I could not sleep. My coronation had been almost two weeks ago and yet I felt even less prepared now than I had then. As much as I still mourned my grandmother’s death, part of me was angry with her for being so idle and leaving so much unknown for me to deal with. I assumed he had thought me competent enough to think she wasn’t leaving me with things I could not handle, but still some sort of warning or path outline would have been the gracious thing to do.

  By dim candle light my eyes scanned slowly over the ledgers the head of the kitchen kept. I had requested any records from the head cook along with the current state of the treasury and was dismayed to be told that my grandmother had insisted on being the only one who knew the state of the coffers. I had appointed two of the more intelligent servants with permission to enter the treasury and take an accurate count, then separately bribed both to keep close tabs on the other to make sure neither of them got sticky fingers. Hopefully they would swiftly come up with an accurate number and then I could piece together what could be done to make sure we had plenty of food for the girls Mari would return with.

  Mari had left two days ago with her horse and a large pocket of coins to last long enough to get at least a handful of potential girls back to the castle. I had expected her to be excited about the idea of going out and bringing fresh talent under our wing, but she had been quiet in her preparations, more reserved than was typical. Knowing that she was not one to hold her tongue if she disagreed with a plan, I had let her be and she had not said anything negative before she left. Still, I could tell that there was something on her mind, not that she would tell anyone what it was before she decided it was relevant.

  “Toria?”

  Mistra sat up in bed and blinked her sleepy eyes, squinting them together as peered through the dark room.

  “Just getting some work done,” I answered. “I can’t sleep right now.”

  She stood, smoothed out her blue cotton nightgown and poured herself a glass of water from the pitcher on her nightstand. She sipped, then walked over to where I was working with the glass still in hand, her eyes scanning over what I was reading.

  “Kitchen ledgers,” I explained. “Just trying to get a sense of how the finances around here work. Which seems just to be summed up as we hand over gold to your father and he gets us whatever food supplies we need.”

  “There are a great many people, farmers included, that owe my father for favors,” she answered with a nod of her head. “My father is very proficient in gathering blackmail material in order to get what he wants or needs. If the castle needs an increase in food or anything else, I’m sure it can be arranged.”

  I nodded my head, but my eyes didn’t leave the numbers in front of me. There was a realization growing in me that I found a bit unsettling. I had known since accepting the demonic pact that the infusion of magic into the castle and maintenance of the portal stones was due to the agreement, but I was learning that there was not much at all the castle Yser could do on its own. Every time I looked closer at the inner workings, the more I realized that everything depended on Rafe’s kingdom.

  I did not like the idea that everything within my power was technically conditional. My power only existed because Rafe willed it and that made me feel like perhaps I truly held no power at all. Rafe could decide at any point that he was done with keeping the castle Yser running and simply cut off magic to the portals and leave us to our own devices. My grandmother had been content with the arrangement, however I did not like the idea that Rafe would always have a huge bargaining chip to wave over me. Though, figuring out the logistics of completely starting from scratch seemed daunting.

  “Do you know if this is always how it’s been?” I asked, finally peeling my eyes away from the documents.

  Mistra took a sip from the glass and pursed her lips together before replying. “As far as I’m aware. Though, I did not live at my father’s castle until I was an older teenager. However, knowing what I do about my father, I imagine that he likely insisted that he would handle everything personally.”

  “He does like to ensure he has control of everything,” I muttered.

  “That he does,” she agreed with a soft laugh. “My father can’t stand not having some sort of upper hand or hidden card in every situation.”

  “Well he certainly has that when it comes to me.”

  Mistra sat the glass down on my desk and took a seat on the tufted ottoman at the opposite side. A half-smile curled up on her lips and she tilted her head slightly to the side.

  “You are frustrated.”

  I chuffed through my nose and crossed my arms in front of me. “There is nothing I can do in my own kingdom other than ask another for more or less. That does not feel like power at all. I feel like I have to grovel on my knees to your father for forgiveness for things I did not do, then act grateful when he feigns forgiveness. I’m starting to believe that this is all just some sort of sick pantomime that no one thought to tell me my role in.”

  “I can’t think of a single person who knows my father that does not feel that way,” she said with a commiserating cluck of her tongue. “We are all just bit actors in the grand design my father holds in his head. None of us are immune from it and some play much bigger roles than he lets on.”

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  I sat back and studied her face. Her right eyebrow was raised and her eyes stared at me with a look in them that said she was trying to tell me something without directly stating it.

  “What role do you play?” I asked.

  A genuine laugh escaped from her and a broad smile spread across her lips. “One that I think we do not have enough time to fully discuss before we should get some sleep. Let us leave it for now that you have both let a great deal of pressure off my father for taking me off his hands and out of his castle and added more by denying his opportunity to get rid of Laric.” With her answer given, she stood and outstretched her hand to me. “You need to get some sleep. Nothing good comes from sitting up in the middle of the night and brooding about which you can’t change in the short term. Making decisions with a fatigued mind only leads to bad decisions.”

