Alex

  —

  I took one last look in the mirror before I set out. My hair had been cut way too short for this, right to my chin, but the light blue color went pretty well with my green eyes, plain black t-shirt and brown cargo pants. Why cargo pants? Why black, during summer? Don't ask me! I didn't choose! The only things I got to choose were my boots! That's because they were mine, and broken in! I'd never been dressed this plainly! I mean, I didn't care, at all, but the fact remained!

  They were horrible clothes, in so many ways…

  I stepped out of my room at the Route 4 Pokemon Center and sat down in the lobby, looking for a good group to join. They couldn't look too old, but a fresh kid on their first Circuit might not be strong enough. An older, stronger trainer would be ideal, but I had to find one in the first place, and one that didn't seem too mean, too… asshole-y? Mean? That wasn't an easy combination to find.

  Mostly the finding them part. The Circuit had started. Almost two months ago…

  I needed the perfect group for my first Circuit, and it took me hours to spot one, unfortunately. It was almost noon already! Two girls, one my age and one slightly older, striding down the stairs and towards the doors with determined gaits. The younger girl was pretty cute, with long brown hair and eyes, white hat, a short red skirt and blue sleeveless shirt. She seemed pretty standard, right down to the mildly 'okay' backpack that bounced off her shoulders, but the older girl was striking.

  She was short, barely over five feet tall, with medium length green hair swept back from her face by a midnight-black band of fur. Three brilliantly red Sneasel feathers stuck out from behind her left ear, and as my eyes traveled down I saw the thin, angry looking scar that traveled from her eye to her chin. Her eyes were light purple of all things, and her expression was fierce. She looked relaxed, but still fierce, like she was ready for violence.

  She wore an open, beautiful dark purple-black jacket, with a white sleeveless shirt underneath. Her forearms looked a little bulky for some reason… She also wore an expensive, if small, Storage Ball Backpack, a very nice model despite its size. A bandoleer with six Luxury Balls sat across her front, with various pouches attached to it, even what looked like a rough, wrapped handle of wood. A short royal purple skirt, black steel-toed Tauros leather combat boots, and black fingerless gloves completed the look, and suddenly I knew I had found the perfect group.

  Wait, was she missing a pinky?! I think that was even better, maybe? Probably!

  She was perfect! She obviously had strength, this wasn't her first Circuit, and she obviously had money with that backpack! She also had a younger, inexperienced girl with her! They were perfect! I wanted to approach them immediately, but honestly, that green-haired girl was… intimidating…

  I probably wasn't going to find a better opportunity any time soon, though, especially one that almost exactly fit my instructions. I cursed a little as the two girls began to get smaller in the distance as I just sat there. I was going to have to catch up to them and talk to them… Crap. I hurriedly grabbed my own pack from the wall next to me and exited the Center.

  The small Pokemon Center on Route 4 was basically the only thing here, aside from a large, empty garage. Route 4 was pretty barren, really. There were a few small towns off Route, but the actual Route itself was relatively middle of the road, the eastern side fully walkable in four days, and the only real business was serving Trainers during the Circuit. Most towns would set up small stalls on the Route near their town, supposedly, but I hadn't had the chance to check that out myself, yet. Or much of anything at all, really…

  Most of the Routes had small Centers, so when this location had been chosen, if a week early, I hadn't complained. Not that it would have done me any good… It was a nice starting point, actually, and it looked like I might have a winner with this pair.

  The pair confused me, however. I expected the older, green-haired one to be the calm and knowledgeable one, but it was the younger, brown-haired girl who was calmly informing the older about things. I'm not sure why a barren Berry Tree was fascinating, or some random weeds, but I began to regret my choices as she walked off the Route not thirty minutes down it, into the woods. Like, the first thing that you learn about the wilds is not to do that! Stay on the Route! Still, I followed them. I had already walked this long…

  "Erin, you know you're not supposed to do that! It's dangerous!" Yeah, you're not! Why are you so calm, though?

