Lea and the marshal were waiting for us at the citadel.

  “I see Delores found you.”

  “And when were you planning to tell me of her return, Lea?”

  Lea gives a raised eyebrow to the noble girl. She then looks at me.

  “You remember who this is, Sara?” She motions towards the marshal.

  “Of course, he is the leader of the knights of this citadel. He held a debriefing when we got back.” I smile at her attempt to expose me.

  “Is that so, what's his name?” I frown at her inquiry. She huffs out a sigh, “It's alright to say you don't remember Sara, we need you to tell us when things confuse you. He's Sir Ujan, you've had a number of interactions with him. Also you went and used a word no one understood.”

  “Which one?” I cringe.

  The marshal speaks, “Debriefing.”

  I close my eyes, willing it forward, “Military term for going over how a mission went after the fact.”

  “An inquest?”

  I tilt my head at his word, maybe?

  “You really have forgotten everything.” Huffs out Delores.

  “Not everything.” I mince my hands, “Can we get to what we are here for.”

  “Sure, [Head Priestess]. This way.” I follow Sir Ujan.

  “Please don't call me that around others. I don't think I can handle the attention.”

  Rin giggles at that, I look at her with a questioning look.

  “Aurora didn't like it when I called her that either.”

  I try to smile at that but frown, she still thinks of me as being separate from her. I follow the knight as I search for the memory.

  We come out to a courtyard. There is a building to the side that looks like it was sheared in half. It's rather bizarre. I think I—

  “That's all that's left of your shop. We are not sure why the clinic portion remained.” Sir Ujan spoke. Lea gives me a side glance, gauging me. I got a bit irritated by the constant scrutiny.

  “If you know, just say it.” I growl.

  “Not here, Sara. In private.” Is all she says.

  I huff out a sigh as we enter. All the beds are filled with groaning patients. Most identify as knights though some soldiers and adventurers exist as well.

  You have gained [Identify] Intermediate 1

  Intermediate - You can identify levels at twice your own, and can can get a feel for when its a lie

  Gain 8 exp

  More information is better. Rin heads to one of the soldiers. Lea grabs her wrist before she can start.

  “Sorry young one, you need to let me or Sara touch them first. They all have healers bane and you have no protection.” She takes a moment then frowns, “Actually I'll remove the curse, then you two can heal. If that's alright with you, Sara?” She gives me a bit of a head tilt towards me. I frown but return it. Going to get wrinkles. I take another sip from my blood skin.

  I see a Lamia knight administering to the patients. Sir Ujan walks over to her. He bends down to her ear.

  “She doesn't remember everything and might be volatile, don't press her on anything.”

  I squeeze my eyes shut at that. Rin's hand touches my shoulder. I look at her and she gives me a smile. I try to return it but falter. Delores frowns as she checks out the clinic.

  “I was hoping you could restore the other half of the store.”

  “Sorry.” She shakes her head at me.

  “I'm sure in due time you will be ready. Do come visit me at the estate later. We could have some tea and talk.” There is a bit of wistfulness in her mood. I give her a nod. Perhaps she can fill in the parts of what my relationship was with her.

  “Sara, this one is ready.”

  I walk over to the soldier and begin working. Lea motions Rin to the next.

  “How is your skill coming along, Junior.” Lea had switched to [Quintarl?ne].

  “It's Competent three, my lady. How is it that you can handle the curse?” Rin asks.

  “It was Sara who could break it initially, blood mana doesn't feed it like life mana does.”

  The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

  “Then I could—” Rin looks ready to accept the challenge.

  “No, you can't become undead nor return from it. You saw it, did you not. In your title description. You’re only borrowing her power. Should you overdo it, you'll die.”

  “I have to become a Vampire then?” Rin shudders.

  “That would let you handle your own thirst, but I don't suggest it until Sara is more herself. It's a personal thing for her and should she make you one prior to her understanding why it's personal I feel you both will regret it.” I feel Lea's words were aimed at me more than Rin. There was a bit of sorrow in Lea after she said that. I'm not quite sure why.

  As I finish healing the knight I feel a bit of the coldness inside me loosen. Rin's own ministrations cause my thirst to grow but I think I have enough blood to cover her for now.

  -----

  …

  16-12-1706

  …

  My breath doesn't frost the air anymore. I still feel cold. Din and Stone brought back two barrels. Lea stopped me from learning from what they were from. Din got into an argument over it. I recognized the smell of goblin blood. I still haven't had my talk with Lea about the store.

  Rin's full name is Randinrin, Lea is Leander, Stone is Trikinar. Din is .

  I hate these blank spots. I feel if I focus I can pull back the memory but it's a trade. Something else flees me and I can't remember what. Half the people are cautious around me while the other half are annoyed with me.

  …

  -----

  “So how have you been adjusting?” Delores asks.

  “It's been hard, I woke up rather thirsty this morning.” Lea told me Delores already knew about my needs.

  “O, that's unfortunate. Yosef, could you bring more sweets.” He gives her a nod to her smile then she turns to me after his footsteps become faint. “Sara, my tea cup is empty. Would you top me off please?”

