe is watching us.”
“Jesus, Coop!” Pete spat, backing away so as to avoid being anywhere near the splash zone of the coppery brown goop she’d just spat onto the ground. “Watch what you’re doing.”
“Well, I can’t swallow this stuff, can I?”
“Yeah, but you don’t have to spit it out right in front of us.”
>> Remember, contestants, you have just 47 hours to reach the novice arena, and there’s now an extremely powerful and unpredictable storm between you and that goal. Good luck, and may you find comfort in the bulging purse of Tongsly Belch.
The holographic head flickered and then disappeared, the overseers vanishing, punctuated by another crack of lightning that echoed across the street.
“Okay,” Pete said. “We stick to the original plan then, right? Just feels like we’ve got a little bit more time, and we can plan it out a bit better.”
[Nero] Yes and no. When we were attempting a clandestine plan, we had the benefits of acting without scrutiny. Now, everyone will be watching us. It is extremely likely that the System will also send a number of obstacles to frustrate our work and stop us from succeeding. There may even be other quests that the System would prefer to play out, so it will do all that it can to crush us and whichever other players stand in the way of the real quest it seeks to display.
“Well, let’s just focus on what we can control for the moment, right?” Pete pointed to the enlarged head of Tongsly Belch jutting up from the top of the kiosk. “We need to get that down and figure out a good place to lure the storm towards.”
Together they walked towards the kiosk, looking up at the sign as Pete wondered how they could go about pulling it down.
[Nero] It is imperative that we do not damage the sign during this process. To damage the image of the Baron in any way is a capital offense.
“Great,” Pete said. “So, we’ve got to rip this thing down without damaging it and make sure that we don’t put a scratch on Tongsly Belch’s face.”
“Well, that trashes my idea then,” Sam said, motioning toward the wolf standing at her side. “I was going to send Wolfy up there to check it out. He’s technically a minion, so I can basically teleport him to different places by giving an attack command.”
Pete nodded. “But, in this case, that wouldn’t be good. Besides, you think he’d be able to gnaw his way through whatever is holding that sign in place? Looks like it’s sheet metal, and I’m guessing there would be bolts or something on the other side.”
She shrugged. “I think there’s a way I can see through his eyes at later levels. That would mean at least I could get a good look up there without one of us having to climb up the damn thing. But I’m not a high enough level to do that.”
Pete nodded, looking at the side of the kiosk and trying to work out the easiest way to climb it. It was only as Coop spat another gob of Copper Chew onto the ground that he realized there was another option.
“Coop, how do you feel about climbing up top there and telling us what it looks like?”
She snorted. “Not great.”
“I could throw you up. I’d probably be able to get you right to the top with one throw. And you could use your shield so that you don’t get any damage coming down.”
“I’m not worried about some damage. I’ve just... never been good with heights.”
“Oh. Shit, sorry. Okay, well I guess I’ll have to figure a way up there.”
“No. I can do it,” Coop insisted. “I just… I’ll need a minute.”
She looked up at the kiosk, squinting against the light reflecting off the sign.
“How high up do you suppose that thing is?”
“Fifteen feet maybe?” Pete guessed. “It looks like there’s a flat section around back that you could land on.”
“Just hold your damned horses,” Coop hissed. “I need to work up to it. Can’t just go throwing me around like a damned football.”
They spent the next five minutes trying to examine the sign from ground level while Coop attempted to gather her resolve. Pete couldn’t see exactly how the sign was held in place, but he assumed it was either bolted on or welded in place. In either case, it would be difficult to remove, particularly without damaging it in any way. Hopefully, they were looking at bolts of some kind and, with luck, he might be able to find a toolkit or spanner in one of the nearby cars or trucks.
It could be that there was also a tool for sale within the kiosk itself, which could be used to more effectively take apart the sign. First, though, they needed to check how the sign was constructed. Pete didn’t want to pressure the little ferret, especially considering that, as he constantly had to remind himself, there was a human woman inside the creature; a woman who was apparently deathly scared of heights.
“Okay, I’m ready,” Coop finally said, spitting the last of the Copper Chew onto the ground and moving up beside Pete. “I only want to do this once, though. No testing. Just throw me up there and I’ll get it done.”
Pete nodded, bending down and scooping her up. Full stop, he would have liked to have tried throwing her into the air a few times before doing the real thing, but he could understand why she wouldn’t want to be tossed around like that.
The little ferret was practically shaking in his hand as he moved up beside the kiosk. He looked up, weighing Coop in his right hand and guessing how much force it would take to lob her right onto the top of the unit.
“Remember to pop your shield right away,” he said, smiling in what he hoped was a reassuring expression.
