We sent Manaia and the other survivors upstairs, where they could watch Welcome to the ZETTAMALL? and flip the hell out in peace. Including Bullseye, our slice of the mall now included well over a hundred survivors.

  I'd also just barely leveled up after that last fight. Not much had changed: my health had gone up, the experience required for the next level was higher, and I was being promised more stuff later.

  [ William Tombaugh, Customer [104/B]

  Level: 3 [Up!]

  EXP: 151/300

  Basics

  Type: Sol-Human

  Job: [Available soon!]

  Bot: Khan Zoomer (Epic Lightning Aug-Bot, Wizard's Treats)

  Stats

  Might: 4

  Brains: 5

  Finesse: 4

  [Expand for details...]

  Assets

  Conditions: [Death Discount I], [Healthy Guts]

  Health: 14/14 [+3!]

  Funbucks: $625 ]

  The barrier was dropping soon, so we hashed out a simple plan over Zettachat. It was basically a repeat of our first night: sweep the central plaza and connect with as many survivors as possible before OddBotz selection at noon. This time though, we had the numbers to tackle every floor at once.

  Val's Pals were worried about a classmate who allegedly worked in the west plaza, so they asked to take Level One. I still had concerns about Vaughn, but for now we were on the same wavelength—his crew gathered for a push on Level Three, where a huge crowd of survivors were supposedly holed up in the bigger food court. We volunteered for Level Two, between them. Everyone else either picked a group to roll with or stayed behind to barricade the plaza.

  Overall, I was feeling pretty good about our chances. Across the mall, people who had never met before were working together to overcome this ridiculous situation. We only had thirty hours to go, and if we kept this up, I knew we could survive them together.

  The rest of the day was a fucking shitshow.

  We regrouped on the seats outside Huge W.

  "Well, no musicals," Chaz said. "We emptied the store just in case. Maybe the next one will be into romcoms."

  "I'm getting pretty good at stealing," Lex said proudly.

  "If you're done, we should open crates," I said. "We've been putting it off since last night."

  "You've been studying the crates with some other guys in Zettachat, right?" Kara asked Chaz.

  Chaz nodded. "Send me what you've got."

  I flipped through my crate window. I had three keys, plus the upgrade key from this morning. Ignoring coupon crates and crates I planned to shove into an altar still left me with:

  [ Bronze Shoplin Crate. Coffin Surplus Battle-Tested Suit Crate. Furtyv Treasure Crate. Gold Lair Crate (Xorka). Gold Shoplin Crate. Limited Edition OddBotz Crate. Silver Lair Crate x3 (Xorka). ZETTAMALL? Harsh Boss Crate. ]

  Chaz studied our lists and took a deep breath.

  "Okay. Save your lair crates and your upgrade key. I'll explain later. Shoplin crates mostly give 'crafting materials' that we can't use yet, so maybe save those too. We have no information on the rest, besides the OddBotz crates, obviously. Oh, but if you have any Pillage Crates you're just gonna stick in an altar, trade them with me. I'm doing a thing."

  I summoned my OddBotz Crate. "Well, I know these are good..."

  Kara summoned hers too. "Good idea. I'm on my last."

  My fuzzy crate ate my key again, spat out a kid's lunch box with a cartoon Khan on it, burped a coupon, and vanished. Kara's used its tongue to drop a phone case into her lap.

  [ Rare! A Wizard's Treats "King's Breakfast" Lunch Box! Place an essence inside to store it for up to 48 hours! ]

  [ A Wizard's Treats Silver OddBotz Card! ]

  [ Rare! Kara Ceres has received a .CYBERCULT Doomscroll Case! While this case is attached to your phone you'll have access to the Official .CYBERCULT App, which will give you access to one random scroll each day. You can recharge the scroll by defeating enemies. ]

  I held up the box. "Is this useful for you?"

  "In the long run," Khan said. "Under normal circumstances, essences can only be retrieved one hour after defeating an enemy. This may help you keep your options open."

  Good enough for me. I bagged my rewards as Kara snapped her phone into the case and held it up. It featured an LED-lit, anime-style artwork of what looked like Kara as a cyberpunk witch.

  "I like it, but who drew this?..."

  Chaz shrugged. "Maybe they isekai'd a manga artist here. What spell did you get?"

  "Just a sec!" Kara swiped through menus. "It's... 'Eldritch Brand (Death Daddy): Blast a foe with a powerful energy bolt. If defeated, the targeted foe's loot will be converted to Death Daddy store credit.' Ooh, I think Darksynth works with this!"

  Next. I summoned my Treasure and Boss crates. The wooden treasure crate creaked open with a dramatic retro-video-game jingle, then dispensed a sledgehammer.

  [ A Furtyv Secret Sledgehammer! Make your own cheeky little secret by using this hammer to blow a hole through a wall, floor, or ceiling of your choice. Works three times. Only works if the space behind the wall is in the same mall as you. ]

  When I held the hammer, a holographic yellow wireframe appeared on whatever surface it was pointing at. It was marking the hole it would make if I used it.

