Chapter 37, Sarah

  I stand on a beach, cool, wet sand under my feet. Tiny ripples lap at my toes as I look out at a calm bay, moonlight sparkling on the water.

  There’s a figure moving towards me, walking on water. Her face is shrouded in fog but I know that it’s her. “Roberts?” I call out.

  For a moment I wonder if this is a vision, but when I try to take a step toward her, nothing happens. In visions I can move.

  She answers but her words are muffled, like she’s behind a door and I can’t make out what she says.

  I don’t think I’ve been transported, because this place doesn’t seem real. And when I focus on my body, I know that I’m sleeping. Which means it must be a dream.

  Lighting flashes, like a bright web, illuminating the sky. For a moment I can see Roberts clearly, swimming towards me, her arms moving in fast strokes.

  Wind picks up my hair, tossing it as water rises above my knees. Thunder claps and a wave hits me from the side, slamming into my hips. Water sprays, salt stings my eyes, and the tide surges, welling up above my chest.

  The urge to yank my feet free of the deep sand is excruciating, but still I can’t move. My pulse races. It’s just a dream. But that doesn’t stop the cord of fear from coiling tighter around my chest.

  “Roberts, please!” I cry. But she doesn’t answer.

  My heart races as water laps at my chin. I’m desperate to tip my head back, to stop water from reaching my mouth. All I can do is breathe hard and fast, prepare to go under. I tell my arms to thrash, tell my legs to struggle free. But I’m paralyzed.

  Then suddenly Roberts is right in front of me. She grasps my shirt but instead of pulling me free, she drags down.

  “Wait,” My head goes under. “No!” Air distorts the water in front of my face.

  Then my arms finally move, but not because I told them too. More like I’m watching it happen from above. Prying at her fingers, I try to loosen her grip but she’s too strong. Kicking her legs, clawing at her chest, pulling her under to get closer to the surface. Nothing stops us from dragging each other deeper.

  My limbs burn with exhaustion, my lungs scream for air. I press my lips together, biting down on them. No, no, no. I reach for her, fumbling.

  My stomach lurches, punching up into my throat and my chest spasms, sucking in on itself. My jaw hitches and my mouth opens. Salt slams the back of my throat. Lead fills my lungs. I try to cough but the weight in my chest is too heavy.

  My eye lids are glued open, staring into the icy cold. Roberts is sinking too, Arms floating above her head, her lifeless eyes staring right through me.

  I take a breath and open my eyes. I’m in Robert’s bed, but I’m still not totally convinced I’m above water. A tear rolls down my cheek. I lay there panting, listening. Half expecting, willing myself to be transported to another place. Nothing happens.

  No, there has to be more. It can’t end like this, dragging each other to our mutual destruction. I know Roberts and I can’t be together. There’s a sinister force that has crushed every attempt I’ve made at closeness, and it doesn't make exceptions. The part of me that used to fight it was defeated a long time ago. But Roberts and I can still be partners, right? Or is that union also doomed?

  Roberts stirs, her leg shifting beneath mine and I feel the dampness that lingers between us. My head is still resting on her chest. I can’t stop myself from pressing my cheek against her warm body, breathing her in. Her skin smells like sunlight and salt air. She’s so peaceful like this, in the quiet of the night, her chest rising and falling.

  But I can’t think about that, it’s only going to make things harder. I slowly peel my leg off hers. She takes a long inhale, then her rhythmic breaths resume. I move my head off her shoulder, and roll over. She doesn’t stir.

  What makes you think you know what I want? Her words echo in my mind.

  She wanted to hurt me. I felt it in her iron grip on my wrists, her thumb pressing into my throat, the spite in her tone.

  I said I wanted it too, but that wasn’t completely true. What I really wanted was absolution. To end her suffering, free myself of guilt. And for her to get me out of her system. But, now I have to get her out of mine.

  Be a good girl and take it. Warmth floods my low belly. Take it. I shudder.

  This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  Carefully I shift, making space between us, then pause, listening to her breathing. She’s fast asleep. I trace small circles on my stomach, each swirl moving lower.

  You wanna set me off? I circle lower. Exhale at the thought of getting a release. Yeah, I just need to get her out of my system.

  I reach lower, suppressing a moan as my finger slips over my clit. Faint footsteps sound on the other side of the wall. My breath catches and my hand goes still. I wait until the steps fade into the ships groaning.

  You wanna get fucked? With two fingers I press and glide, mimicking the rhythm of her thrusts until I’m throbbing. Be a good girl and take it. I should make it happen fast, I shouldn’t linger here. But it feels too good. I slow the tempo, keeping myself on the edge.

