[LOCATION: OAKHAVEN TOWN SQUARE] [CURRENT STATUS: PANIC]

  "HE HAS ASCENDED!"

  Sir Gideon fell to his knees, his armor clattering against the cobblestones. He raised his hands toward the empty sky where Kai had just vanished. "The Great Hand of the Sky God came down and plucked him like a ripe berry! He feasts in the Halls of Valhalla! Or perhaps he is being used as a garnish! We must save him!"

  Maya stared at the empty space, her brush dripping green ink onto her combat boots. She swiped her hand in the air, summoning the Party UI. Where Kai's location usually said [OAKHAVEN], it now displayed a flickering red error message:

  [LOCATION: >> /zones/deprecated/dustbowl/]

  "He didn't ascend, Gideon. He was... relocated." Maya frowned, dipping her giant brush into the air. "Stand back."

  She painted a compass on the ground. But instead of magnetic north, she visualized the file path she saw in the UI. “Cmon let me find the idiot”. The paint swirled, bubbled, and formed a jagged red arrow pointing East directly toward the "Unrendered Mountains," a jagged range of grey peaks that looked suspiciously like cardboard cutouts.

  "He's miles away," Maya sighed. "Walking there would take days."

  "Then you require a logistics pivot," a deep, smooth voice rumbled from behind them.

  They turned. Standing there in a surprisingly well-tailored suit was Grom, the Orc Guildmaster. He was holding a slate clipboard. "I couldn't help but overhear your pain points," Grom said, flashing a smile that revealed two very sharp tusks. "You have a key stakeholder stuck in a remote territory. You need a transport solution that maximizes velocity."

  He snapped his fingers. Two goblins rolled a cart into the square. It was a wooden box strapped to four wheels. But the wheels were distinctly Square.

  "By the Gods!" Gideon gasped. "Why are the wheels shaped like bricks?"

  "Streamlined design," Grom shrugged, adjusting his tie. "Circles are legacy thinking. Squares offer more surface area for stability. It’s a disruptor in the transport market."

  "I am not riding in that," Pigglesworth sniffed. "It looks like a torture device.. "Wait. If Kai is gone... the debt might transfer to his associates." Pigglesworth scrambled into the wagon instantly. "Drive! We must recover the asset immediately! My solvency depends on it!"

  "I'll drive it." A shadow detached itself from the alleyway. Vex, the Edgy Rogue, stepped into the light, flipping his emo fringe out of his eyes. "I know the lands to the East," Vex whispered. "A barren wasteland of silence... It reminds me of my childhood."

  "I shall assist!" boomed Borg, the Barbarian / Safety Officer mix , marching forward in his high-vis vest. Kai saved us before, I will help”

  "Excellent," Grom nodded. "15% equity of all loot found in the Wasteland. Let's circle back when you have the package."

  [MEANWHILE: THE DEPRECATED DESERT] [CURRENT STATUS: SEPIA]

  Kai was thirsty. But he wasn't sure if he was actually thirsty, or if the yellow filter over the world just made him feel thirsty.

  He walked down the main street of [TOWN_NAME_PLACEHOLDER]. The wind howled, but it was a looped audio track. Whoosh. Silence. Whoosh. Silence.

  Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  The town was a lie. Kai had tried to lean against the General Store, but he had fallen straight through it. The buildings were just 2D facades held up by wooden beams in the back. There was nothing inside them except the endless grid of the desert floor.

  "Hello?" Kai called out. "Is anyone real here?"

  Kai walked toward the only building that looked semi-solid: The Saloon. Above the door, a sign read: WHISKEY & [MISSING TEXT]. He reached for the swinging doors. His hands passed through the wood. "Right. No collision," Kai muttered, stepping through the texture.

  The inside was crude. The floor was just the beige grid. In the corner, a skeleton sat at a piano frozen in a T-Pose. The piano was playing a frantic, MIDI version of Greensleeves.

  "You ain't supposed to be here, stranger."

  The voice sounded compressed. Crunchy. Like it was being played through a tin can. Kai turned around. Hovering at the bar was the Sheriff.

  The Sheriff was... pointy. His chest was a triangle. His hands were blocks. His face was a flat texture pasted onto a cube head. "Name's Sheriff Poly," the blocky figure buzzed. "And I don't like folks with too many details. You look... expensive. You make the town feel slow."

  "I'm leaving," Kai promised. "I just need to find the edge of the world."

  "Can't let you do that," Sheriff Poly said. "You're an Anomaly. And around here, we deal with pests the hard way."

  The Sheriff raised his right arm. He didn't have a gun. Instead, he pointed his blocky finger-gun at Kai. "Draw," the Sheriff buzzed.

  Kai looked at the finger. He looked at his own empty hands. "You want me to duel you? With my finger?"

  "Bang," the Sheriff said flatly.

  A red number [-5 HP] floated above Kai's head.

  "Ow!" Kai grabbed his shoulder. It didn't hurt immediately the pain arrived a second later. It was a sharp, sting. "You didn't even shoot anything!"

  "I don't need lead. I just need to look at you." He raised his finger again. "You're coming with me to the Jail Cube. Dead or Alive. Preferably... [BUFFERING]... Dead."

  Kai swallowed hard. If he died here, in a zone without a respawn point, would he wake up at Oakhaven? Or would his file just... stop loading?

  [LOCATION: THE EASTERN BORDER]

  "BRACE!" Borg screamed.

  The Rapid Response Cart was moving at Mach 1. THUD-THUD-THUD. Every rotation of the square wheels sent a shockwave through the passengers' spines.

  "Drive faster, Rogue!" Gideon shouted, clinging to the side of the wagon. "The square wheels provide excellent traction! It is like riding a rectangular horse!"

  Vex sat on the roof, holding leather reins that stretched out over the front of the cart and... vanished into thin air. There were no horses. The reins were clipped to nothing. The wagon was being pulled by an invisible force.

  "Where are the beasts?!" Gideon yelled, staring at the empty space in front of the cart. "Is it sorcery? Are we being pulled by the ghosts of stallions?"

  "It is a budget cut!" Maya shouted over the wind. "Grom said the magical horses cost too much mana! They removed the bodies but kept the power!"

  Vex stared at the horizon with dead eyes, snapping the reins against the empty air. A ghostly neigh sounded from the void. "The road is meaningless," Vex whispered. "But the destination is inevitable." He jerked the reins left. The invisible horses turned, and the cart drifted, narrowly avoiding a tree that popped into existence only three feet in front of them.

  "We're hitting the border!" Maya yelled, clutching the side of the cart. Her eyes scanned the horizon, narrowing as the colors began to bleed out. "The shaders are failing! Look at the grass!"

  Ahead of them, the lush green grass of Oakhaven ended in a razor-sharp, straight line. Beyond it, the world turned Sepia. The mountains lost their detail and became smooth, brown pyramids.

  "We are leaving the realm of the Gods!" Gideon shouted. "Into the land of Old Parchment!"

  "Entering the Unregulated Zone!" Borg warned, consulting his clipboard. "I do not know what this land of Sepia tones holds!"

  The square wheeled wagon launched off the edge of the green grass and slammed into the Sepia grid of the Dustbowl. The world flashed white. A banjo started playing, then immediately got stuck on a repeated note. Pling-pling-pling-pling...

  Vex stared at the desolation. "It's hideous," Vex whispered, a rare smile touching his lips. "Empty. Soulless. Broken. It is perfect."

  [SYSTEM ALERT] [PARTY STATUS: ENTERING 'THE DUSTBOWL'] [CURRENT QUEST: THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE GLITCHY]