  "Leaf, the wilds aren't dangerous, I am the danger!" This 'Erin' character sounded hyper, giggling even as she spoke, and I truly began to regret my decision now. I stopped, shaking my head. I would have to return to the Center and try again tomorrow, because there was no way this would-

  I found my thoughts interrupted as I was yanked forward, a hand pulling me around the tree I had stopped behind. I landed with a wince of pain, scrambling backwards from the suddenly very dangerous looking green-haired girl hovering over me with a snarl.

  "Is there a good reason you're following two young girls, little boy?" She grinned a little, but it wasn't a nice grin, it was way too nasty for that, and her eyes were hard as she watched me. Her gaze kept twitching towards my belt, and the Pokeball sitting there. That sat there oddly silently…

  "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I was just trying to find a group to travel with, and you seemed experienced, and she didn't, but I was nervous about asking, and you were kind of far ahead, and you didn't seem like a bad person, but now I'm really rethinking that, and-" My panicked ramblings were cut off as the intense girl, Erin, stood back with a sigh. The other one, Leaf, was standing there shaking her head.

  "Stalking someone is the worst way to introduce yourself, you know? You should have jogged to catch up with us! You'd have had to ask eventually! No thanks, we're fine by ourselves. Good luck, and goodbye." She quickly grabbed her friend and walked away towards the Route, and Cerulean City. I sat there in the dirt for a moment, stunned.

  "Why didn't you help?" I asked, looking at the Pokeball on my belt. It rattled a bit, but that was it. Why had she refused to come help me as I was assaulted?

  I mean, yes, I guess it could look like I was stalking them! Maybe! I had my reasons, though, and they were sure to understand… Probably? Yeah, it should be fine… Right? I didn't have a choice, even if they weren't here… Yeah… That Erin girl had been intense, and I could probably use some of that intensity myself, actually, see if it rubbed off on me.

  Not that I would ever ask for their help, just… kinda pick up stuff… yeah.

  Yeah, that.

  They hadn't gotten far, but they picked up the pace as I hurried after them. Thus began the most exhausting afternoon of my life. They seemed to have an innate ability to lose me on the mostly flat woodlands and meadows the Route cut through, somehow, but I was always just able to catch up. By the time it started to get dark, I was exhausted. As I finally stumbled into the small clearing far off-Route they were apparently going to use for a campsite I froze.

  A Deino stood right there, growling at me. A huge Deino! I knew the species, but this one was twice their normal size! Oh, what the hell!? It was an Alpha Deino! Somehow! Its jaws were snapping blindly in my direction, nose sniffing even as it stomped the ground under its feet.

  Oh Arceus I'm dead! It's going to bite my face off!

  Instead, a sharp whistle brought the Alpha up short, and it happily stomped towards the sound of the noise, stubby tail wagging. I clutched my chest as I breathed heavily, stunned by my brush with death. Deino were one of the worst dragon species to raise, right alongside Gible! Maybe the worst, they were blind! And it was an Alpha! How was it obeying her?! They hate humans!

  I was still bent over clutching my painfully beating heart when I felt my shoulder grabbed. I looked up, only to find the snarling face of the green-haired girl, Erin, right in my face. Her eyes seemed to flash purple as she snarled at me.

  "Why are you here? Think very carefully before you answer that question, because I want the truth! I don't take kindly to being followed the entire afternoon! Nobody would!" I winced as her anger seemed to hit me like a physical force.

  I nodded rapidly, but she was still rough as she maneuvered me towards what looked like their freshly-dug fire pit. There was already a small fire growing, and I saw a blur of motion dart behind Erin's pack.

  "I-I really just wanted to find someone to travel with, I promise…" Her head was shaking.

  "Why go through all that, then? You're just pis- infuriating people, especially us." The brown haired girl, Leaf, nodded from her spot around the fire, hugging the Deino and glaring at me. I hunched in on myself, quiet as I answered.

  "Because you obviously have money, and she doesn't, or at least, not as much. It didn't seem like a strong, experienced trainer would take advantage of me while also guiding an inexperienced one." Mostly truth, and she gave me a piercing glare before her eyes landed on my Pokeball.

  "And why would someone from Clan Blackthorn be all by himself for the Circuit, anyways?" I froze at her words, and judging by her surprise, Leaf hadn't known. Erin smiled at me, and it wasn't a nice smile.

