The blade struck with impressive force, the additional strength, critical strike chance, and luck transforming what would have been a moderately damaging swing into something much more devastating. Sparks flew at the impact point as the machete sliced through metal, severing the enemy's blade so that it fell towards the ground. The whirring blade fell in a haphazard manner; however, its momentum carried it sharply to the right and caused it to hover like a drone before slicing through a nearby Rider, mangling the vehicle as its goblin rider was thrown into the air, screeching in a panic.
Pete circled around the elite enemy, moving too fast for the robotic form to match, and drove the tip of his machete into its back, hoping that his additional strength would give the thrust enough force to penetrate the armored shell and pierce the core within. Filled with the enhanced qualities of the Blood Overdraft, he successfully pierced the outer armor of the enemy, but the elite unit twisted before he could shove the blade right through its center, sending the strike wide.
Green energy snaked out of the wound Pete’s strike had made in the metal plating, shocking his arm and scorching the skin on the back of his right hand as he wrenched the blade backward. He caught a glimpse of what he presumed was the core at the center of the robot, damaged but not yet destroyed, as it sent threads of electrical power out of the wound, snapping at the air.
There was no time to press his advantage as the other two Riders came in from the sides, blades whirring. They struck in unison, but he was moving so quickly that Pete was able to shift out of harm's way, kicking out at one of the enemies while he spun and thrust his machete through the chest piece of a second. This time his aim was true, and he drove the blade in with enough force to pierce the core at the center of the robot’s chest.
Once more, green power flared and spat out from the wound, but this time with a much more powerful burst that slashed at Pete's face, burning his skin and forcing him to twist away as a sudden flare of blinding light tore across his vision. He wrenched the machete out as the Elite Noob Rider imploded, its outer casing crumpling inwards as though the punctured core had given way to a miniature black hole. Again and again, its metal plates were sucked inwards as it staggered back, words spitting mechanically from its mouth.
“Containment error! Fatal damage detected!”
Pete heard the dying enemy’s words but was temporarily blinded by the flare of light that had spilled out of the damaged core. He stumbled backward, moving into the path of another attacker whose blade cut into his side, goring a jagged wound through his abdomen before he could tear himself free.
He spun around, knowing somewhere in the back of his mind that he should immediately use a medkit to heal the damage and bring himself back to full health, but he did not do so. Instead, he struck out at the enemy, swinging the huge machete with his increased strength, the intoxicating sensation of overwhelming energy and rage thudding through his head with every beat of his heart.
The blade carved through the thick armor plating around the Elite Noob Rider’s neck, sending sparks flying, its cutting edge surrounded by a dull crimson light as though the berserker ability now extended to the weapon itself. Pete could feel the keen edge of the blade cut through metal and wiring as it sliced through the enemy’s neck and shot out the other side, sending the head flying.
Unfortunately, the wound did nothing to stop the robot’s attack as it thrust a spear into his body, piercing his chest a moment before Pete reacted by twisting away from the attack and bringing his machete upward in a rapid arc that sliced through the metal spear like it was made from balsa wood.
>> HEAVY BLADED WEAPONRY PROFICIENCY +3
>> PAIN TOLERANCE PROFICIENCY +2
>> STAMINA PROFICIENCY +1
As with the previous time he’d triggered the Blood Overdraft ability, Pete felt the pain of each injury keenly. Yet that pain didn’t slow or impede his fighting. On the contrary, each stab and blow gave him a jolt of energy, providing focus and increased strength as he swung his machete like an expert sword dancer.
When he’d first picked up the weapon, he’d had to hold it with two hands just to wield the weight with any degree of precision. With his Blood Overdraft ability in full swing, however, it felt as light as a feather and moved through the air like it weighed nothing at all.
>> KILL REWARD: 50 Belch Bucks
Pete didn’t bother clearing away the money as he spun around and thrust the edge of the machete into the first Rider he had wounded. As before, when the blade cut into the core at the robot’s center, light and scalding energy erupted from the wound, scorching his arm as he pulled the blade free. Crackling energy snaked its way up his shoulder, biting like a living creature as he spun around and thrust the blade into the headless Rider at his rear.
>> KILL REWARD: 50 Belch Bucks
[Sam] Shit! Pete, the elites aren’t following me anymore! Looks like they’re coming back to you!
Pete was vaguely aware of someone messaging him, but as he swung the machete at the headless foe, he couldn’t think of any reason why that would be the case. Consumed by the fire of battle and bleeding from half a dozen serious wounds, he felt unstoppable. As he dealt the death blow to the third Elite Noob Rider, he caught sight of three new figures that had jumped up into the air, diving over the rear section of the Fleshcycle with spinning swords out front.
