We sat on the floor for a while. Since Tadwick has grown so much… he kind of stopped cuddling into me like this… during the day at least. During his night terrors he’s always sought comfort in this manner.

  But this feels different somehow… just sitting with him… quietly… in the light of day. It feels… nice. I’m not sure how else to describe it. It may be because I feel… I feel like we’ve bonded a lot. He knows more about me than most. And he still sees me as his dad. He still wants affection from me. He still finds getting a cuddle from me calming… even if it is more him cuddling me at this point. Seriously… being engulfed in the arms of your own child… it’s an odd sensation. Especially when that child hasn’t even gone through puberty yet.

  Anyway… I digress. My point is… I feel… oddly relaxed. I mean… I was throwing up in my mouth, I was crying, and covered in snot a few moments ago… but now… I just feel calm. Like a weight has been lifted. Which I honestly didn’t expect. I had hoped that today would help Tadwick… I wasn’t really thinking about the impact that it would have on me.

  Eventually, Smutisha emerged from the room that she had dived into earlier. I gave her a little wave and Tadwick lifted his head off my shoulder.

  Smutisha: “Sorry to interrupt, darlings. Things have been quiet for a while… just checking that everything is alright.”

  I looked at Tadwick and he nodded at me.

  Dwynfel: “Yeah, we’re fine. We just needed some time.”

  Smutisha: “Of course. That’s fine, darlings. But before we go and see the little ones, you’re going to need to clean yourselves up. Your faces… well… they aren’t great.”

  She swooped across the corridor to a door on the other side. She opened it and gestured inside.

  Smutisha: “Amenities are in here.”

  We followed her hand into the bathroom… but honestly, it was more of a small swimming pool. I always thought our bathroom was pretty big and luxurious because of the fact that there was a well tap in it, the bath was big enough for two large adults and we had the magic coals to keep the water warm. But this… fucking hell. There is even a footman stood at the side of the room with a towel around his arm… this is insane.

  Tadwick: “Umm… I don’t get it.”

  Smutisha: “Don’t get what, darling?”

  Tadwick: “Where does the water come from?”

  Smutisha: “Oh, you have Wynrun to thank for all this, darling. We got him in to design it.”

  She bent forward and twisted a knob on the wall. Suddenly water started flowing from these three metal trays that emerged from the walls above the… I am reluctant to call it a bath… above the pool. This created three waterfalls on the north, east, and west walls.

  Smutisha: “It is an automated ‘create water’ spell that is powered by those magic batteries that he makes.”

  Dwynfel: “But isn’t the create water spell normally cold?”

  Smutisha: “Oh, darling. That’s what the second knob is for.”

  She turned the second knob and steam started to rise from the water.

  Tadwick: “Wow! This is so cool!”

  He started taking his clothes off, ready to jump in. I placed my hand on his shoulder to stop him.

  Dwynfel: “We didn’t come here to play about in Lady Smythe’s bathroom.”

  Tadwick: “Aww… but it’s so cool.”

  Smutisha: “Let him have his fun, darling. I’ll bring Thomas and the boys here. Jacob could do with a good wash. And if there is somebody for him to play with, he might not fight the situation for once.”

  She swooped off out of the door again. Popping her head back through momentarily to say one last thing.

  Smutisha: “Levine… fold their clothes and put them in the cabinet so that they don’t get splashed, darling.”

  Levine: “As you wish, ma’am.”

  Bloody hell… this footman is old. He’s voice quivered as he spoke. His movements were very slow. His head was bald but he had that semi-circle of hair around the back of his head that a lot of old human men seem to get. His eyebrows sagged so much that they almost covered his eyes in a manner quite similar to Clive’s.

  Within seconds, Tadwick’s clothes were off and strewn across the room. He was standing under the north waterfall, catching the water in his mouth, and spitting it forwards. The old footman was slowly moving around the room, picking up Tadwick’s clothes. It was too painful to watch. So, I picked up the clothes that remained and placed them on the cabinet at the side.

  Tadwick: “Dad! Hurry up and get in!”