  It's very performative. I scrunch my nose at her but I take the kettle and tip it slowly towards her cup. I feel the world slow as I focus. I don't question why, I only watch the liquid pour slowly. There is an invisible line I must not cross. To stop at just that line though. Divine. I sigh a bit of contentment when I pull back the kettle. A single pour. Just as I was taught.

  I look up to see Delores watching me closely with a grin. I quickly put down the kettle and resumed sipping my own cup. It earns a giggle from her.

  “Here I was hoping to get a ‘Your tea, mistress’.” She chides.

  “It’s not fair to tease me so.” I say petulantly.

  “I suppose not. I was hoping to get your memory moving a bit more.” She gets a wicked grin. “As punishment, I'll allow you a bit of my blood.”

  My thirst quakes at her offer. “Thats not very fair, Delores.”

  “You keep saying that but you're the one eying my neck.” She says flippantly, her head tilted. To give a better view.

  I take a sip from my blood skin only to find it empty. She catches my new frown. She grabs my tea cup and tosses its liquid out. Before I can protest she has already cut her hand and begun filling the cup.

  “Not as perfect as your pouring but I am sure it will delight you all the same.” She said as she pushed the cup towards me.

  -----

  …

  17-12-1706

  …

  It had tasted of thrill and forbidden delights. There is something heartening about blood freely given. Part of me wishes to avoid further tea parties. Another part wishes to accept tomorrow's invitation. She wants me to take it from her personally. I don't trust myself. The most bizarre part was me squeaking out a thank you mistress at the end.

  …

  -----

  “You're not allowed to go to anymore tea parties.” Din looks at me coldly.

  I see her looking at my diary entry from the last evening. Rude.

  “Am I not allowed privacy, Din.”

  “Not until you can remember my name, fool. You're being taken advantage of by a Human in heat.” She scoffs at me.

  I glared at her, “What would you know about it?”

  She looks hurt by my tone. Then meets my eyes walking closer. “Because I did the same to Aurora. You ache for it and deny yourself. So when offered, you just jump for it. First you will be taking from her blood and then she will be bedding you. I don't particularly care to share and am tempted to pursue you myself.” My eyes widened at her words, “But I at least have the decency to wait till your whole before twisting you around my finger.” Her look goes from contemptuous to concerned, “I just don't think it's right, can you promise me not to engage in anything until you're better?” I slowly nod, meekly. She shoves the diary in my face. “Good, write it down in the things not to forget. Add Glindinal to that list while you're at it.”

  -----

  …

  18-12-1706

  …

  Glindinal looks hollowed out after today. She wouldn't say why. Only murmuring is it truly doomed. I just wish she would tell me.

  I had spent the day healing. My gains in warmth were marred by three more soul tethers. They never stay on me long but their burden always remains. She is growing her army. I need to do something. Anything.

  …

  -----

  More porridge and bread. I'm not sure why I bother ordering a serving for myself. I sigh. I look at Stone as he grumbles about how hard it is to find game here.

  “At least the snow is melting.” I opine.

  “Aye, mixed blessin’ to be honest. The critters here aren't the hibernatin’ type so trackin real easy but only the hardest been survin’ as well.”

  I smiled then noticed Din…Glindinal was still rather dour. I doubt it was the dim hunting prospects. Just as I was about to prod her I felt a burning in my chest. It passes even as I notice it. But I felt more myself. Could this work? Oh please let it be true.

  “Sara?” Rin asked with a note of concern.

  I look up, tears in my eyes. “Sorry, I think the...” I check my status screen, yes it's there. “The arcane core finally became mine. I have access to its magic again. I feel like I remember more.”

  I smile but it soon begins to falter. My hands clasp my forehead. They touch my horns. I start to laugh when all I want to do is cry.

  “Mourns?”

  “I truly am awful.” Giggle. “I deserved that execution.” Cackle. “Why am I still here?” My memories want to pull in but I don't want to know this. I feel arms weave around me, pulling me into a hug. I just laugh and cry.

  “What's goin’ on Leander?”

  “Her memories…she was executed for the massacre of twelve citizens of Yetna. She must be remembering that.” Her voice came from behind me, her embrace was tight. “Let it out, Sara. You cry for the murderers, rapists and thieves. Let it out.” She whispers to me.

  Rin sounded panicked, “What does she mean Din?”

  “Only that what she told me was true, that it was better to have happiness with Sara now. Because once Sara was whole, she would never allow herself intimacy.” Glindinal murmurs back to Rin.

  I just rock back and forth in Lea's arms. My crimes once again in my mind.

  -----

  …

  19-12-1706

  …

  Why did I ever want to be whole? I still twitch at the carnage I had wrought. A part of me wishes to surrender myself. To Cea. Another, harder part wishes to see her end for what she did to me. I had come to terms with this, as best as one could after giving myself up for execution. And now I weep again at the brutality of it all. At my gluttony.

  I could stop here. I don't have all the memories. I could be like the others in this world. Not knowing the lives of those I've slain. But I will fall into her hands at some point if I do, my progress forever stagnate. And I can't bring back Phenolp without remembering her life. I remember my promises now at least.

  …