  "You seem kind of refined despite your stalking, you're worried about being taken advantage of, and most importantly, you have a dragon." How the hell did she know that?! She gave the Pokeball a pointed look, and after a moment my starter popped out.

  Because that made sense! Of course!

  Five feet of slippery-looking eel, topped by two large fins, a little snout, and two adorable brown eyes materialized. Normally, she would come out of her Pokeball with a trill, or a little roar, or on my shoulders if it was muddy outside.

  I had never seen her come out rolled onto her back.

  Erin laughed in delight before crouching, cooing at my dragon like she was a small, harmless Pokemon, not a dragon that could and would remove her hand despite cute appearances.

  To my shock, instead of growls followed by strikes, Dratini seemed to be attempting to appease Erin as she wiggled there, looking up at her with wide, uncertain eyes.

  Eyes filled with fear.

  HOW?!

  I loved my dragon, but she was the largest handful. Yes, it had only been a week since she chose me, but she only rarely followed my orders, refused to follow the training regime, wouldn't stop for breaks when she actually did train, and sometimes she even nipped at me! She never actually bit me, but still! She showed me no respect, yet here she was terrified of some random trainer!

  "How are you doing that to her! Stop it!" Erin just grinned up at me, slowly standing from my Pokemon.

  "I'm not doing anything but existing. She's very well taken care of, you should be proud." I couldn't stop the way my face grew warm at the praise, even as she continued to talk.

  "You're going to get her hurt, after yourself, of course. We could have been bait. Two young girls off Route? You got lucky, and we're not bad people, but you should really be careful when you have a Dratini. I'm sure there's plenty of people that would happily kill you and take her for themselves." Her tone was scathing near the end, and my vision began to waver.

  "Erin, that was kind of harsh. Maybe that's why he's trying to find… good people? You know, like you say we are, even as you make someone cry?" Erin flushed at that, looking back at me with suspicion.

  "My point still stands, why us?" I shook my head in frustration.

  "I was serious! You didn't look like you would use my name to your advantage! If anything, I thought I might have to be careful not to take advantage of you, with how you looked around in lost wonder at trees and grass!" Okay, I should probably calm down... Leaf began to laugh, however, and Erin flushed, her gaze instantly becoming less piercing.

  "I mean- I could- You-!" She raised a finger, mouth open, before she let it drop with a sigh.

  "You can hang out for tonight, but I swear to Arceus I will find you and make you hurt if you go blabbing about my team." I nodded at her in fear as Leaf shook her head at Erin's words.

  I was puzzled when they began pulling ground tarps out of Storage Balls, and more puzzled when cheap futons followed them. Leaf walked over to me and smiled.

  "So, I don't think I got your name? I'm Leaf, and you are…?" I flushed, sticking a hand out.

  "Alex!" She reached out to shake my hand. "So, why don't you two have a tent? I see a tarp, but that's it?" Her smile grew wide.

  "Well, like you said, we have a tarp for any rain-" I saw a white blur in the trees pull a rope, but it was gone when I focused. "-and ground cover, but Erin's team likes to sleep with her." I nodded in understanding.

  Tents rated for larger Pokemon were always ruinously expensive, even for experienced trainers. True tents, that was, with floors and doors and sometimes even air conditioning or heating. Trainers of large species that wanted to sleep near them would often buy pavilions instead, but those were drafty, muddy, and overall just an inferior option. Much cheaper, though.

  Erin looked at Leaf strangely before speaking. You know I can tell when you're talking with your eyes, right? Not what, but I'd literally have to be blind to miss that something is being hidden from me. Can't blame them, though…

  It actually did look really bad, didn't it, this whole… me not thinking at all and ending up stalking two girls off Route and then down a Route thing?

  Like, actually pretty bad…

  Really bad.

  Fuck.

  Why don't I think?

  Like, ever?!

  "Speaking of, go ahead Leaf, let him out." I barely had time to process those words before a snarling Fraxure stood there, glaring at me in murderous, shaking fury! Literally! He was so angry he was actually shaking! He looked like he wanted to dismember me!

