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21: The Wizard Expounds and Expands

  No one moved or said anything. Damon was looking up at the throne, at Blayre himself, who was a blend of Kevin Dubrow, Robert Plant and David Lee Roth with the soul of a serial killer. Despite his evil eyes, it was obvious he could rock a stadium.

  Metal Health: 2520

  Kind: Human, Male

  Type: Mage 10th Class, Rock Celestial

  Metal Skill: Divo 10th Class, Epic Worldshaker

  Metal Mana: 35395

  Proclivity: Norwegian

  2520 Metal Health! Blayre truly was a god of metal. This man was a mage of great power. But a Divo, too—that is a male Diva—so he was a singer like Kim, but many times more powerful. His Metal Mana was sky high, and since that number mainly grew when one killed someone, Blayre had laid waste to countless living things.

  All the numbers and letters glowed green, showing he was healthy and happy. Clearly enjoying himself.

  Damon shook his head and concentrated on the present moment.

  Kim had her hand on her sword, staring up with eyes that shone with horror and attraction. And Fiora grimaced, too. Why were they grimacing?

  Oh, yeah. Blayre, a Rock Celestial level Mage, had said something confusing.

  Blayre cleared his throat and repeated himself. "You will put down Fidds, the so-called great druid king." Blayre had added a deeper bass rumble to his voice, which gave his words a thundery tone and enough force that several flowers wilted.

  Any king who started with "great" as a descriptor in Metaloria was likely very formidable.

  "You want us to put him down?" Damon asked."To insult him?" It was a horrible nervous tic to seek clarity, inherited from his Aunt Danica, who was a librarian. He was 99% certain he knew what the mage wanted.

  "No," Fiora huffed. "What Blayre is commanding the three of us to do is to march across the deadly Black Metal Realm, survive the judgemental Kingdom of Hair, somehow cross the great wall of thorns around the country of Balladria and kill the king, a god-like druid who can control armies of plants and animals. He is the most powerful leader in all of Metaloria, except for Dio himself."

  "Second most powerful!" Blayre squeaked. He tapped the mic, and it made a buzzing noise. "I'm first most powerful." It was clear to Damon that Fiora was holding back a laugh. She stiffened when Blayre said his next words: "Sweet Lovelybuns of mine is correct that Fidds is a wielder of great spells, great songs, and he has magnificent hair—the second most magnificent in Metaloria." He brushed a lock of hair from his forehead. "I command this trio before me to bring back the king's head in a bucket before the moons of Metaloria cross paths."

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  "What's a druid?" Kim whispered.

  "It's like a hippie with magical superpowers," Damon said. It didn't look like that explanation had helped, even though it was an apt description.

  "You send us to our deaths," Fiora said.

  Blayre shrugged, and the fringes on his shoulders rose and fell. "Only if you fail. But if you succeed…" He gestured around him. "Freedom. Fresh air. My everlasting love."

  "I'll take the first two," Fiora said. "And burn the last."

  "Ah, I am on fire for you, babe." He placed his perfectly manicured hand on his chest. "But you give love a bad name. It will be a pain to be away from your beauty."

  "Let the pain of parting begin now." Fiora turned abruptly and marched away, snapping the last of the fioraes holding her.

  "But I have gifts for you," Blayre's voice squeaked again. This time he slapped the mic. It buzzed, and his words were clear and powerful, if not a little pleading: "Items of great power and impressiveness. And necklaces! Really nice necklaces."

  He snapped his fingers, and a thick necklace appeared on Fiora's retreating neck. A similar necklace snapped shut on Damon and Kim's necks, too, at the same time.

  Damon grasped his because it was rather tight around the throat. The gold was about the width of his little finger and was embedded with a small ruby. A hint of a familiar song came out of the necklace when Damon touched it. He gave it a tug, but it tightened further.

  Blayre stopped stroking his beard and let out a sigh. "She's such a diva. These are Necklaces of Maximum Rock. They will help you with your task. Oh, and let Cuddlebottom know if a necklace is removed, your heads will explode."

  "If we remove one, then all our heads will explode?" Damon asked.

  "No!" Blayre shouted, and a speck of spittle landed on the tip of his beard, dangling there. "If you take a necklace off your neck, then your head will explode. It doesn't affect the other necklaces."

  "I understand now, grand wizard," Damon said. He bowed slightly, which he hoped was a nice touch.

  "Also," Blayre continued. "If you don't complete the beheading and return before the metal moons cross your heads will explode."

  "I continue to understand, grand wizard," Damon said, still bowing. He noticed Kim was not bowing but was looking between the retreating form of Fiora and the wizard.

  Blayre then held out his hand, with its perfectly black nails, and said, in a somewhat disheartened manner, "Behold my awesome power." Both Kim and Damon looked up. Nothing happened, and Blayre gritted his teeth.

  Then, with a pop, a sack appeared in his hand. He tossed it to the ground, and it landed with a clinking sound.

  "Take it, spawners," Blayre said. "It is the Bag of Ultimate Rock Surprises."

  Kim stepped into the thick fioraes surrounding his throne and grabbed the bag. She grunted a little as the items inside clinked together.

  "What's in here?" she asked.

  "Enough questions. Begone, lesser beings!" he waved them away. "Follow Fiora. Or the Fioraes will eat you."

  It was not a threat Damon had ever heard in his lifetime, but it became very real as the surrounding plants grew larger, reaching out their leaves threateningly. Their purple flower petals opened and closed with what could only be described as floral homicidal intent.

  He and Kim ran.

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