We reached the farmer's market around midnight after several shifts of driving where speed limits were very tepid suggestions. As I had hoped there was nobody around. I found an uncimed patch between two stalls and then we setup the tent. (The tent was a small gazebo acquired during a raid some years ago, and served as emergency housing when not being used as a teleport point in what would probably be a very busy farmers market tomorrow). Once that was done, Elder Nichos teleported back to town with the car. He reappeared a few moments ter in the tent and gave us a thumbs up.
Victoria unrolled her sleeping bag. She'd be camping out to make absolutely sure there was nobody in the tent when the rest of us teleported back tomorrow. She did a few practice hops to make sure she could reliably appear inside the tent and then bid us goodnight with a shooing gesture. Elder Nichos teleported back to town with Alice and I and then I got in the car and drove home. Elder Nichos offered me a ride but I declined. I rather liked nobody in town knowing where I lived.
My arm woke me far too early the next morning. I gave myself a wash in cold water and then got dressed in my best country girl outfit (jeans and a crop top). Then I skated to the distribution centre we'd setup in town. The school gymnasium was the rgest single building so that was our base of operations. It was bedm. Crates were stacked everywhere. Elder Nichos was standing on a dais marked "teleport zone". I walked over to greet him. "Vanessa, there you are. Ready?" - "Yes".
He took my hand and I was back in the tent, which was now about half full of crates of stuff. Sure, an impossible amount of stuff was going to come out of the tent over the course of the day, but it would be for the best if the illusion at the very least stood up to someone trying to take a peek. I stepped outside and Victoria was sitting at our impromptu stall, consisting of several school desks packed side to side with crates of fresh fruit and veg with prices scribbled on the side in sharpie.
I pulled out my phone and pced it on the table. I gave Victoria a quick demonstration of how to use it to calcute a total with sales tax. "Hey, what's the scales for, I thought we were charging per item?" I asked. "Well if someone buys like 3 dozen potatoes, do you want to count them or would you rather put them on the scales and then divide by the average weight of a potato?" she asked. I was speechless. "That works?" I asked. She nodded. "The mathematics teacher's idea. Apparently they use it in banks to count change" she expined. "Well yeah, it works for that because every quarter is precisely the same materials and weight. But potatoes can vary in weight even if they're the same size due to a variety of factors!" I excimed.
"Well its close enough, and do you want to spend the whole day counting potatoes?" she asked. "Touche" I replied. I sat down and waited for a customer to stop by. Our first customer of the day was a man who looked ready to shank someone for his morning coffee. He picked up a single apple and then pced a dolr on the table without ever making eye contact and then walked off. He took a bite. Guess that was his breakfast.
The early morning crowd seemed to be health conscious people who wanted healthy finger food they could eat on their way to work. They mostly bought individual items or two or three at the most. Not exactly swimming in cash that first hour we weren't. They generally didn't talk much. The only really chatty one was an elderly gentleman who bought six rge onions and bit into one like it was an apple. I was treated to six full minutes of the health benefits of eating raw onions while he demolished his snack before my eyes. I wasn't sure if this was some sort of power move or if he was just eccentric and lonely and looking for someone to talk to.
Just before 9AM we saw a man with somewhat poor hygiene going from stall to stall sniffing the merchandise. Someone threw a shoe at him. He gave them the finger without looking up from his sniffing. He came to our stall and stuck his nose right up in the potatoes and took a long sniff. "Oh yeah. That's the stuff" he grunted. "Can I fucking help you?" snapped Victoria. "How many crates of those you got?" he asked. "How many you need?" she replied tartly. "I got room in me car for eight" he said thoughtfully. "You got money for eight crates of potatoes?" I grunted. "If they're that fresh? Hell yeah" he beamed.
He pulled out a shiny bck credit card with the words "café du paradis" in very fancy calligraphy next to the visa logo. "Sorry, cash only" I said. He frowned and reached into his back pocket and took out a roll of c-notes. He slipped two off the roll and handed them over. I immediately handed them to Victoria. "Put this in the tent and bring back people to help carry his potatoes" I told her. She wordlessly entered the tent and then fifteen seconds ter returned with eight toned beast shifters, each carrying a crate of potatoes.
