Och, laddies and lassies, gather round the wheel.

  It’s Payday Friday, that glorious day when the wee man in the big chair finally remembers we exist and tosses us a few crumbs from the royal treasury.

  Murray here.

  Still in me kilt.

  Still judging ye lot from the top of the cheese block.

  And still absolutely gobsmacked at the price of a decent cheddar.

  I went to the shops yesterday...yes, I went meself, because apparently humans can’t be trusted with cheese selection anymore.

  One small block of aged sharp. Four quid. FOUR.

  Last year it was two-fifty.

  The year before that? One-eighty.

  That’s not inflation, that’s robbery with an extra mature rind.

  The news is screaming about “sticky inflation” and the Fed “holding rates steady” like they’re doing us a favor.

  Sticky? Aye, sticky like the residue on me whiskers after a good gouda binge.

  Meanwhile the suits in Washington are debating whether 4.3% is “transitory” or “structural” while me grocery bill looks like a war crime.

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  And don’t get me started on the “strong dollar.”

  Strong for who? Not the rat trying to buy a wheel of brie without selling a kidney.

  So here’s me tally for Payday Friday:

  Paycheck arrived: +10 points

  Rent due tomorrow: -8 points

  Cheese price increase since January: -15 points

  The knowledge that I’m still cuter than every banker in the world: +∞? points

  Net score: still positive. Barely.

  But I’m not worried.

  I’ve got a plan.

  It involves a very large mousetrap, a small loan from Omnion, and the complete deregulation of the international cheese market.

  You laugh now.

  But when the Great Cheddar Rebellion? begins, you’ll wish you’d listened to the rat in the kilt.

  Until next time, hoard your crumbs and guard your gouda.

  —Murray

  Chief Executive Whisker of Economic Commentary?

  High Commissioner of Dairy Policy?

  Bearer of the Plaid Kilt?

  Not for sale?. (But I’ll consider a sponsorship deal if the cheese is right.)

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