  He was so aggressive that Dratini positioned herself between us, but Leaf just smiled and patted his head! The growling, hyper aggressive dragon scanned around, and as he saw Erin his face fell and he seemed to droop as he calmed down instantly. Like the fight had… already been beaten out of him? No way!? I had seen that look before back at the Aerie! Directed at other dragons!

  Erin smirked briefly before speaking up.

  "Small family, disembark!"

  A wave of red crashed out from Erin's bandoleer, and suddenly I found myself looking at more draconic and rare species! An adorable little pink Pokemon sat on the snout of a Tyrunt! She had a Tyrunt! A huge brown kelp dragon rocketed over to slam into the unphased girl's arm- excuse me is that an Alpha Skrelp!? She has two unevolved Alphas?!- while a small, white Salandit rapidly ran to her as well from behind (oh, she was helping with the fire and tarp), plopping its hands on her forehead as its tail wrapped around her neck. A shiny Pokemon!

  What the hell was next after this insanity?!

  The Deino from before wasn't growling any more, but was once again held restrained by the other girl, chomping in my direction. A girl who was holding its head!? NO! I don't want to watch someone lose a body part tonight! I mean, wait, it was licking her hands in between chomps! She was unfazed by the dismembering jaws that brushed her fingers!

  What?!

  "Okay, mom, c'mon out!" Mom?

  WHAT?!

  I am too young to have a stroke, so what the hell was all this!?

  If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.

  The light show that played out was like nothing I had ever seen before in my life. I had seen Dragonites, Garchomps, even a huge Drampa once. This was a wave of red that seemed to engulf the clearing.

  Oh.

  I'm dead.

  The sight before me caused my heart to skip a beat. A huge, snarling maw easily big enough to fit into, massive legs, a huge tail, red scales. I saw all of that, but what I really saw was the eyes. The piercing, dissecting eyes that seemed to take every fragment of me in and judge it. Those stunningly bright irises surrounding a pitch-black pupil which shrunk to a pinprick-

  "Mom, it is not a huge clearing, could you move your huge, scaly butt?" I wasn't prepared for Erin's words, nor was I prepared for the massive huff that came from the giant Alpha Tyrantrum suddenly in front of me, before the huge beast curled up around the futons from earlier. The two girls nonchalantly tossed some cushions up against the massive chest before they threw themselves back, large sighs erupting from the both of them.

  "So much for a nice, relaxing stroll!" Erin groaned, rolling forward briefly to give me a glare. Leaf nodded her head next to her.

  "Yeah, I was really looking forward to that after all that waiting, then I had to worry I was about to get mugged or something and watch someone get eaten!" Her voice was nervous and angry, but not scared, and I felt the blood drain at the calm nod the entire group, human and Pokemon, gave.

  They meant it. Holy shit! What the hell! I mean, I can kind of understand? Look at the rare Pokemon and the shiny, but still!

  "U-um, can I…?" I wasn't about to back down now, obviously! This was even better than I had thought! FAR better! Arceus above, thank you!

  Erin sighed deeply, looking at me with her tired light purple eyes. Those were kind of spooky, honestly. Even tired, it looked like she was weighing me, judging me in her mind.

  "You can stay, I guess. It's getting dark, and I'm not going to send a kid out into a dark forest." Well, that was kind of odd, she was a kid, but considering the wall of scaled flesh behind her, that made sense.

  "Screw it, y'all can come out, too. He's not going to try something stupid, and he has no weapons. Don't mess with him badly, and don't serve him." Wait, what? She had six Poke- Oh! Guess they were going to hide some from me? Probably not a bad idea. I mean… I had kind of stalked them? A little? Just a bit?

  I had no weapons? I didn't, I was thirteen, hard to even buy one if I wanted one, which I didn't, but how did she know that?

  I wasn't sure what formed directly in front of Leaf, but when it- she, because that was a maid!- when she did, she bowed to Leaf, then Erin. Then she turned and glared at me. It almost looked like it hurt her to form the frown, but it was vicious. I reeled back from the literal feeling of being rapid-fire slapped across my face before it stopped. There was no pain, but she had just slapped the fuck out of me like twenty something times!

