27

  Sarpele had ordered another round of drinks and finally some real food to ensure the waitress wouldn't bother them again until summoned. After it had arrived, he began laying out his plan.

  “Knowing these Villains, their criminal operations will always be in a backroom or even a basement,” he said as he spooned noodles onto his plate. “I need you two to poke around a bit. Timmy, you’ll excuse yourself to the bathroom. You’ll probably be led there, but that’s okay. I want you to keep n eye out for any Triad members.”

  “Triad members?” Timmy said, feeling more than a little tipsy already. “What do they look like?”

  “They’re Gnomes,” Sarpele said. “They usually wear black suits and have crazy hair colours. Look out for any tattoos or weapons. See if they’re guarding any rooms in particular. If they are, we can bet that’s where the action is.”

  “Okay,” Timmy said.

  “Wot about me?” Wally asked.

  “I’ve got a special mission for a man of your… frame.” Sarple replied.

  “Wot’s that?” Wally asked, not liking the sound of it.

  Sarpele looked up and Wally’s eyes followed him.

  “I’m not gettin’ in there!” Wally said.

  “Afraid you are my slender friend. Once Timmy finds the room, you’ll wriggle your way through the vents and listen in, see if you can spot any Burn or hear any talk about Burn. Understood?”

  “Why do I always ‘ave to wriggle round the ceiling!” Wally moaned.

  “Because you’ve been blessed with a wriggler’s shoulders and hips,” Sarpele said. “Now Timmy, you get snooping while me and Wally figure out how to get him up there.”

  Timmy nodded and squeezed out of his seat.

  “Remember your cover!” Sarpele hissed at him as he pushed the door open.

  Timmy hadn’t realised how stifling the room had become. With all the drinking, smoking, and sizzling food, his cheeks had turned pink, and he had worked up a good sweat. As he slid on the little slippers the restaurant had left outside their room, a Gnome appeared at his elbow. He wasn’t sure if it was the Gnome who had originally greeted them, but she was dressed the same.

  “Hello sir, can I be of assistance?”

  “I need the toilet… please.” Timmy replied.

  “Of course, if you would follow me.” The Gnome turned and led him down the hall.

  Timmy was surprised how many rooms they had managed to cram under the doctor’s office. It was implausible if not impossible. As they took several lefts and rights, Timmy guessed the restaurant must stretch under multiple businesses. In his tipsy state, Timmy tried to remember what else had been around the doctor’s office at street level. They passed a swinging metal door that led into the bustling kitchen. Timmy had a peek inside and saw, amongst the chaos of the kitchen, two dark suited Gnomes standing watch outside of another door in the back of the kitchen.

  “Here we are sir,” the Gnome said, bowing deeply.

  “Oh yeah, thank you.” Timmy pushed open the door and quickly locked it behind him.

  The bathroom was actually quite nice. Lots of bamboo, some porcelain, and the odd statue and flower dotted around. Most importantly, it was cool and quiet, somewhere Timmy could think. Timmy had always liked toilets. They were the only place where it was not only socially accepted but expected for you to be alone. And in most places, it was the only room with a lock. Timmy had spent many lunchtimes as a youth in the toilets, hiding from bullies. He used the facilities since he was here anyway, and he had drunk a lot of beer. Once he was finished, he wandered over to the sink, washed his hands, and then rinsed his face. The cool water helped to clear his mind. They needed to get into that room behind the kitchen. If the Gnomes were doing anything illicit, it would be back there, and perhaps they didn’t need to send Wally through the vents. Timmy flushed the toilet again, straightened out his crumpled suit, and then walked out. The Gnome lady suddenly reappeared and led him back to his room. As they passed the kitchen again, Timmy peeked through the flapping door once more and this time saw something startling. There was a massive Goblin in the kitchen. He was wearing all black and covered in blood. Timmy only caught a glimpse before they walked past, but he was certain about what he had seen. He followed the Gnome, but this time kept a careful mental picture of which direction they were moving and how many steps.

  “Did you find anything?” Sarpele asked once Timmy had sat down and they had waited a minute or two to ensure they were alone. Wally was red faced and looked particularly grumpy.

  “Yes!” Timmy whispered excitedly. “There were two Triad members guarding a door at the back of the kitchen.”

