Once Samantha, an extremely pretty woman in a maid's outfit made for someone two sizes smaller than her, had been and gone, Tex was permitted to settle his damp trousers on the towel-covered chair. He almost hovered, barely an inch of his butt being on the chair itself.

  “I understand Phillpot will have taken you up on your dungeon loot, but young Tex here won’t have been fool enough to try and offload such valuable goods with that bug-eyed thief. So the question becomes: who else can take it off your hands?” Dalgliesh said as he sipped his GJ.

  “Are you old enough to drink in that body?” I asked.

  “No drinking age here, laddie.” He shrugged and took another sip.

  “And how often do you have people piss themselves in your house that the staff don’t even bat an eye?” Tex was doing his best to tell me to shut the fuck up with frantic eyerolls and small cutting motions with his right hand.

  “Cost of doing business. You know the Armaments Guild won’t leave you alone until they find out where the mine is? I assume soggy-bottom over there told ye that much at least?” Dalgliesh waved his glass at Tex, who started squatting, holding himself an inch above the towel he’d been provided.

  I took a sip, savouring the burning liquid as it rolled into my stomach.

  “Something about spies?” I offered, settling back into the plush chair.

  “Aye, and Sniffers and Chasers all up your arse, boy. They can afford the best. Well, not quite the best. Those folks work for me and my colleagues.” I understood this to be a threat, and my draconic impulses surged.

  “Well, I guess it’s a good job that the second-best Sniffer and whatever aren’t aware of the goods' existence. It seems to me I might be well served by nobody knowing about them.” He grinned and clicked his fingers while taking another sip. The kid had drained about a triple-shot's worth from the glass. Clearly, he wasn’t worried about the long-term health of his liver.

  A shadow decloaked behind him. It was like when the Predators' stealth field fails in the film. One moment nothing, then a heat-haze effect, and in less than a second, a seven-foot-tall wall of a man wearing a long black coat over silvery mail armour, a sword sheathed at his left hip, was leaning over the boy’s chair. He winked his only eye, or possibly he just blinked; it was hard to tell for sure. The missing one was just a gaping void of raw flesh; apparently, he wasn’t worried about giving small children nightmares, then he vanished again as quickly as he’d appeared.

  “Erm, could I get another towel, please?” asked Tex in a tiny voice.

  “Samantha! Look, laddie, you’re new here; that much is obvious. And you’ve gotten lucky, congratulations!” Dalgliesh smiled warmly in a way that made Tex drip harder while Samantha undulated in, tutted at him, and passed him another towel. “Kenny is an old friend of the family. Let’s treat each other with the respect our relative strength deserves?”

  “What’s your offer?” That looming monster in human flesh had put the wind up me. I’d been told there’d be real powerhouses in the city, but I’d gotten used to being too strong to mess with in the north. Meeting one had put things in perspective for me. Could I have taken him in my real body? Maybe… But that thread of doubt ate at me.

  “How much do you have for sale?” The vicious Glaswegian gangster in a teenage body leaned forward, rested his elbows on his knees, and stared at me over the glass he held in both hands. I did not make a joke about his feet not quite touching the floor. He swung them back and forth as though trying to bait me into pissing him off.

  “I assume Seb already told you. Are all the Outremonde kids in the city under your wing?” I asked. It had to be Seb. The customs guy hadn’t even flicked the tarps off the Arkendrite.

  “Bob. It doesn’t do to reveal your sources, and if any misfortune were to befall a total innocent, who is certainly not involved in any urchin street gangs composed of Outremonde children, I would consider it a personal slight.” Dalgliesh leaned back in his chair and glared at me. Credit where it’s due, the kid somehow managed to look bloody intimidating. “Suffice to say, I know what you’ve got, how much you’ve got, and an interest in acquiring the goods for myself. I want to make you an offer. A much fairer offer than you’ll get from the guild, and I am a man who appreciates his own secrets, as well as one who respects other people’s.”

  “How much?” I leaned back myself, attempting to mimic the body language of a pubescent child. I took a long drink of my Golden Jack and prayed he’d offer me a suitable number. Claws were rubbing together in the back of my mind.

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  “Well, I need to know how much you have, but up to a reasonable weight… five and a slice per kilo. How does that grab you?” he smiled like a shark.

  “Define a slice?” I asked.

  “Oh, that’s a Glasgow smile for anyone who threatens the future of our enterprise. I would be locking in future deliveries as part of the deal.”

  The vicious gang punishment of the Glaswegian mob back on Earth involved carving the corners of the victim's mouth almost out to their ears. Their victims ended up looking like they should constantly ask people, “Why so serious?”. Assuming they survived the rest of the punishment, of course.

  I ran the number in my head. About a million gold, plus anyone snooping into my business getting Peaky Blinder-ed, in exchange for getting into bed with a psychotic thirteen-year-old. That was a poor choice of words. This seemed like a good solution on a lot of levels, but it didn’t feel right. This man–boy must be every bit the monster his ninja-giant had seemed.

