[ CUSTOMERS: 339/1162 ]

  Pinata took a step forward, cackling inside the cockpit. The missiles probably had to cool between uses, I guessed. That or he was screwing with us.

  To be honest, I had no idea how to beat this thing. I mean, we probably could if everyone threw themselves at it, but not without a lot of casualties—starting with me and my friends. Underneath my shirt, I could feel my armoured vest breaking apart already. I couldn't see a way out.

  [ Twisted Plot+ activated! ]

  ...But I had some ideas.

  I raised my arm.

  The Cardboard Crown let me borrow the power of another Wizard's Treats bot. I couldn't see what Milksnake did because Troy refused to share, but I could see what Blood Bind did to it:

  [ [Twisted Plot+]: You can now copy boss powers, with a time restriction. ]

  Troy could copy a power from something he could see, or at least a weaker version. He'd borrowed Lex's shield, the little coward. Now I could copy this:

  [ Power: Jeb's Killing JK-44 Missile Rack

  Deploys large amounts of missiles to deal large amounts of damage to your target, plus anyone standing nearby. Needs to cool down between uses. Ammo: 10.

  Twisted Plot! Power expires in 9m 59s! ]

  A rack too big to fit in my arm unfurled from it anyway.

  Pinata's eyes widened in confusion. "Buh?"

  WHOOSH! A storm of tiny missiles launched from my arm, burying Pinata beneath a cloud of explosions. The mech threw its arms up to protect the cockpit, stumbled backward—

  Pop! The couch summoned by Chaz's ridiculous Contrasht card appeared beneath Pinata's feet, rising upwards as if passing through the floor. Pinata flipped backward and started flailing on the ground like a turtle.

  Chaz appeared and called his card back. "Bro! What now?"

  What else? "Run!"

  The teens Joe and Red were dragging Val to safety and retrieving Baz's leg. I didn't have a Death Daddy crate in my inventory for either of them—yet. The best thing we could do for them right now was lure Pinata away.

  Lex climbed into Kara's stolen go-kart as Chaz and I leapt into Troy's. Kara finally activated Dead Beats again, and freshly-Expired Radz started climbing out of the crashed vehicle in a burst of bass music.

  "Protect the teens!" she ordered as she drove off.

  I started firing my hand cannon to keep Pinata's attention from the back of Chaz's kart. "You can do that many?!"

  Kara called back over her shoulder. "It's the ramen! Where are we going?"

  "To the roof!"

  Pinata rolled to his feet and gave chase, the ground shaking with every stomp of his mech feet. Other survivors took shots at him as he went past, but he just sprayed missiles to drive them back and kept going.

  I didn't really have a plan. Those missiles made close-quarters combat near-impossible. I had no idea how much ammo Pinata had left. Yet another salvo flew towards us as we hit the ramp, but Lex's shield saved us. He could fire them faster than Lex could throw shields...

  I racked my brain for ideas. My anti-Expired crowbar meant nothing unless I could get into the cockpit. Stabchop was on cooldown. The rest of my items were basically useless in this situation. Opening crates hadn't worked with the Branticore, but at least they were boss crates now. Call that Plan B.

  We wound around the exterior to the next level. It was storming outside now. The malls I could see were mostly being dismantled. Another was so full of water it was overflowing from the roof. The end was coming for everyone.

  "Don't rely on the shield," I called out. "Split up and use the cars as cover!"

  Kara split off. I hopped off Chaz's kart, switched to my skates, and fired another salvo behind us. My timing was right—it caught Pinata as he hit the peak of the ramp, and he raised his arms to protect the cockpit again.

  I turned and fled. Chaz's items were mostly buffs, Lex had some teleporting bolts left, Kara could turn potions into arrows...

  WillT 12:33 PM

  Do you still have a Find Store arrow?

  SkullGirl33 12:33 PM

  Just one! I shot the mech earlier and it didn't do jack! I think we'd have to hit Pinata?

  I kept going, weaving between cars when I could and firing everything I could behind me to whittle down Pinata's health. It wasn't doing a lot. I was running low on ammo and time.

  Damn it. I couldn't do this alone. I switched to our main Zettachat server.

  WillT 12:34 PM

  Okay, anyone have ideas on how to handle this guy?

  Harm 12:34 PM

  He still hasn't run out of missiles?!

  An SUV took the next salvo for me.

  WillT 12:34 PM

  Nope!

  amateurUFOlogist 12:34 PM

  I can craft something if you can stall him for 15 minutes!

  WillT 12:34 PM

  Big nope!

