Advanced course? What the hell is he talking about? What else is there to say about this? Please… please tell me that he isn’t going to start talking about what happened at the ruins… I thought we had dealt with that.

  Dwynfel: “What do you mean by advanced course?”

  Kiyui: “I mean exactly that. The little ones just needed the basics. Svampe needs the more advanced stuff.”

  Dwynfel: “What more advanced stuff?”

  Kiyui: “You know, codewords and stuff.”

  Dwynfel: “No, I don’t know… why would anybody need codewords?”

  Svampe: “Yeah, why would codewords be needed?”

  See… even Svampe agrees with me!

  Kiyui: “You two are so na?ve.”

  Dwynfel: “Would you just explain?”

  Kiyui: “Well, when you are engaging in the basic stuff, a simple no or stop is a perfectly sensible way to get something to stop. But what if you are doing something a bit kinkier. What if you are dating somebody who likes to do role-play? What if they like to be tied up? What if they like to be spanked? Or be covered in hot wax?”

  Why… just why… would anybody want to do any of those things? Hot wax? Just why? I am so confused.

  Dwynfel: “Look… I know you have come across people who are into weird things back in the prostitute days. But he really doesn’t need to know about all of this stuff.”

  Kiyui: “Sure he does. He already knows about the basics. Vaginal, anal, blowjobs, cunnilingus, fingering, wanking, all the standard positions, some of the more elaborate ones, basic items that can be used as toys, etc.”

  Dwynfel: “What the hell? That stuff isn’t the basics… the basics is what Tadwick knows.”

  Kiyui: “No, what Tadwick knows is the absolute bare minimum. Svampe is a man. He needs to know the variety that is out there.”

  Dwynfel: “When did you even have this conversation with him?”

  Svampe: “Ages ago.”

  Kiyui: “Literally the second he showed any interest in anyone. I wasn’t having him going out there unprepared. But we also talked about taking things slow and making sure that you are ready. But since we are having the consent conversation then we may as well discuss codewords as well.”

  This conversation was just supposed to be a simple conversation to make sure that the boys understood what was and was not acceptable. It shouldn’t be spirally into subject areas that I don’t even know about.

  Dwynfel: “Why do I feel like Svampe knows more about this stuff than me?”

  Kiyui: “Because he is interested. He asks questions. And he asks me because he knows that I will give honest answers. You on the other hand are still painfully repressed and get all squeamish if I ever mention anything that is even remotely elaborate.”

  Dwynfel: “Are you saying that you don’t class any of the stuff that we have done… or even talked about as elaborate?”

  Kiyui: “Not particularly, no.”

  I’m not sure whether I should be insulted by that. I think Kiyui could tell that I felt slightly wounded by what he had just said, so he placed his hand on my shoulder and adopted a sympathetic tone.

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  Kiyui: “Just because our sex life isn’t elaborate, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t fun. I love what we do together. Hell, last night was…”

  Dwynfel: “Okay, stop now.”

  Svampe: “Yeah… can we move on from your rather vanilla sex life and get back to the point?”

  Great… now Svampe is mocking my sex life. Kiyui removed his hand from my shoulder and went back to addressing Svampe.

  Kiyui: “Yes, good idea. Basically, if you are engaging in any kind of activity where you or your partner may be saying no for fun. Pretending not to want it as part of a game. Saying “no daddy… don’t spank me” or whatever. Then you are going to need to establish a codeword beforehand. This way you will know for definite if they want it to stop or not.”

  Dwynfel: “Do people really like to pretend like that? Isn’t it a bit… creepy?”

  Kiyui: “Oh, you would be surprised how many people enjoy this kind of thing. It isn’t creepy, it’s just a bit of fun. Everybody is turned on by different things and if you can meet those needs by role-play, or bondage, or whatever, then why the hell not? It is best to get these desires out in a healthy way instead of repressing them. That’s when they fester and develop to the extreme.”

  No, no, no… stop it… stop trying to make weird shit seem normal.

  Svampe: “What kind of a codeword? Like candelabra?”

  Kiyui: “No, you need a word that has nothing to do with sex.”

  Svampe: “What does candelabra have to do with sex?”

  Kiyui: “Well, you need at least five people and…”

  Dwynfel: “No!”

  Kiyui: “What?”

  Dwynfel: “We are not going down this rabbit hole again… just give the boy a simple codeword so we can move on.”

  Kiyui: “Fine… okay. Umm… Mandragora.”

  Dwynfel: “There… now you have a codeword… are we done?”

  Kiyui: “I would also advise having a physical signal of some kind. Ya know, in case part of what you are doing involves gagging in any way. Pretty difficult to say your codeword if your mouth is obstructed.”

  Please do not start to explain the various things that your mouth can be obstructed by. This conversation has made me uncomfortable enough as it is.

  Svampe: “All sounds simple enough.”

  No, it fucking doesn’t… all of this sounds mental? Codewords… gagging… hand signals? What kind of insane shit was he doing with people in that place?

  Kiyui: “Exactly, it’s all pretty simple really. It’s just about thinking ahead and establishing this stuff before you do anything risky.”

  Dwynfel: “Okay… are we done? Can I now leave and do my best to forget about pretty much everything that was said since the little ones left?”

  Kiyui leaned towards me… pouting.

  Kiyui: “Aww… come now. D’ya not wanna tie me up and give me a good spanking later? Admit it, you’re thinking about it.”

  Dwynfel: “Fuck’s sake… well I am now!”

  Svampe stood up from the table and headed for the stairs.

  Svampe: “That would be my cue to leave. Just try not to be too loud. If I hear either of you shout mandragora, I’m going to move out.”

  Svampe walked off up the stairs. Kiyui wrapped himself around me… laughing at what had just transpired. Meanwhile… I just sat there… dying of embarrassment.

  Svampe: “Damn it… put those marbles down, you moron!”