  “How wide is your turf?” I asked. He narrowed his eyes at me, then shrugged.

  “I’m a city boy, Bob. I’ve got some influence in the nearby area, but you’re from up north. I can reach out and touch anyone anywhere, if I want to, but my operation is focused on the Glooming and the docks in Ankmapak. I ain’t got no sway where you’re from. OK?”

  Karma. It’s bad mojo joining forces with this miniature sociopath… but…

  “I’ve got two hundred kilos or so. Shall we call it an even million gold, plus the other benefits?” I offered. Sorry, soul. I could always make a generous donation to a charity. Even as I thought this, I knew I was lying to myself. I adjusted my ascot uncomfortably.

  Dalgleish whistled in appreciation.

  “You’ve got it on you?” he asked, and I nodded slowly. “Kenny, get the man his money.”

  “Sir.” I glanced around, but I couldn’t pinpoint where the voice had come from, and the big man was still clearly invisible. Dalgliesh hopped down and wandered over to his desk. He slid out a drawer and pulled a pad of paper and a pen out before he returned to his seat.

  “I took the liberty of having a contract drawn up in advance, I trust you don’t mind?” He passed the pad and pen over to me, and I pretended to look it over. My literacy had improved a lot since the contract Kat had read over for me to bind Tex to my cause, but I wasn’t quite up to legalese. I passed it over to Tex, and he scanned down it, then nodded frantically.

  “It’s like he said, Bob. Nothing sneaky in there.”

  “Would you dare to say anything if there was?” I asked. Sure, the wee Kranky was creepy, but Tex was far more terrified than he should be.

  “Doesn’t matter, you can’t cheat a system contract like that. This is legit,” Tex mumbled as he lowered himself gingerly back onto his damp towel.

  I carefully pressed a claw–finger– to the contract, it floated up between the gangster and me, then rolled into a tube and exploded in a shower of golden sparks.

  “Excellent! Ah, here’s your money.” A tiny pouch appeared on the table next to Dalgliesh. He weighed it in his hand and tossed it to me. I hefted it and scowled.

  “This feels a little light.” It felt like it might have a dehydrated butterfly in it. The sack could as well have been empty as far as I could tell.

  “Stick a finger in and ask it how much is in there,” he said with a smirk. “Bogan indeed, laddie.” I did as suggested, and a number with six zeroes in it appeared in my vision like a system notification. I willed a gold coin out and rolled it across my knuckles before putting it back.

  “I’ll be looking for the next delivery in three months. That won’t be a problem, will it?” He cocked a tiny eyebrow at me.

  “It won’t. I take it we’re done here?”

  “Samantha will show you back to Bulldo. It’s been a pleasure, gentlemen. Tex, please keep the towels.” Dalgliesh waved at Tex’s non-wearable nappies.

  “Oh no, you’ve been too generous already–” he began

  “Take the fecking things ye glass bladdered wanker! Ah, Samantha, please escort my guests out.” He turned away and went to a desk in the corner. He climbed up into a throne-like chair and began leafing through paperwork.

  “Boys, this way, please?” Samantha led the way, and following in her wake was a pleasant change from the sense of looming threat I’d felt for most of the last hour or so.

  “I hope you’ve had a pleasant visit?” she asked over her shoulder, giving me a wink and a wiggle as she did so.

  “Yeah, it’s been lovely,” Tex muttered bitterly as he held his new towels out in front of him with one hand.

  “Please don’t drip on the rugs,” she said in a way that was almost as threatening as Kenny’s voice.

  “What the hell am I supposed to do about– never mind,” he grumbled.

  “Ah, I told you it would be worth it. No hard feelings, ok?” said Bulldo nervously as we got back to the teleportation room.

  “I do hope you’ll visit again.” Samantha laid a hand on my arm and gently stroked my bicep. She sniffed at Tex as she passed.

  “How do you know we signed?”

  “Well, you’ve still got all your limbs for a start.”

  “You promised us safe passage!” I snapped.

  “Sure, me and the boys weren’t gonna hurt you, for sure. And whatever was left would have been dropped off at the Horn as promised.” He smiled nastily. “Everything ok, Kenny?” he asked as I took a step toward the man.

  “Yes.” Right in my ear. I damn near had to borrow Tex’s towels, but I managed to control myself.

  “Portal, please?” I asked, refusing to try and find Kenny.

  Bulldo did his hand and finger wiggles to paint another glowing circle on the floor.

  “Your chariot awaits.”

  We appeared back in the yard outside the Horn, and Bulldo vanished immediately. I scowled at the stable where I’d last seen the traitor Outremonde Seb.

  “Jesus, that was too much. But we’re rich now! Want to go shopping?” Tex asked as he threw the towels into a corner by the door to the bar. I had no idea if Kenny had come through as well, so I wasn’t breathing any sighs of relief quite yet.

  “Keep your voice down! Go and find some fresh trousers, Tex. The next job is the healer for Jenny’s old man. Then we’re getting out of the weirdass city.”