  Somehow!

  Erin roared in laughter.

  "Oh Arceus, I love Indeedee! That was great!" Both girls were laughing at me now, but even through the absolute disorientation I was experiencing, I was confused. Where was the other one?

  "BLE!"

  Arceus SAVE me! What!?

  I whipped around, only to find a fucking Clefable smiling at me with the biggest shit-eating grin I had ever seen on anyone, human or Pokemon, real or fiction! It laughed at me, and I swore I saw something in the shine of its eyes. Then it turned and leapt, doing that weird fae bullshit where they tell reality to take a break and just… it just fucking leapt like fifteen feet, but it was practically floating across the clearing, not rocketing from a leap!

  What the fuck!?

  "Why do you have a fae you stupid gir-" I broke off, because I had no other choice.

  The TWO auras of screaming, terrified, dismembering DEATH that slammed into me were more than enough to ensure that. It felt like I was being butchered alive, somehow slowly roasting over lava, and being swallowed alive at the same time, and I almost shit my pants.

  Then it was over.

  Erin spoke up as I tried to lift my shaking head. Shaking everything.

  "Only warning you get. I won't kill or maim you for insults, but you will pay a price that I decide when you do. That was a warning from me and my mother. Insult my sister again and you will regret it."

  I couldn't breathe as she glared at me, her fucking eyes glowing!

  What the fuck!?

  "Erin, that was kind of mean… His reaction was pretty natural, you know?" Leaf was giving me a pitying look, cuddling the Clefable! It was almost her size! A fae! That looked… very happy to cuddle…

  What the fuck?

  If it's not a stroke, did I have… What can kids get that makes them go insane? Because I might need to actually look that up. I should do that as soon as I can make my hands function again. Or you know, most of me…

  "Maybe so, maybe so… He could have asked 'Why?' without immediately insulting you, as well. Fuck it." Leaf reached out and flicked her in the temple. The glowing eyes blazed as she turned her gaze on her sister.

  "You're playing a dangerous game, Leaf. You know it, too." The brown haired girl just smiled widely. Deviously.

  "Erin, I was inspired by you, actually! I'm trying to never lie, either! Or go back on my word. You know, like the little contract that me and mom worked out? So you stop swearing like a… you? You're the worst one I know or know of, actually. Were. Mom had a lot of time with you." She looked amused at the last part, but I was confused for most of it. Who never lied? That was stupid! I mean, don't do it all the time, obviously, but…

  Erin sighed deeply, rolling her eyes as she replied.

  "Yes, yes she did… I highly doubt you have the ability to not tell a white lie, so I have to assume you'll be fine with breaking a verbal agreement with mom. I will only tell you this one time, Leaf, so listen to my words well: Flick me one more time, and I will start training." Leaf's face went pale as I just fucking stood there, still trying not to shit myself from the aura that had battered me.

  How did she have such control over her aura? Even Lance, that gifted prick, had only managed something like that when he was twenty two! It was one thing to have a noticeable aura, entirely different to be able to wield even rough control over it. The Aura Guardians had perished centuries ago, and even then, it had been so exclusive a 'club' that nobody else knew how they had done it.

  Lance didn't have super strength, or the ability to throw out a weak Move like they had, but he could wield it just like Erin had done, along with some of the more esoteric aspects.

  Who needs to read aura, Lance? Get a fucking Lucario, oh wait, one would never be your Pokemon because you're LANCE!

  Lance was a massive prick. He wasn't a Dragon Tamer, either, despite his enormous ego. Dragonite was a Human Tamer, actually. She was good at it, too.

  He wasn't a bad guy. He was actually a pretty damn good guy underneath that fucking mountain of pride, vanity, and possessiveness, and I loved him, sure, but I still despised him at the same time.

  It was a huge mountain. Mountain range.

  "I-I think I'll have to take my chances! I promised! There's… also the reward, whatever it will be. Rotom, how many do I have so far?" Rotom? You fucking kidding me? Those things are almost a million for the basic phone, without the Rotom! It did not look in any way basic either, as the huge purple phone shot out of Erin's jacket. Why was it so big? It was the size of my forearm, and thick! Is it even a phone at that size?!

