Chapter 34: The Father of the Blind

  (Perspective of the Blind - Ieyasu)

  Since that day, the "Voice of Kindness" (my father) never spoke to me again, and that was better for me.

  And no servants dared to let me hear a single word of mockery.

  As for the followers my father gathered, they began training as Samurai during the "time of the sighted."

  As for the "time of the blind"... it was like the calm before the storm.

  For the first time since I started, I hit "Mama."

  Immediately after my wooden sword touched her arm, I threw it down and shouted, "I hit you, Mama! I hit you!"

  She said, panting lightly, "That is only because I was a little tired, nothing more, nothing less."

  "I hit you!"

  I jumped on her and hugged her.

  She said, patting my back, "Alright, alright. You worked hard, and you are also talented. You will rise to a high position in the future, I am sure of it."

  I pulled away from her and said, "Are you telling the truth? Will all of Nippon remember my name one day?"

  She said, "Of course, for you are my son."

  Then she lightly punched my head again: "Do not drop your sword during a battle, do you understand?"

  "Well, you deserve a reward. What do you think about going out to the village and eating some delicious food?"

  "Of course!"

  "Come on, lead the way, you blind boy. Surely you can smell the way to the food, right?"

  I replied, "Do you see me as a dog? And besides, of course I know. I am a fox, unlike you."

  "What, you brazen child? This child is taller than you!" She grabbed my ear. "Your tongue needs sandpapering."

  "Alright, alright, I'm sorry."

  After some walking, we reached the village.

  It was my first time leaving the mansion, but I wasn't nervous.

  We entered a tavern, ordered a lot of food, and started eating like maniacs.

  As I put a piece of meat in my mouth, I said, "Mama, what in the name of the gods is this? It is incredibly delicious!"

  She replied, as I heard her chewing greedily, "Mmm... I can't believe we were eating that moldy food from that hut. They don't know how to fight and they don't know how to cook, what is their use in this world?"

  With a huge piece of meat in her mouth, she mumbled, "Mmm!"

  Those were the most beautiful moments of my life. The sound of her laughter, the smell of roasted meat, and the feeling of fullness.

  But the joy did not last.

  After we finished eating, we stood up and were about to leave.

  The tavern owner called out, "Oi, you mules!"

  We stopped.

  I whispered, "Aha, Mama... you forgot to pay."

  She didn't reply.

  "Why are you silent, Mama? Come on, pay."

  She said in a faint voice, "Oi... were we supposed to pay?"

  "Are you joking with me? Of course we have to pay! How can we eat without paying?"

  "But my son... I don't have any money. I thought he wouldn't charge me because I am a fox. As you know, food is free for the messengers of..."

  "..."

  "I don't believe you! Here we are washing dishes because of you! And we have to wash for a whole month! Daily! From morning to night!"

  She said with fake cheerfulness, "Aha... it's nothing. Just one month, it will pass quickly."

  "What will pass quickly?! Good god, you are a careless fox! You have no sense of responsibility, and you dragged me into this with you!"

  "Umm, my son..."

  "What now?"

  "I remembered... I have some business in the village. I won't be able to wash dishes every day!"

  "Right now, I wish for death after hearing your words."

  "But I will come half the time... no, a quarter of the time... maybe I just won't come at all."

  "Aha! And who will wash your dishes? Me?!"

  "Of course. A son must serve his mother."

  I started washing the dishes angrily. "Wash the dishes, come on! We have thousands of dishes waiting for us!"

  And thus began the new "time of the blind."

  The next day, I went to the tavern to wash dishes, and just as I expected, Mama wasn't there. She shirked her work!

  The tavern owner came to me and said, "Where is the fox?"

  I said, "I don't know."

  "Well, it doesn't matter, you're here. Oh, and right, for every day the fox is late or doesn't show up, you will wash dishes for an extra day."

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  "Mama... I think right at this moment, I am angry with you!"

  If only we hadn't celebrated.

  Every day, dish after dish.