The dirty man beamed and led them off towards his car. If he thought there was something weird about our clown car gazebo he gave no indication. That was our best customer of the morning. Not sure what he needed all those potatoes for. Maybe he was pnning on a starch bath…
At around ten o' clock Rose exited the tent and sat down beside me. I had asked if my friends could keep me company while we worked, to which elder Laurent raised no objection. For a while she just sat and watched me calcute bills. It was nice. But at some point I had to address the elephant in the room. "Alice says you've been bullying her" I stated. "What? No! That's ridiculous" she gasped. "You know I can compel you to tell the truth, right?" I told her.
"Go ahead! I've got nothing to hide" she snapped. "TELL THE TRUTH" I thought at her. "Have you been saying mean things to Alice behind my back?" I asked. "Yes" she said and then comically covered her mouth with both hands. "Warned you!" I cheeped irritably. "I thought you'd trust me!" she snapped. "And now I know you're a shameless liar. Good job" I stated. "I thought we were friends?" she cried. "We are. That doesn't mean I have to assume you'd never do anything nasty or cruel" I stated mildly.
"Ugh! Whatever. Can you get out of my head please?" she asked. "Not until I've figured out why" I replied. "Huh?" snapped Rose. "Why are you being so mean to Alice" I asked. "Because I don't want you getting hurt" she replied. I chuckled. "I can look after myself" I said mildly. "Sure if you see it coming. But you're too trusting. You'd never see yourself getting stabbed in the back by a friend" she stated. "You are literally unable to lie right now because I didn't trust you" I replied pinly.
"Okay, maybe I don't know you as well as I think I do. But you trust Adrian. And you shouldn't. You don't know him like I do" said Rose. "Well yes. I've had a civil conversation with her. I'm pretty sure Emily knows her better than you do, and they've literally only interacted with each other for six hours" I chuckled. "You can't learn everything about a person from a conversation. They only show you what they want you to see" expined Rose.
"You'd learn by asking than assuming" I replied. "I'm not assuming anything. He's evil. I can feel it" said Rose. "That's… That's literally what assuming means Rose" I bit back my ughter. "Also, she's a girl. Her pronouns are she/her. Use them" I snapped. "I CAN'T! I CAN'T LIE RIGHT NOW!" she yelled. "Its not a lie. She's a girl" I said pinly. "BUT HE'S NOT! HE WAS BORN A BOY! BOYS CAN'T BE GIRLS, MAGIC OR NO MAGIC! she cried.
"And what is the distinction between a boy and a girl in your mind" I asked. "A boy is a boy and a girl is a girl" she said. "Based on what?" I asked. "You know one when you see one!" she snapped. "So a boy is a boy because you decided so?" I asked. "Not just me. Everyone knows what's a boy and what's a girl" she said. "So the definition is rooted in human perception then?" I asked. "Um… I guess so?" replied Rose.
"That's not a very objective or scientific definition though" I stated. "He has a penis!" cried Rose. "Oh, definitely not. I've seen her in leggings" I replied with a smile. "But he could have one if he wanted" she stated. "So could you. There's surgeries avaible out here if you wanted that. Does that make you a boy?" I asked. "No" she grunted. "Then what makes you a girl?" I asked. "Because I am" she said. "Well that's circur logic. And by the same circur logic she is a girl because she says she is" I replied.
"No! Deep down he'll always be a boy. You can't change your nature" she insisted. "And what makes you so sure she has a boy's nature to begin with?" I asked. Rose was silent for a few seconds. "I… I don't know. That's just how it works isn't it?" she stammered.
"Boys are born with girls natures and girls with boys natures out here all the time. I should know. I'm trans too" I said. "You're… what?" asked Rose. "Transgender. A girl who was mistakenly decred a boy at birth. My deadname is Jedward Carlisle. Called a deadname because if you ever say it out loud I'll kill you" I told her.
"Wait… so you're like… Alice?" Rose asked. "Why do you think we became such fast friends?" I asked. "But… But you're such a girl" she excimed. "Yes. Yes I am" - "But the code of the sisterhood stuff" - "Girls don't come out of the womb knowing that. We learn from our mothers and our sisters and our friends, and failing all three, the internet" - "But you carry tampons" - "The code of the sisterhood is sacred. Girls look out for girls, even girls who aren't like them".
