Another morning. Another mug of black coffee.
And Discord DMs.
Ayela: Here’s your chapters back. Loving beta reading Shapeless Poetry so far. Makes me warm and fuzzy inside every time.
HC: So glad to hear it. You’re the best!
Ayela: ??
I switched from my DMs with HC to the chat. Wonder what all the fellas were up to?
#SpecialStreaksGeneral
GingerBollox: I’m great at counting beans
ColbyMoney: one more than your brain
Cady: We’re still not talking about books?
Ahoy: there’s a voice chat going on
What was that? Voice chat? Popping in my earbuds, I looked around and found it, clicked it, and woah. Someone was singing. I think? Did that count as a song?
#voicechat
DickDaddy: I feel good. A special kind of horny.
I muted my mic so I wouldn’t bust out laughing. Was he drunk? Had to be. He kept going, and lord, I laughed so hard behind his back. When he finally shut up, there was some kind of digital clapping sound.
Was that a sound effect I could do? I checked around. . . No, nothing in the emojis. Didn’t see the sound effects. Weird. No one said anything.
It was complete silence. DickDaddy wasn’t singing anymore either.
Oooookay. I hung up on voice chat and went back to #SpecialStreaksGeneral, but it was dead. A few minutes ago, there was this:
HC: gif (a guy with a rocket up his ass jumping off a dock and flying up to the sky with the text “ROCKET MAN.”)
Exclamation: c-ya!
And that was it. Well, I guessed it was over for a while. First time I’d seen it fall completely still. I switched to Zoe’s server.
#FlopperGeneral
Zoe: here to party fam
Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.
DeBagg: gotta go write. behind.
NightLover: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASS
DeBagg: Not that kind of behind, NightLover
GayPirate: In my last life, I took it up the behind
HC: I bet you did, GP; I bet you did.
Ayela: ?? I love you guys.
Zoe: praise be! The Comment Goddess is here!
BlackPesc: feckin’ goddess!
Ayela: is that a compliment?
HC: just take the win, A-dog
Ayela: ??
Zoe: HC, the graphics in Cultivar Realms are so fly
HC: Right? I’ve already mapped the expansion. Where are you?
Zoe: Bodland’s Burrow, but the king-sized mozzies got me
HC: Damn! U gotta watch them
Zoe: 100%
I closed down since I had no idea what they were talking about (probably a game) and opened my drafts. I wasn’t really in the mood for editing, but it needed doing, so I got to it. Half an hour later, I was bored to tears with my own book and went back to Discord.
#SpecialStreaksGeneral
LordTyrant: gif (video of squirrel eating a candy bar with text saying “dead chat”)
Well, it looked like everyone was gaming or something. I flicked on a K-drama and ordered pizza delivery. Ping! Oh, joyous day, something to do!
HC: I’m stuck!
Ayela: Here’s a rope!
HC: to hang myself?
Ayela: that bad?
HC: lol. I don’t know how to write their first kiss!!!!
Ayela: well, you’ve kissed a girl, right? Tell me you and your wife aren’t virgins.
HC: HAAAAAA. But I’m not a girl.
Ayela: So?
HC: okay, okay, I can do this.
Ayela: try writing a scene where you’re a male MC kissing another man. That’ll get ya through it.
HC: LMAO! Totally doing that.
Ayela: ??
I checked out the chat again.
#SpecialStreaksGeneral
LordTyrant: I dunno why we had to outlaw war. Humans thrive on it.
ArlenKnight: I say we blow shit up
LordTyrant: We need to. It’s a prerequisite for life
BeadBuddy: I think we’re naturally peaceful
Ahoy: Gandhi was full of shit
HC: give peace a chance
CoolBeans: what’s peace?
LordTyrant: if we didn’t have martial arts as a substitute for war, we’d implode from unreleased aggression
Ayela: I mean, a good romp in the hay can work wonders
LordTyrant: I don’t know what hay has to do with it
HC: It’s an Americanism for sex
Bartt: what’s sex?
LordTyrant: LOL. Well, what sort of sex is Ayela recommending?
Ayela: the good kind
HC: Definitely not vanilla
GingerBollox: what’s vanilla?
Cherubella: someone get that man a lay
RabbitGuano: oh, nothing’s changed in chat
Cady: do we ever talk about books anymore?
GingerBollox: not when there’s beans about
Ayela: we’re going back to male body parts
SpiritdeCacao: have some rakija, friends
InnerFire: I love a good earl grey and toast
LordTyrant: Ginger has a pre-occupation
HC: Thank God it’s not with feet like @ArlenKnight
WarMarsupial: I just wrote a chapter with beans and rice
CHASE: what kind of beans?
Burning: refried are the best
HC: only with jalapenos
MerFolk: or on eggs
HC: with corn tortillas
Buttle: and salsa
IAmSoImportant: what about bean paste?
Exclamation: all day and all night
SpiritdeCacao: I once woke up and found a cricket eating my big toe.
SassySword: Did it hurt?
SpiritdeCacao: It isn't really painful, but imagine feeling some numbness at 3 am only to uncover the blanket and see that brown fucker munching on your toe.
SassySword: What dis phonk?
HC: What the actual FUCK with that description?
ArlenKnight: speechless
Rabbitguano: whaddya do?
Cherubella: did you taxidermy it?
Lilly: do crickets eat people?
Burning: only on Tuesdays
IAmSoImportant: the best crickets do
SpiritdeCacao: I smacked it with a pillow
Cherubella: I don’t condone killing. Unless it’s road kill.
InnerFire: charcoal road kill does have some appeal from time to time
MagicMark: man, if I woke up to a cricket chewing on my toe, I’d be smashing it with a brick
LordTyrant: thereby destroying your foot. ridiculous pacifist
BeadBuddy: What would you do, LordTyrant? Nuke it?
LordTyrant: global insect problem solved
Oh gods! I couldn’t stop laughing, and my stomach hurt. Damn, I had to go pee, or I’d wet myself. I don’t think I’d laughed that hard at anything in my life. What the fuck even were these people? What sort of crazy were they drinking?
When I got back from the toilet, I realized I’d wasted most of my morning, and I really needed to get some writing done since I had to babysit the twins the next day. I closed Discord and hunkered down.
Two hours later, I had three chapters written and desperately needed to get out of the apartment. I pulled on my sandals and headed out the door, but what happened next wasn’t the relaxing walk I’d been wanting.
