It was a good morning, despite the end of the world coming in about a week. Noobkitty was doing all she could to prepare: her cooking skill was nearing 95, her enchanting was at 99, and all her equipment (except her crafter’s gear) was almost maxed out with enchantments.
Even though she felt it was a good morning, Noobkitty was still sleep-deprived as heck. What she wouldn’t admit was that she was feeling… testy.
So with all this preparation and lack of sleep, what was a cat girl doing?
Making breakfast, of course.
Today was a full party meeting, and even their friend Grizzlebeard was joining since bars were typically slow in the morning.
Grimmblade was early. He planned to leave early, too, so he could de-level some more. He was down to lv18 and only had about a hundred seventy more deaths to go before the week was up. On the bright side, he no longer had to eat the debuffing bean brittle to die quickly.
SisterQuery was excited to see him back. She talked about her parents and sister messaging her. Her family had made five more accounts to hand over beginner cleric armor for Noobkitty to enchant, and she now felt like her gear carried the blessing of her family. Compared to a few weeks ago, she actually had good morale.
Skidmark didn’t have classes today. After a few messages with his moms, where they referred to Noobkitty as his “game mom” they said they’d feed him a healthy breakfast, and it was her job to fill him with as many digital sweets as he wanted.
Noobkitty accepted the challenge and filled the table with everything she could. Her speed and sheer output of cooking was at illogical levels, so it was easy.
Grizzlebeard perused the table’s offerings. “So this is the famous Noobkitty breakfast. Looks like a lot of plants and bread. I could’ve brought some proper eggs from my shop.”
Noobkitty shook her head politely. “No thank you. We don’t eat things that come from animals in our shop.”
“Then why is your human girl putting cream in her coffee?” Grizzlebeard asked.
Noobkitty looked at SisterQuery suspiciously.
“What? No, I would never! That would be rude and...” SisterQuery stammered.
“Proverbs 12:22,” Fizzypop said smoothly, piling coconut cream onto their plate.
A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.
“What! No I’m not...” SisterQuery panicked.
“Is that the one about not eating griffins?” Skidmark asked.
The group stared at him as he bit into a warm muffin he’d decorated with sugar glass shards to look jagged and cool.
“What? Griffins are awesome. People shouldn’t eat them,” Skidmark said matter-of-factly.
“Griffin meat’s pretty good, but it’s been a while since anyone’s sold it to the herbalist,” Grizzlebeard mused, stroking his beard.
Grimmblade checked his inventory. “I have some. We could do a BBQ later and...”
“Anyone who continues talking about eating animals in my shop will be fed bean brittle for the next week,” Noobkitty threatened, ears twitching. “Including you, Grizzlebeard.”
Silence. Unfortunately, Skidmark hadn’t had any Musical Cake that morning, so there wasn’t even the possibility of breaking the tension with fart jokes.
Fizzypop sipped their tea with theatrical calm.
Skidmark, ever the hero of awkward moments, looked at SisterQuery and declared: “No eating griffins, SisterQuery. God said so.”
Everyone watched as the self-assured goblin bit into his sugar glass muffin in a nightmarish display, the shards breaking against the roof of his mouth.
Desperate to change the subject, SisterQuery asked, “Food doesn’t feel filling. Like, it tastes amazing, but I never get that full feeling. Or is that just Noobkitty’s food?”
Fizzypop nodded. “That’s digital food for you. It’s not Noobkitty’s cooking, it’s actually a known issue across the net. You can eat enough to drown a horse, your cravings get satisfied, but you still feel oddly empty.”
Noobkitty weirdly took this personally, possibly due to exhaustion. She narrowed her eyes at SisterQuery and said in an annoyed tone, “You want to feel full? Fine.” Then she stormed into the kitchen.
Skidmark started to follow, but Fizzypop stopped him. “Wait… let her cook.”
Grimmblade blinked. “...Is Noobkitty about to fix digital digestion out of anger and sleep deprivation?”
.ex looked to the others, then at Grizzlebeard. “Is this a player problem? I always feel full after I eat.”
Grizzlebeard nodded. “Yeah, I’ve seen it in my bar. Players eat and eat and don’t know when to stop because they don’t get full.”
Grimmblade rubbed his face. “No, seriously, is Noobkitty about to just fix a net-wide problem?”
Fizzypop shrugged. “Of course she is.” They ate a cooling puff, chased it with scalding hot tea, and smiled at the magical heat-cool mix.
Minutes later, Noobkitty returned with a tray of steaming yellow cakes. She slammed them onto the table.
“There. One of these and you’ll feel like you ate the entire side table at Thanksgiving.”
Fizzypop picked one up and examined it.
---
Lbs Cake (lv94)
Made of oats, figs, and pure annoyance. This cake will give you the comforting feeling of a full belly.
Effect:
Minor grogginess
Reduced jumping ability
Duration: 30 minutes
Cooldown: 30 minutes
---
Skidmark grabbed one, ate it, then tried to jump onto his chair, with spectacular failure. On the third try he took a running start, crashed, fell, and broke the chair, taking damage.
SisterQuery healed him. Noobkitty mended the chair.
Fizzypop ate one and instantly regretted it. The taste was fine but… “Noobkitty, these are for after a meal, not the middle of one.” He looked at his plate of cream, fruit, and pastries with the disgust of someone stuffed from a buffet and then handed more dessert.
“So seriously,” Grimmblade said, exasperated, “Noobkitty just solved digital food digestion, a problem known since the net worlds began, and no one else finds this weird?”
Everyone stared at him.
“Yep. Only me,” he sighed.
