Pete timed his arrival at the battlefield just as his Luck debuff wore off. He’d already moved all of his cash over to Coop’s wallet, pushing him into Insolvency and making him invisible to the enemy.
The night was darker than normal, largely because the street lights that would normally be switched on weren’t functioning. Pete could see the light green tinge of forcefields surrounding residential buildings in the distance, but they produced very little light, so the intersection was dominated by the headlamps and flashing lights on the Noob Rider vehicles and the vast monstrosity that Coin Lord Grindle rode.
The Fleshcyle was a gruesome amalgamation of flesh and metal, its chrome components polished to a high sheen, the tortured human parts that had been fused to the bike red raw where they had been scorched and battered. Like the Noob Rider vehicles, the Fleshcycle screamed with the agony of the poor souls that had been captured in the opening hours of the game and forcibly fused into the gruesome vehicles.
Instead of a single bike structure, the Fleshcycle snaked like a centipede, with a large section up front and a chunky engine that roared and vibrated—human and machine parts hissing steam and screaming in protest each time the vehicle moved. There was a large seat in the first compartment that looked more like a leather-clad throne, and a hulking hobgoblin sat there with his hands placed lazily on the handlebars of the bike.
Large cannon-like barrels surrounded the figure, with bulky ammunition feeders stacked around the front bike compartment. Connected to that were smaller sections with various weaponry such as mounted guns and various flapping flags and banners jutting up out of the structure. Each flag was fashioned from what looked like human clothes that had been stitched together as if the vehicle belonged to some kind of marauding laundry pirate.
It was difficult to make out more than this in the darkness, but the din of terrified, agonized voices, in concert with the roaring of engines and the plumes of steam and exhaust pouring into the air, was enough to send a chill up Pete’s spine.
[Pete] Okay, I’m here.
[Sam] Coop and I are in position too.
[Craig] We are also ready.
[Pete] Alright. I’m gonna get started. Remember, if shit goes bad, get to safety. This thing doesn’t look like it’s gonna be moving far from this location, so if we have to retreat and make a new plan, we can do that. Make sure you keep your medkits handy too.
[Sam] Got it.
[Craig] Understood.
[Nero] I am also ready and willing to assist in any way I can.
[Sam] You mean by not telling us when an enemy is coming right up behind us?
[Nero] I have already apologized for that. My programming does not allow me to—
[Coop] Let’s just do it already. The smell these bastards are giving off is making my eyes water.
[Pete] Okay, here goes.
He notched an arrow and pulled it back, waiting for the charged ability to trigger and aiming for an oncoming Noob Rider. The goblin driver had a bone through his nose that looked suspiciously human in origin, and there were dark tattoos all over his face. The tortured hybrid vehicle he was driving wore a large face that seemed to have been badly distorted during the assembly process. One eye was too far to the left, and its mouth was twisted in horrific fashion so that it looked like the figure was constantly smiling.
Pete took a deep breath, steadying himself, and then releasing the shot just as the Noob Rider came roaring towards him. Before the arrow struck, he started running, heading for a nearby car and ducking down as the arrow burst the goblin Rider’s head apart, showering the area in gore and sending the vehicle screeching sharply to one side as it skidded and came to an unceremonious halt, slamming into a nearby light pole.
>> KILL REWARD: 15 Belch Bucks
The moment the money hit his wallet, Pete transferred it, moving off again as soon as his insolvency status kicked into gear. He loaded another arrow, waiting for one of the nearby Noob Riders to investigate the crash and finding a suitable candidate slowing their approach and calling out to the clearly riderless vehicle that lay on the ground beside the light post.
“Gritter?! Git off ha face, ya mucky muck!” the newcomer blared, laughing as he spoke. “Gritter! Yous hearing me, mucky muck?”
Pete slowly walked a few paces closer to the Noob Rider, shifting to his left to get a clearer view of the figure standing up in his seat and peering over the handlebars of the hybrid vehicle.