  “Good,” Sarpele said.

  “But there was also a Goblin!”

  “What?” Sarpele said.

  “A Goblin?” Wally squeaked.

  “Yeah, he was massive and all dressed in black and covered in blood.”

  “Where was he?”

  “In the kitchen, looked like he was going to that room the Gnomes were guarding.”

  “What is a Goblin doing with the Gnome Triad?” Sarpele said, his brows creasing in consternation. “And he was covered in blood?”

  “Yeah, he might have been bleeding. I only saw for a second.”

  “We need eyes and ears on that meeting,” Sarpele said quickly. “Wally, we’re going to have to really jam you up there.”

  “But I don’t fit!” Wally moaned.

  “We’ll grease you up this time,” Sarpele said. “Get that suit off.”

  “You want me eavesdropping on a Goblin Triad meeting stark bollock naked?” Wally said, horrified.

  “Wait,” Timmy interjected. “I think there’s another way.”

  “Thank you Timmy,” Wally said, relief flooding his voice.

  “The restaurant is too big to just be under the doctor’s surgery,” Timmy explained. “I think it goes across multiple businesses. That back room is about fifty five steps that way.” Timmy pointed the way he had walked. “Do you remember what was behind the surgery?”

  Sarpele thought about this.

  “It was a little warehouse space for the shops in front I believe,” Sarpele said.

  “If we can get into there, I bet there’s another way into that backroom. That Goblin didn’t come through the surgery or the restaurant, I would have seen him.”

  “It makes sense, but if you’re wrong, we could miss our chance,” Sarpele said.

  “Better than stripping me naked and greasin’ me up,” Wally said. “Trust me, nobody wants that.”

  “Alright, but we can’t all go. I’ll stay here, and you two make an excuse to get back outside. Let’s pretend Wally’s gotten too drunk and needs some air. Can you do that?” Sarpele asked Wally.

  “Yessir.”

  “Okay, let’s move quickly. I’ll remain here in case they think we’re trying to run out on our bill.” Sarpele tapped the mushroom, and a moment later the Gnome lady appeared at the door.

  “Yes Mr. Devares?”

  “This lightweight’s had too much to drink,” Sarpele said, waving a dismissive hand at Wally, who had splayed himself face down on the table. “He needs some air before he pukes on the noodles.”

  “I see. Come this way.” The Gnome said.

  Timmy helped up Wally, who was doing a stellar job at pretending to be completely legless. He stumbled and slurred and knocked over things as Timmy helped him out of the room. Timmy slipped his shoes on, but Wally remained shoeless. With his arm around Timmy’s shoulders, Wally stumbled back up the steps.

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  “Mr De-De-Devares is a top bloke,” Wally slurred to Timmy. “You fink… he’s gonna be mad?”

  “No, don’t worry about it,” Timmy said, playing along. “You just get some fresh air and you’ll be right as rain.”

  “I hate the rain,” Wally said, banging into a desk in the doctor’s surgery.

  The Gnome looked over her shoulder and tutted irritably. She opened the main exit for them.

  “When you are ready to come back in, please knock.” She shut the door with a snap after them.

  It was raining again. Wally looked down at his bare feet and sighed.

  “Come on,” Timmy hissed at him.

  They ran around the side of the doctor’s surgery to the back. Sarpele was right. There was an empty lot surrounded by buildings and a low warehouse space that backed onto various shops and the doctor’s surgery. Timmy tried the door and it was locked. They peered through the windows but couldn’t see another way in.

  “Here Tim, gimme a boost up,” Wally said.

  Timmy laced his fingers and hauled Wally up to the flat roof. He slithered up and out of sight. After a few seconds, his head popped back over the lip.

  “There's a ‘atch ‘ere!” he said to Timmy. “Quick, gimme yore ‘and.”

  Together they heaved Timmy up to the roof. The rain was coming down heavy enough to mask the sound of their movements. There was a small hatch that hadn’t been secured properly. With a few yanks, they were able to snap open the clasp holding it shut. First Wally dropped through, then Timmy, who landed with an ungainly thud. They looked around the dark, musty room, trying to feel their way. Timmy did a quick mental recount of his journey through the restaurant. He walked to the furthest side of the warehouse.