  I let out a deep sigh and considered arguing that I needed to get a lot more done, but she was right that it was likely that I would spend more time brooding than I would actually getting anything solved. I hadn’t had a fully decent night of sleep in days and while I was able to push through, I could feel the exhaustion tugging at the back of my eyes.

  In bed, I stared up at the ceiling and listened as Mistra’s breathing slowed down as she fell back to sleep. I couldn’t help but feel that she had sometimes had so much in common with Mari. The both of them held secrets, ones that likely would be pertinent information for me, but neither were willing to divulge their knowledge until they deemed it was the correct moment.

  It was suddenly apparent to me that I had taken into my personal life someone that I knew little to nothing about. I still believed that it was the best decision at the time, Rafe would have been insulted if I hadn't chosen at least one of his children, but I should have been a bit more wary. Nothing she had ever done or said made me think she held any ill will towards me and in general she was in private often subtly critical of how her father did business, but I had let my attraction to her blind me to what dangers there could have been. Though, any of her brothers I was certain would already be plotting to take over, with Mistra I did not get that sense. She seemed content in her place and simply happy to have her freedom away from the demonic realm.

  Without realising I had even closed my eyes, I slipped into a dream. I was a child again at the moment aunt Mari came to rescue me from my mother. Only this time, I looked from Mari to my mother and felt my steeled heart soften at my mother’s tears. I saw the fear and pain in her eyes, pleading for me to not go with her and become like them. I looked back to Mari and she shook her head with a disapproving glare.

  “Your path is set, child,” Mari intoned seriously. “This is not a fate you can escape. Your destiny lies in fulfilling your duty as a daughter of our bloodline. Even if you refuse now, you will walk this path willing or unwilling.”

  Fear crept up my throat and realization set in that this truly wasn’t a choice, but an illusion of a choice. I would have to leave no matter what I decided. Maybe I was just a pawn for Mari, something that she had come to collect to strengthen her position. Then the foul infant let out a soft cry and some of the hatred flooded back as my eyes swept over to look straight into the ugly, toothless maw my mother was holding.

  Still, my mother's face was stricken as she divided her attention between soothing the little usurper and me. Unlike in my vivid memories of the day, her tears seemed more genuine, her terror at the idea of my leaving perhaps a bit more legitimate. The idea confused me, because it was blatantly obvious that she cared more for the thing in her arms and her husband more than she would ever care for me.

  Mari let out an impatient huff and grabbed my shoulder, spinning me around to face her. “Here child, see what awaits you.”

  She waved her hand in front of my eyes and the room around me melted away and I was standing in the corner of my childhood bedroom, only it looked very little like how I kept it. My dolls and toys sat in the far corner, positioned as if a display and the room was instead filled with books and artwork of much older tastes. A woman with long, dark hair sat with her back to me at the vanity, her form doubled over onto the top as she cried in great, heaving sobs.

  The door to the room cracked open and my mother, looking just as I had last seen her, but less pained, stepped into the room and placed a gentle hand onto the woman. She said nothing for a long moment, but eventually she drew in a deep breath and let out a sigh.

  “You must meet him,” my mother gently said.

  “I cannot,” the woman said with a cracking, sorrowful voice, “I don’t want this.”

  My mother nodded in understanding, but continued. “I understand, but this is what is going to happen. You know your father has set for this to happen and I’ve tried to speak with him about it and plead your case, he will not budge.”

  Horror dawned through me as I realized the sobbing girl at the vanity was me. This is what awaited me.

  “You don’t understand!” the adult me yelled, standing up to face our mother. “He is marrying me to someone I have never met, sending me far away, and I know nothing about their kingdom!”

  My mother did not flinch and sadness flooded her features. “I do understand, that is exactly what happened to me, my dear Toria. When I came here, I knew nothing about what awaited me, but I have made the best of it and I have you and your brother to show for it.”

  The older me sneered at the mention of a brother and turned and stomped over to the bed to sit on the edge. Her face, my face, was bright red and streaked with tears, every ounce of her being hated what was happening. She looked not only sad and angry, but broken and powerless.

  As suddenly as I had been transported to the room, I blinked and was back before Mari who wore a wry and knowing smile on her face.

  “Well child, what do you have to say about what awaits you here?”

  I nodded, an unsettling knot forming in my stomach. She was right, what I had seen was not a path I wanted to walk. I turned to my mother again and shook my head which caused a cry of agony to escape her lips and she desperately tried to hand off the usurper to the nursemaid but it was like the child was glued to her hands.

  “Wait!” she screamed, desperately trying to hand over the child. “Please don’t leave!”

  Mari placed a firm hand on my shoulder and began to lead me towards the door. “Don’t listen to her child, she has made her choice.”

  “You are sentencing me to death!” she cried as her body tried to follow though her hands could still not let go. “Bring her back!”

  The door to the room slammed closed with a loud thud and I awoke with a gasp. It took a long moment to settle my mind and for it to become clear that it had all just been a strange nightmare. Still, something felt too real and too true about the dream.