“Oi?! Gritter!”
Pete loosed the arrow and pinned the goblin, the charged shot ripping through the creature’s leather armor and driving a piece of oversized coin jewelry into his side. The goblin was consequently shot sideways out of his chair, flying through the air to land a good thirty feet away. He left blood stains behind on the ground as he bounced once, twice, and then slammed into the front spike of an oncoming Noob Rider vehicle, impaling himself on the jutting metal protrusion.
>> KILL REWARD: 15 Belch Bucks
The goblin who had just skewered his comrade turned and spotted Pete a second before he was able to clear out his money and move back into stealth. The figure turned his hybrid around and throttled the vehicle, shouting at the top of his lungs and drawing the attention of several other Riders nearby.
“INTRROODS! WE GOT INTROODS! HOOMAN INTROODS!”
Pete triggered his Coin Toss ability, aiming for the goblin’s head, but managing only to hit the face of the poor human that had been grafted to the vehicle. The pudgy male face sneezed in response as the coin bounced off its nose, and the vehicle wobbled unsteadily, suddenly swerving to the left as Pete swapped the bow for his machete and brought the blade up in a savage cutting arc.
The cutting edge of the machete carved through the goblin Rider so forcefully that it cleaved right through the figure’s side, running up past one hip on a diagonal angle out of the opposite armpit. Blood sprayed outwards as the Rider was cleaved in two, and the bike continued sliding, thudding into the car Pete had been hiding behind a moment earlier.
>> KILL REWARD: 15 Belch Bucks
Pete shifted the coins and ran forward, putting some distance between where he had been a moment earlier so that the oncoming enemies wouldn’t know where he had gone. Three Riders arrived in a rough group, scanning the area in confusion and anger, small Gatling guns mounted in front of their handlebars already whirling in anticipation of a fight.
[Sam] Okay, let’s do this then!
Still holding the machete, Pete heard a distant Rider scream as sparks flew into the night sky on the opposite side of the intersection, confirming that Wolfy and likely Coop had joined the fight. At the center of the area, the huge Fleshcycle began to stir, engine roaring as flames began to pour from the chrome-plated exhausts extending almost vertically from the back of the first section of the vehicle. A piercing voice tore through the air, blasting out of a pair of speaker horns on the front of the Fleshcycle, so loud and at such a painful frequency that it set Pete’s teeth on edge.
“I SEES YOU MUCKY MUCK HOOMANS! I IS GONNA SQUISH YOUS UP AND LET ME BIKE GOBBLE GOBBLE YOUS UNTIL YOUS ALL GONE!”
Still in stealth, Pete grimaced in pain, advancing on the first of the three Riders that had approached to investigate the death of their companion and cut the first and second Rider down with deft sweeps of the machete. He moved so quickly from one to the other that they had no time to defend themselves, even though he was briefly visible for an instant after each kill.
>> KILL REWARD: 30 Belch Bucks
>> STEALTH PROFICIENCY +1
>> BLADED WEAPONRY PROFICIENCY +1
The third goblin fired his handlebar-mounted gun a moment before Pete triggered his Pauper’s Ward and lunged out of the way. Projectiles of scalding hot coins shot from the gatling gun, immediately bursting the ward and then ripping a gash out of Pete’s left shoulder as he resumed his stealth and darted out of the way.
He moved in close, using the angles to his advantage and stepping inside the line of the gatling gun, then used the blade like a bat, slapping the goblin rider across the head so hard that it knocked the goblin’s helmet off and sent it reeling to one side. Pete raised the machete and brought it down in a savage strike, cutting down across the goblin’s arms and sending blood spraying in all directions as the bike sped off, the goblin’s hands still gripping the handlebars.
Pulling sharply to the right, the hybrid vehicle turned in a tight circle, blades jutting from its wheels, carving through the goblin who had fallen as the bike screamed in what Pete suspected was righteous fury.
