[SYSTEM ALERT] [LOCATION: KAI’S FLAT] [SIZE: COMPACT (Translation: Tiny)] [COMFORT LEVEL: 2/10] [AMENITIES: KETTLE, TOASTER, CRUSHING DEBT]

  Kai unlocked the door and pushed. It stuck halfway, blocked by a drift of envelopes on the doormat. He forced his way in, kicking the pile aside. He caught a glimpse of red text on one envelope: FINAL NOTICE. On another: OCCUPANT. Kai felt a familiar pit open in his stomach. The monsters in Oakhaven had health bars you could deplete. The monsters in London were made of paper, and they regenerated every month.

  "Welcome," Kai said, gesturing to the dim hallway that smelled of damp coats and stale pizza. "Sanctuary."

  Viscount Pigglesworth stepped inside first. He looked at the peeling wallpaper. He looked at the singular lightbulb hanging from a bare wire. He looked at the scuffed laminate flooring. He turned to Kai, his monocle gleaming with pity. "Oh, Kai," Pigglesworth whispered. "Is this the servant's pantry? Where is the rest of it? Where is the East Wing?" "This is the only wing, Viscount." "But... where do the scullery maids sleep?" "I am the scullery maid," Kai sighed. "And the cook and the butler."

  Grom entered next or kind of tried to, The Orc was seven feet of muscle and carried heavy weaponry. He had to turn sideways to fit through the door frame. His head brushed the ceiling, knocking a cobweb loose. Grom stood in the center of the living room, instantly filling the space. He scanned the perimeter with a critical eye. "This barrack is... efficient," Grom lied, his voice rumbling like an idling truck. "Minimal square footage means minimal patrol routes. A tactical advantage." He poked a beanbag chair with a massive finger. "Though the furniture lacks structural integrity. Is this sack of beans a trap for enemy combatants?" "It's a chair, Grom. Don't sit on it. You'll flatten it."

  Sir Gideon marched in, hammer drawn. "I shall secure the perimeter." He kicked open the bathroom door. "CLEAR." He kicked open the bedroom door. "CLEAR." He kicked open the cupboard under the sink. "VERMIN DETECTED. Oh, wait. It is a sponge."

  Kai dropped his keys on the table, his eyes darting to the thin walls. "Okay. Rules of the Base, No 1: Keep it down. My neighbor, Mrs. Gable, hears like a bat and she hates me. No 2: Don't break anything. I need my deposit back. No 3:...."

  DING. A loud, cheerful chime rang out from the kitchen.

  "AMBUSH." Gideon spun around, raising his warhammer, The Judge. He saw the toaster. Two slices of bread had just popped up. Smoke curled from the slots. "The metal box spits at us," Gideon hissed, eyes wide. "It mocks us with heat! Die, mimic!" CRUNCH. Gideon brought the hammer down. The toaster didn't just break; it folded. Plastic shattered. Springs flew across the kitchen. The smell of burning ozone filled the air.

  "My toaster!" Kai yelled. "Gideon! That was dinner!" "It was a trap," Gideon breathed heavily, eyeing the flattened appliance. "It waited until we were distracted. I have saved you, Kai. You are welcome."

  "Great," Kai muttered, staring at the wreckage. "Plan B. Starvation."

  "I need air," Maya said. She was standing by the sliding glass door to the tiny balcony, looking trapped. She unlatched it and stepped out into the rain. Kai grabbed two mugs of tap water (since the kettle was too close to Gideon) and followed her.

  The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

  The balcony was barely big enough for two people. Below them, the streetlights of Zone 2 reflected off the wet pavement. In the distance, the sirens of London wailed a constant, lonely soundtrack. Kai handed Maya a mug. "It's not ale. It's London Tap. It has... character."

  Maya took a sip and grimaced. "Tastes like chalk." She leaned against the railing, staring out at the grey skyline. "So," she said quietly. "We're really back. No logout button." "Yeah." "I checked my status," Maya said, a forced laugh escaping her lips. "My landlord in Montreal probably sold my Funko Pops by now. I bet he got a good price for the limited edition ones." She tapped her fingers on the railing, the joke fading quickly. "I’m 'Missing', Kai. Officially."