She nodded but didn’t reply. Sam and her wolf watched from a distance as Pete pulled back his arm, cited the target area he was aiming for, took a deep breath, and then threw the ferret up into the air.
For a heart-stopping moment, he feared that he’d put too much into the throw as Coop went sailing into the air and looked as though she was going to drift right over the top of the kiosk. A sphere of shimmering blue light surrounded her as she flew skyward, but her trajectory shifted at exactly the right moment, and she fell out of view.
Pete waited for the telltale scream and the sound of an exploding ward as Coop hit the ground on the other side. Instead, all he could hear was the insistent rumbling of the storm in the distance.
“I’m here. I’m okay,” Coop said. “Just taking a look now.”
Sam moved closer, leaning in and pushing her shoulder against Pete’s. “Nicely handled.”
He turned and gave her a quizzical frown. “Huh?”
“With Coop, just before. If it was me, I would have just thrown her up there. You gave her some time and space to prepare; that was nice of you.”
He nodded and shrugged. “I guess it’s different for me. I still remember Mrs. Cooper from before she was a ferret.”
“Were you close?”
“Not really. She was just the old lady across the road. Kind of opinionated and chatty. But she was nice; hence I didn’t really know anyone else in the area. She was kind of like that. It didn’t matter who you were or how little you wanted to socialize; she’d find a way to talk to you. Mostly, because she’d be sitting in her front yard just about every day of the year unless it was raining or too cold.”
He stopped talking and spun around, eyes narrowed.
“Did you...” He shook his head. “That was weird. I swear I felt something, felt the ground move.”
Sam crouched down, pressing a hand against the road. “Could be the storm? It’s still a long way off, but it’s big, so maybe it’s causing tremors?”
“Maybe,” Pete replied, unconvinced.
“It’s bolted on!” Coop pulled out from the top of the kiosk. “Some kind of nut and bolt I’ve never seen before. Looks like you need to put a coin in to unlock it.”
What’s more, Pete felt the ground rumble beneath them. It was more noticeable now, and you could see by the look on Sam’s face that she’d sensed it as well.
“Okay, yeah, there’s definitely something going on here,” she said.
“I think you need both!” Coop yelled out. “You have to put in money and then use some kind of tool to unscrew these bolts. I don’t think the money will be enough.”
The ground rumbled once more, this time so notably that Pete could actually see it vibrating.
“And you’re not seeing any enemies on the map?” Pete asked.
Sam shook her head. “No. Maybe it’s actually just an earthquake. Think about all this stuff these aliens have done since they arrived. Maybe they've screwed up the planet so badly we’re going to start having earthquakes now?”
“I’m ready to come down now,” Coop said, her voice sounding a little panicked.
“Okay, move to the edge and I’ll catch you when you jump down,” Pete said, keen to get Coop off the top of the kiosk before the tremors got worse.
“Yeah, I don’t think I’m going to be able to do that, Pete. I don’t think I can jump off this thing.”
“It’s fine. Just move to the edge and focus on me. Don’t look at the ground, just look at me.”
A small, white face appeared at the edge of the kiosk roof. Coop peered down at Pete, clearly terrified.
“I can’t do it, Pete.”
The ground began to rumble, and Pete staggered slightly.
“What was that? What’s going on?!” Coop shouted.
Before he could reply, the road behind them exploded, great chunks of asphalt and dirt flying into the air as something emerged from below, thrusting skyward like a giant ice cream cone made of dark metal. Pete staggered backward, grabbing his bow and readying an arrow as Sam came up beside him, her eyes locked on the emerging monstrosity.
The machine looked to have a giant earth drill attached to its front section, a large conical structure with spinning metal heads embedded all the way along its length. Chunks of earth were flying from the spinning teeth as the huge vehicle slammed against the ground, and Pete saw that the drill was just the front section of a much larger vehicle.
Mole men, he thought as a hatch opened in the top of the now fully emerged drilling vehicle. Following a hiss of air and steam that burst from the hatchway, a figure emerged, jumping down onto the ground, its passage eased by some kind of jetpack.
The figure was unmistakably goblin in size and color, but its body was covered in mechanical components, including a drill bit at the end of one arm and a pair of thick metal pincers jetting from the other. The goblin wore thick goggles that glowed with reflected coppery light and had a metallic backpack strapped to his body, from which gouts of steam poured into the air.
A second and third figure emerged immediately after, landing beside their companion, all three looking right at Pete and Sam. At the same time, a distorted voice cut through the air, coming out of speaker horns that jutted from the exterior of the tunneling vehicle, each word causing Pete to flinch.
>> Bow Topwalkers! Bow before the Lord of all that glitters in the dark, the master of hidden riches of the brooding depths! Bend your knees, Topwalkers, and prostate yourself before Griznack the Goldgnasher and his servants the Burrowers!