This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
>> KILL REWARD: 15 Belch Bucks
Sending his coins once more to Coop, Pete started running as Coin Lord Grindle turned his vast vehicle around and blasted the area once more.
“WHO IS THIS ONE? YOUS KILLIN FROM THE HIDY HIDE, HUH MR. MEAT?”
Laughter roared from the bike, and Pete thought he could see the huge hobgoblin figure tracking him as he ran through the near darkness.
“I SEES YOU MUCKY MUCK! YOU DON’T HIDING FROM OLD GRINDLE!”
The sound of engines revving was accompanied by a mechanized spinning sound a moment before the entire area was ripped apart with shrapnel. Huge lugs of flattened Belch Bucks or similar, larger coins, battered the asphalt around Pete and ripped through nearby cars and even a few Noob Riders as the massive gatling guns on the Fleshcycle spun rhythmically.
Chunks of stone were flung in all directions, peppering Pete and cutting through his flesh as he ran for cover but quickly discovered that there was nothing nearby that would shield him from the devastating guns.
“Fuck!” he roared as a coin projectile tore through his shoulder, burrowing into the flesh and spinning him around.
He had just enough time to see a spray of golden bullets heading right towards him as a white shape jumped into the air surrounded by a nimbus of blue light. Instead of tearing him to shreds and abruptly ending his time in the Dominion Ultrimax Contest, the hail of bullets hit Coop’s shield and bounced off, deflected in all directions.
Coop landed in Pete’s arms as he fell back against the ground, bullets flying overhead while he clutched the ferret to his chest.
[Sam] Shit! Hold on!
The bullet fire suddenly stopped as Coin Lord Grindle barked in anger. The unmistakable sound of Wolfy snarling and tearing at flesh was followed by a loud slap and a yelp as the minion was sent hurtling away.
Pete had no time to think, no time to consider his next action. He got to his feet, holding Coop in one hand and, instead of running for the surrounding darkness and attempting to find cover, he ran directly towards the elite boss and his Fleshcycle.
[Coop] What the hell are you doing?!”
[Pete] No point running. He can see through my stealth, so my best chance is just to—
A trio of Noob Riders came roaring towards them, and Pete realized that, while his stealth ability hid him from the Riders, it didn’t extend to the ferret he was currently cradling in one arm. To the goblins, it would have looked like Coop had discovered the ability of flight, and she was using that ability to hover four feet off the air, for some reason.
“Shit!” he cursed as the Riders began opening fire.
Before he could react, Coop leaped from his arms, summoning another shield as she flew towards the enemy goblins. A trail of golden coins burst from the ward and Coop landed on the handlebars of the closest Rider, then jumped up and bit into the goblin’s nose.
Pete kept running, leaving Coop to handle the Riders and trying to find a weak point in Coin Lord Grindle’s defenses. The Fleshcycle bristled with sharp blades and powerful weapons and, as he drew closer, Pete saw that its owner was surrounded by a high metal barrier with razor wire and jagged spikes on its topmost edge.
The front cabin itself stood at twice Pete’s height, so even reaching the hobgoblin boss was going to be a remarkable feat, and that was only if he could survive the gatling guns, avoid the hundred or so rusty swords and spears jutting from the chariot-like vehicle, and scale the lethal barrier surrounding the elite boss. And then there was the fact that Coin Lord Grindle could apparently see past Pete’s stealth ability, effectively rendering him completely vulnerable.
All of this was running through Pete's mind as he charged towards the enemy, fully conscious that the gatling guns aimed directly at him could begin firing again at any moment. Thankfully, Wolfy was doing a fine job of distracting the elite boss, snapping at the figure and blinking away each time Coin Lord Grindle swiped at him with a meaty fist.