  “Wot you doin’?” Wally whispered.

  “The backroom has to be here somewhere,” Timmy said, pointing at the floor. He shifted around a few boxes. “Look!”

  There was a hole in the floor with a ladder leading down.

  “Oh I don’t like the look of that,” Wally hissed.

  “Come on, let’s go.” Timmy scrambled into the hole and began climbing down the ladder with a nervous Wally following close behind.

  They reached the bottom and found themselves in a dark tunnel. Timmy tried to orient himself using his mental map but realised he didn’t need to. They could hear voices floating down the tunnel and they were speaking Forreste. Timmy and Wally tiptoed down the tunnel, the voices growing louder. They could see more figures moving around in the distance. Timmy looked around and saw a small passage leading off to their left. He went down it, Wally hugging close behind him. He couldn’t hear the voices anymore, but he was sure they were behind the room now. There was a small storage cupboard to their left. Timmy tried the handle and it opened. They hurried in and shut the door behind them. The room was pitch black, but they didn’t dare search for a light source. The voices were clear now. Timmy patted Wally’s shoulder and pointed up to a slit of light at the top of the back wall and then he realised Wally couldn’t see his finger. He had got the idea though. They felt around in the darkness and found a box they could both stand on. They dragged it to the wall and peered through the grate.

  *

  “I don’t understand,” Tiko said, puffing on his smoke and running his other hand through his hair. “You’re telling me they were Gnomes.”

  “Yes they were fucking Gnomes,” Rufi growled. He was stretched out on a table, holding bandages to his bleeding side. He still stank of smoke and blood. “Either that or they were children. Which one do you think is more likely?”

  “Did you get a look at them?”

  “No, I was too far and they were wearing cloaks.”

  “And they went upriver?”

  “Yes.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “There’s only two directions up and down, I can tell the difference.” Rufi clenched his jaw and shifted on the table. His burned back was starting to pulsate with pain, joining in with his shredded ribs. “What the fuck was that thing?”

  “Describe it,” Tiko said.

  “It was huge. It looked like a scorpion, kind of. But it didn’t have a stinger, it had a massive club on its tail, and it was all black, with like hooks instead of pinchers.”

  Tiko looked at him with horror.

  “It didn’t cut you with its hooks did it?”

  “No, I don’t think so. This was done by its legs. Why, what is it?”

  “A Carrambus,” Tiko muttered. “I’ve never seen one but I’ve heard about them. They’re venomous. If it had scratched you with its claws, your organs start shutting down, your blood doesn’t clot properly. You basically turn into mush from the inside out.”

  “Let me guess, the Carrambus can only be found in the Gnommish Republic?”

  Tiko nodded and sat down on a box.

  “This is so fucked, Rufi,” he said, holding his head in his hands. “What the fuck have we stumbled into here?”

  “I was hoping you could tell me,” Rufi growled. “That Bad Batch was deliberately tampered with.”

  “What?”

  “I had a Gnommish Worlock examine it. He says it's got some sort of egg or something from a parasite in it. Apparently they’re used by Gnomes to poison each other during war.”

  “Camilophy?” Tiko whispered.

  “Yeah, something like that. Either way, he said that it was deliberate.”

  “Shit. Shit. Shit.” Tiko hunched over and looked like he wanted to be sick.

  “Tiko, what the fuck is going on here? The Bad Batch was deliberately tainted using Gnommish methods. Gnomes at the warehouse where it was being stored. A Gnommish fucking monster left behind. Mate, every single fact is pointing back at your lot and you’re telling me you don’t know anything about it?”

  “What are you trying to say?” Tiko looked up at him with narrowed eyes.

  “That maybe there’s some inter-Triad bullshit going on and I’ve been caught in the middle of it.”

  “You think I would know?” Tiko snapped. “I’m barely middle management, Rufi. If there’s some sort of higher game being played here, I don’t know a thing about it. I’m just as stuck as you.”

  Rufi growled and laid his head down.

  “Look, you said the warehouse has been emptied?” Tiko said.

  “Yeah.”

  “And you took a whole load of product off Cameron?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And my boys have cleaned out any suppliers up North and yours have been clearing out down South?”

  “Yeah. We’ve taken kilos of it off the streets.”

