We look around for a while, speaking with all the trainers in the Druid’s Enclave. Most of their spells are useless to us, some are intriguing. Finally, we settle on one in particular, to learn over Moon Shower.

  [Sapience of the Sapling level 1: You are endowed with the natural wisdom of the most enduring living organism on earth.

  + 1 Intelligence

  Cost: 30 MP

  Duration: 30 Minutes]

  It’s only one point now, but that will go up with each level, increasing my healer’s mana pool, ensuring he’ll be able to keep me alive against even the toughest opponents.

  Though we’ve only been here a short while, it feels melancholy, somehow, leaving the sacred glen behind us. It truly was like a world apart from the rest of Tetra Chronicles, its own peaceful, healing sanctuary. Inside was tranquil and dry, but outside is raining heavily. Without rain gear, we must endure the damp, though at least we don’t have to worry about catching cold.

  “Right,” I say, pulling up my map. “We’re headed east along the mountains. There’s another druid’s sanctuary in the caves of Efja.”

  “Oh, more druids!”

  “Yes, they’re sure to have different spells to teach us. And on the way, we’ll pass through this city, Crule. There I can visit the church and—”

  “And?” Sherbie prompts me eagerly.

  Darn it. I forgot myself for a moment. But I can’t tell Sherbie about the quest I’m doing for Charis. That’s private!

  “Well,” I say, “there might be a special blessing we can receive there. You know, a buff of some kind.”

  “Yes, or a quest! I can’t wait to find out. I’m excited to be deviating from the main quest line. It’s the kind of thing I always wanted to do, but I’d be too nervous to strike out on my own, afraid I’d mess up and miss something important.”

  “We probably are missing some important stuff by doing this. But we’ll find interesting things as well, stuff maybe no one else in the game has even seen yet.”

  “Yeah,” Sherbie grins at me. “Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s make for Crule, and beyond that, to the caves of Efja! Oh, but, which way is east, again?”

  “Straight ahead, can’t you tell from your map?”

  He grins sheepishly and scratches the back of his head.

  “I’ll let you lead the way. You want Horse?”

  “It’s fine. I’ll run. But first, I’ll switch off my damaging aura, so we don’t pull any mobs unnecessarily. You’d best put Bobo Jenkins away, too. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover.”

  “Right.”

  Traveling close to the mountains, the trees are sparser, which is a nice change of scenery, though I don’t appreciate the buckets of rain pouring down my neck.

  “We’ll turn north a little,” I yell to Sherbie, having had enough. “We’ll run in the trees till this weather clears up!”

  “Right!”

  To the north is the fairytale forest that we traveled in before. The high canopy of trees make a great umbrella, sheltering us. While it’s true this is a game body, the hyper-realism of my immersion capsule has me feeling right miserable in these wet clothes. The rough fabric chafes my skin, and the cold leaves me feeling clammy. Still I press on, unwilling to stop and light a fire. I’m sure my ancestors ran through worse than this on their warpath, and they never stopped for a little rain.

  For Sherbie’s part, he never complains, I notice. Not about anything. I don’t know if that’s because he’s good natured, or if he’s just that oblivious. Either way, he makes for a pleasant traveling companion.

  “Oh,” Sherbie exclaims. “Horse just leveled up.”

  If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

  “Cool.”

  “Says he can run even faster now.”

  “Well this is my top speed, so don’t go any faster than this.”

  “You want to ride together?”

  “No, thanks…”

  We pass an hour just running, not stopping to look for a single quest. We haven’t seen another player in a while now, and yet I become aware of the distinct impression we’re being watched. Unsettling, the feeling makes my skin crawl and the hairs raise along the back of my neck. I endure it for a while, telling myself it’s just my imagination, but finally, it gets to be too much.

  “Let’s get out of the trees, Sherbie.”

  “But it’s still raining.”

  “That’s fine. I’d rather a little rain than—”

  Just then a huge creature leaps from the underbrush straight into our trail. I balk, stare up at it, horrified. Behind me, Sherbie reins in the frightened Horse.

  “Rev!” he cries, and I sense he’s ready to back me up in this fight. But the monster isn’t attacking.

