For a brief second, all the gathered goblins stared down at their dead comrade in confusion.

  

  ACHIEVEMENT: The Long Coin Toss!

  Congratulations, you just killed a goblin by means of a ricochet that traveled so high into the sky it had ample time to reflect on its life and begin listing an extensive catalog of regrets. The coin had enough travel time to conduct a little self-therapy and get over its issues. It enjoyed a scenic holiday, saw the world, came back, and still hated goblins enough to finish the job.

  ACHIEVEMENT REWARD: Battle Fortune + 1

  >> KILL REWARD: 15 Belch Bucks

  Pete tried to send the reward to Coop as quickly as possible, but he was sure that at least a few of the goblins had seen him. Fortunately, the death of the hapless Gremick was occupying their attention, as was the supposed origin of the attack that had killed him.

  “Shoots the skies!” one of the goblins screeched as, one by one, each of the goblins with firearms began rolling dice.

  The dice in question were housed inside small metal cages hanging from chains around their necks, which themselves had the shape of a twenty-sided die. The base of each was perfectly flat and dark, whereas the other sides were all see-through, allowing each goblin to shake them up and then hold the object still to see which way the dice rolled.

  One after the other, as soon as the results were in, they began firing their weapons skyward, shouting and cursing at the imaginary enemy while Pete moved through their ranks, heading straight for Craig. The little goblin looked like he was barely conscious. Heavy spikes had been driven into his wrists and ankles, and his limbs had been spread apart painfully. Pete could see dried blood trailing from the wounds and bright green drip marks against the wooden wheel where the goblin had bled.

  “Jesus,” he muttered, moving close to one of the goblin’s ankles and examining the end of the spike.

  There were a few inches of solid steel poking out, but when Pete tried to pull the metal spike free, it wouldn’t budge. As far as he could see, there was only one way Craig was getting off that wheel, and it was going to be incredibly painful.

  [Sam] What’s the hold-up?!

  [Pete] Can’t get him off. We’re gonna have to take care of these bastards first and hope that one of these stray bullets doesn’t finish him off.

  [Sam] Okay, let’s do it then!

  [Pete] Remember, make it spectacular.

  [Sam] I’ll do my best.

  Craig groaned, his head slumping. The little goblin winced in pain as a stray coin hit the ground and bounced off at a sharp angle, scoring a nick across Craig’s abdomen, which immediately started to bleed.

  “Fuck!” Pete barked, turning around and taking in the mad scene unfolding in front of him.

  Any goblin with a firearm had exuberantly fired their weapon into the sky in the hopes of attacking the invisible sky enemy that had killed one of their kin. The area was consequently filled with the blast of gunfire and the screaming of bloodthirsty Dice Barons.

  True to Pete’s experience with his looted weapon, there were a variety of attacks that related directly to the dice roll each goblin had made prior to shooting. Some fired a single shot. Some experienced the frustration of a misfiring weapon, followed by burned fingers, unexpected flashbangs, and violent expletives. Others who were more successful in their roles fired a stream of coins skyward.

  The end result of all this crazed activity was a virtual torrent of lethal coins falling from the sky a short while after the initial onslaught. The projectiles fell hard, bouncing off the ground, cutting through goblin flesh, or ricocheting off armor plating. Those goblins lucky enough to be armored were provided some protection against the onslaught, but many wore only light leather armor or no armor at all.

  Hot green blood sprayed all over the place as the crazed goblins continued to fire and shout at the sky.

  [Pete] Fuck! If they keep this up, they’ll kill themselves before we get a chance to do it!

  [Sam] You need to get in there!

  [Pete] I’ll get torn apart!

  [Coop] Hush, children. Coop is here to save the day.

  The little ferret came charging into the fray, a shimmering blue shield surrounding her body as she headed for the thickest knot of goblins, still firing their weapons skyward. Her ward burst as she lunged into the group, exploding with enough force to drive back a group of goblins and alert the others that the enemy was in their midst.

  Coop immediately triggered her second shield ability as a nearby Pit Boss swung his club at her head. A stream of coins flowed out from the impact point, adding to the chaos of the scene as fast-moving coins now fell from the sky, were shot from projectile weapons, and poured from Coop’s body like someone had just won the jackpot.

  Pete was already running when Wolfy appeared beside Coop, lunging at a goblin that was just about to stab the ferret and ripping its throat out in one savage movement. The hellhound’s eyes glowed even brighter red as it lunged at the next closest goblin, who tried to put up a defense too late and got his arm chewed off as a result.