  For the first time, I skipped training time to wash dishes. Damn dishwashing, do the customers never end? Aren't we in a village? Why is the tavern always full of people?

  After two weeks passed like this, of course, Mama didn't show up for a single day to wash dishes.

  After I finished work and was about to leave, I heard the voice of a fox right outside the tavern door.

  This was the first time I heard the voice of a fox other than Mama. And it wasn't just one, but two.

  "That whore Kinami..."

  I froze.

  "How in Kina's name is she our mother's heir? Every day she leaves the forest and goes somewhere, rejecting the traditions."

  "Do you remember that time she fought with Kinjin, the sword of the goddess Kina?"

  The other fox replied, "How does that whore dare to sleep with someone other than foxes?"

  He added mockingly, "But she has a Kinawi body... what a waste."

  The first fox replied, "Heh, you're right."

  I could no longer listen.

  I raised my sword.

  And instantly.

  "You bastard! Don't talk about Mama like that!" Fwsh. I cut off the first one's head.

  The second one was shocked and retreated immediately, saying, "You bastard! How dare you kill one of the messengers of the goddess Kina?!" Fwsh. Then I cut off the second one's head.

  "Insolent! How dare you talk about my mother?"

  Before my ears, the voices of strangers gathered.

  "What did this madman do? Is he in his right mind? Did he kill one of the messengers of the gods?"

  "Wait... isn't this Matsudaira's son?"

  "The Kinban squad will not stay silent about this... madness."

  It doesn't matter. When Mama hears my story, she will forgive me. Besides, I am her son. Of course, she wouldn't let some lowly scum who insulted her touch her son.

  "Alright, I should go to sleep. I am tired."

  I returned to the hut and slept peacefully in my room.

  Little did I know that what awaited me were nothing but blind nightmares that would haunt me for the rest of my life.

  I woke up to screaming.

  "Ieyasu!"

  She was shaking me violently.

  I said sleepily, "Why are you screaming, Mama?"

  She said in a terrifying voice, "What did you do yesterday, you fool?!"

  "Aha, do you mean those two foxes? You won't believe what they said about you! They called you a whore. I protected your name and killed them."

  She stepped closer to me.

  I expected her to hug me. I expected her to say, "Thank you for protecting me."

  But suddenly... her scent changed.

  The warm scent of wild grass vanished, replaced by a sharp, electric scent... the smell of ozone and cold sweat.

  And I heard her heart.

  They were not tender heartbeats, nor were they afraid for me.

  They were strong, slow, and heavy heartbeats, like the footsteps of a beast preparing to prey. The heartbeats of disgust.

  Then... from out of nowhere. Boom! A punch.

  I felt my facial bones crack. I flew across the room and smashed into the stone wall, falling to the floor with my mouth full of blood.

  It wasn't the physical pain that killed me.

  It was the sound.

  The sound of the punch wasn't the sound of flesh striking flesh.

  It was the sound of shattered trust. The sound of the world I had built around her voice breaking apart.

  "How dare you kill one of us?!"

  She screamed in a strange voice, a voice I didn't recognize. The voice of a monster.

  "Huh... what?" I whispered, spitting blood and teeth. "But I did it for you... I am your son!"

  I heard the sharp movement of her neck, and she said with icy coldness, devoid of a single ounce of love:

  "You are no longer my son. Prepare for the wrath of Kina, you blind boy!"

  Then she vanished.

  Her footsteps faded away. Her scent faded away. And with her, every light in my dark world faded away.

  The door burst open violently.

  The voice I hate the most. The "Voice of Kindness."

  Immediately when he saw me, for the first time in my life, he hugged me.

  He was trembling. His scent was full of ancient fear, the smell of burning paper.

  "Listen to me, Ieyasu. You must run far away right now. Do you understand?! The furthest place you can hear, go to it!"

  "What? But Mama will protect me, why should I run?"

  He tightened his embrace and said in a broken voice: "She has chosen her own blood."

  I froze in his embrace.

  She chose her blood... and I am not her blood.