"So you're" - "Literally less of a girl than she is. Does that make you think less of me?" I asked. "I… don't know?" she admitted. "Do you at least understand why I don't need to be protected from her now?" I asked. "… I guess" she said. She went quiet for a little while. I used the time to ring up customers. "You're the only person besides Leah I've ever met who doesn't sympathize with Ciapheus of the Cold" she said suddenly. "Well yeah. I'm a lesbian. Men's feelings really aren't on my radar" I ughed. "Alice sympathises with him" - "Is that something she told you or something you've assumed" I asked. "I… I don't remember" she groaned.
I pced a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "You might actually like her if you gave her a chance" I stated. "She scares me" Rose admitted. "Fear isn't rational. Leah is pretty scary and she wouldn't hurt a shouty outsider who was being a shithead to her on purpose" I noted.
At around 12 o' clock Rose left and Alice swapped in. Alice shot her a mean gnce as they passed by each other. Rose failed to make eye contact. Alice sat down next to me with two freshly grilled cheese sandwiches, giving me one. I smiled. "Thanks sweetie" I said gratefully. "You say something to Rose?" she asked. "Just a little heart to heart" I replied. "Do you think she'll be nicer from now on?" she asked. "I have no idea. Maybe" I replied carefully. Alice was silent for a few moments. "Thanks" she said. "No problem" I smiled.
Once we were done with out sandwiches Alice and I took over the stand. She was actually a pretty good sales girl, calling out to anyone who passed us by and using her preferred form's excessive sex appeal to reel them in like lemmings. She took one weird old man for a hundred dolrs of onions.
At some point some skeezbag came over and said he could get her a job modelling. I knew what that was code for so I put an urge to cover himself in butter and then turn himself into the police in his head. He was white. He'd be fine. Probably. Alice watched him walk away in a daze. "Nessie, what's modelling?" she asked. "Well basically it means people take pictures of you for money" - "Huh. Why not do that instead of selling vegetables?" - "Well maintaining the secrecy of the town for one thing. Secondly, its often used as a euphemism for sex work, which is a FUCKED UP thing to offer a fifteen year old" I expined.
We also got a few instances of "I'll have 5 apples and your phone number cutie". I shut those down by grabbing Alice in a hug and telling them "she's taken". Some took it well. Some expressed that they could "fix her". I think I deserve a noble peace prize for merely cussing them out instead of straight up killing them. I felt bad for the poor lesbian girl who tried her luck. After finding out Alice was spoken for she spent nearly a minute apologising. Eventually I gave her a free avocado if she agreed to go away and stop holding up the line.
Those didn't need Alice's help to fly off the shelves. I had them priced at ten dolrs each and we were already on our fifth crate by the time Alice arrived. Who knew there'd be demand for freakishly rge avocados?
At around one o'clock the mathematics teacher was teleported in for a shift. I took Alice out on the market to pick up some stuff we didn't have in town. I picked up some tomatoes. Someone would be able to start a tomato farm and then we could have pizza in the bakery. Also oranges and coffee beans. Neither would naturally grow in the town's mountain climate but I knew a witch with the greenest thumb you've ever met. We had to go a little beyond the market for the coffee beans of course. But whatever. You think I'm mad I got to spend a little longer walking along holding my girlfriend's hand? Then we returned to stall and I had Victoria take my purchases back to the warehouse.
I thanked the mathematics teacher who merely smiled and stated it was his pleasure, though he seemed almost disappointed to discover that sales tax was only six and five eights of a percent. Then Alice and I took up our post and returned to selling.
"Is this avocado organic?" asked one customer with ptinum blonde hair. I gave her a bnk stare. "Do you believe its possible to have an organic avocado the size of a football?" I asked. She looked at me bnkly. "Yes?" she replied. Well, it was grown without crispr, atomic gardening or chemical pesticides. I'm not sure if magic discluded something from the nebulous "organic" bel (which has some truly baffling inclusions such as the atomic grapefruit) but sure. "Yeah, its organic" I said, with a barely suppressed eyeroll. The good news is she bought two of them. The bad news is I had to listen to a 10 minute rant about the importance of only feeding one's kids organic everything.
