[SYSTEM ALERT] [LOCATION: CHICKEN COTTAGE, SOUTH LONDON] [TIME: 08:58 AM] [THREAT LEVEL: SATURATED FAT]

  The fryer at the Chicken Cottage bubbled with the promise of high cholesterol. Suddenly, the oil stopped bubbling. It froze, the grease turned into a flat, yellow texture block. A geometric hole tore open in the air above the counter and a man climbed out.

  He landed in the vat of cold oil with a dull thud but nothing splashed. He simply clipped through the fryer and stood up on the floor, dry and unbothered. He was wearing a beige polo shirt with a lanyard that read [SYSADMIN: KEN]. He wore cargo shorts and socks with sandals. He looked like every IT guy who had ever told you to "turn it off and on again," but with the divine power to delete the universe.

  The teenager behind the counter stared at him, holding a scoop of chips. "Bruv," the teenager said. "You can't be back there. Health and safety."

  Ken adjusted his glasses. He ignored the teenager and looked at his clipboard. "Ticket #994," Ken sighed. "Texture pop-in. Collision detection failure." He pulled a device from his belt. It looked like a supermarket barcode scanner, but it hummed with the sound of a dying hard drive. Ken pointed the scanner at the teenager's scoop of chips. "Verifying assets..." Ken mumbled. "Confirmed." BEEP. The chips vanished. "Hey!" the teenager shouted. "I was serving those!" "Corrupted assets," Ken said, bored. "I'm clearing the cache."

  Ken looked at the ceiling. A blue arrow appeared in his vision, pointing North. [TARGET DETECTED: KAI] [TICKET STATUS: OPEN] "Great," Ken muttered, walking through the counter as if it wasn't there. "I have to commute. I’m charging overtime for this."

  [LOCATION: GENERIC TECH BLDG, LONDON] [ZONE: OPEN PLAN HELL] [DEBUFF: MONDAY MORNING (Willpower -50%)]

  Kai walked into the office. He had been missing for a week. He had traveled to another dimension. He had fought goblins, T posing bandits. He expected interrogations, empathy instead he got nothing.

  The receptionist, Brenda, didn't look up from her Sudoku. "You're back," Brenda droned. "You have 4,000 unread emails so someone complained about the overflowing Inbox to IT . Oh and someone ate your yogurt. I think it was Dave." "I was... gone," Kai stammered. "Brenda, I was missing. Did anyone call the police?" "We assumed you were pulling a sickie," Brenda said, turning a page. "Sheila wants to see you. Bring a pen." Kai looked at the noticeboard. There was funny "MISSING PERSON" poster of him which had been covered up by a flyer for "PIZZA FRIDAY: MANDATORY FUN."

  Kai walked to his desk. The office was exactly as he left it: grey, silent, and smelling of stale coffee. He sat down at his cubicle. Dave, his coworker at the next desk, was vibrating. Dave looked like he hadn't slept in a week. "Kai," Dave whispered, his eyes wide. "Don't touch your mouse." "What?" "I think the hardware has evolved."

  Kai looked down. It wasn't a computer mouse anymore. It was a mouse. A live, white mouse, with a USB cable duct-taped to its back. It squeaked at him. [ITEM: OPTICAL MOUSE (ORGANIC)] [DPI: LOW]

  "Okay," Kai whispered, recoiling. "The glitch is spreading."

  "Kai!" Sheila, the Office Manager, stood at her door. She was holding a mug that said #1 BOSS. The mug was floating three inches above her hand. She didn't notice. "In my office. Now."

  Kai walked into the glass-walled office. Sheila sat down. The chair made a squelching noise. "Kai," Sheila began, clasping her hands. "We value creativity here. But taking a 'Sabbatical ' without filling out Form 4B is unacceptable." She tapped her watch. "Time is money, Kai." She tapped her watch again. Exactly the same speed, exact same angle. "Time is money, Kai."

  This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

  "Sheila," Kai said, pointing at the window. "Look outside. It's raining digits." "It's just a drizzle," Sheila said. She tapped her watch. "Time is money, Kai."

  RING. RING. The phone on Sheila’s desk rang. Not a digital ring, but a jarring, mechanical bell. Sheila frowned. Her hand hovered over it, twitching. She couldn't pick it up. It wasn't in her script. "Answer it," Kai whispered. She jerked the receiver up. "Hello? ... It's for you."

  Kai took the phone. "Hello?"