  I took my clothes off but opted to fold them and put them away myself. By the time Levine had folded all of the clothes it would be time to leave again. It is sweet of Smutisha to keep somebody so old employed… she probably knows he won’t get employed anywhere else at his age… and if he needs the money to keep going then this will be a massive lifeline for him.

  I hopped into the water and Tadwick was right. This is actually really nice. Because the water has been created by a spell, it doesn’t have any contaminants in it, like the lake or any other outside place. Of course, I say that… it had no contaminants in it… it didn’t until we got in it. Only the gods know what crap Tadwick had on himself. Most of the time when we bath him at home the water ends up basically black.

  The temperature in here is pleasant too. Warm enough to create a little steam… but not hot enough to feel like it is burning. And I really do love the waterfall effect. That Wynrun really is a nifty inventor. I should probably try to get to know him a bit more. I’ve only really said passing words to him. The fridge and freezer at the farm were delivered and sorted by Rosario because Wynrun was out of town. Incidentally… having a prince deliver such things was certainly a bizarre experience.

  Wynrun always seems to be too invested in one project or another to do social visits and things. If he shows up to something, there is usually some ulterior motive… looking for research funding, or something. Despite the obscene amount of gold that his magic batteries are making, he still needs more to fund whatever else he is researching. Makes me wonder what his next project is.

  The bathroom door opened and Thomas entered holding little Tarquin in his arms. Jacob rushed in, riding on a wooden hobby horse. Smutisha popped in, placed a second hobby horse on the floor, and apologised for needing to go and deal with Darling. Then she disappeared again.

  Levine started undressing Jacob and Thomas undressed Tarquin. It didn’t take Thomas long and he handed Tarquin to me while he got himself undressed. I forget how tiny goblin babies are. He’s only a few days old and if I fully stretched him out, he wouldn’t even reach from my finger tips to my elbow. Phoenix’s kids were twice as big as this when they were newborns.

  He really is a sweet little thing. He seems a bit uncomfortable. Am I holding him wrong? I’ve never really held a baby in this context before. All the babies that I have held have either been very tightly swaddled, or significantly older than this. I remember Phoenix always told me to support the head when her girls were young. So, I’ve got his head well supported… but he looks like he is going to cry…

  I looked to Thomas, who had just finished folding his clothes. He came over, sat next to me, and took Tarquin from me.

  Thomas: “You don’t need to look so panicked. He’s perfectly fine.”

  He settled into Thomas’ arms with ease. Like that was where he found comfort. Thomas is good with kids. He’s done a wonderful job with Jacob. He has always been very attentive to Jacob’s needs and it is clear that he intends to do the same for Tarquin. Which honestly surprises me. I would have thought that most people would be quite hesitant to take in a baby that wasn’t theirs… especially a baby of Tarquin’s nature. But it’s like Thomas wouldn’t even consider turning the child away.

  Tarquin has just slotted into his life perfectly. I can tell from the look in Thomas’s eyes as he stares down at the tiny infant. It’s the same way that he used to look at Jacob when Jacob was that age.

  Thomas: “He likes to be held close… so that he can feel the heartbeat.”

  With one arm supporting the head, neck and shoulders, Thomas let go of Tarquin’s lower half and let if float free in the water. He scooped a small amount of water in his free hand and dribbled it on Tarquin’s head. The baby’s face shrivelled… unfamiliar with the sensation… but then he relaxed and almost seemed to find it calming.

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  How he can find anything calming with the other two children prancing about like mad men. Levine shut the waterfalls down when the deepest part of the water got to Jacob’s shoulder height. Tadwick and Jacob had brought the wooden hobby horses into the bath and were jumping around on them, pretending to be in a race. Tadwick had even climbed out of the water briefly to get his wide brimmed hat out of the cabinet because apparently it is a “cool horse-riding hat.”