  With my ears, I tried to look at that voice. And for the first time, I felt a maddening desire to know who was holding me.

  I raised my trembling hand.

  I wanted to touch his face. I wanted to read the features of the "Voice of Kindness." Is he crying? Does he hate me? Does he love me? I wanted to see "my father" with my fingertips before the world ended.

  My fingers approached his cheek. I felt the heat of his face, the moisture of his tears.

  But... before I could draw his face in my imagination...

  He grabbed my wrist.

  He stopped my hand in mid-air.

  He didn't allow me to touch him.

  He pushed my hand gently, but firmly, away from his face.

  He pulled me away from him, just like he always used to do.

  "I am a Samurai. And Samurai do not run from a battle, nor do they leave their home empty."

  "Then I will stay as a Samurai too."

  "You are not a Samurai, Ieyasu. You are better than a Samurai. And that is why you must run. You must live."

  "I will not run! I will stay here!"

  He cried.

  The sound of his crying was wet, heavy, like someone drowning in deep mud.

  "Please, Ieyasu... run. I cannot face her and say I couldn't protect our son. Run and live your life. I am sure you will become a Dragon (Ryu), no, even better than a Dragon."

  I thought while he was crying... (I don't want to become a Dragon. I just wanted to become strong for Mama... but why are you the only one who still remembers my dream? I thought you didn't care about me. I thought you hated me). What is the voice of truth?

  I want to hear it.

  Is it the sound of your crying now? Or the sound of my memories?

  Why did you stop me from touching your face? Is it because you hate me? Or is it because you love me so much that you don't want me to remember the feel of a dead man's face?

  "My lord! They are here!"

  The voices of the guards screaming outside.

  "Take Ieyasu out the back door. I will go out and delay them!"

  The "Voice of Kindness" stood up. The sound of a sword being drawn from its scabbard. It wasn't the sound of a strong sword; it was a trembling sword, but it was drawn.

  I felt him moving away.

  Words I didn't say, and will never be able to say: (Please don't go... please don't leave me, you kind voice... don't die thinking that I hate you). He stopped at the door. I felt his gaze piercing me for the last time.

  And he said calmly, in a clear voice devoid of any tremor:

  "Do not be afraid, my son. I am here to protect you."

  Then he went out and left without a goodbye.

  (Perspective of Matsudaira)

  I will embrace you, my son, as the sky embraces the earth.

  O hardest stone of kindness, you who bury your kindness in the mud so it will not be broken.

  I am here for you, and I always will be.

  I see that your life and your principles are better than mine, because you are my dear son.

  I love you... I love your strength that made me stronger.

  O you, whose heart was touched by the tenderness and kindness of the most beautiful woman in this world, my beloved wife who passed away... If only you knew that the tenderness of the one you called your mother was conditional, while the tenderness of your "true mother" that runs in your blood is eternal.

  If only you could hear her voice, you would have fallen in love with her just as I fell in love with her.

  O heart more tender than heavy raindrops.

  Oh, how precious your blood is to my heart, and my love for you is an invaluable treasure.

  My son, so dear to my soul, my heart, and my blood.

  O you, whom I cannot be harsh towards out of my love for him... I will kneel before death, poverty, and humiliation just to protect you.

  Every Ryu will trust you. Every mermaid will trust you. Every Kappa will see how gentle and beautiful you are.

  O all that I have left of that woman... I will trust you with my soul and my honor.

  I wish I had your ears to hear the beauty of the world you perceive.

  I am afraid, my beloved wife. I am afraid that I cannot protect our son.

  Afraid of my failure to protect all that I have left of you.

  Our son is an angel blooming like spring... a free angel like the birds of paradise.

  I wish I could talk to our son more.

  I wish I hadn't failed in the only mission I wanted to succeed in.

  I want to tell my dear son every story that happened to me.

  I want to talk to him more. I want to hug him. I want to laugh with him.

  I want him to always be smiling.

  I will weep for him like a flowing river.

  O my beloved son... a piece of my soul and hers.

  Goodbye.