It wasn't until he dropped alongside the Fleshcycle that Pete began to understand the full depth of the trouble he now found himself in. Dozens of human eyes peered at him from in between the mechanical components, pipe work, cogs, and engine parts of the gruesome vehicle. Mouths were visible here and there too, drooling and screaming, crying out in pain and agony as the engine roared. But it wasn't the gruesome appearance of the Fleshcycle that gave Pete pause; rather, it was the row of Elite Noob Riders that were pressed into the side of the vehicle and which now began to unfold, transforming as they pulled themselves clear of the bike, their attention firmly fixed on him.
Pete slowed his running. He pulled the machete from his inventory and moved to his left so that he was at least out of the direct aim of those gatling guns. He watched as three figures emerged, unfurling with bristling metal blades up their shoulders and sides, bodies comprised of mechanical components, weaponry, and the tortured flesh of human victims.
Each of the Elite Noob Riders was distinct, each with its own different markings, painted symbols, weaponry, and distinct facial features. Unlike the other Riders, however, these seemed to be mechanical in nature, machine constructs without a goblin rider. The human components that were added to each elite unit seemed to be affectations more than organic components that were necessary for each vehicle.
Unlike the hybrid bikes, these elite units stood a foot taller than Pete and possessed metallic arms with spears, swords, and other bladed weaponry.
>> ELITE NOOB RIDERS
LEVEL: Elite Autonomous War Constructs
DESCRIPTION:
The Elite Noob Riders are semi-sentient, autonomous battle constructs created to protect Coin Lord Grindle and his biomechanical war engine, The Fleshcycle. Once thought to be soulless mechanical husks, each Rider is, in fact, powered by a Soul Core — a screaming fragment of a human consciousness harvested from the battlefield and bound within a rotating energy cell deep inside their armored torsos.
>> CORE TRAITS:
These units exhibit unnerving levels of aggression, tactical awareness, and mimicry of human pain responses. Their grotesque forms combine weaponized machine parts with decorative remnants of human victims — eyes, mouths, and partial faces grafted to their exoskeletons for intimidation and resonance amplification.
They do not retreat, they do not surrender, and they do not truly die until their Core Node is shattered.
Elite Noob Riders operate in coordinated trios or quads, maintaining perimeter control around the Fleshcycle. They use synchronized movements, feints, and distraction tactics to funnel enemies into kill zones. Each Rider unit has a dedicated combat subroutine focused on dismemberment, suppression, and battlefield area denial.
Their combat systems prioritize close-quarters carnage, with each unit specializing in bladed offense, environmental manipulation, and sonic disruption.
>> OFFENSIVE SYSTEMS:
+| Blade Cascade [Primary Melee System]
Description: Both arms and shoulders of each Rider house segmented, spinning blade clusters powered by internal drive cogs.
Effect: Continuous slashing motion that accelerates with each successful hit. Capable of shredding armor and flesh in seconds.
Subroutine: Overdrive Trigger — After three consecutive hits, the Rider’s blades glow red-hot and deal +100% damage for 5 seconds.
+| Ricochet Cleave — Missed strikes generate metallic sparks that may ignite oil on the ground.
+| Oil Sluice Venting System [Area Denial Weapon]
Description: A series of undercarriage vents expel pressurized, molten lubrication oil used to cool internal gears.
Effect: Creates slick, burning patches of ground that impede enemy movement and cause continuous heat damage.
+| Subroutine: Spill Pattern Alpha: 5-meter cone of boiling oil projected forward.
Spill Pattern Beta: Rotational discharge in a 360° radius when core integrity falls below 50%.
Oil ignites when exposed to blade sparks or external fire sources, creating temporary hazard zones.
+| Vocaplex Resonator [Sonic Disruption Array]
Description: Each Rider incorporates harvested human vocal cords within its throat assembly, connected to mechanical amplifiers.
Effect: Emits warbling screams, distorted sobs, and harmonic shrieks that disorient nearby opponents.
Subroutine: Wail of the Lost: 3-second charge-up followed by a high-pitched blast causing nausea, aim deviation, and slowed reactions.
