“What about this one?” he says, dressing her up like Daisy Duke in cutoff jeans and a red flannel shirt tied just below her breasts. “I liked the Princess Leia one, but, I might hit my head on the metal bikini…”
“Yeah, flannel is better, it fit’s Harrietta’s lumberjack vibe.”
“You’re right. Daisy Duke it is. Ooh, look at the cowboy boots. And I can buy her a hat too, hang on…”
Suddenly with my friend riding a cosplaying furry mount, it feels like we’re playing a slightly different game, but oh well. If it makes Sherbie happy and curbs his carnal desires, I don’t mind running around with Shesquatch in her Daisy Dukes.
“That’s interesting,” I say, noting the first player I’ve seen in a while suddenly run past us. He’s followed by several others, a party it appears. They gather in front of a cave, and converse a moment before disappearing inside.
Personally, I’m not a huge fan of caves after my stint in the labyrinth, but curiosity wins out. We put up our mounts for now, which disappear, teleported to our stables at the Whale Base, waiting to be summoned again from a token in our bags. Then Sherbie and I trot over to the cave.
There’s an old prospector waiting in front of it, and his grin is missing all but two teeth.
“Whoa, now. I’d stop there if I were you fellers. This here mine’s infested with giant spiders big as boulders. They’ll eat you up in seconds.”
[Party detected. A minimum of 5 party members is required to enter the God’s Vein Mine Dungeon.]
“It’s a dungeon,” I say to Sherbie. “We can’t go in without more players.”
“Aw, man,” he says, looking wistfully into the dark cavern.
“It’s full of spiders, you know?”
“I’m not scared of spiders. Maybe I’ll catch one and make it my pet.”
“Isn’t the stable full yet?”
“Actually, it is, now you mention it. Harrietta was number twenty. I need to go back to the Whale Base and expand it.”
“No way. You forget these teleportation stones only work one way. It’ll take us a whole day to run back to this spot if we visit the base.”
“That’s a mechanic they really need to fix in the update,” Sherbie says. Just then, we both get a system notification.
[Tetra Chronicles will be offline from 8 AM to 8 PM (player’s local time) for updates and server maintenance.]
Speak of the devil. Looks like TC’s getting it’s first official update.
“8 AM? Isn’t time backwards here?” Sherbie asks.
“Yeah,” I say, checking the system clock. It’s just after 6 PM, meaning the game will boot us off in under two hours.
“Just as well. We’ve been questing non-stop for three days, I’m sure our bodies in the real world could use a shower.”
Only three days? I could have sworn it was longer than that. But if he’s talking about showers, he’s right. Since I’m sure I’ve been in the capsule for over a week, at this point. Not that I care. I could do without the real world altogether. In fact, it’s hard to imagine going back, after living in this fantasy for so long. Facing reality… I’d rather not.
“Let’s get in a bit more travel time,” I say, aware I’m only postponing the inevitable, not wanting to log out until the last possible minute.
“Right,” says Sherbie, and he summons Harrietta. I summon Horse and we’re back to running again.
I know I’ve probably said it before, but this game is huge, I think as we zoom along. I thought we would have made it farther by now, but we’re not even halfway to our destination.
“It’s too bad we couldn’t do the dungeon,” Sherbie remarks as Harrietta lopes easily along with him in her pouch. I’m steering Horse with the reins, but I haven’t asked yet how he’s guiding the shesquatch. Probably, I don’t want to know.
“It is,” I say, thinking of my gear. Captain Moon’s shields have been useful, but I know dungeon items are even better. “Sherbie, I never asked about your gear. Could you go for an upgrade?”
“Probably. All my stuff is like level 10.”
Yeah, he could definitely do with a gear glowup. But how are we going to get into a dungeon with only two guild members?
Is it time for me to bite the bullet and go recruiting again? I suppose I could always get Sherbie to take off his glasses and recruit some thirsty boys. Or I could reveal we have Captain Moon back at the base, and get even more thirsty girls. Though they’d probably just hang around the base and never go questing with us…
Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.
No, I don’t like either option. Guess we’ll just have to keep doing what we’re doing, and hope to run into someone who’s looking for two cool bros to play TC with. They’ve got to be out there, somewhere…
The rain slows as nightfall descends. Our path east curves away from the forest, and higher into the mountains.
“Rev? It’s almost time.”
“I know,” I say, pressing on, wanting to play till the last possible minute.
“Let’s stay in touch outside the game, alright?”
“Sure. You can DM me.”
“I will. You’d better not block me.”
“Ha.”
[Tetra Chronicles is going offline in one minute. Please log out now.]
“Guess this is as far as we go tonight,” I say, reining in Horse.
“Guess so. I’ll miss you…Mommy.”
What? It’s not me, but Harrietta he’s going to miss? Why doesn’t that surprise me…
I look away as Sherbie turns in his pouch to bury his face in her breasts and embrace her, afraid I’ll be sick.
“Yeah, maybe some time outside the game is what’s needed after all. Before I start to imagine any of this,” I gesture vaguely to whatever the hell’s going on behind me, “is normal.”
“What could be more normal than the love of mother and son?”
“Sweet home Alabama…”
Forget staying till the last possible second. I’ve seen enough.
