#SpecialStreaksGeneral
Lurks: My wife’s in labor!
Exclamation: congrats!
SpiritdeCacao: Open the rakija!
SassySword: Call the doc!
Ayela: Dude, log off and look after your wife!
Lurks: Thx! ??
What was even with these people? Had they no sense? Were they attached to their screens 24/7? I shook my head.
Well, what was I becoming? I used to sit by the window to have my morning coffee, and now I was standing in the kitchen, mug to lips, scrolling through Discord like some kind of junkie. I clicked away from the Special Streaks server and into Flopper.
HC: Can you heart me on Shreddit? Link to post
I followed HC's link to see what he was talking about. Hunh. He’d made a post about Shapeless Poetry. Wait, he was promoting it already? I read through it. Okay, just planting the seed. Letting people know a new book was coming on Purple Road.
Hell's bells, the announcement was only an hour old, and a thousand people’d already hearted it. I added one more and a comment.
Uh, scratch that. No, I could do nothing. My account was brand new, and they wouldn’t let me heart or comment. Crap.
Ayela: HC, I can’t heart your Shreddit because I’m too new
HC: lol. Go find some cat pictures somewhere and heart them. If you can do that, then you can comment, and once you get some hearts on your comments, your account will be primed to post in the book-lovers thread.
Ayela: Why is it so complicated?
The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
HC: ?? troll prevention
Ayela: But why me, I mean, do they know that I did the cat gif thing? Am I cursed on stream?
DeBagg: No, dear goddess, the meanies cause these problems. It is never you. Find a place to post something, and we shall heart you. Forever and always.
GayPirate: I ate a heart in my past life
BlackPesc: What the feck is going on?
NightLover: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArt
Laughing, I went to do as recommended, and lo and behold, I found a cat thread where I posted a pic of Roxie, my Nanna’s cat.
#FlopperGeneral
Ayela: Please heart this Shreddit, beloveds. Link to Shreddit post
Zoe: What a sweetie! Is that your cat, Ay?
Heart thudding. Weeeee! Zoe called me “Ay!” Were we on a nickname basis now? Could I call her a special name? Be cool. Totally cool.
Ayela: Hey Zo, it’s my Nanna’s cat, but shhhh, don’t tell the Shreddit people that
DeBagg: our lips are sealed, thou shalt not get kicked off Shreddit for false pretenses
Ayela: Phew! I was worried
Zoe: Dog pics incoming.
Link photo.
Link photo.
Oh god, it wasn’t just dog pics! It was Zoe pics, and she was HOT. Thick shoulders, hair in a bun, thighs for days. Good gods, I needed a cold shower. No, I needed some alone time. Fuuuuuuuuuck. Pull it together, Sam.
Ayela: ??????
And your dog’s cute too.
Hot damn! Did I just FLIRT with Zoe?
Zoe: LOL! ????? The Comment Goddess is setting me on fire, folks.
Ayela: back at ya
DeBagg: What’s this? Do we need a fire department?
HC: I think this server just burst into flames
NightLover: FLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME
GayPirate: I was burned at the stake in my last life
BlackPesc: I want to get fecked so hard right now
Ayela: You’re not the only one sister
HC: God, I love lesbians
DeBagg: God, me too
Zoe: no god about it. I just love lesbians
Ayela: Fuck yes
HOLY FUCK WHAT DID I JUST DO? Flirted successfully with Zoe and set the whole damn server on fire!!! Whew! Me! All me! Glorious Ayela! Praise be! Get a grip, Sam. No fucking way; this was soooo awesome!!!!!
Yes, I’d had a plan, and it’d revolved around being a helpless damsel with a story about Shreddit. But noooooo, it’d taken a turn far past the plans and straight into madness.
The good kind.
I wasn’t just getting by on Discord, I was ROCKING DISCORD. FLIRTING with Zoe and BEING FLIRTED WITH BACK.
Wait, did she flirt back? Did that count as flirting? I read it three more times. Well, she didn’t put me off. She stayed engaged. That was good, right?
Dammit, why did I not have friends to ask about this? Oh yeah, because I’d fucked them, and it had gone terribly wrong. Both times.
Sobering thought that. Hmmm. Relationships had been tense, not easy. No, worse than that. They’d been smothering, and neither of the gals I’d tried it with had worked out.
Yuck. Thinking about it made the Discord celebration fall flat.
Ah, well, at least I was one of the cool kids now. I opened up a new document and jotted some notes, not quite sure if I’d ever put it anywhere, but feeling inspired nonetheless.
The Cool Gal’s Guide To Rockin’ Discord:
- Step 1) Convince everyone you’re a hapless idiot. DM me if you need advice.
- Step 2) Once you are being mansplained regularly, punk them so hard they can’t see straight.
- Step 3) Now that they’re confused about whether or not you’re a hapless idiot or a genius, they’ll be too afraid to doubt you publicly. You’re home free. Enjoy being one of the cool kids. You can do no wrong.
Oh, Sam, dear Sam, pride goes before the fall, simple gal.