  What in the name of the furry convention gods am I looking at? She’s enormous, eight and a half foot if she’s an inch. As for her appearance, well, its like if Bigfoot married a kangaroo and gave birth to a large-breasted, middle-aged woman in screaming dire need of a full body wax. Covered head to toe in coarse brown hair, she’s got a face not even a mother could love, with a pig’s snout and an orcish underbite, and a thick, overhanging brow shading suspiciously spunky, beady little eyes. But it’s not her eyes that keep me arrested, unable to look away. It’s her pumpkins. Well, they can’t really be called pumpkins anymore. Time and gravity have taken their toll, and I’m sorry to say she’s got no shame about it. They’re on full display for the world to see, two hairy sweater puppies, swaying hypnotically right in front of us, directly at eye level.

  I can’t understand how SMark got away with it.

  The only way they could have possibly avoided gaming censorship laws was by covering these freakishly large, low swinging breasts in a thick carpet of hair, and even then I can’t say for sure these babies are legal.

  Before I can think to react, Shesquatch reaches over me abruptly, plucks side-saddle Sherbie up by the collar and hoists him to eye level.

  Nobody moves. Nobody dares.

  She examines him with a severe look, grunts and pokes his ribs. She’s like the witch in fairy tales, checking if he’s fat enough to eat. But that scrawny elf boy Sherbie is sure to fail her test, and then what? She’s technically not hostile yet—should I turn my damaging aura on? Do I risk angering her and putting my friend in danger? Do I dare hesitate? I wish someone would tell me the answer.

  Then, with one final sniff and a grunt of satisfaction, she plops him down unceremoniously in her pouch. Still facing her, Sherbie stares vacantly ahead at her gaping belly button.

  “What just happened?”

  “I think she just adopted you.”

  “M-mommy?”

  She pats his head gruffly, knocking his head like a ping-pong ball into her big stomach.

  “Rev,” his voice is so nervous it’s shaking.

  “Y-yeah?” I say, ready at a moment’s indication to yank him out of there and switch on my aura.

  “The system says I just unlocked a legendary mount.”

  I stare ahead for about five seconds, mind completely blank. Then his words register and I hear myself exclaiming at an uncontrollable volume, “WHAT?”

  “It says her name’s Harrietta Stumpwalker.”

  “HARRIETTA?!”

  “This legendary mount navigates any terrain, swimming, climbing and jumping with ease.”

  “SERIOUSLY??!!!” I cry, still unable to control my volume or facial expression for some reason. I am one hundred percent certain I look ridiculous, horrified, incredulous, and maybe even weirdly jealous as I gape at them open-mouthed.

  “We don’t have to ride double anymore, and you can ride Horse so we’ll go even faster.”

  At this observation, I regain some of my composure. No, he’s right. This is somehow, weirdly, a really good thing.

  “So, she’s not going to eat us?”

  He looks up at her questioningly, but she only stares ahead into the distance, a serious yet also serene expression on her hairy face.

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Then,” I swallow, “shall we continue on?”

  “I...guess so...”

  All at once we’re flying through the trees at speeds I never could have imagined. Now that he’s leveled up, Horse is as fast as a racehorse, and he can maintain this speed indefinitely. Meanwhile beside me, Harrietta Stumpwalker is sometimes running, sometimes climbing and leaping, swinging from branches only to come flying back to earth like an Olympic gymnast.

  It’s painful to watch, so I can only look away, but I fear the mental image of my friend riding in a sasquatch pouch, her furry breasts flying wide as she lopes along, popping him left and right in the side of the head, will stay with me for the rest of my life. I feel sorry for my eyes, but more than this I feel bad for his ears, feel sorry for him all around. He’s taking a hell of a beating.

  As for Sherbie himself, he’s got those thick spiral glasses on, and they’re fogging up besides, so I really can’t tell if he’s uncomfortable in this situation or in pain, or if he’s really just enjoying himself. I don’t want to begin to imagine what its like to be in his shoes right now, but good or bad, it’s got to be the experience of a lifetime.

  “H-hey, Rev?”

  “Yeah?”

  I look over at Sherbie who’s still getting it in the side of the face. POP! POP! BAM! WAAAP!

  “I think…think I need a break.”

  “Yeah,” I say, cringing. “Ok, let’s take a break.”

  We slow and come to a stop at the edge of the forest, still sheltered beneath the trees where we can watch the rain continue to pour just beyond.

  “You…you alright?” I ask Sherbie as he climbs unsteadily out of Harrietta’s pouch.

  “Y-yeah. Um…it’s just…” he adjusts his glasses; his face is brightly flushed.

  “Just what?”

  “I think I’m enjoying this surprise adoption a little too much.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well,” he blushes deeper, unable to look at his mount who stands stoically, still just gazing off into the distance. “I think I’m beginning to develop feelings…that a boy shouldn’t have for his mother…”