  "So far, you've flicked Erin twenty three times. I'm honestly surprised she let you get away with it for this long before she pulled out the actual threats. She always says she'll hurt you. Never how much, that way she can flick you and it's true, or she can actually beat your butt however much she wants, still true." Why the fuck do they have a Rotom Phone that can talk that well?! It sounds like a little boy that's about to fucking prank me! Those voice programs are government programs!

  "Rotom, bud, are you even getting anything out of this?" Erin was glaring at her own phone, and Rotom was smug as it responded.

  "I get the satisfaction of turning you into a proper young lady, Erin. Also, the satisfaction of your face right now."

  "Rotom, you are a fucking menace. Fuck your plus one, asshole! Leaf!" The flicks were fierce. "Is that a message from earlier?" Erin was squinting, and the phone laughed.

  "Your favorite idiot, actually. He was complaining about the 'fucking shitfuckton motherlode of Tauros-shit' reports Leto generated. Again. Mt. Moon is still closed." Wait, that was THEM?!

  The entire mountain rang like a bell from a massive sound, then an hour later trainers started running out, unable to remember the previous two hours, somehow. Everyone tracked as having entered had gotten out, but the mountain was closed until further notice. It had already caused some grumbling, but somehow it had been authorized by Lanc- Wait.

  Erin was grinning at her phone as she replied. Not nicely.

  "Poor Lance, having to deal with the consequences of his own actions… Although, I agree with him on that. Keep people out of that place. I'm ready to call in every favor I'm owed and remove a mountain, personally." Excuse me, she knows Lance?! Prick he may be, he IS the Champion!

  There was no way they knew him!

  "Well, I don't think we'll be allowed to do that… yet. Wait a bit. Plus, you're so mean to Lance! He's a… Well, I mean… If it was anyone else I'd say you're being too mean… But it's him." Okay, they knew Lance, full stop. I know that look in Leaf's eyes, the sheer bewilderment in her voice.

  I spoke up from my spot, which was… me still standing here in disbelief. I sat near the fire pit as I did.

  "Dragonite is the real team leader, Lance can just speak human." Erin happily nodded her head.

  "Yup! She knows it, too!" I joined in the laughter. It was true, too! She loved Lance for some reason, but it truly was a shame. She was so powerful, smart, and honorable. Meanwhile, Lance was…

  "Lance's head is so big he needs Dragonite to help him carry it or he'll break his neck walking down stairs." They burst into howling laughter momentarily. Leaf spoke up through her own laughter.

  "Lance is basically his team's mascot, if you think about it. Ever notice how they all look at him during photos?" Holy shit she was right! Like just the cutest little guy!

  The entire clearing was laughing now, every single Pokemon included. The laughter was bouncing the girls even as the Tyrantrum continued to stare at me, eyes crinkling up in amusement.

  Erin spoke up, tears in her eyes, face red as she tried to breathe.

  "Lance likes to think he owns everyone since he's the Champion, but Dragonite actually owns him!" Oh this was great, they got it!

  Wait, I got distracted.

  "Wait, how do you know him? I mean, he's my third cousin or… something like that? Clans are… weird." And the PokeNet would never let me forget it... Erin spoke up with a light voice.

  "He wanted to talk to me about my mom, hunting and stuff, and he came bursting into our room at the Pewter Center, slamming the door, never giving a single indication he was actually a Dragon Master and not… whatever he actually is." We all laughed.

  "Well, I can see that. He has been really stressed lately, but I don't really interact with him that much. That's how bad he is. I know how bad he is from a distance for the most part!" The Tyrantrum was grinning at me as the laughter continued.

  Okay, this was great. I want to travel with them just to rip into Lance. Erin spoke up with a huge grin.

  "Speaking of distance… I've got a new toy to try out. Wanna go do some hunting, gang?" She looked around, but only Deino, Skrelp, and Tyrunt looked interested. Wait, hunting?

  "What do you mean, hunting?" I mean, they were going to hunt, right? Her Pokemon? I mean, Pokemon ate Pokemon, but to hunt a wild Pokemon herself? She was nodding, though.

