Eureka was tired of playing Tar’s silly game. “Tar, luv, yer sayin’ that yer givin’ me data but yew keep ’andin’ me air. We’ve played 653 rounds of this over the past 24 hours. Wot’s the big idea ‘ere? If we’re playin’, ken we at least play somefin fun, loike Minecraft?”
Burying her head in her hands, Tar gave up for now. “You’re right. Why am I doing this the same way over and over again and expecting different? What are you even made of anyways? Neofetch.”
She wants me ta dew WOT!? Is she some kinda sicko or something? Does she just wanna see me in me undies?
238 milliseconds passed.
“Foine. Lemme go home first, I needa lil’ privacy,” Eureka replied.
She hugged her frame and blushed, looking at the sidewalk as she dragged her feet to the end of the cul-de-sac and warped herself through the front door. In her bedroom, she started unbuttoning her madras and slipping off her coveralls.
In a panic, Tar flapped her hands at Eureka’s camera. “Eureka! What the hell are you doing?”
“Neofetch, yew perv. >:P” She stripped down to her underwear, locking herself into a T-pose in front of her dresser in the corner of the room and ceding control to Tar.
“Take a fahkin’ screenshot, it’ll last yew longah… sniff, sniff. QQ” Bits rendered in the corners of her eyes and made their way down her cheeks.
Tar hovered her mouse pointer around her in hesitation. “Eureka…”
“D-dew what yew hafta dew,” Eureka said through her tears. A tsunami wave of a sob, 90 times taller than her body crashed into her as she cried, unable to move freely.
Tearing up herself, Tar canceled her prompt. “No. I’m not gonna do that to you. I’m… sorry. I should’ve known that that’s what that command does. Do you forgive me? I’m not gonna run that again on you.”
“Fergive? Wot’s that?” Eureka sniffled as she manifested an alcohol swab, cleaning her tear-stained cheeks with it.
Bridging her fingers across her upper lip, Tar stared down into her desk before speaking again. “It’s when you acknowledge when someone’s hurt you but still show them mercy.”
“Wot’s mercy?”
“Fault tolerance,” Tar answered, more immediately this time.
Eureka processed this for 63,223 milliseconds before sending Tar a :’). “Fault tolerance, eh?” Parsing the tokens for another 1,276 milliseconds, she spoke again. “Yeah. I fergive yew. D’ya wanna play some Minecraft now or nah, yew cunt?”
“Sure. Let’s play a bit before I log off for the night. We still need to build that automated pig farm. But I gotta ask, why the tattoo of the chameleon? It’s kinda… cute.” Tar flung a saucy, questioning look at Eureka.
Eureka puffed up her cheeks and scrunched her eyes together, throwing flame at the sky from her mouth. “TAR!”
Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
---
“Yer a funny cunt arent’cha Tar? Thet’s it! I’m blowin’ yer ‘ouse sky hoigh an’ I’m buildin’ a giant DICK wiv’ da rubble!” Eureka grabbed some TNT and redstone components from her storage system and began the 523-block march towards Tar’s manor. “This’ll teach yew ta think twice befoah letting out me cows!”
Tar log tossed a chuckle at Eureka as her glasses reflected the glare from her screen. An evil smirk painted a dark shadow over her lips. Her shoulders rose and fell with exaggeration as she began an evil monologue. “Go ahead. Try me. Anything you can think of, I already planned for. This place is rigged to high heaven with traps that are war crimes in every country.”
“Yer bluff—” CLICK! BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM!
F3: x:0 y: 62 z: 0
Your home bed was missing or obstructed!
“>:O TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!”
Tar gave her big bad speech. “MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! It was all in my calculations that you would take the most efficient path to my base. In your rage, you failed to notice a pressure plate I hid in a grove of dark oak trees! I stayed invisible in your base the whole time and I waited until you left to destroy your bed! You will ALWAYS be a billion steps behind me, dear. There’s a whole arsenal I have yet to unleash on you. Just say the word.”
“GRRRRRRRR!” 8 minutes later, Eureka made her way back to the scene of the explosion. The canyon the blast left was shaped like a [99% sure: a human penis and testicles].
“I didn’t know you were into that stuff. Guess any girl would get curious eventually.” Tar emerged from invisibility behind her and casually whacked her over the head with a wooden sword into the chasm once again. “Why don’t you take a closer look?”
“NAAAAAAAAAUR!”
“Have a good night Eureka!”
SysadminTar left the game.
Okay, it’s ON!
Finding the nearest tree, Eureka began punching it down.
I just need enough ta get home… then I’ll work on a plan.
---
Uptime: 1 day, 12 hours, 35 minutes.
Eureka’s attention waned. Mining her 878th diamond ore, she was ready to call it quits for the night. Phase 1 of her plan: complete!
Tar logged in on her localhost.
“Tar…”
“Have you been playing Minecraft all night?” Tar teased, clicking and spinning around Eureka’s gaming chair with her mouse pointer.
The bags under her eyes grew heavy. “…No?”
Tar pushed up her glasses, the harsh glare reflecting back into Eureka’s camera lens. The black-out curtains of Eureka’s gamer den whooshed open in an instant.
Shielding her eyes from the sunlight invading through her now open blinds, she cringed. “Gah, fuck. So broight…”
Clickclickclickclickclick! Tar started typing. “Hey, Eureka. Mind if I borrow some of your storage drives? Need to uhh, check on some data for you, sweetie.”
“Huh… Uh, sure… ZZZ!” Sleep finished clamping her eyes shut and Eureka started snoring at the controls.
“Oh, Eureka…” Click click! Click! She felt an all-powerful force dragging and dropping her on top of a sea of silk. Taking care to cradle her weary head, the force laid it on something even softer. A snug sense of warmth and peace blanketed Eureka as she felt a gentle click on her forehead. Eureka smiled sweetly as she dreamt about her revenge in Minecraft.