  PermianExpress 12:35 PM

  We need backup too! Porcs are hitting the food court!

  GrindSetBonus 12:35 PM

  They're flying in from the sky on the batz! Can't reach them all! Sorry!

  CosmicAcai 12:35 PM

  Not to alarm you, but Expired are appearing wherever that mech goes. I just got bit.

  [ CUSTOMERS: 324/1162 ]

  Another ramp upstairs. This one was plugged by crashed cars. I scrambled over them with Khan, hoping it would stall Pinata more.

  [ CUSTOMERS: 317/1162 ]

  "Shit, shit, shit—"

  hentai_feet.mp3 12:35 PM

  I have an idea, but it's really stupid.

  No angels descended from the sky singing Hallelujah just yet, but the clouds parted a little.

  WillT 12:35 PM

  Hit me.

  hentai_feet.mp3 12:35 PM

  This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.

  What if we...

  There was a roar of rockets and a crunch behind me as Pinata jetpacked over the barrier. Whoops.

  One more level to the roof. Pinata guessed where I was going and sprayed rockets, forcing me to detour through some cars. The others refined Jordan's ridiculous plan as I ran for my life.

  Lexy 12:36 PM

  That's mad!

  Shirokage428 12:36 PM

  It could work though! We just need some really jacked guys.

  Lexy 12:36 PM

  It's a good mad! I'm in!

  Harm 12:36 PM

  We're helping Dale in the food court, but we'll be there in a minute!

  VVVVVV 12:36 PM

  Fuck yeah! I think my eyes are ruined but I can still see the system.

  Red's gonna lead me.

  amateurUFOlogist 12:36 PM

  I'm down, but the wall might get in the way.

  WillT 12:36 PM

  I can make holes in walls! Or my sledgehammer can!

  Lexy 12:36 PM

  We're coming to the roof now! Meet you there!

  amateurUFOlogist 12:36 PM

  Choice! Go for it, bro!

  Pinata was still giving chase, but he'd given up on blasting me. I skated up a ramp to the rooftop...

  My Porc Glamthing lit up. Crap!

  Lightning streaked the sky as I reached the roof. Secondary lights flashed from the cinema roof, where Raven was leaping and slashing around a giant mallbat with laser eyes. I had no time to admire it though, because there were porcs marching towards me.

  I blasted them with the missiles. "Get out of my way!"

  The first wave scattered. I raced forward past the next pack before they worked out that I had a cooldown. Even with my health regeneration and Speed-enhanced axe damage, getting into a fight with all of these guys was a bad idea—especially with Pinata on my tail.

  The porcs started to close in. I ducked, weaved, and cut down anything I couldn't get past with my Speed-boosted axe.

  But it still slowed me down. Pinata rocketed over the fray on his jetpack, crunched down on a nearby car, and opened his missile racks—

  I made a risky dodge, but I didn't have to. Lex's shield popped up just in time, and Pinata rocked backwards as the explosions went off a little too close.

  A porc ahead of me went down, one of Kara's arrows lodged in his head. Chaz appeared behind another, and he went down in a spray of blood.

  "Come on!" he shouted.

  I fired a new set of missiles at Pinata, sending him tumbling backwards, and ran. Only a third of his health left now. We could do this.

  The others followed as I rushed into the taxi stand, past the abandoned cars, up to the glass enclosure above the east plaza. Lex handed me the sledgehammer. I could make three holes...

  I aimed them all at the enclosure wall. It was mostly glass, which I didn't need help breaking, but the metal frame and the low wall that kept people from driving into it were in the way. They dissolved before my hammer.

  Lex fired a dropship bolt into the hole, teleporting herself down to the plaza. Chaz and Kara ran around to the other side, where they could climb down to the escalators on the rope we'd hung earlier. I lowered myself down through the giant hole I'd made.

  The ground floor was rife with Expired, but that no longer scared me. I drew my crowbar and started whacking away.

  "Move it!"

  Lex posted up on Level Two and backed me up with crossbow bolts as the others ran down. I could hear stomping...

  WillT 12:39 PM

  Almost in position!

  hentai_feet.mp3 12:39 PM

  Same here! Keep him busy!

  Pinata dropped through the car-sized hole I'd made for him.

  BOOM!

  The mech's landing shattered tiles and sent everything still around sprawling, me included. Inside the mech, Pinata roared with fury. His cockpit had been shattered.

  Lex dropped a pre-emptive shield in front of me and leapt behind a pillar, but Pinata didn't fire. Instead, he raised his fists. His mech forearms started venting steam—

  The mech leapt forward and slammed a fist down where I'd been lying. I rolled away just in time. It left a crater.