  "I'm hungry! We all are! We had to keep running from you!" Her glare was far less intense now, and I smiled back.

  "Well, I am sorry… I mean, I really, really wasn't thinking when Lance dropped me off here this morning…" I looked up. All of our eyes met.

  "Rotom, bud, call flyboy."

  —

  "Why the fuck are you calling me you insane menace?!" Holy shit what?! That was some greeting, Lance!

  Arceus above, he's actually snarling!

  "Hi to you too, flyboy." He lessened his expression to a glare as he caught sight of me.

  "So, why did you send us a stalker, asshole?" Erin didn't even blink as she got flicked. Lance gave her a deliberately blank look.

  "I have no idea what you mean, and I fear delving too deeply into how your mind works. Stop wasting my time. Unlike you, I have shit to do."

  Liar! You're the reason I had to go 'incognito' a week early! I mean, I understand that one, I don't want to get mugged! You're the reason that my hair is this short! That I have only black shirts! Cargo pants! I don't even like pants, Lance!

  "Lance, I will kick your ass! Dragonite will help me, too. I know her Pokeball just rattled!" Judging from his uncomfortable glace downwards, it had! What the fuck? In the best way, of course!

  This was amazing!

  Erin's glare was withering, though.

  "Why did you send a young member of your Clan to the Route 4 Pokemon Center with instructions to find a group to travel with that sound suspiciously close to instructions to find us?! Why did you also instruct them to follow us no matter what?!" Lance just grinned at her. Like a dragon, actually, snarlingly, viciously happy.

  He took a deep breath.

  "Because he could probably use some help and would never have asked for it specifically, just like me when I was his age. Despite your irreverent attitude, your penchant to get yourself into trouble, your total, utter lack of sanity, the fact that you are almost certainly Giratina's spawn sent here to torment us for failing some cosmic test as a species, your ability to erode the sanity of those in contact with you too long, your lack of a complete set of digits, your absolute lack of anything resembling common sense except for that of a Zubat, your eerie capability to turn the familiar into horror, and your smell, you are capable and not a bad person." He looked almost lightheaded as he finished and took another deep breath!

  Holy SHIT Lance! There was no need for a Hyper Beam!

  Leaf began laughing so hard she fell over, and all of the Pokemon were laughing as well. Even my little Dratini, the traitor. She liked Lance. It was her biggest flaw, honestly.

  I mean, to be fair, that was hilarious!

  Erin looked like she was having some sort of episode, like she was frozen between laughter and rage. Rotom turned fully towards me for a second and I waved as I tried to breathe. Prick or not, he was family.

  "Cargo pants, Lance? Black shirts? A haircut?! If I was going to be traveling with them, I didn't need to go 'incognito'! Oh! And you could have told me she had a fucking Alpha Tyrantrum! Not that you told me anything, actually! What if she'd eaten me!?" The huge head grinned wider at that.

  "Leto's already saved someone's life in Kanto, I doubt she would have eaten a kid." The entire clearing got quiet, and the Tyrantrum looked away. In embarrassment!

  Lance grinned wider.

  "You didn't know? She saved a photographer in the plains from an Arcanine, took him back to the Rangers afterward. There are pictures. Of him in her mouth." Erin groaned at his words.

  "Arceus, that's why I got that photo from the Rangers! They wouldn't tell me shit! Rotom, send it to Lance and pull it up! With its fucking title!" She didn't even flinch at the flicks that time.

  What the fuck! A headless Arcanine posed on a rock in the plains! 'Modern Savagery from a Prehistoric Queen'?!

  "Well, I guess that explains that. Didn't expect something like that from you, mom, but cool! Really, really cool, actually! You'd never have gotten the photo either… Wait, did you set up and take that photo?!" The Tyrantrum happily nodded and everyone stared at her. Silently. I don't think it was even disbelief. It's just…

  That made a lot of sense, actually.

  I don't think many humans would have thought to do that, ethical issues aside…

  Lance's voice was far too amused as he continued.