[Would you like to exit Tetra Chronicles?]
[Yes.]
“See ya, Sherbie.”
“Yeah. Later.”
[Simulation ending, alpha waves disconnecting. Loading… Loading…]
It’s dark. My body feels strangely heavy. Slowly, my eyelids flutter open to reveal a sterile environment, bathed in a deep violet light. There’s a needle in my arm, connected to a tube feeding me intravenous nutrients. Straps crisscross my body, electromagnetic pulses that stimulate my muscles to keep them from atrophying while my conscious is submerged in the game.
“Tina, open the capsule.”
“One moment, please. Disengaging user Austen from capsule.”
The straps unfasten automatically, the needle leaves my arm with a faint feeling of discomfort. A little blood pools in the crook of my elbow, automatically mopped up by a cotton swab and bandaged over.
“SMark company hopes you’ve enjoyed your stay in the capsule. Would you like to leave a review of our product at this time?”
“Just open the lid.”
“Opening. Have a nice day…”
The capsule lid opens to reveal a startled looking Link standing over me. I blink up at him, just as startled. Then I sit up.
“Master Austen. I was just preparing to summon you from your game.”
“Let me guess, you were waiting for eight o’clock?”
“Precisely. But how did you know?”
“Lucky guess,” I say, swinging my legs out of the capsule and standing. Link reaches around to hand me a towel which I wrap around my waist.
“Why call me back? Something important going on today?”
“Yes, Sir. Your grandfather’s 75th birthday.”
“No kidding. June 20th already?”
“Yes, Sir. Ten days have passed since you entered the capsule. His party is this afternoon, the super bullet trains leaves at eleven o’clock. I thought perhaps you might want to prepare a gift, so I was going to rouse you at eight o’clock precisely.”
“Talk about timing,” I say, running a hand through my hair. “Get the shower running for me, Link. And order the most advanced immersion helmet from SMark. Tell them to gift wrap it.”
“Yes, Sir.” I wait a moment for the robot to communicate with their system. “They’ll have it shipped out by drone in ten minutes, Sir.”
“Good. Make sure and pick it up before the porch pirates get it.”
“I’ll wait outside, Sir.”
Grandpa Cody’s birthday, huh? My dad’s dad, of all my relatives, he’s my favorite. A gamer for life, we joke it’s a miracle he ever got grams to marry him. He’s devoted to old school games, refusing to play anything newer than Minecraft; he especially can’t stand virtual reality games, says they make him motion sick. But his quality of life has dropped recently. Grams has been gone for three years now, and he’s been in a wheelchair since his stroke last Thanksgiving. I’m sure a fully immersive game like TC will give him a new lease on life, if I can just get him to give it a chance.
The headset arrives gift wrapped by the time I finish my shower, and I get Link to give me a shave and a haircut. Looking in the mirror, I can’t help but notice I’ve lost weight. My cheeks aren’t as flabby as they were before, though I’m as white as a vampire after spending nearly a month inside my SMark coffin.
“Hey, Link. Girls still dig vampires, right?”
“My sources tell me vampires are not currently trending with the general populace, although with a certain demographic of females, a little gothic flair will always be popular.”
“What demographic is that?”
“Overweight women with unresolved childhood trauma.”
“Sweet. Bring on the fat chicks.”
“Sir?”
“I mean, I may as well shoot my shot, right? Find me some black jeans, Link. And a spiky leather jacket.”
“I’ll see what I can find, Sir.”
Ding! Ding, ding!
My mobile is going off. I pick up the device and unlock it automatically.
It’s 2063, a lot of people have fully switched over to the microchip implant that allows them to access the smart device in their brain with a mere thought. But there are just as many, like my parents and myself, mistrustful of body hacking, who prefer to keep our devices in our hands, where they can be set down at any moment, and forgotten about till we’re good and ready. Not all of us want our lord and savior Elon Musk hacking our every thought and piloting our meat suit.
[3 Unread Messages from S. Herbie.]
I grin. That didn’t take him long.
- Herbie: heyy austen
- Herbie: hey
- Herbie: hhey
McConsoleKing: Hey. What’s up?
- Herbie: you acctually responded T_Ti thought for sure youd ignor me
McConsoleKing: Well I’m in a good mood.
- Herbie: icant beleve I have an actual frend irl my parents will b so proudd
McConsoleKing: Good for you. Hey, I forgot it’s my grandpa’s birthday tonight. We’ll be staying over so I won’t be able to come into TC for 24 hrs. But I bought him a helmet and I’m hoping I’ll be able to convince him to play, so maybe we’ll get a new guild member.
- Herbie: thhats great! ask him if he has 2 more frindsw hod want to join!
McConsoleKing: He’s my grandpa, how many friends do you think he has?
- Herbie: at least 1 good one! :-*
“Come on, man,” I say, embarrassed as I back out of the conversation. Before I leave the messaging app, my phone prompts me.
[Accept friend request from S. Herbie?]
[Yes.]
[Friends online: 1/1]
I catch my reflection in the phone’s dark screen, grinning like an idiot.
Guess I have an actual (sort of) irl friend now.
My parents will be so proud.