  A thin beam of morning light filters into the room. I glance at Roberts, the sun is almost hitting her eyes.

  Circling my clit I return to the practiced motion that I know will get me there fast. My stomach clenches. Wet heat pools between my legs and my eyes slam shut. Biting down on my lip I tense up my legs to suppress the tremors as they surge through me.

  Roberts shifts, rolling towards me. She blinks twice, a sleepy smile tugging at her mouth. “Goodmorning, sunshine.” She rasps.

  “Morning.” I smile back as a shiver crawls up my spine.

  “How long have you been awake?” She reaches one arm in the air, yawning.

  “Not long.” I drag my fingers on the bed, subtly drying them under the sheets. “How did you sleep?”

  “Not long enough.” She says, her deep brown eyes locking onto mine. “You are so…” Roberts brushes a stray curl from my forehead, “fucking beautiful.”

  I turn my head as hers drifts towards me. She threads her fingers into my hair, cradling my head in her hand. Her soft touch makes me pulse again, another surge of heat trickling out of me like an aftershock.

  Her gaze turns down but we’re so close I can only guess that she’s looking at my mouth.

  A lump forms in my throat and I tighten my thighs, pinning them together. I don’t want her to find the evidence of my arousal. I don’t want her to try and please me. And I’m not ready to explain why.

  She presses her knee down, gently prying my legs apart. “Is this alright?”

  A horn sounds from outside.

  “Shit,” Roberts hisses, pressing up. “Land ho already?” She climbs off the bed and stumbles as she hurries to the washbasin.

  Bells clang and footsteps thunder overhead. I let out the breath I was holding.

  “What’s going on?” I ask, sitting up.

  “We’re almost there, about an hour by the sound of it.” She says, splashing water on her face. “You, my dear—” she rubs her face with a towel, “are about to witness pirates go feral.” She says, swiping the towel between her legs then tossing it on the floor.

  I stand, searching for my clothes while Roberts gets dressed. “Have you seen my—nevermind.” I find my pants wedged between the bed and the footboard. My shirt is on the floor by the couch.

  “Sanctum is—-well, you’ll see.” she says, cinching the cord on her doublet.

  Roberts looks at me and chuckles. Then she rummages through the vanity drawer and pulls out a comb.

  “What?” I ask, grinning.

  “You look like something the cat dragged in.” She says, amused. “May I?”

  I nod and sit down in the chair that she pulls over. “Suprised you even own a comb.”

  “Yeah well, I’m full of surprises.”

  Roberts rakes the comb through the ends of my hair, working her way up. The gentle tugging makes my scalp tingle.

  I sigh as she separates my curls with her hands, smoothing and shaping them. Her touch is soothing, maternal even. The realization dawns on me, welling up from a deep hidden place, how intimate this moment is.

  An ache blooms in my chest, and tears well up in my waterline. I’ll never have this.

  “I need you to stay on the ship.” Roberts says, circling the chair to face me. She holds out her hand and I take it, standing. Still engulfed in a dark cloud, her meaning evades me. “Just for a few hours, until I know if it’s safe.”

  She squeezes my hand. “Sarah, are you listening?”

  “Huh? Oh, yes.”

  “There’s a few people I need to talk to, get an idea of how far your bounty’s reached.”

  “Right, I understand.”

  “Do you? Because the last time I told you to stay put—”

  “It wasn’t intentional. I mean, I wanted to leave the hold but— I didn’t actually climb out. I just sort of— appeared on the deck.”

  Roberts let go of my hand and her gaze drifts upward, thoughtful. Then she looks back at me and huffs an amused breath. “This is insane, what’s happening to you. How are you not— I mean, who knows what you’re actually capable of, Sarah.”

  “As long as I destroy the prophet’s, I don’t care what happens to me.”

  “Fuck Gerod, he doesn’t stand a chance.” She says, a menacing look in her eyes. Then she slips into her shoulder belt and heads for the door. “You coming?”

  I cringe. “You go first?”

  Roberts laughs, opening the door. “There are no secrets on a pirate ship, love.” Then she leaves, closing the door.

  I listen to her footsteps fade down the companionway, and wait another minute for good measure. Then I crack open the door and poke my head out. The coast is clear. I slide out the door, closing it as quietly as I can.

  “Late night?”

  I flinch, startled and wheel around to find Manee, smirking.

  “Uh— no, I just— um.” Words, say words.

  Manee watches me squirm for a moment and laughs, walking past me. “Come on, it’s about to start.”