"I guess only death can save me now. But I can't die yet. Not while I desperately need to take a shit."

  The world is collapsing. Trees and roads and huts and barns are being sucked into the sky. Everything is being absorbed into a giant hole in the sky.

  The hole very strangely resembles a glowing pink weeping lady. Screams like one, too. A universal scream that every man can hear, from the byzantine empire over to the Roman empire and down to Egypt ... And right around with the red indians and back up to the Rus. Everyone's hearing the screaming. The men, women, children. The horses can't stand it. They scream back, challenging the lovecraftian force of nature.

  Everyone's desperately holding on to something. In vain, mostly, but some farmers have started holding on to the ground, burying themselves underneath their trees and grabbing onto the roots and stems. It doesn't take long for those to be sucked up too. There's no escaping the gaping hole. The woman came for everything and everyone.

  Among this terrifying force of nature. One man happened to be in the wrong place, at the wrong time, in the wrong circumstance. All of which have come together to somehow save this man's life.

  This man is Rupert Vronesberg. A knight with a funny face. Maybe it's just funny now, because he's struggling to take a large, wet shit. Right under a waterfall somewhere in Europe.

  He's shocked at how hard he finds it. He's never faced trouble shitting before. But what shocks him even more so is seeing the wet veil of the waterfall unravel itself, as the waterfall starts flowing upwards, towards the weeping woman in the sky.

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  "I can't stop now." he says "I need to keep shitting."

  The rocks, the debris, even bits of the mountain start to fly towards the woman. Everything is leaving the earth to join the sky. Everything except Rupert, who is adamant on finishing what he started about 4 minutes and 36 seconds earlier.

  He desperately grabs onto what's left of the mountain as it slowly leaves him behind. He clutches and grins, grazing his own teeth by each other. Tears leave his eyes, tears that fly to join the weeping woman.

  Slowly, the earth was being wiped clean. The Byzantine empire was gone. The Roman empire was gone. Egypt was gone. Red India was gone. Rus was gone. Even China was gone.

  All that's left was the large, valiant mountain that fought for its life. And the waterfall that poured out of it.

  Rupert's hands bled. His nails perished. His fingers were slowly becoming dead. That's all Rupert's shit could do for him.

  He finally let go. And felt himself being pulled up into the sky. But rather than a straight way up, he found himself swimming across the waterfall, which smoothed his way towards the woman.

  He watched the woman, who grew and grew as he got closer. The closer he got, the more the woman looked less like she was weeping and more like she was ... Smiling, grinning, laughing perhaps. She was happy. It was her plan all along. To uproot this poor shitting knight from his shitter.

  As the world's final mountain finally gave in, and the river of waterfall started joining the woman, Rupert clenched his fists, and his cheeks, for one final uproar.

  He let it all go. Everything was okay. Everything was quiet. Seven minutes and seven seconds was all it took for it to be over. Rupert had finally found peace.

  Shit, he has. And shit, he no longer needed to.