Walking through the market district of Oakhaven was depressing when you were eight thousand gold pieces in debt.

  Kai kept his head down, trying to avoid eye contact with the city guards. He wasn't sure if the "Fish Slapping" fine had been processed in the system yet, and he didn't want to risk accidentally summoning a tuna just to say hello.

  "My Lord," Gideon whispered, clutching his pumpkin to his chest. "We are woefully unprepared. To enter a mine without the Holy Trinity of Delving is suicide."

  Kai blinked. "The what?"

  "The Trinity!" Gideon counted on his armored fingers. "Blade, Balm, and Bane. We have none of these." He looked down at his vegetable. "My weapon is... wilting. It lacks the firmness of youth. How am I to slay the beasts of the deep if my blade turns to mush upon impact?"

  "I thought it was magical?"

  "It is organic," Gideon sighed. "It smells faintly of compost. We must see a smith immediately. I saw a forge three streets back."

  Kai shrugged. He was just the coder; Gideon was the tank. "Lead the way, Sir Knight."

  They stopped in front of a squat, soot-stained building with a sign that read [Ironbeard’s Heavy Metal]. Inside, the heat was intense enough to singe eyebrows.

  A dwarf stood behind an anvil. He was wider than he was tall, wearing welding goggles and a beard that was tucked safely into his belt to prevent it from catching fire. This was Smelt Ironbeard, and he didn't look happy to see customers.

  "We’re closed for lunch," Smelt grunted, not looking up from the glowing steel he was hammering.

  "Master Smith!" Gideon announced, stepping forward and placing the pumpkin on the counter with a wet thud. "My blade requires tempering!"

  Smelt stopped hammering. He lifted his goggles, revealing eyes that had seen too much stupidity. He looked at Kai, then at Gideon, then at the vegetable.

  "That," Smelt said flatly, "is a gourd."

  "It is the Gourd of Justice," Gideon corrected.

  "It’s produce," Smelt countered. "I work metal. You want a grocer. Or a salad."

  "Please," Kai interrupted, sensing Gideon was about to cry. "We have a job in the mines. Is there anything you can do to make it... harder?"

  Smelt sighed, wiping soot from his forehead. "Organic weapon. Rare choice. High maintenance. I can't use steel; the heat would turn it into a pie. Delicious, but useless."

  He tapped the soft spot on the rind. "I could do a sugar-glass resin coating. Seal the pores. Hard shell casing. It's technically for candy apples, but I can upscale it."

  "Do it," Kai said.

  Smelt worked with the intensity of a bomb disposal expert. He took the pumpkin to a bubbling cauldron in the corner. It wasn't molten iron—it was boiling, amber-colored industrial sugar syrup.

  He dipped the pumpkin. Hiss. He rotated it. Sizzle. He pulled it out and blasted it with a cooling enchantment.

  He handed it back. The pumpkin was now encased in a rock-hard, shiny, translucent amber shell. It looked like a weaponized lollipop.

  [System Notification] Item Upgraded: The Glazed Gourd +10 Hardness +5 Sticky Damage Special Ability: Ant-Attraction (Passive)

  You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

  "It is... beautiful," Gideon wept, seeing his reflection in the sugar coating. "It shall never rot."

  "That’ll be 50 silver," Smelt said.

  "Put it on the Guild's tab!" Kai yelled, grabbing Gideon and running before the dwarf could ask for a credit check.

  "Next," Gideon stated, consulting a mental checklist as they hurried down the street. "Balm and Bane. We need potions."

  They found a shop called [The Occult Corner]. It smelled of incense and predatory pricing. Behind the counter sat an Elf with sleek hair and a smile that had too many teeth. A nametag pinned to his silk robe read: Elandor.

  "Ah, fresh faces," Elandor purred, leaning over a display of glass vials. "Heading to the mines? You’ll be wanting the 'Delver’s Bundle', I assume?"

  Kai looked at Gideon. Gideon nodded solemnly. "We require Acid for the chitin and Salves for the flesh."

