Lila the Brave took a bite of my bread.

  I watched her face, waiting for... I don't know. Suspicion? Fear? A sudden realization that she was standing in a demon lord's dungeon, eating food prepared by her natural enemy?

  Instead, her eyes went wide.

  "Oh my gods," she mumbled through a mouthful of bread. "Oh my gods."

  She grabbed the whole loaf from my hands and tore off another chunk like a starving wolf.

  "This is..." Chew. "The best..." Chew chew. "Bread I've ever..." Swallow. "EVER TASTED."

  I blinked.

  "Really? It's just basic sourdough. I didn't even have time to—"

  "Basic?" She pointed the bread at me accusingly. "Sir, I have traveled across three kingdoms. I have eaten in the finest taverns and the humblest inns. I have NEVER tasted bread this good. What's your secret?"

  My secret is that I'm a demon lord with magical baking powers and an existential crisis, I thought.

  "Family recipe," I said.

  She narrowed her eyes. Suspicious. Too suspicious.

  "You're not from around here, are you?" she asked.

  Here we go.

  "What gave it away?"

  "The ears," she said, pointing at my pointy ears with her bread-hand. "Demons aren't exactly common in human kingdoms. But..." She shrugged. "Whatever. Not my business. You make good bread, that's all that matters."

  I stared at her.

  "Wait. That's it? You're not going to, I don't know, attack me or run away screaming?"

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  Lila laughed. Actually laughed.

  "Buddy, I'm an adventurer, not a crusader. I kill monsters that try to kill people. You're just standing here... baking." She took another bite. "Also, I'm pretty sure I could take you in a fight if I had to."

  She was probably right.

  An hour later, Lila was still there.

  She'd made herself comfortable on the floor, back against the wall, munching through her second loaf of bread while I nervously hovered near the oven.

  "So let me get this straight," she said, counting on her fingers. "You woke up in a dungeon. You have zero combat skills. Your magical powers are all bread-related. And you have no idea how you got here."

  "That's... basically correct."

  "Wild." She shook her head. "Absolutely wild. Most demon lords I've heard about are all 'darkness and despair' and 'I will cover the world in shadows.' You're just... baking."

  "I don't exactly want to be baking," I muttered. "It's just all I can do."

  Lila was quiet for a moment. Then she sat up straight, her eyes lighting up.

  "Wait a minute."

  "What?"

  "Wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute." She scrambled to her feet. "You have a dungeon. You have an oven. You can bake the best bread I've ever eaten. Do you realize what this means?"

  "That I'm doomed to spend eternity as a magical baker instead of an evil overlord?"

  "No!" She grabbed my shoulders. "It means you can open a bakery!"

  I stared at her.

  "A... bakery."

  "Yes! Think about it!" She spread her arms wide, painting a picture in the air. "Adventurers come through dungeons all the time. We get hungry. We get tired. We get homesick. If there was a place inside a dungeon where we could get fresh bread, hot coffee, maybe some pastries..." She grabbed my shoulders again. "DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH MONEY YOU COULD MAKE?"

  "I'm a demon lord. I'm supposed to conquer the world, not run a small business."

  Lala waved her hand dismissively. "Conquering is expensive. Do you know how much an army costs? Equipment? Minion salaries? Trust me, you need startup capital first."

  I opened my mouth. Closed it. Opened it again.

  "I... don't think minions get salaries."

  "They should. Fair wages for fair work." She crossed her arms. "Look, I'm not saying forget your evil plans forever. I'm saying... start small. Build a brand. Get some regular customers. Then conquer the world."

  < System Notification >

  New Quest: Open for Business Establish a functional bakery within your dungeon. Reward:100 XP, Title: "Small Business Owner" Bonus Objective:Serve 10 customers without being murdered.

  "...The system is actually considering this," I said weakly.

  "See? Even the universe agrees with me!" Lila beamed. "Okay, first things first. You need a name. Something catchy. Something that says 'delicious pastries' but also 'enter at your own risk.'"

  "The Demon Lord's Bakery," I said sarcastically.

  Lila snapped her fingers. "Perfect."

  "Wait, no, I was joking—"

  "It's perfect! It's honest marketing! People love honesty!" She was already pacing, planning. "Okay, I'll spread the word in town. Tell the other adventurers there's a new place in the lower levels. You just focus on... making more of... this." She pointed at the bread.

  "You're going to send adventurers to a demon lord's dungeon. To buy bread."

  "Exactly."

  "Where I will be. Baking."

  "Uh huh."

  "And none of them will try to kill me?"

  Lila considered this. "Probably not if the bread's good enough. Most adventurers are pretty reasonable. We just want to explore, kill monsters, get treasure, eat well. You're not a monster, you're a... small business owner."

  I looked down at my flour-covered robes. My packet of summoned yeast. The warm, golden loaves cooling on the stone floor.

  A demon lord. A bakery. Adventurers as customers.

  This was absolutely insane.

  "Fine," I heard myself say. "Fine. Let's try it."

  Lila pumped her fist. "YES! Okay, I'll be back tomorrow with customers. Be ready!"

  And just like that, she was gone, taking the rest of my bread with her.

  I stood alone in my dungeon, surrounded by the smell of fresh baking, wondering how my evil overlord career had taken such a sharp left turn.

  < System Notification >

  Achievement Unlocked: First Contact You have successfully interacted with an adventurer without dying. Reward:+5 to Existential Dread

  "...Thanks," I muttered.