Hajime and Deus stare at each other awkwardly for a few seconds. Suddenly, a ding echoes through the room. Deus glances toward her desk, waits a moment, and then announces:

  “We will now begin the tour of the Holy Citadel of Sub, headquarters of all mortal advertisement and the most sacred place fit for a divine being such as myself.”

  Hajime claps a few times — the way any obligatory sycophant should. He hates doing it, but… he has to protect his health and not provoke the docile monster.

  Deus smirks.

  “I know you hate it, but it pleases me that you show respect.”

  Hajime mutters, “Does this amuse you?”

  “It’s refreshing,” she replies. “No one hates as purely as you do.”

  Hajime hesitates.

  “Thank you…?”

  Deus whispers under her breath, “Good. This may be more fun than I expected.”

  Hajime thinks, She totally has a grudge…

  “Good that you recognize your place,” Deus says proudly. She gestures around.

  “This is the brain of the operation — the only room that truly matters in this world. My holy sanctum, the divine place where every important decision is made.”

  Hajime asks, “So… is the chair more important than the entire citadel?”

  Caught off guard, she reflexively blurts, “YES!”

  Then instantly covers her mouth with her blocky hands.

  Trying to recover, she continues,

  “To the right, we can see the most important achievements this institution has produced.”

  Hajime looks to the right — and finds an Elnora fan wall, packed to the brim with merch and photos of her streams.

  “What about the heroes?”

  Distracted by the wall, Deus replies lazily, “Oh, those props are to the left.”

  Hajime turns left and sees a dingy wall filled with golden cobwebs, spun by what he assumes must be a divine spider.

  “You should really rein in your biases lady.”

  Still admiring the merch, Deus answers,

  “Did you say something prop?”

  “Yes, but it doesn’t matter…” Hajime sighs.

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  His attention returns to the photos.

  “She looks pretty in that white dress.”

  Deus beams.

  “I know. That was my first gift when I appointed her Saintess of the Holy Order.”

  The picture shows a smiling elf full of hope and dreams. As Hajime scrolls through the later photos, the smile fades more and more.

  “I don’t think Elnora is happy,” Hajime says quietly.

  Deus pauses.

  “I know… that’s why…”

  She suddenly shuts down.

  “The tour is over.”

  “What? I didn’t even get to see the holy city!”

  “This is the holy city,” Deus replies firmly. “The only sacred place is this room. All other structures germinate from here.”

  Hajime processes it, then asks,

  “So… have you ever actually gone outside this room?”

  “Of course I have. I’ve seen everything through monitors and agents.”

  “No, I mean physically gone outside?”

  Deus starts to sweat.

  “O-of course not! No place can hold my divine presence like this room can!”

  “Do you want to go out?”

  “No way — it’s dirty!”

  Hajime groans.

  “I… want a refund.”

  “NO ONE WILL REFUND ME YOU HEATHEN!” Deus roars. “I blessed you with the most sacred and perfect tour of the holy city and you demand a refund from me?! YOU WILL NOT BE MY FIRST TIME!!!”

  “Did you really have to phrase it like that?!” Hajime shouts.

  “Phrase it like what? I didn’t say anything wrong.”

  Hajime glances at Valiant.

  “Is she what I think she is?”

  Valiant whispers, “It’s unbelievable, but…”

  “Cast away those thoughts immediately!” Deus snaps.

  “Sorry, but you’re not making it easy…” Hajime grumbles.

  Deus sighs.

  “Why do I have to put up with this hero?”

  “You redeemed my coupon…”

  “Don’t talk back, prop.”

  She claps her hands.

  “Adael, escort the children around the city. I will provide commentary.”

  Hajime thinks, Sneaky little loophole…

  “Thank you for the praise,” Deus answers out loud.

  Adael appears in a burst of light.

  “Hero! Please follow me to the elevator!”

  As the elevator descends, Deus narrates:

  “This is where all targeted advertisements are produced. The angels personalize the algorithm with the desires of the flock. Their prayers help us craft ads they need and track trends to maximize clout aquisition.”

  Hajime watches ads with wings flutter through pigeon-coop tunnels.

  So this is where the pests originate… he murmurs, remembering the flying ads that plagued towns and his sanity during the start of his journey.

  “Yes, we do have ads for pest control,” Adael says proudly. “Your eyes are sharp for noticing.”

  “By the end of the tour, we will send you some for your power-up session,” Deus adds.

  A grey hair instantly appears on Hajime’s head.

  “Hajime! Think of magical girls!!” Valiant cries.

  Hajime imagines his favorite character, breathes deeply, and the grey hair retracts.

  They enter a vast room filled with statues of gods and goddesses, each with a floating holographic subscription interface.

  “This is the Goddess Selection Room,” Deus declares. “A sacred place where you choose the wrangler of your journey.”

  Some goddesses hiss,

  “Mother, hush! If the hero finds out—”

  “He already knows. Now stop whining and sell yourselves properly.”

  Hajime winces.

  “Your wording… please… just stop.”

  All the goddesses cheer together:

  “THANKS MOM FOR THE CHANCE! PLEASE WATCH US PROMOTE OUR EXPERTISE!”

  “As expected,” Deus smiles smugly.

  They descend from their statues and line up, ready to pitch themselves.