  Still hidden, Pete used the opportunity to close in on a group of enemies with their backs to him and started hacking away with his hobgoblin machete. The weapon was still too heavy and somewhat unwieldy to use, but its extra heft made it utterly devastating against the smaller enemies, cutting through flesh and light armor with equal ease.

  He tried to fight as spectacularly as possible, but that wasn’t easy to do when surrounded by dozens of crazed goblins. The moment he cut one of them down, another two lunged forward, weapons in hand, dice rolling. He’d thought, naively, that the need to roll dice before every new attack would slow the goblins down, but each dice roll seemed to work them into a frenzy as though it gave them strength, as though they were blessed by their gambling god.

  What made the Dice Barons harder to fight was the sheer unpredictable nature of their attacks, governed as they were by the dice. One moment, Pete expected a slash from a knife, but then the attacking goblin suddenly pulled out a club or a pistol, or a kettle, or any number of strange objects determined by the dice and attacked.

  Initially, Pete had been trying to use his stealth ability to his advantage, but he soon found that not being seen by the Dice Barons actually made it harder to hit them, as their focus was just as chaotic as their attacks, and they were being drawn away from Pete. After a few seconds, a sharp upward swing of his machete carved through the body of one of the gun-toting greenskins, and Pete decided to stay visible in the hope that it would draw enemies towards him.

  

  >> KILL REWARDS: 10 Belch Bucks

  Now visible, Pete quickly caught the attention of a bunch of surrounding enemies and triggered his Pauper’s Ward as he swung his machete in a powerful slash. He kicked and swiped, sometimes using the blade like a club and resorting to his fists on other occasions.

  When he was wrong-footed by slipping on the innards of one of the dead goblins, he sent his machete to his inventory in order to stop from inadvertently cutting his own throat and hit the ground hard just as a goblin with a bright red six-sided dice tattooed on his forehead landed on top of him.

  The little guy was fierce and seemed to be trying to bite Pete’s face off with rows of needle-sharp teeth. As Pete grabbed the creature around the throat, he realized that the System hadn’t been completely forthright with the description it had given of the Dice Barons. It seemed that they didn’t just use the dice hanging around their necks to determine what kind of attack they should use with their chosen weapon, but to determine a wide range of factors with each attack.

  Some stripped their helmets from their heads; others took off their shoes before attacking. Some pummeled with fists, shot, stabbed, spat, or tried to lick the enemy to death. One of the nearby goblins appeared to be attempting to fart at Coop while simultaneously shooting his rifle backward over his shoulder. Needless to say, the ploy didn’t work, and Coop ended up savaging the farting greenskin to death mid-toot.

  Pete tried to fight the goblins in the most inventive way he could, but it was simply too hard to predict what they were going to do next, and the best he could manage was bloody slaughter.

  Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

  

  >> KILL REWARD: 15 Belch Bucks

  >> KILL REWARD: 15 Belch Bucks

  The notifications kept scrolling past his display one after the other, to the point where he mentally clicked the mute icon next to them just to stop the distraction. He kept fighting, noticing Coop and Wolfy holding their own while Sam threw sorcery at the frantic goblins from a distance.

  The goblin numbers were thinning dramatically, and Pete was worried they’d clear the whole group without getting close to the required ten achievements. He also noticed that several of the goblins hesitated when they saw him, opting to fight Coop or the wolf rather than attacking Pete. He guessed that was because of his fearsome status, or maybe just his sheer size compared to the other two, but either way, it made it even more difficult to fight the enemy.

  “Screw this!” he blurted, transferring his money to Coop and twisting the oversized machete around in his hand as his stealth ability kicked in.

  They were running out of time, and he needed to do something unexpected, something spectacular, but everything was happening so fast he couldn’t think clearly. Going for instinct rather than planning, he walked up to the closest goblin and gripped the machete with a two-handed baseball grip he’d used during his junior varsity years. Pete had never been the best baseball player, but he could sure as hell swing a bat.

  He twisted, throwing all of his weight into the swing as the non-cutting edge of the blade flew through the air, aiming for the goblin’s head like a ball on a tee.

  

  >> TEMPORARY COMBAT BUFF: Seventh Inning Smackdown

  Your next melee strike gains +12 strength, +60% strike force, a +20% critical strike chance.

  >> BETTING SURGE TRIGGERED!

  Pete had no time to read or understand the notification, but he felt a thrill of strength through his arms as he swung. The blow connected with the back of the goblin’s head. The weapon hit with so much force that it didn’t knock the goblin’s head off so much as it broke the creature’s neck and launched its skull out of its skin and into the air. The skull flew through the air, smacking into the back of another goblin and flying sky high while managing to scream the whole time despite lacking the necessary organic faculties to do so.