[Sam] Pete?! What’s going on?! Coop, can you see him?
[Coop] He’s gone mad again! It’s that damned berserker rage!
The words meant nothing to Pete. They were little more than a pestering buzz in the back of his mind as he finished off the last of the first three elite enemies.
>> KILL REWARD: 50 Belch Bucks
He spun around, blood spraying from his torso and arms, spit frothing in his mouth as he did what was likely the stupidest thing he could possibly have done. Pete dropped his machete into his inventory and charged, weaponless, towards the three new enemies.
[Nero] Pete! You should not attempt to—
Before the AI could finish the warning, Pete had thundered into the closest approaching elite, somehow stepping inside the robot’s whirring blade and wrongfooting the enemy by the sheer stupid audacity of the attack. It may have been his increased luck or simply the speed and strength with which he fought, but the Eliter Noob Rider moved too slowly to intercept the lunging human.
Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
Pete beat against the robot’s chest with bloody knuckles, driving the elite to the ground as the other two enemies attempted to cut him to shreds. He pummeled the enemy, dinting the thick metal plate and bending it at the edges so that it was possible for Pete to grab the plating with his bare hands and attempt to rip the metal sheets from the robot’s body.
[Coop] He’s gonna kill himself, and I can’t get to him!
[Nero] Pete! Your berserker ability is about to end. You must use a medkit if you hope to survive the encounter.
[Sam] Fuck! I can’t reach him either!
Pete was halfway through ripping the front plate off the prone enemy, his back being carved into by the two other Riders as the Blood Overdraft suddenly ended. It felt like being hit by a jackhammer. His arms, hands, back, torso, chest, shoulders—a thousand different injuries raised their complaints as he was tossed aside by one of the elites at his rear, blood streaming from the wounds on his back as he tumbled onto the ground nearby.
A flash of blue light filled the area as Pete hunched over, trying desperately to stand, his vision blurred, mind reeling. His thoughts were clouded, the memory of the past ten seconds seeming like a dream from another time.
Something punched him in the side, and he saw a blur of white fur come into view, a medkit in her jaw, which she promptly slammed against his leg. The little ferret slammed the side of her head against the button on top of the medkit, and Pete felt a rush of vitality course through his body as a shimmering golden shield surrounded Coop.
Coins streamed from her back as two of the Elite Noob Riders attacked in unison, their whirling blades cutting into the shield and sending hundreds of Belch Bucks flying. Pete pulled the machete from his inventory as he got to his feet and batted at one of the enemies before rolling out of the path of a spear thrust from the second elite.
>> DODGE PROFICIENCY +1
In contrast to the strength and effortless combat ability he had experienced a moment earlier, swinging the machete now felt like he was throwing around half a ton of dull steel. The swing was hard enough to deflect the enemy thrust, and it gave Coop and Pete a few seconds to duck out of the way before all three Elite Noob Riders surrounded them, blades whirring.
They struck in unison a moment after Pete triggered his Pauper’s Ward, grabbing Coop and diving for a gap in the attack before rolling on the ground and badly scraping his shoulder. As he came up into a run, he threw Coop into the air, the sound of blades whirring and mechanical spear thrusts coming from behind the pair.
>> DODGE PROFICIENCY +1
“Thanks for saving my ass!” Pete shouted as he followed Coop and tried to create some distance between them and the pursuing enemies.
“You’ll be able to return the favor soon enough,” she shouted back, looking over her shoulder at the three robotic forms. “Why the hell did you use that berserker nonsense again?”
“I didn’t have any other option! They can see through my stealth, and I can’t use the bow up close.”
He shifted his weight to the left as a spear thrust cut through the air and nearly drove through his torso.
“Fuck! I’m gonna have to do it again too unless we can figure out another way to—”
“I SEES YOU MUCKY MUCK!” Coin Lord Grindle’s voice boomed throughout the intersection. “I SEES YOUS BREAKIN’ MY TOYS AND NOW I GOTS TA BREAKIN’ YOUS!”
Once more, the Gatling guns whirred to life and started spraying the area with warped Belch Bucks as Pete and Coop darted left and right, weaving between parked cars in an effort to survive the deadly torrent. They were about to reach the relative safety of an upturned vehicle when hot oil sprayed out onto the ground surrounding them, making the surface of the road instantly so slick that Pete slid off balance and fell to the ground while Coop lost her footing and slid forward.
>> ACHIEVEMENT: Banana Peel Gambit!