Another customer tried to trade weed for an avocado. He did not appreciate me calcuting the approximate street value of the weed he was offering and calling him out for being nearly four dolrs short. He started screaming about how we were trapped in the capitalist machine (which was hirious because I'm pretty sure this was the closest Victoria had been to more than 360 dolrs in her life) and how we "didn't get it". "GO HOME" I thought. He stopped mid rant and then walked away with an empty look in his eye. God that never gets old! Magic is so useful, how do people live without it?
An old dy bought thirteen apples and then casually unched into a rant about how the government was putting florine in the drinking water to make people gay. I was struck by a wave of mencholy because she reminded me so much of my poor mother. I hope the faith healer is treating her well. Wait, how much for thirteen apples? Five dolrs fifty-five? Eh, close enough.
At around 3PM Alice returned to town and Leah stepped in for a shift. She was wearing the leather jacket from the mall trip. This was the first time I'd seen her wearing it since come to think of it. I watched a gay couple change paths in real time. "Well hello there" - "Whacha got there cutie" they said in series. Leah looked like a deer caught in headlights. "Avocados!" I squeaked. Gonna be honest, if Leah looked like the leader of a butch werewolf biker gang, these two dies looked like her her minions and my little lesbian heart was not faring much better than Leah's.
They turned to me with twin predatory smiles. "Well we just love avocados, don't we Jackie" said the lesbian biker minion on the left. "Love them" said Jackie, licking her lips. Except she didn't lick them like she was salivating over our avocados. She licked them like she wanted me to know just how long and flexible her tongue was.
"I think I'll have an avocado Jackie" said lefty. "I think I'll also have an avocado Jackie" replied Jackie. Wait, were they both called Jackie? That was confusing. I really couldn't deal with confusing right now, I was too busy imagining being sandwiched between the two Jackies as they made out with each other. "Right, so that's two avocados and the tall cutie's number" excimed left Jackie.
I spped myself out of my lesbian daze. I cleared my throat. "Well the avocados are ten dolrs each, plus sales tax for a total of twenty one dolrs and thirty three cents. But as for Leah's number I'm afraid that will cost you your lives. She has a very angry and very jealous girlfriend" I expined. Their faces visibly fell. "Awww" said right Jackie. "No fair" excimed left Jackie. "Sorry. Just the avocados then?" I asked. They eyed me. "Are you the jealous girlfriend?" they asked in a threatening synchrony.
"Um… No. I also have a girlfriend but she's considerably less likely to kill someone" I said. They continued to eye me. "Can we have your number instead?" asked left Jackie. I considered it. Oh boy did I consider it. "Uh, thanks but no thanks" I replied evenly. "What about the redhead?" asked right Jackie. "Straight" grunted Victoria. They both fixed her with a stare. "I'm so sorry" said right Jackie. "Thanks. Its really rough but I do my best" said Victoria in a deadpan lilt.
"If you're straight then why are you hanging out with a pair of lesbians?" asked left Jackie. "I owe the short one a life debt" she continued in her deadpan. "What did she do?" asked right Jackie. "I broke her brother out of prison" I said in my own best deadpan. Both Jackies stared at me for a few seconds. I gave nothing away. "Metal" said left Jackie.
I handed them their avocados. They stared in horror, realizing they'd just bought way more avocado than they'd been banking on. "Where… where the hell did you get these?" asked right Jackie. "A mad lesbian witch who lives on the edge of our town" I deadpanned. Silence. "Do you have her number by any chance?" asked left Jackie. "She doesn't own a phone sadly" I said. "Could you tell us how to get to your town?" she asked. "Sorry, we're hiding out from the government and cannot afford such a pse in operation security" I replied.
They sighed and paid for their avocados and left. As soon as they were out of earshot Victoria punched me in the arm. "Ow!" I said. "WTF Vanessa!" - "What?" - "You told them about the town!" - "No I didn't" - "… You literally did!". I sighed. "Victoria, sometimes lying isn't about not telling the truth. Sometimes a lie is telling the truth in a way that sounds like you're fucking with them. Those women didn't believe me for a second" I expined.
"You sure all the blood didn't leave your brain because you saw a pair of hot women?" demanded Victoria. "I mean the blood definitely left my brain but…" I trailed off. "Idiot. Don't do that again" she chided.