  Pete watched the skull as it drifted all the way across to the other side of the impromptu arena and cleared the car wall.

  

  >> ACHIEVEMENT: Upper Deck Decapitation

  Congratulations! You just smacked a goblin’s skull so hard it cleared the bleachers, soared over three imaginary hot dog vendors, and is currently being signed by fans in the nosebleed seats. Was it skill? Raw power? Or just the goblin’s head being unusually aerodynamic? Doesn’t matter—what matters is that you’ve made history in the Goblin League of Poor Life Choices.

  ACHIEVEMENT REWARD: 2 Attribute Points!

  >> KILL REWARD: 50 Belch Bucks

  “What the fuck was that, Nero?!” Pete blurted, shifting his coins to Coop again and ducking back as one of the larger goblins tried to crush his skull with a studded mace.

  [Nero] I believe you successfully gained another achievement. With four down, you only need to acquire an additional six in order to complete your current quest.

  “Not that! The Combat Buff thing. Where the hell did that come from?”

  [Nero] Ah, I see. Well, from time to time, when it suits the System, it may provide temporary buffs to your performance. Typically, these relate to what might be termed ‘clutch’ moments in a fight or some spectacular feat. In this instance, I believe that the Mammon System was intrigued by your desire to knock that Dice Baron’s head off in a similar fashion to a game your people favor. Baseball, I believe it is commonly termed.

  Pete sliced through another two enemies, kicking a third while it was rolling battle dice and sending it hurtling to the ground.

  “So, the System is trying to make the moment more exciting by adding a buff?”

  [Nero] Or a debuff, depending on what will get the strongest reaction from the viewers. In this case, allowing you to fulfill your desire of hitting a ‘home run’ was more advantageous to the System than stifling the attempt. If the System calculated that the viewers would have been more interested in seeing you fail, however, it would likely have added a Strength or hit chance debuff. In this case, the novelty of this baseball game likely added to your chance of receiving a buff. The viewers were intrigued by the image drawn from your brain in the moments just before the strike.

  “Baseball? That’s what got me the bonus?!”

  [Nero] While time seemed to pass at the normal rate for you, Pete, the feeds always experience a certain delay. On occasion, the System uses that delay to provide key information to viewers. The higher their paid subscription level, the more information viewers are given access to. Those with a basic package may have been provided only a brief glimpse of the baseball game and a short text description drawn from your memory and the archives taken from Earth’s history. Those with moderate-level subscriptions might have actually been able to view footage from several baseball games while being given an in-depth explanation of the rules and history of the game itself.

  Pete nodded as he dropkicked a nearby goblin and narrowly missed getting stabbed in the back by another.

  “I get the picture. The big spenders get a much more detailed package.”

  [Nero] Exactly. You may have noticed that a Betting Surge was triggered at the same time as the debuff. This signals to all Dominion citizens currently watching the contest that they are able to bet on the outcome of a certain action or activity. In this case, viewers were able to bet on the likely outcomes of your baseball-style attack, choosing one of the following options:

  

  >> Goblin’s head explodes

  >> Goblin’s entire body is catapulted forward

  >> Blade slices through the goblin’s head without projecting the skull forward in any way

  >> Goblin’s head is dislodged but lands inside the playing field

  >> Goblin’s head is hit for a ‘home run’

  >> Goblin’s skull is ripped from its head and lands inside the playing field

  >> Goblin’s skull is ripped from its head and lands beyond the wall

  “And all that happened in the split second before I hit the little bastard?”

  [Nero] It did indeed. While only a millisecond passed for you, viewers had a full five minutes to make or adjust their bets, and this was after the initial information session provided by the System, which can range from thirty seconds to three hours. Needless to say, a lot of citizens both won and lost a great deal of money on the back of your actions. That is perhaps why the System rewarded you with two Attribute points.

  “Damn. Okay, I guess that makes sense in a sick way.”

  [Nero] You should note that these are precisely the same kinds of buffs and debuffs that sponsors will be able to apply once you have made it past the Novice Arena. They are prohibitively expensive, so it is still relatively rare for sponsored buffs or debuffs to be applied, but the more popular or hated you are, the more likely you will be to encounter them.

  Something cut through the air with a loud screech, and Pete turned to see several of the cars that had been dragged together to form the arena walls shudder under the impact. A massive figure thudded into the circle, and as Pete ducked back behind a pair of fighting goblins, the hobgoblin’s features came into focus.

