Nyx and Cai are in the cargo hold and she finds seven metal canisters about the size of her head floating there. They’re connected in a ring with a sphere in the center, “These are bein’ the coffin things you were makin’?”

  They’re now weightless as they move through the hold, Nyx’s eyes lingering on the one she used to sneak onto the Donati. The words ‘Anti-matter’ and ‘Caution: Explosive if power loss’ drew her eyes.

  Cai moves the capsules that hold what remains of her siblings’ ashes, “Yeah. A deep space burial means they’ll drift out here until the stars die or someone finds them. I’ve put a copy of the videos we found so that anyone who finds them knows who they were.” He turns to Nyx, “Why don’t you record a message for them?”

  What should she say? It’s been so long since she lived with them.

  Nyx shivers at the thought as she touches the spot on her left wrist where the bracelet is under her spacesuit and realizes Cai touches the place near his heart with the same fondness, “Cai… Do ya be havin’ a diamond too?”

  Cai gives her a sad smile and touches the spot in question, “You figured that out? You really are smarter than you act sometimes.”

  Nyx bristles at the comment.

  Cai continues before she says anything, “My wife. And… well… I’d rather not bring up those memories.” He touches the coffins, “You would think that after two hundred and fifty years you’d get over the death of those you love, and it does get better.” He turns to Nyx, “But no one can replace them, Nyx. What you can learn is to live with it and make new memories.” He gives her the tiniest of smiles, “There’s a saying that there are two kinds of death. The first is your physical death, and the second is when the last person who knew you dies.” He pats her helmet, “As long as you’re alive, they’re still alive in a way just as all those who I knew are still alive in me. In a way, as someone who doesn’t die of old age, they’re immortal through me.”

  Nyx is still getting used to his flowery language, but she still understands what he means. Her siblings have lived in her nightmares. But she didn’t want them to be her nightmares. Maybe now that she can’t lie to herself anymore, they won’t condemn her every night?

  Nyx finally puts one hand on Oyx’s capsule and the other on Tyx’s, their pictures etched on them, “Oyx… Tyx… I wish you were bein’ here… The last fifteen go…” she almost curses and stops herself, “These years were bein’ so hard. I was missin’ ya every day. Wishin’ I could be bein’ in that lab with ya all. I miss yer cryin’ Oyx and yer cuddles were the best. I miss yer teasin’ Tyx.” She rotates the capsules to each of the others, “Fyx, I hope yer gettin’ food. Gyx, I’m bein’ sorry for fightin’ with ya all the time. Ryx, I’m sorry fer makin’ fun of yer fur. Syx, I miss yer laugh and yer teasin’ and I’m bein’ sorry fer always makin’ loud sounds that were hurtin’ yer ears. Hyx, I’m sorry for not tryin’ to get to be knowin’ ya better. You were always lookin’ so lonely.”

  She breaks down, “I’m wishin’ you were all bein’ here with me. I was bein’ so lonely. I’m missin’ ya so much!”

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  Cai pulls her into a hug.

  How much crying was she going to be doing? She was Nyx, the tough pirate Felis that survived fifteen years with pirates that hated her.

  Fifteen years of tears that she couldn’t cry. Even as a child, she’d learned to hide her tears.

  Now she didn’t have to hide them anymore. It hurt letting the tears out, but she felt so much less angry now.

  No, she was still angry. But now she directed it at those who killed her friends. She hated herself. Hated herself for being the only one that lived, but despite her guilt, she knew that if she had stayed, she’d have died too. And Cai was right. These scars would never leave her. She didn’t want them to because it would mean forgetting them. They’d be alive in her for as long as she remembered them.

  Nyx looks at Cai, “I’m bein’ ready.”

  Cai nods, giving her another reassuring smile.

  Nyx gives the capsules a gentle push.

  They both watch it spin gently as it floats out of the airlock.

  Nyx watches it drift away until she can’t see it anymore as she touches the bracelet through her spacesuit. It was strange. Part of them was on the bracelet on her wrist, some in the box, and the rest is drifting away perhaps forever among the stars.

  Nyx eventually turns to Cai, who seems lost in his own thoughts, “I’m bein’ ready.”

  Cai looks at her, “For what?”

  “We’re gonna be lookin’ fer the bustuds that killed ‘em.”

  Cai looks up for a second, “Bustuds? That’s a new one…” He turns back to Nyx, “Then we’ll head Sendel Colony. They’ll ignore us if we don’t do anything to get their attention. Genetic Purists hate us, but they won’t try to hurt us either. Think we’re ‘unclean’ for altering our god given DNA, but that we’re still living and deserve to live without trouble unless we start it.”

  Nyx is very familiar with the Sendel Colony and how much they hate Felis, “What’cha plannin’?”

  “Well, it depends on them, but bartering. With the pirate attack destroying their fabricators and some of their hydroponics, I have a lot of things they might like. Just coming in the Donati will be enough to get them to talk. In fact, we have proof of a group doing genetic experiments right under their noses, which might be enough by itself to get them to help.”

  Nyx knows she’s not good with people. She won’t even pretend she is, “Go be gettin’ ‘em Cai!”

  Cai sighs, “I’ll do my best…”

  Nyx feels his lack of enthusiasm, “Cai, yer always speakin’ amazin’ with me, ya got this!”

  If he did it, she wouldn’t have to.

  “Well, thanks for the words of encouragement, but remember, I’m on an explorer ship to get away from people. Stuff like this isn’t stuff I’m good at.”

  Nyx looks back out the airlock, “I’m not bein’ good either.”

  “Donati, close the cargo hold and repressurize it, then set a course for Mars.” He uses his thrusters to turn and head to the door, “Well, I guess we’ll see how well I can convince them. I’m going to use VR to practice, so why don’t you take a shower? I recommend the sundress you wore on the boat. You seemed to like it, so I had the Donati make one for you.”

  Nyx recalls the clean white dress she wore. She wasn’t sure how she felt about how open it was underneath, but she could keep wearing boxers and a shirt under it, so it wouldn’t be an issue.

  And…

  She did like how she looked in it. It wasn’t masculine clothing like the pirates gave her. But something that made her feel more like a woman, “Thanks, Cai.”

  He ruffles her hair, “No problem.”

  She leaves the cargo hold as the Donati enters FTL.