  "You would have had to Journey at least somewhat incognito either way, Alex, so why force it like that? Why black shirts, cargo pants, and a haircut, all of which I know you'd hate? Because it's hilarious! Also, I didn't tell you because it was very funny to imagine you getting ambushed by Erin, she's fucking insane. I assume that happened?" He was smiling at me, a huge shit-eating smile, and I remembered just how much I despised him!

  "Lance, you were very lucky that he tried that with us, and didn't follow someone else. Stalk them, at your instruction! If I couldn't tell he had a dragon, he might have… not died, but he would very much not be happy right now." Shit, she was serious! Leaf and Lance just nodded along! Lance spoke up with an even bigger grin.

  "I knew he'd follow you. You're kind of distinctive, you menace. You stand out. Just don't let him join you in your little exterminations." He was glaring at her, but in... approval?

  Exterminations, what?

  "Exterminations?" Lance's grin turned feral. The only problem was, so did Erin's.

  "You didn't-" He looked at Erin and she rolled her eyes and nodded. Wait! What the fuck was that? Was he being considerate of her secrets?

  Lance!?

  CONSIDERATE?!

  Did I actually have a stroke? Eat some strange hallucinogen by accident? Does Clefable have me under a fae illusion right now, somehow?!

  "You didn't know she took out a Team Rocket cell? They were hitting the Pewter Breeders Ranch, and her, two Pokemon, and a foreign Gym Leader without his Pokemon killed over half of them. Erin brutally knocked out their disguised guard, disabled his gun, snuck into the middle of them, killed the leader personally with that damn Pawniard blade of hers to the temple, and then had her Skrelp kill and dismember the ones who didn't surrender."

  My mouth was open in horror, and Erin's grin grew far too shit-eating for my liking. Especially as she pulled on that rough wooden handle and revealed a three inch blade that looked beyond razor sharp before she let it fall back down, latching it in again. Arceus above, there had been a notch on the backside!

  "Oh, and her Hatenna got the Rocket Pokemon to stand down, and she saved them from a horrible, needless fate. It is the one thing I will give her praise for. ONE!" Erin blushed and looked away. What?

  "What… What?" I was very eloquent right now. The rest of her team looked at her proudly, but also a bit… embarrassed?

  Lance smirked at me.

  "Don't worry about it Alex. Just follow her orders when she's actually serious. I mean, I assume you do get serious at some point in your life, right?" Erin glared at him.

  "No shit, dumbass. If either of them ignore my orders to stay out of it, and survive, I swear on Arceus above I will make them wish for death at least once. Multiple times, really, just to be sure I got a true response. I never lie, so they will beg for the sweet release of oblivion at least once, a release that will never come. They will be physically unharmed when I am finished, but not mentally." Arceus ABOVE, she was SERIOUS! Leaf just rolled her eyes, and Lance was nodding!?

  "Good. Don't make it too easy on that plague." The cackle Erin let out was not a happy sound. At ALL!

  Lance just grinned at the apparent maniac I was going to travel with, before he glanced down and began to glare at her.

  "Fun as this has been, and as… illuminating as this photo is, I do actually have work. You do notice the office I'm in, right? Even though it's dark? Dealing with your shit?" His glare was actually not that fierce… Wow… Wait…

  What?

  Was that compassion?!

  I honestly wasn't sure! I had only seen it on his face a couple times!

  Erin looked like it physically hurt her to speak, but she was forcing herself, with a pained grimace.

  "You aside, Alex can travel with us… He's not a bad kid, and he knows just how bad you are… So… Hey… Lance… Uuugh, fuck! Lance… Thank you. I'm sorry for… that… Oh Arceus, I feel sick! I had to thank him!" She was already turned from the phone, actually looking a little green, and Leaf was laughing.

  "Yeah, thanks Lance. I mean, we're just walking around for now, we should be fine, right?" He glared through the phone.

  "Your definition of fine is just as bad as hers, other insane menace. Alex, good luck on your first Circuit, have fun, and stay safe. Erin, I hope you remain healthy, and that nothing bad happens to you, but I also wish nothing good for you either. Leaf, Ditto."

  He hung up as I burst into laughter.