Stupid and I meandered our way back to the store, taking our time enjoying the sites - the deep blue of the sky, the soft warmth of the sun.
Yeah. We didn’t meander at all. I would have liked to meander.
Stupid sprinted the entire way, ears flailing every which way and the occasional screech about sneezing if someone got in her way.
She was entirely too excited to get back and start the next delivery.
And didn’t have the heart to tell her there wasn’t another delivery.
So of course, I was forced to keep up.
We made it back in record time, Stupid happily bouncing at the door and waiting for me to open it.
It was kind of endearing that she couldn’t reach the doorknob.
Not for lack of trying, of course.
I took a moment to catch my breath.
“Stupid, how are you not out of breath?” I gasped, sweat dripping from my brow.
Stupid continued bouncing in place, her ears flapping erratically.
“Stupid doesn’t know how to be out of breath! Stupid will try next time!” she exclaimed, looking ridiculously excited at the prospect of being out of breath.
The blow to my self-esteem was immense.
Sighing, I opened the door, letting Stupid slip in before me.
The store creaked a groan in greeting. I patted the door jam back.
“The scarf I bought is cursed,” I overheard a lady complaining as we walked back through the door.
Are you freaking serious right now? was my first thought.
You bought it from a goblin shop, was the second.
I did end up doing a double take upon realizing the lady was a talking skunk.
A giant talking skunk. Standing on her hind legs.
In a pink dress with a handbag.
An absolutely giant pink hat, and pearls.
It wasn’t my problem though, so I just shrugged and kept going.
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“And why do you think that?” Vaarg asked, smiling politely.
Smiling.
Politely.
Oh boy, he must be very mad.
“It screams whenever I put it on,” the customer sneered, her voice as nasally as I would expect from someone trying to return something to a shop such as ours.
Stupid left my side, happily skipping over to the counter - one of her ears whacking the lady in the back.
“Is not cursed!” Stupid trilled as she continued to skip past without slowing. “Is working!”
The Skunkessa looked morbidly offended. “What do you mean it’s working,” she screeched after her.
Stupid stopped to look at her quizzically.
“You is stinky. Stupid would scream, too!” she chirped.
Then she flounced down Aisle Twelve like the little train-wreck she was.
The lady looked at Vaarg.
“Welp, there you have it,” he said, matter-of-factly. “Now get out.”
And he shooed her out the door.
“Why, how dare -,“ was all she managed to get out before Vaarg slammed the door behind her.
Honestly, she didn’t realize how lucky she really was. The last lady who tried to return something was still missing.
Along with her receipt.
“Delivery go well?” Vaarg asked, clearing his throat and gazing at me over his clipboard.
“Uh…yea?” I responded, thinking of the pulverized package.
“Good, good,” Vaarg nodded, taking a sip of his ever present goo and sinking behind his clipboard.
“You are becoming useful faster than I expected,” he finished, waddling back to his counter.
Now normally, I would just shrug the backhanded compliment off for what it was.
A grumpy old goblin incapable of being nice.
But for some reason, it just really got under my skin today. Maybe it was the delivery. Maybe it was because I had AP duty coming up. Either way, I felt the blood rushing up my neck and to my ears.
“Excuse -“ I began, turning to face Vaarg.
“BEEG! I HAS EET!” Stupid screeched, careening back down the Aisle, package in tow.
“We has another delivery, Beeg!”
She skidded to a stop before me, holding up the package.
“It was in Stupid’s work cubby!” She gasped, eyes full of joyful tears. “Today eez the first time Boss puts works in Stupid’s cubby! And Boss gives TWO! Two Beeg! Boss trusts Stupid with two deliveries! Boss thinks Stupid is useful! Stupid is SO HAPPY!” She cried.
Dang it if I didn’t see a faint smile on Vaarg’s face as he peeked over his clipboard.
“Boss! Thanks you! Thanks you so much!” Stupid gasped, turning to stare at Vaarg with adoration.
“Mm, well - ok yes, just get out of here,” he groused, clearly uncomfortable.
By the Ancients.
He was blushing. Genuinely blushing, his old warted green face the color of overcooked spinach.
And I could see he knew I knew.
Now that - that was better than anything I could have said.
“Let’s go Stupid,” I said with a flourish, keeping perfect eye contact with Vaarg as I backed out the door. He looked absolutely mortified.
Stupid and I both left.
Me? I left with a very Beeg smile.