  “Then maybe it’s over,” Tiko said. “Whoever these fucks are, maybe they’re done and they’ve left. They know the heat is on them and they’ve got out of Valderia before they get caught. The OD’s have almost completely stopped. We’ve cleaned it up and nobody knows a thing. So… maybe we just leave it here.”

  “And what do I tell my uncle?" Rufi said. “I was supposed to find the fucks that sold it.”

  “I know… but the main thing they wanted was the deaths to stop, right? And now that’s happened.”

  “Yeah I guess.”

  “Good,” Tiko said, standing up and stubbing out his smoke. “Good. All’s well that ends well, right?”

  Rufi cocked an eyebrow and then looked down at his bloody body.

  “Oh right. We need to get you some medical attention. Come on, I’ll take you to our warlocks, they’ll get you patched up.”

  Tiko helped Rufi up off the table.

  *

  “Come on, we need to go!” Timmy hissed at Wally.

  They jumped off the box and slipped out of the storeroom, down the tunnel, and back up the ladder. Luckily, the warehouse door was locked from the inside so they were able to let themselves back out without having to scale the roof again. They ran around the side of the doctor’s surgery and straight into Sarpele.

  “Where have you two been?” he hissed at them.

  “We found them! We heard the whole thing!” Timmy said.

  “And it makes no bloomin’ sense!” Wally said.

  “Not here.” Sarpele looked over his shoulder. “I paid for our meal and made our excuses but the Gnomes were suspicious. We need to get out of here and back to the precinct. Come on!”

  *

  They were back in the precinct and standing in front of Conway in less than half an hour. They had tried to explain what they had heard to Sarpele and he agreed it made no sense. So now they were rapidly filling in Conway.

  “Wait hold on,” Conway said. “A Goblin was there at the restaurant?”

  “Yes sir,” Timmy said.

  “‘E was all bloody and burned up. Looked like ‘e’d been through it,” Wally added.

  “And you said they seemed friendly?” Conway asked.

  “Yeah like they woz workin’ together.”

  “Green and the Gnomes working together?”

  “Yessir.”

  “Did you catch any names?”

  “Yes sir,” Timmy replied. “One of the them was the Gnome Tiko and the other one was called Roofey, or something.”

  “Roofey? Rufi? Ruf’Gar Chaw’Drak!” Conway sat bolt upright in his chair. “You’re sure he called him Rufi?”

  “Yessir.”

  “What the hell is Sam’Sun Chaw’Drak’s nephew doing in a Gnommish restaurant discussing business?” Conway muttered to himself. “What did he look like?”

  “He was bloody massive,” Wally said. “And all green and umm… well like a Goblin, sir.”

  "He was young, I think." Timmy added.

  “Sounds like Rufi,” Conway said. “And they were discussing the Bad Batch?”

  “Yessir,” Timmy said. “But it didn’t make any sense. They were talking about getting it off the streets.”

  “Off the streets?”

  “Yessir. They were talking about how much they had managed to take from dealers and that they were hoping all of it was gone and that the OD’s would stop.”

  Conway sat back in his chair and scratched his cheek.

  “And then they woz talkin’ about Gnomes, and warlocks, and eggs, and a massive monster thing and umm… like which Gnomes was selling it and which Gnomes was tryna get it back,” Wally babbled.

  “Wait, the Gnomes sold it?” Conway asked.

  “Yes but from the sounds of it, it wasn’t Tiko’s Gnomes but maybe different Gnomes?” Timmy said unsure. “It was all a bit confusing, sir. But my understanding is that Tiko wasn’t the one selling it, he was trying to get it off the streets, and the Goblin was helping him.”

  “Why? Why would Gnomes be taking Burn off the streets? And why the hell would the Goblins be helping them? Uncle Sam doesn’t involve himself in the drug game, so why would his nephew be involved in this?”

  Conway sighed and rubbed his eyes.

  “Well they got one thing right, the OD’s are slowing down. It looks like this tainted batch of Burn might be off the streets.”

  “So what does it all mean?” Timmy asked.

  “I haven’t got a clue but we still need answers. This case isn’t over until we have the main dealers hanging from a rope. By the sounds of it, that might be this Tiko and Chaw'Drak.”