  "Mr. Kai," a nervous, breathless voice whispered. "We have a compliance issue. The Sysadmin is coming." Kai froze. He knew that voice from somewhere "Walter?" Kai whispered, finally recalling the crazy accountant he had summoned. "Is that you? The accountant I summoned?" "Please do not refer to the 'Falling Incident'," Walter hissed. "It is not on my timesheet. Listen to me. The SysAdmin is approaching. If he catches you, he will audit your life expectancy to zero."

  "Who is this?" Sheila asked. She tapped her watch. "Time is money, Kai."

  "Look across the open plan," Walter commanded. "Accounting. Third cubicle."

  Kai looked through the glass wall. In Accounting, a man was standing up. He was wearing a beige cardigan and sensible slacks, but he had added a pair of black sunglasses (which were crooked). He was holding a stapler like a sidearm. It was Walter. He nodded at Kai, then immediately adjusted his glasses because it was too dark to see.

  "Walter," Kai said. "What are you doing here?" "For you, let's say I am Morpheus... for certain purposes," Walter whispered. "Now, look at the elevator."

  PING. The elevator doors slid open and Ken stepped out. The SysAdmin looked bored. He checked his clipboard. "Ticket #404. User: Kai. Status: Glitched." He looked at a potted plant that was blocking his path. He frowned. "No ticket for the plant," he muttered. He walked through the plant. The leaves clipped through his torso.

  "Oh god," Kai said. "It's the IT guy." "That is an Agent," Walter's voice trembled. "A SysAdmin. He is bound by the Bureaucracy, but if he opens a ticket on you... he can Format C: your soul."

  Ken began to walk down the aisle. He didn't walk around desks; he clipped through them, his legs moving in a sliding, laggy animation. "Where is the User?" Ken called out. "I'm on a schedule."

  "Get up, Kai," Walter commanded. "Use the Health and Safety exit." "I'm in a meeting!" "Sheila cannot help you!" Walter hissed. "She is stuck in a loop! Move!"

  Kai stood up. Ken’s head snapped toward the glass office. A red UI box appeared over Kai’s head. "Target acquired," Ken droned. "Generating deletion ticket..."

  "Run!" Walter shouted.

  Kai bolted. He smashed through the glass door of Sheila’s office. The glass didn't shatter. It popped like a soap bubble. Sheila didn't scream. She didn't look at the broken door. She simply returned to her starting position, folded her hands, and smiled. "Kai," she said pleasantly to the empty room. "We value creativity here."

  "Stop that user!" Ken shouted. He pointed the scanner. A red laser beam shot across the office. It hit Dave. BEEP. Dave didn't die. He just... buffered. He froze in mid-scream, turning grey and pixelated. [DAVE.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING] "Dave!" Kai yelled. "Leave him!" Walter shouted, leaping over a cubicle wall (and tripping slightly). "He is pending an update! We cannot save him!"

  Kai sprinted down the aisle. Papers flew into the air, turning into butterflies. The floor began to ripple like water. "To the break room!" Walter yelled. "The ventilation shaft is non compliant, but it is our only exit! The Admin can't fit into Legacy Architecture!"

  Ken glided faster, T-posing to assert dominance. "Why are you running?" Ken sighed. "It just increases the render time."

  Kai reached the Break Room. Walter was waiting there, sweating profusely. "This way!" Walter shouted. He held out two items in his shaking hands. "Quickly, choose!" Walter said. In his left hand: A Blue Antacid Tablet. In his right hand: A Red Strawberry Tic-Tac.

  "Take the Blue Pill," Walter intoned, "and you wake up at your desk, believing this was just a bad quarterly review. Take the Red Pill... and I will show you how deep this tax evasion goes."

  "Walter, that's a Tic-Tac. I can smell the strawberries." "We are on a budget!" Walter screamed. "Eat the damn mint and get in the vent!"

  Kai grabbed the Tic-Tac, ate it, and dove into the open ventilation shaft behind the fridge. Walter followed, pulling the grate shut just as Ken burst into the room.

  Ken stopped. He looked at the empty room. He looked at the vent. He raised his scanner, but lowered it. "Ticket error," Ken muttered. "Target is in an unmapped zone. I can't delete what I can't render." He sighed, a long, weary sound of a man who hates his job. He raised his wrist to his mouth. "Ticket update," Ken mumbled. "User has entered the sub-systems. I need a scrub team. Send... the Cleaners."

  The air in the break room suddenly grew cold. The smell of strong, sterile bleach filled the room. From the hallway, a low, mechanical humming sound began to rise like a floor buffer, but heavier and hungrier. "And bring the mop," Ken added. "It's going to be messy."