  "Excellent," Elandor said, placing two small bottles on the counter. "One Flask of Acidic Dissolution. One Potion of Minor Healing. That will be three hundred gold."

  Kai choked on his own spit. "Three hundred? For two drinks?"

  "It is artisanal acid," Elandor corrected smoothly. "Locally sourced. Organic. And the healing potion is cherry flavored."

  "That's robbery!" Kai argued. "In the game... I mean, in the legends, a potion is like, 50 gold max!"

  "Supply and demand, my friend," Elandor shrugged. "The mines are dangerous. Prices go up when survival rates go down."

  Kai felt the frustration bubbling up. He hated microtransactions. He hated pay-to-win mechanics. He hated price gouging.

  "Look," Kai said, leaning in. "We're doing the Guild a favor. Give us a break here."

  "Store policy," Elandor smiled. "No exceptions."

  Kai gritted his teeth. He pointed a finger at the smug Elf.

  "System!" Kai barked. "Give me a Discount!"

  The blue box flickered instantly.

  [Voice Command Recognized] [Processing: "Give me a Viscount"]

  The air above the potion rack ripped open with the sound of tearing fabric.

  There was a scream of posh confusion as a man fell through the rift, crashing directly onto a display of glass vials.

  CRASH.

  The man sat up amidst the broken glass. He was wearing a velvet smoking jacket, a silk sash, and a monocle. He was holding a porcelain teacup, which was miraculously unspilled.

  "I say!" the man sputtered, adjusting his monocle. "This is not the patio! I was in the middle of a very important scone!"

  Elandor the Elf stared, mouth open. "Who... who is this?"

  Kai panicked. He looked at the blue text floating over the man's head.

  [NPC: Viscount Pigglesworth] [Status: Confused / Mildly Annoyed]

  "This is... the Auditor!" Kai improvised.

  "The what?"

  "Viscount Pigglesworth!" Kai pointed accusingly. "He’s from the... Bureau of Mercantile Standards! He heard you were price gouging!"

  The Viscount stood up, dusting glass off his velvet breeches. He looked around the dusty shop with profound judgment. "Ghastly decor," he sniffed, spotting a cobweb. "And it smells of wet dog in here. Is this a stable?"

  Elandor went pale. "An audit? I... my license is pending renewal!"

  "He says your prices are criminal," Kai lied, crossing his arms. "He’s thinking of shutting you down. Unless..."

  "Take them!" Elandor shrieked, shoving an armful of potions into Kai’s chest. "Take the Acid! Take the Healing! Just get him out of here before he reports the dust mites!"

  "A wise choice," Kai said. He grabbed the loot and grabbed the Viscount’s velvet sleeve. "Come along, my Lord. We have... other inspections."

  They burst out onto the street. Kai dragged the confused nobleman a safe distance away before stopping.

  Viscount Pigglesworth yanked his arm free and smoothed his jacket. He looked at Kai, then at Gideon, and sneered.

  "You there. Boy," Pigglesworth snapped at Kai. "You are obviously the help. Where have you transported me? The service here is abysmal. I demand to speak to your manager."

  "Manager?" Kai blinked.

  "The Concierge! The Governor! Whoever is in charge of this rustic hovel!" Pigglesworth gestured at the dirty street with his teacup. "Take me to the Embassy immediately so I can lodge a formal complaint about the lack of scones."

  Kai looked at Gideon. Gideon looked at the Viscount.

  "Sir," Gideon whispered. "Is he joining the party?"

  "I think he thinks I'm his tour guide," Kai whispered back. He looked at the Viscount. "Uh, yes. The Embassy. It's... right this way. Just past the mines."

  "Well, get on with it then!" Pigglesworth huffed, stepping in line behind Gideon. "And try not to walk so loudly. You're disturbing my tea."

  [New Party Member Added: Viscount Pigglesworth] Class: Aristocrat (Level 1) Skills: [Complaint], [Tea Time], [Summon Manager]

  "We are going to die," Kai sighed.

  "Onward!" Gideon cheered, raising his glazed pumpkin. "To the mines!"