Chorus Sync: When multiple Riders scream simultaneously, the resonance doubles in range and may induce temporary paralysis in unshielded targets.
Echo Feedback: Damaged Riders sometimes trigger involuntary screams, disrupting their own targeting systems but increasing overall battlefield chaos.
>> CORE WEAKNESS: THE SOUL NODE
Each Elite Noob Rider possesses a Core Node embedded deep within its torso — a pulsating metallic sphere infused with the bound essence of a human soul. Destroying this node is the only method to permanently disable a Rider.
Damage to limbs, armor, or weaponry will slow the unit, but the Core continues to operate until completely ruptured. When the Node fails, the Rider collapses violently, releasing a burst of spectral energy that momentarily disrupts local electronics and may cause auditory hallucinations.
Pete was trying to absorb all the information he was being presented with as the elite units arrayed themselves around him, weapons ready and armor bristling with menace. What fleshy parts he could see on the robotic forms didn't offer much hope. Unlike the goblins he had faced thus far, there were no squishy bits he could thrust the blade into or cut apart.
“How the fuck am I gonna do this?” he muttered under his breath.
[Nero] You will need to find a way to penetrate their hard outer armor and destroy the core within each unit. From what I can see, there are six Elite Noob Rider units in all; three in front of you here and three more that have appeared on the other side of the Fleshcycle.
The three enemy units began circling around him, rolling on wheels as though they were all wearing roller skates, metallic arms hanging low, each brandishing a sword in one hand and a long blade in the other. There were minor differences with the weapons; of course, combat they were largely matters of ornamentation. Some were painted different colors, others had small trinkets hanging from their hilts, but the weapons themselves looked essentially the same.
[Sam] You seeing these new bastards?
[Pete] Yeah, I've got three of them right in front of me.
[Sam] Well, I don't think I'm going to be able to take three on by myself. I can leave Wolfy to harass the big bastard, but there's no way I'm going to be able to take these guys out. Any chance you could help, Coop?
[Coop] I’m flat out trying to keep these bastards from skinning my ass! Sorry, I can’t get to you. Run! That would be my advice.
[Pete] Agreed. Just stay ahead of them and then circle back later on if you can. I'll try to take these ones out and then head for Grindle.
[Craig] We will assist where we can, but we are finding it difficult to defeat even these ordinary enemies.
[Pete] Do your best! I’ll try to take these guys out and then start on Coin Lord Grindle.
He spoke with a confidence he most certainly did not feel. They were spread too thin, and the enemy was too strong. If they only had to deal with the standard Noob Riders and Grindle, they might have a chance, but these elite units looked like they would take a considerable amount of effort to put down.
A quick glance at his available abilities also confirmed to Pete that he simply wasn't equipped for this kind of fight. Not with enemies that could see through his stealth and not against enemies with such heavy plate armor. He could distract with the Coin Toss ability and block a single attack with his Pauper’s Ward. With the bow, provided he had enough time to fire off a charged shot, he could probably penetrate the armor of the elite units, but he'd need a few seconds standing still to be able to make the attack.
That left only one viable option, an option that was perhaps the riskiest of all. He'd only triggered the berserker ability once and, while it had been incredibly effective against the flying goblins, he wasn't sure that it would be adequate against these enemies. Then there was the unnerving lapse in memory he had suffered after he last triggered the ability, the stolen time, and the fact that he was near death at the end of the fight.
Using Blood Overdraft would be his most likely path to victory here, but it was also more likely to see him dead than any other approach. He needed to have his wits about him so that he could remember to use medkits when his health got too low, but, with the berserker frenzy upon him, there was every chance that he wouldn't remember and would drive himself further into the intoxicating, chaotic milieu of the berserker rage until he killed himself.
As the first Rider raised its spinning sword and thrust towards him, Pete gave in to the only option available to him at that moment. He triggered Blood Overdraft and prayed that the night wouldn’t end with him lying dead on the ground.