  Jacob is definitely an odd-looking little thing. I guess… it is because he is the only hybrid that I know. I say that… he isn’t that odd in appearance… he just looks like an older bracken child. He has the physical dimensions of a three-year-old human… but the physical appearance of a Bracken. Luckily for him, the Bracken have hair… and he has quite a cute little head of hair on him. It is jet black and braided. He just looks like a smaller version of Thomas. This is made even more accurate by the fact that Thomas still seems to shave everywhere apart from his head. I honestly don’t get why. I’d love to have some body hair. It would help keep me warm in the winter. Honestly… on a cold winter’s night, having Kiyui’s furry limbs wrapped around me makes all the difference. That being said… I would hate to be hairy in the summer heat… so I suppose it has its advantages and disadvantages.

  I’m getting sidetracked again. My point is that I think I find Jacob odd due to lack of familiarity. He is the only one of his kind that I know of… maybe in time there will be more like him… who knows. But this rarity doesn’t seem to be fazing Tadwick at all. He’s playing with him as though he were any other child that he’s ever met. Then again… Tadwick has never been one to be bothered by difference. I mean… look at our family.

  I sometimes forget that Tadwick is actually quite good with little kids. I mean… there is a lot of “don’t do it like that… do it like this…” “no… that’s not what you’re meant to be doing…” and the like. But he tries to show them things, to teach them things. He takes charge and guides them. It is a very different dynamic to his dynamic with older children.

  Like Charlie for example. They bounce off each other, arguing constantly. But I think that is largely because they both strive to be the one in control… and frankly… Charlie is better at taking charge… which puts Tadwick on edge. Older children are more likely to have opinions of their own. Little children are easier for him to control. I don’t mean for it to sound as evil as it does. But like… being able to be the one in control seems to make him calmer.

  It bewilders me that, given the choice, he tends to gravitate towards kids his age or older. He rarely hangs out with Oscar if there are others present. I would have expected him to seek out the calmer relationships. But he seems to enjoy a more fractious dynamic.

  That being said… he has always had a good relationship with Alexi… who is technically older… however, he is so passive that Tadwick has always been in full control of everything. Which is also why Tadwick is so protective of him… why their group in general is so protective of him. Even Oscar has more backbone that Alexi. I am glad that they are protective of him, but I do wish Alexi would be more assertive so that they didn’t need to be.

  I do enjoy seeing Tadwick in this calmer state. And Jacob does seem to be trying to copy and learn, which is sweet. Tadwick’s approach to little kids is very different to Olmo’s. From what I have seen of Olmo… he lets the little kids lead more. He supports them and helps them do what they wish to do. Rather than Tadwick telling them and showing them what he wants them to do.

  I do feel that Olmo is a natural born parent. Which feels odd to say. We are animals… we are all natural born parents. The whole reason why we exist is basically to create offspring. But there are certainly some awful parents in this world. There are plenty of people that shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near their own children. There are also plenty of people that mean well… but just aren’t suited to parenthood. And then there are people like Olmo… who just seem to be naturally caring and maternal.

  It feels weird to use the term maternal to describe a boy… but that is what he is. The term paternal conveys a different meaning. The term maternal is generally used to refer to being caring and nurturing. Paternal is used more in conjunction with protection and provision.

  Tadwick’s way of being could be portrayed as paternal. He’s interested… he cares… he wants to protect and defend the little ones and provide them with the skills they need to get by. But with Olmo it is much softer, the care seems more delicate, with a much greater focus on emotions.

  That being said… when he needed to, he switched demeanour and took charge. Olmo got those boys to the fort after that crocodile attack. I’m not saying that Olmo isn’t protective… nor am I saying that Tadwick isn’t emotional or delicate. But they both fall into one roll much easier than the other. Of course… they are both still just kids… who knows how they will be when they are older.

  It does make me wonder though… why is Olmo so good with the little ones? He doesn’t have any siblings that I’m aware of. Tadwick is the way he is with little kids because of his desire to be in control. Which is probably because he is used to being in control after years of being with Alexi.

  But what has caused Olmo to be the way that he is? I have never met his parents… he never really talks about them. In fact, Olmo’s family are probably the family that I know the least about. He always seems well presented and clean. He is well spoken. He can read. So, his parents either taught him themselves or hired a tutor.

