I never expected any of them to stand by me after finding out what I was. It makes me feel oddly warm inside to realise that these people trusted me enough to protect me… despite the fact that I have lied to them for the entire time that I’ve known them. Knowing this… they still protected me.

  But… my heart sinks when I think of Tilda. Who couldn’t even say a word… who could do nothing but cry and run. My heart is sinking deeper… I feel so ashamed of myself. That girl… she trusted me more than anyone… we’ve been together for four years. Four years of lying… four years of deceiving… I’ve loved her for so long… and I have brought her such upset.

  I feel sick again.

  Dwynfel: “Did you see anything of Tilda as you left?”

  Phoenix: “I am afraid not. I would guess that she did not wish to be found. She was… rather emotional.”

  Agaroth: “Ack, she’ll get over it. Just needs time. For now, you’re stuck wi’ the puff, the cripple, and the cunt.”

  Agaroth had arrived during our conversation it would seem. He threw a load of wood down on the ground and laughed.

  Phoenix: “Well, that isn’t exactly how I would have phrased it.”

  Agaroth: “Oh here we go, we don’t need to use all these namby pamby posh words for everything, fuck’s sake.”

  Phoenix: “Trying not to antagonise people by choosing your words carefully is hardly using posh words.”

  Agaroth: “Depends which words ya decide tae use.”

  Dwynfel: “Glad you two haven’t changed.”

  Agaroth: “Aye, she’s still stuck up.”

  Phoenix: “And you are still a…”

  Phoenix glared at Agaroth.

  Phoenix: “…what was the word you used again?”

  Agaroth: “Cunt.”

  Phoenix: “Your word, not mine.”

  Agaroth: “Aye, whatever. Oh, by the way, here’s that thing we talked aboot.”

  He handed her a folded piece of paper. She slipped it into her cloak and paid it no further attention.

  Dwynfel: “Agaroth… why did you stand up for me back there? No offense, but you don’t strike me as the type to defend somebody like me.”

  Agaroth fixed me with a look of confusion. Why does he look confused? Surely it is a reasonable question. That being said… Phoenix still hasn’t given me a clear answer as to why she protected me either. From her story, it sounds like Kiyui was pretty out of it… and he’s so gentle he probably just went along with what he was told to do.

  This is like when my dad brought me home and I didn’t understand why they were feeding me. Even after all this time I still don’t understand humans. Goblins are a scourge upon humanity… why are these humans defending one?

  Agaroth: “Are you fuckin’ daft? Did you no’ hear a word she said to ya? Cause I think what I said back there was pretty fuckin’ clear.”

  Phoenix: “Calm down, Agaroth. He is still recovering.”

  Agaroth: “Tha’s no excuse for stupidity. We’ve been wi’ his arse for what… three years now? An' he thinks we are just gonnae fuckin’ disappear cause he’s got green skin? Like I give a fuck what colour he is. He’s saved my arse plenty, so aye, I’m not just gonnae let some sanctimonious prick wi’ a fuckin’ short memory slice his fuckin’ throat open.”

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  Dwynfel: “The others did.”

  Agaroth: “Oh, don’t go feelin’ sorry for yourself, for fuck’s sake. So, Tilda freaked out a bit, she’s a wee bit delicate, boo fuckin’ hoo. Chloe did nae try to slice your head off. She were just surprised. It’s just fuckin’ Asmodeus who over-reacted. We’re still here aren’t we…”

  He pointed at Kiyui.

  Agaroth: “…Do you have any idea how fuckin’ worried that wee lad’s been aboot you. He would nae even let me cast a healin’ spell on his arm this morning… says your more important and I need to use all my mana healin’ you. Aye, it’s sad aboot Tilda, but be fuckin’ happy wi’ what ya got, fuck’s sake…”

  Phoenix: “That is enough Agaroth. Calm down.”

  Agaroth wandered off mumbling to himself. He clearly doesn’t tolerate people wallowing in self-pity. But, was it really true what he said about Kiyui? Why would Kiyui turn down healing for me?

  I can see all the blood on his bandage… surely his arm must be hurting a lot… and he is so exhausted that he hasn’t even been woken up by Agaroth shouting.

  Phoenix: “He may be an uncouth oaf with a foul mouth, but rather oddly his heart is in the right place. He is trying to say that you are our friend. He does not understand why you are so resigned to the idea that we would just abandon you.”

  Dwynfel: “Because I’m a goblin… ya know… evil creature… kidnaps and rapes women… eats children… destroys whole villages… not exactly the kinda creature most people want to have around. I have genuinely chewed the meat from the bones of a baby before. I’ve eaten the eyeballs of toddlers… my past is sickening… and you still protect me. You trust far too easily.”

  She paused for a moment… looking pensive.

  Phoenix: “Your past does not define you Dwynfel. Did you do any of those things after your human parents took you in?”

  Dwynfel: “I tried to kill them many times.”

  Phoenix: “You tried… you failed. You stopped trying eventually. You have never tried to kill us, in fact, you have saved our lives on multiple occasions. You have helped to save various villages. You risked everything that you have to buy Kiyui enough time to save that girl. If you had not done that, your secret would still be intact, but Kiyui and the girl would be dead. I would say that who you are now is unrecognisable compared to what you say you were. Now stop trying to argue that you are some kind of monster. The soup is ready. It will not be as good as your mother’s, but Agaroth did manage to capture a rabbit earlier so at least it has some substance to it.”

  That warm feeling inside of me is back. I don’t know what to say to them. It isn’t just my life that has been ruined by this. They sided with me, they protected me, a goblin. Nobody is going to take them seriously as adventurers now.

  Phoenix moved towards me and began to feed me some soup. It was rather humiliating being fed like a baby, but it was oddly endearing to see this nurturing side to her. It made me think of my mother, how she had fed me when they first found me. I figured it would be best not to tell Phoenix that she reminded me of my mother in that moment. I can see her taking offense at that.

  Then my mind drifted to Kiyui, he was only just starting out as an adventurer. He’s only been doing it for a matter of months… and now his career is destroyed. Oh gods… he’s going to end up back at that whore house. I’ve ruined that boy’s life… and he’s so good natured I bet he won’t even complain. These three people… they consider themselves my friends… and I have ruined their lives. My mother was right… becoming an adventurer was a terrible idea.