  "You have family?" Kai asked. "Someone we should call?" Maya hesitated. She looked at the traffic below, her expression tightening. "Parents are gone," she said, her voice devoid of its usual snark. "Cancer, a few years back. Both of them." "I'm sorry." "It's fine. I have a sister in Toronto," Maya shrugged, but the movement was stiff. "She’s got three kids, a mortgage, and a husband who thinks gaming is for... well, people like us. She probably thinks I’m just ghosting her again. It’s kind of my brand." She looked at Kai. "What about you? You got people waiting?"

  Kai looked at the murky water in his mug. "Mum and Dad are in Birmingham," he said. "Brother in Leeds. We do the Christmas text message thing. 'Merry Xmas, hope ur good.' That's about it." He laughed, a dry sound. "We’re not exactly one happy family. I think the last time I spoke to my brother was to borrow fifty quid. We're... distant."

  Maya nodded. She looked at him, and for the first time, she wasn't looking at 'The Deviloper' or 'The IT guy'. She was looking at another person who had spent too much time gaming / work because the real world was quiet. "Solo players," Maya said softly. "That's why we got stuck, isn't it? Nothing anchors us here."

  "Well," Kai said, gesturing back inside the flat where a giant Orc was currently trying to figure out how a light switch worked. "We've got a party now. Even if it is a bit... high maintenance."

  "High maintenance?" Maya snorted. "Grom just asked the microwave for a quarterly report. We’re doomed."

  They went back inside. The flat was warmer, but chaos was brewing. Kai clapped his hands. "Okay. Party Meeting, listen up…." Grom stood at attention. Gideon stopped poking the internet router. Pigglesworth paused his inspection of a dust bunny.

  "Situation Report," Kai said. He pulled up his banking app on his phone. [CURRENT FUNDS: ￡120.40] [RENT DUE: YESTERDAY]

  "We are broke," Kai announced. "And London is a Pay-to-Win zone. I have to go to the office tomorrow." "The Citadel?" Grom asked. "Yes. The office. I need to see if I still have a job. And I need to see if the servers there are still glitching. That's where this started."

  He turned to Maya. "Maya, I have a quest for you." "If it's 'Fetch 10 Rat Tails', I quit." "Worse," Kai said. "Babysitting." He pointed to the three fantasy characters. "You are the Warden. You are the only one with a Wisdom stat higher than 3. Do not let them leave the flat. If Grom goes outside, the army gets called. If Gideon goes outside, he gets sectioned. If Pigglesworth goes outside, he'll be stolen by a fashion blogger."

  Maya sighed, rubbing her face. "Fine. I’ll grind the 'Daycare' skill tree. But you owe me. Big time."

  "DEAL," Kai said. "Now, everyone, get some rest. We…."

  THUMP-THUMP-THUMP. A rhythmic, heavy thudding sound came from the kitchen. Kai froze. "What is that?"

  Gideon emerged from the kitchen, looking proud. His armor was dripping wet. "I have saved them, Kai," Gideon declared, sheathing his sword. "Saved who?" "The prisoners." Gideon pointed back at the kitchen. "I found a glass dungeon in the corner. There were tunics inside! They were spinning! Drowning in a whirlpool of torture!" Kai’s eyes went wide. "The washing machine?" "The Water Torture Device," Gideon corrected. "I could not find the latch... so I liberated them with the Judge."

  SPLASH. A wave of soapy water rolled out of the kitchen, soaking the cheap laminate. Pigglesworth, who was standing on a low stool to avoid the floor, shrieked as the tide rose. "MY SUEDE!" the Viscount screamed. "THE FLOODWATERS ARE RISING! ABANDON SHIP!"

  Kai put his head in his hands. "My deposit," he whimpered. "My security deposit."

  Grom looked at the soapy water spreading across the floor. He nodded, impressed. "A moat," Grom rumbled. "Excellent. Now the fortress is defensible."

  [SYSTEM ALERT] [QUEST FAILED: KEEP THE FLAT CLEAN] [NEW HAZARD: WET SOCKS] [SANITY: 0%]