  But when it comes to parenting skills. The way he is with the little kids… where did he get that from? Did his parents just raise him so well that this stuff is second nature to him? Or is he more like Phoenix? Phoenix hasn’t shared much about her past with me. But she has shared a distain for the way that she was raised.

  I asked her once why she didn’t hire nannies and staff to look after her daughters and she said that she wanted to give her daughters what her parents never gave her… time and attention. She is going out of her way to provide for her children what her parents didn’t provide for her. So, perhaps that is what Olmo does. He provides for these little ones what he never received himself. I’d like to find out more about him, but honestly, I have enough shit going on with my own family right now to be doing that.

  I looked away from the horse-riding action and back at the baby. His body gently floating in the water as he wiggled. He still has a little bit of the umbilical cord attached to his stomach. Tadwick had said it was disgusting and asked what it was when he saw it. We had to explain that all babies have them and that it drops off with time… leaving a belly button.

  Thomas gently cleaned around the cord and the baby squirmed and urinated a little. As he did, a wave of relief spread across his face. Thomas smiled lovingly down at the boy.

  Dwynfel: “Thomas…”

  Thomas: “Yes, Dwynfel?”

  Dwynfel: “Please don’t take offence at this… but… I’m surprised that you were so willing to take him in.”

  Thomas: “Really? Why?”

  Dwynfel: “Well… most men aren’t willing to just take on somebody else’s child… much less one that isn’t even his wife’s.”

  Thomas: “You and Kiyui took in three?”

  I get where he’s coming from… but that was a very different situation.

  Dwynfel: “Well… yes… but… okay… I’ll be honest… it is more to do with the whole… well… the Grim thing.”

  Thomas: “You’re a Grim.”

  Dwynfel: “Yes… I know… but I’m just surprised that you would be willing to raise one as your own.”

  Thomas: “I get that… I do. Had I discovered this baby while I still lived at Fort Bracken, I would have killed him instantly and without hesitation. But the thing is, what you have shown me, what Smutisha has shown me, what my entire life since moving here has shown me, is that blood only plays a small part in who we are. If I were like all Bracken, I would be sickened by my own son. The Bracken do not acknowledge half-breeds. But that boy means everything to me. Were all Grim the same, then you would not be sat in this bath with me now. You would not have three kids of your own. You wouldn’t have a partner that loves you. Blood may cause us to be predisposed to certain things… point us in certain directions you might say… but that doesn’t mean that we are destined to go down those paths.”

  He's right. He’s only been here for four years… way less time than me… and he’s right. I should have come to that conclusion way sooner. For somebody who thinks so much, I cannot believe how stupid I have been. I have been fixated on my blood for years. Obsessed with what I am. Terrified of my true nature… that I would become one of those things. And even when I stopped worrying about myself… I was still convinced that I was a one off… that all the other Grim would be the same.

  Right now… I look down at this baby… at this sweet little baby… and I can’t help but see hope for the future.

  Thomas: “This child… he deserves a chance. He deserves to be loved, to be cared for. My son over there. He has no fear of humans. He doesn’t feel the need to run or escape the second things go wrong. Those are things that were engrained in me growing up. I appreciate that the fear turned into a kind of weird craving, but they do say that our fears often manifest in our sexual proclivities. What I’m saying is, that fear of humans, the desire to run the second things don’t go your way. They are things that the Bracken are taught. It isn’t a natural trait. This sweet little boy in my arms. If he is raised right, he could grow up to be someone amazing, someone that he can be proud of. He will have his struggles… we all do. But he will not grow up terrified of who or what he is. Even when he finds out what most Grim are like, he won’t have any concerns that he will end up that way, because he will know about people like you and me. Who go against what people claim our kind are. This boy is going to be happy with himself and who he is. I am going to make sure of it. I know he isn’t my blood. But you will know yourself, blood is irrelevant. What matters is who is there for you. And this boy deserves to have somebody there for him.”