  "Shit!" I hopped to my feet, and was immediately sent flying by the backswing.

  Wham! "Guh!"

  [ 5/10 ]

  Pinata leapt at me again, much faster than before. He'd activated a new phase. Luckily my health was low enough to activate my Emergency Axe, and the speed boost got me away in time. Pinata's mech fist smashed a crater into the wall as I zoomed away.

  Crap, he's out of position!

  I backed off into the plaza again. Pinata turned and rushed me, rockets adding a little extra oomph to his fist as he took another swing. I took a risk and leapt forward, sliding awkwardly through Pinata's legs and forcing him to turn in place. Almost there...

  "Omae wa shindeiru!"

  Chaz's Ninja Vanish speed boost got him to the ground level first. He reappeared by Pinata's tube legs, already driving his sword deep into a knee.

  "Waah!" The mech stumbled, the leg sparked, but Pinata pivoted the entire upper body at the hip and backhanded Chaz through the air.

  WHAM! "GAH!"

  Chaz was alive, but he didn't get up again.

  Pinata had turned his back to me. I leapt forward and drove my axe into the wound the sword had made.

  Wham!

  Something sparked. Pinata whirled around again, but I ducked the backswing and swung a second time.

  Wham!

  He forced me back with a floor-shattering hammer blow. Kara leapt into the fray, jabbing at the cockpit with her spear. When he blocked it and swung his fist she raised her arms, summoning a personal shield with her new bracer—it immediately shattered, but the blow merely forced her back.

  She'd bought me time to swing the axe again. This time, something crunched and sparked.

  KRRSH!

  "WAAH!" Pinata dropped onto the mech's remaining good knee, mech hand on the ground to steady himself.

  WillT 12:40 PM

  DO IT!

  Pinata snapped a fist at me. I jumped backward, made eye contact, and pointed upward.

  He tilted upwards just in time to see a taxi dropping from the enclosure towards him.

  "...Wah?"

  I grinned. "Here comes the aeroplane!"

  CRUNCH!

  Two tons of vehicle crashed into the mech. Parts flew everywhere. I stumbled back in case the vehicle fell towards me.

  It didn't, but the second car the survivors fed through the hole did.

  CHOOM!

  I waved away the dust and fumbled for a healing can. My legs were shaking. "Jesus Christ..."

  "Hey!" Manaia called from above. "It worked! Hardout! You guys okay?"

  I gave him a thumbs-up as I chugged.

  "I don't see a kill message," Kara warned, as she fed Chaz a can.

  I could see Pinata's health bar above the wreckage. It had a sliver left. My stolen missiles were gone, but I could do this myself.

  I tossed the can aside and stepped toward the wreckage. "Alright, you little shit, let's—"

  Pinata burst from the wreckage like an angry demon and clamped his hands around my torso.

  "FUCK!"

  Inside the cockpit, the zombie grinned and slapped its baby hands down on a big red button labeled "BEDTIME".

  A hatch popped open on top of the mech. Inside, an unfamiliar device glowed and crackled with electricity.

  "Uh."

  Everyone froze or backed off, except Chaz, who ran towards me. "Bro!"

  Kara grabbed him. "I got it! Go!"

  I struggled. Pinata was cackling. The device got louder.

  "Got it how?!"

  Kara drew her bow. "Sorry about this!"

  "Wait—"

  Thwip!

  Kara shot me in the butt.

  "MOTHER F—"

  VWORP!

  [ Potion of Find Store: Tack Shop activated!

  No tack shop found! You will suffer a penalty!

  Rerouting... ]

  It felt like tiny icicles had shot through my body.

  [ 4/10 ]

  I hit the floor, coughing blood. I was back in Roxxor Your Soxxors. The barrier over Magic's "safe zone" kept me from falling too far.

  Pinata popped. The mall shook again.

  KABOOOOOOM!

  [ You have defeated War Cradle! ]

  [ +10 EXP! +$500! +1 ZETTAMALL? Harsh Boss Crate! ]

  I groaned. The arrow had vanished once its job was done, but the wound in my arse hadn't.

  "Ow, ow, ow..."

  Magic turned the barrier off, and I dropped down a floor.

  Wham! "Shit!"

  [ 3/10 ]

  "Uh, hey." He held out a can. "You wanna buy this?"

  [ Someone has defeated Mallbatz Prime! ]

  [ THUNDERMALL cleared! ]

  [ You have survived the tutorial! ]