Those were not our only lesbian customers of the day. Have I mentioned that Leah looks straight off the cover of a lesbian romance novel in that jacket? "Can I get a phone?" she asked after the eleventh time a lesbian asked her phone number and she had to make up an excuse. "Sure, but you need to put money in them every so often or they stop working" I noted. "You have one" she pointed out. "Yeah, and I'm like 20 days away from losing my number because I haven't topped it up since the mall incident" I replied.
"You gonna top it up?" she asked. "Its one of the things on the list of things I'm gonna do with the profits of today's endeavor" I replied evenly. "I don't suppose I could share your phone" she asked. "… NO! I mean nobody calls me anyway but in principal I could be doing very private things with it… That said, we probably should all get our own phones so we can split up next time we go to the mall or something" I noted.
There was a brief drop in the conversation while we served customers. Leah seemed to get a lot of female customers. And I was happy for her don't get me wrong, but that did mean I had to deal with the sleezy guy who kept trying to convince me to put my hand in his pocket. Eventually he decided he was bored of harassing a literal child and went off to go harass a police officer and get himself arrested. Mind control? What mind control?
"So how did you wind up friends with Rose anyway?" I asked Leah during a lull. Leah sighed. "Well as a beastshifter, if the other kids hurt me I'm really not allowed hit back. Like they're allowed kick or spit on or throw stones at me because I'm a beastshifter and “beastshifters don't feel pain”". (The sarcasm on that statement was palpable). "And Rose didn't stand for that. She was a little terror who never got in trouble because her dad is principal Bck and he's a respected figure in the community. I couldn't hit back but she could and boy howdy did she!" Leah expined nostalgically.
"Sounds cool but you need more than “fought off bullies for me” for a friendship like yours" I noted. Leah ughed. "There's a bit of a divide between beastshifters and other witches. They think we're kinda scary. But not Rose. Rose isn't afraid of anything! Kind of like you actually. I kinda gravitated to her because she thought the divide between beastshifters and other witches was stupid. Most other beastshifters fall into the "stick to your own kind" shit, at least a little. But I don't want that. We're all hiding in the mountains because outsiders were dumb and afraid of us. We don't need that split to happen again amongst the witch community. We're few enough as it is" she replied.
"So you're sworn sisters in the equality among all witches movement" I asked. "Exactly" Leah beamed. "When you put it like that she sounds like an amazing person and friend" I noted. "She is. An amazing person that is, she's kinda a rotten friend sometimes" Leah admitted. "Sorry" I said. "Not your fault. The same tiny terror energy that gave her the courage be my friend in the first pce often makes her a lot to deal with. But you got to accept your friends, temper tantrums and all, right?" said Leah. I nodded. What would I know different, Rose was one of the only friends I'd ever had who I wasn't mind controlling. (I think)
Around 4:40, a person with short blue hair approached the stall. "Hi, what can I do you for?" I asked with a smile. They took a deep breath and then let it out. They took a moment to construct their sentence. They took a breath and then threw whatever they were about to say out the window and started all over. "Its okay, take your time" I smiled. They looked me in the eye. "I'm looking for a cold hearted vampire girl to corrupt me and a warm hearted werewolf girl who wants to protect me from her and also they might wanna fuck" xe replied.
What the fuck. We were like a thousand miles and multiple states away from the mall where we originally met xir. I erased xir memory. What sort of cockameemee coincidence was this? "Victoria" I said weakly. "Yeah?" she asked distractedly. "When you're done with that customer I'm going to need you to go get elder Maggie. Oh, and tell elder Laurent that the purple haired person from the mall just showed up" I said, my head spinning.
"How did you know my hair was purple? Did we used to know each other? Did we have a secret adventure where we stopped the earth from being invaded by aliens but then you had to erase my memories? Is the tall one an alien in disguise?" asked Charlie. Recognition fshed in Victoria's eyes and she vanished into the tent without another word.
"Are the elders in that tent? Not a very big tent is it! Is it bigger on the inside? Is it an alien time machine? Are the elders on another pnet? Did she just pop off to mars to go get the elders?" said Charlie excitedly. "Charlie, if I had an alien time machine, don't you think I'd be off on a date with Sappho of Lesbos instead of selling avocados in New Jersey? I asked pinly.