Congratulations! You just followed in the path of slapstick legends by doing the old slip on a banana peel routine, right in the middle of a fight to the death! Some might call it mind-numbingly stupid. Others might call it downright insane. But you have to admit, it’s entertaining!
Now, all you have to do is work in one of those fake flowers that shoot water or a never-ending scarf, and your journey to clownhood will be nearly complete!
ACHIEVEMENT REWARD: 1 x Super Slick Banana Peel (Creates a 6-foot radius slick zone that lasts for 10 seconds and causes any nearby enemies to fall prone).
The oil slick saved Pete’s life, forcing him to the ground just as a hail of bullets passed overhead, ripping through the air with lethal speed. The second he hit the ground and picked up the achievement, Pete pulled out his newly acquired Super Slick Banana Peel and threw it down behind him.
The three Elite Noob Riders skidded on the road as a holographic banana peel the size of a parachute spread out behind Pete. They fell in unison, unable to stay upright and falling just as the Gatling guns Coin Lord Grindle had been aiming at Pete shifted focus and scoured the ground.
The Elite Noob Riders shook and rattled as they were peppered by coin projectiles from the Fleshcycle’s Gatling guns. Bullets flew in all directions, bouncing off the asphalt, ricocheting off nearby cars, and tearing through Pete’s body as he struggled to crawl out of danger, with Coop slipping up ahead.
One of the Elite Noob Riders exploded as its outer shell was ripped apart, exposing the core inside and destroying it in under a second. The resulting explosion threw the other enemies skyward and propelled Pete and Coop ahead so that they slid on the slick ground and scrambled behind a station wagon, which was lying on its side, windows shattered, and body already shot through with bullet holes.
Pete pulled a medkit from his inventory and slammed it into his chest, gritting his teeth against the pain as blood poured from half a dozen wounds that the Coin Lord’s guns had made.
“YOUS MAKE ME BREAKING MY TOYS, MUCKY MUCK!” the brute blasted through the speakers on his Fleshcycle. “I GOTTA MUCK YOU UP REAL GOOD NOW!”
Coop moved in close, huddling beside Pete. He looked her over, noting the flecks of blood in her fur.
[Pete] You need a medkit?
[Coop] No, I think this is your blood. Somehow I got out of that okay.
They both ducked down low as a line of coin bullets cut through the upper side of the car, ripping through the metal and flying off into the night. The vehicle bucked and shook behind them as Coin Lord Grundle’s voice boomed.
“I IS GONNA MAKE THE SQUISHY SQUISH WIF YOUS NOGGINS! GONNA SQUISH ‘EM UP REAL GOOD!”
The gunfire continued as Pete and Coop hunched down, shielding themselves as best they could.
[Pete] We can’t stay here! We need to get out of range of those guns.
[Coop] And how in the hell do you suppose we do that?
Pete was about to reply when the blaring of the guns suddenly stopped. The sound of loud curses came from the Fleshcycle as one of the guns spluttered and hissed loudly.
“MUCKY MUCKING…STOOPID BLAM BLAMS!”
The hobgoblin boss roared his displeasure as Pete edged around the side of the car and peered around, hoping to check whether the guns had stopped altogether and they could make a run for it. He saw Coin Lord Grindle standing with half of one of the guns in one hand, shaking it back and forth like a street thug shaking down a mark for money. The hobgoblin threw the gun, sending it cannoning into a nearby Noob Rider who was consequently knocked off his ride and sent tumbling head over ass on the road while the bike turned and hit another Rider head-on.
Pete ducked back. “Now’s our chance,” he said, pointing off to the surrounding night. “Run for it before—”
The sound of something like a giant chain falling from a great height reached Pete before he finished talking. That sound was accompanied by the noise of metal being torn as something grabbed the car they were huddled behind and wrenched it up into the air, tossing the vehicle right over the top of the Fleshcyle and out of sight.
Pete turned to see Coin Lord Grindle standing up in the front cabin of his Fleshcycle, a long, thick chain running from the side of the vehicle. The big brute punched a button on his dashboard, and a huge metal spear shot out of the side of the huge vehicle, shooting directly towards Pete so fast that the best he could manage was to stand and turn.
Before he’d managed to take a single step, the spear tore through his back, metal barbs flicking outwards after it had shot right out the front of his chest just above the heart. The sound of chains clinking reached him as Pete was wrenched backward, pulled through the air so fast that his feet didn’t even touch the ground.
He saw Coop standing in the middle of the road, her little white features receding at speed as he was dragged towards the Fleshcycle and the death that surely waited for him.