“There is that in me—I do not know what it is—but I know it is in me.

  Wrench'd and sweaty—calm and cool then my body becomes,

  I sleep—I sleep long.

  I do not know it—it is without name—it is a word unsaid”

  Walt Whitman, Song of Myself

  1885

  Helena looked down at her son as the ten-year-old boy sat down on the stool. He ran her fingers through the thick black hair of her son. Normally, the lady Balan would not do such a thing herself, but she felt the white staff of the castle didn't know how to properly groom her and her son, always trying to flatten the curls instead of letting them flourish. Helena insisted on doing her and her son’s hair herself. Stefan was a quiet boy, spending most of his time reading, always reading. A few years back, Helena had quite a hard time getting her son to transition to proper young male clothes; he was quite resistant to the change, but he came around. Helena smiled as she looked into her son’s eyes and then formed a frown; they looked like his father’s eyes, the eyes she would never forget.

  1893

  Stefan opened his eyes; he saw the light of the morning sun shining through the slits between the curtains. The young man was uncertain where he was, but it was very comfortable; he felt the luxurious feel of a feather mattress beneath him as well as the great feel of silk on him. He slowly opened his eyes completely to see that he was in a black silk dressing gown... a woman's dressing gown. He smiled; he had to admit, it felt good on his skin, but how did he get in this gown? How did he get into this bed? It was then that he felt a knock at the door. “Who is it?” The female voice on the other end said, “Mistress Stefan, it’s Helga.” Stefan sighed. “Please come in.” In came Helga with a tray of food and set it down on the bed. “Hello Helga, um, what happened?” Helga replied, “Well, last night Lord Alucard sent for me; you had another one of your fainting spells, so I came to redress you for bed.” Stefan replied, “Whose idea was the dressing gown?” “Lord Alucard provided it, and I think it makes you look beautiful.” Stefan blushed. “Alucard is a good man; he treats me like a lady, like the lady I want to be.” Helga started cutting his breakfast meat. “Yes, he is a good man, mistress, and he likes you; do you like him?” Stefan sighed, " I suppose, he is a good man, he is handsome, he is note below or above my station and he is not repulsed by me” Helga smiled “Sounds like a good match to me, at least give it a try” Stefan paused “I will consider courting him, even if it’s in secret, I do not wish to die an old made, were is our gracious host?”

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  Stefan came to the study at the other end of the villa; it was shrouded in darkness, with the only light being candlelight, and the windows being boarded up, not letting any light in. The door was open. There, Alucard sat at his desk writing by candlelight. He looked up as he came in, and a smile came onto his face. “Lady Stefan, I hope you can a good sleep” “I did, thank you for helping and sending Helga for me” Alucard smiled “It is my pleasure” he then got up as Stefan blushed again as he went up to him and put his hand on Stefan’s cheek, “I've been meaning to ask you, I have grown lonely in these past few years here, no real companion, I know you have been lonely too” Stefan nodded “Yes I have been for so long” Alucard bent down and kissed Stefan’s hand “My lady may I court you?” Stefan blurted out his answer quickly, “Yes! Yes!”