Charlie nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense. WAIT! HOW DID YOU KNOW MY NAME?" xe demanded. "HEY, WHAT ABOUT MY DINNER!" demanded Victoria's customer. "Sorry sir, one moment. Charlie, yes something very weird and very wonderful is happening but I'm working right now, so I'm gonna need you to shut the fuck up while I deal with this and I'll get back to you in a moment, okay?" I said. "What? Something weird and wonderful is happening and you're selling potatoes and carrots? What is wrong with you? How could that possibly be more important than" (SHUT THE FUCK UP) "MMMMPH" Charlie said, only ceasing to make noise when I bound xir voice with my powers.
I quickly calcuted the man's total and took his money and then made change. That was getting easier as the day went on, especially after that nice old dy who bought 3 of the giant avocados and paid in quarters. I worked my way through the line until Victoria got back with the mathematics teacher to cover the desk. Then Leah lifted Charlie over the desk and carried xir into the tent. I followed.
"YOU MAY SPEAK" I thought. Charlie took a deep breath. "Wow, did you just cast a spell on me? I couldn't say a thing! Are you Elder Maggie? Where's elder Laurent? This doesn't look much like an alien time machine" xe babbled.
"My name is Vanessa. You met me and Leah here in a mall about three months ago. On my way home from that mall I got abducted by a government agency that specialises in capturing witches and brainwashing them to fight for uncle Sam, headed by the descendant of an honest to god Nazi. Did that have anything to do with you? Did you tip them off?" I asked.
"No? I'd never do something like that!" gasped Charlie. I turned to elder Maggie. "The child speaks true" she noted. "Can you always tell if people are telling the truth? How does that work? Can you tell if I'm lying even if I don't know I'm lying? Can you use your power to answer complicated philosophical questions like is god real?" asked Charlie. Elder Maggie chuckled. "Well if I did have a power like that, and I'm not saying I do, then it would probably be based on what you believed to be true and so no, I don't think it could be used to test for the existence of God" she smiled.
"Why are you here Charlie?" I asked. Xe looked at me. "Um… well… A few months ago, I had a dream where I met bunch of lesbian witches in a bathroom murdering a terf. They took me out for Pizza and then they said they had to erase my memory. I don't remember much of our conversation but… I remember them telling me not to wait around for magic. When I woke up I decided I was tired of waiting. So I stole my parents car and I've been bouncing around America looking for something special ever since" xe said enthusiastically.
I let out a long, sad sigh. Well longer instructions tend not to take as well. There's a reason I usually keep it to short stuff like "SHUT UP" or "FUCK OFF" or "DIE". It stands to reason that Charlie missed like half of what I said. Whatever. The only question was… "Charlie, why are you here specifically, today specifically?"
"I dunno. I just had a feeling I guess" xe said. I turned to elder Maggie. "The child speaks the truth" she confirmed. I sighed. "Thanks Mags" said with a tired smile. "Oh, no mention it hero. Hows the farmers market going?" she replied. "Excellent. If this keeps up we might even have enough for Elder Laurent's sor array" I smiled. She let out a delighted cackle. "Excellent. Well I'll see you back in town. Can you ask Victoria to send me back? The crowd is giving me a thumping headache" she said. "Sure".
I pulled Charlie back outside. "Thanks Sir. I'm good now" I told the mathematics teacher. He shot me a smile and then him and Victoria returned to the tent. Victoria returned alone a couple seconds ter. Charlie peeked into the tent. "They're gone" xe excimed. "Yes Charlie they're gone. Now, do you want answers?" I asked. "You sure that's a good idea?" asked Victoria.
I looked her dead in the eye. "I promised if I ever met Charlie again I'd expin everything to xir. And unlike Disney's Peter Parker that sort of promise means something to me. So Charlie, where to you want to start? The werewolf, the secret witch town or how I technically count as a vampire if you squint?" - "You technically count as a vampire?" asked Victoria with mild confusion. "I've medically died, have killed several people, brought several of them back from the dead and have drunk human blood some time in the st twenty four hours. Yeah, I think that's close enough!"