  The first thing he noticed was the jacket—a wide, purple suede number that gleamed even in the harsh afternoon sun, stitched with gaudy golden dice that seemed to wink at him with every sway. The hobgoblin swaggered forward, scowling heavily, though the expression barely matched the absurdity of his ensemble.

  On his head sat a wide-brimmed purple pimp hat, tilted at a rakish angle, its feathers bent and faded but somehow still flamboyant. Dice-shaped earrings clinked from his pointed green ears with each step. Beneath the jacket, a garish silk shirt fanned out in frills and folds, stained with blood, oil, and other unidentifiable substances. A gold chain glinted around his thick neck, littered with tiny dice charms that rattled with every exaggerated motion.

  He held a huge club in one hand, with one side black and the other white. Each side of the club was studded with dice of the opposing color, and the weapon stood a little taller than Pete, radiating menace.

  

  >> MINI BOSS: Count Filsworthy Crappshoot

  LEVEL: Novice Elite Enemy

  TYPE: Hobgoblin

  DESCRIPTION:

  Count Filsworthy Crappshoot is the flamboyant, dangerous leader of the Dice Barons. A towering hobgoblin with red-tinged skin and jagged tusks, he strides into the arena wearing a tattered Regency-style purple coat embroidered with golden dice. His frilly, stained shirt and powdered fop wig, comically small against his hulking frame, clink with dice-shaped earrings at every exaggerated movement. In his massive hands, he wields The Fortune Breaker, a two-handed die mace, each engraved face infused with chaotic fortunes and curses. Every roll he makes could bring ruin or reward, for himself or his enemies.

  +| Primary Damage Type: Bludgeoning (Die Mace)

  +| Secondary Damage Type: Arcane / Luck-Based (Dice Effects)

  +| SPECIAL ABILITIES:

  Gambler’s Roll: At the start of each round, Count Crappshoot rolls a giant d20. Outcomes vary:

  >> 1–5: Self-Damage / Coin Loss

  >> 6–15: Standard Attack (+125% Bludgeoning Damage)

  >> 16–19: Coinstorm – Critical area-effect coin barrage

  >> 20: Jackpot Roll – Summons spectral dice that batter all enemies on the battlefield.

  Hobgoblin Swagger (Passive): Intimidates opponents, increasing their chance to miss critical strikes.

  House Always Wins (Passive): Chance to generate coins from attacks, even when no loot is carried.

  +| UNIQUE LOOT:

  >> Dice of Misfortune (Rare Accessory): A miniature, enchanted die. Rolling it in combat can trigger random effects, from healing to minor explosions.

  >> Fortune’s Frills (Rare Armor): Fragment of Crappshoot’s frilled shirt and coat. Grants +10% Critical Avoidance and a +5% chance to avoid trap effects.

  >> Coincatcher Mace Shard (Rare Weapon Component): Reforged from a face of The Fortune Breaker. Adds +5% Arcane Luck Damage to melee strikes.

  [Sam] Shit! Where the hell did this guy come from?

  [Pete] You didn’t see him coming?

  [Sam] Been kind of busy!

  Pete looked up, spotting Sam still standing on the edge of the rooftop at the edge of the mall car park. She was standing with her hands outstretched, strands of dark power spreading out from her fingers and into the bodies of four goblins that were hovering several feet off the floor, racked with pain as the life was drawn out of them by potent spellwork.

  The bodies dropped lifeless to the floor as Sam released the spell.

  [Sam] I’m heading down.

  [Pete] Got it! We still need a bunch more achievements, but these little guys are dropping like flies.

  [Sam] Do we keep some of them alive?

  “I sees yous little mucky muck!” a voice boomed above the din, drawing Pete’s attention to the huge hobgoblin.

  The High Roller was grinning, displaying a golden grill which glistened with diamonds. Staring directly at Pete and seemingly oblivious to the suffering of his fellow Dice Barons, Count Filsworthy Crappshoot pulled a large twenty-sided die from his jacket and held it out in front. The die glistened with gold and silver, each facet featuring a different symbol.

  While he couldn’t clearly make out most of the symbols, the one he could see showed a vivid black and white skull screaming, not unlike the hapless goblin who’s head he’d knocked off moments earlier. The eight-foot Hobgoblin twirled the huge dice in his hand, grinning manically.

  “Yous feelin’ lucky, mucky muck?!”

  He threw the die before Pete could respond, sending it up into the air, light glistening off its spinning corners.