  Kara leaned away. "Should we be worried?"

  "I have to activate it on purpose, it's fine."

  I put it in Snakpak anyway, then examined the boss crate next. It was a sleek, mean-looking black box with red lighting, like something an evil emperor in a space opera might hide his favourite launch codes in.

  [ A ZETTAMALL? Harsh Boss Crate! Awarded for defeating a lesser boss encounter. Contains an item you could probably use from one of three mostly-random brands. ]

  The crate didn't open when I unlocked it—instead it glowed, hummed ominously, and displayed three brand names in hologrammatic text above the lid.

  [ DarkSpire Occultech. Slurp Nurse. WARCRIMES. ]

  "Uh... anyone want any of these?"

  "Your call, bro," Chaz said.

  I shrugged and touched DarkSpire. The crate opened dramatically, revealing a red crowbar.

  [ EPIC! A DarkSpire Occultech Series Gamma Crowbar! A snazzy emergency weapon for the modern occult scientist. This bludgeoning weapon deals double damage against Expired, and also doubles as a crowbar. ]

  I swished it around a little. It was surprisingly easy to swing. Crowbars were definitely supposed to be heavier.

  "Feels better than the wrench."

  "Okay, I'm definitely getting in on this," Chaz said, summoning his crate. The others followed suit.

  Everyone got offered Warcrimes, but besides that the brands were random. Chaz received a sword in a black sheath with an anime ninja girl drawn on it, Kara got a large tactical pocket, and Lex got a relatively normal pair of sneakers with neon-blue insides.

  [ EPIC! Chaz Cruso has received a Moist Oni "Shinobu" Ninjato and Sheath (a Contrasht collab)! This sword temporarily boosts your Dodge skill when you strike an enemy. Weapons in the sheath will phase through it when drawn, to make it easier. ]

  [ EPIC! Kara Ceres has received a .CYBERCULT Purpose Pocket! Attach this pocket to a piece of clothing and reach inside to pull out an item that might solve the problem you're thinking about. Can be recharged and used again. ]

  [ EPIC! Galaxxie Pallada has received a pair of Mister Sportsball Dark Neonraptors! These hot tech kicks for the style-savvy mall rat will allow you to walk on walls for a combined total of 30 minutes per day. ]

  Kara reached into the pocket and found a USB-C cable. "Neat! I guess I can charge it with my jacket?"

  Lex slipped her shoes on. "Hey, these are really comfy."

  If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.

  "Is the Dodge skill the same thing as the Dodge stat?" Chaz asked nobody, before strapping his new sheath to his back and drawing the sword. "Oh my God... Will! Bro! Look!"

  I watched him sheath and draw it again. "I don't get it."

  "Normally you can only draw swords from your back like this in video games," Chaz said. "The arm doesn't have enough reach to actually do it. But check it out! I can do it the cool way now! This IS made for me!"

  "I'm happy for you, man," I said. Wasn't even lying. Getting obviously useful items tailored for us for once felt pretty good—

  —wait, was I feeling happy about this situation?

  God damn it. They almost got me.

  I stood up. "We should get moving."

  Manaia bounded out of Huge W with immaculate timing, trailed by other survivors. A lot of them looked shocked or confused, but Manaia was grinning.

  "Hey!" he called out, waving Welcome to the ZETTAMALL?. "Thanks for showing me this!"

  "...You're welcome," I said hesitantly. "Are you okay?"

  "Yeah, sweet as," he said, as another survivor threw up behind him. "I'm a neo-Posadist, bro. I knew there were aliens, and I knew they'd be socialist. This is a big win for me!"

  My party shared a look.

  "This doesn't seem very socialist," Chaz said.

  "I know, but think about it," Manaia said, tapping his nose. "This place recruits from pre-Space Age cultures, right? That implies that the systems of private enterprise it's looking for are rare or non-existent afterward."

  "It could also be because we can't fight back," Lex said cautiously.

  "I dunno, I like that theory," Chaz said.

  I had a feeling that it was a little early for us to be making assumptions about the socioeconomic state of the universe, but now wasn't the time for that.

  "Barrier's going down in a few minutes," I told Manaia. "Still in?"

  He cracked his knuckles. "Let's do it, comrade."

  A crowd of survivors were waiting at the barrier. Murray, Cosmo, and (unfortunately) Troy were at the front.

  "Nobody who needs experience is staying behind, right?" I asked Cosmo.

  "Nope, we convinced everyone," Troy said.

  "Zeddie threatening to kill them really helped," Cosmo added.

  "And I reminded them that they don't have to be on the front lines," Troy said.

  "Yeah!" someone called out in the back. "We just let the help take hits for us, right?"

  I stared at them. My patience was getting thin today. "Seriously?"

  Chaz put his hand on my shoulder and lowered his voice. "Would you rather they try to help from the front, bro?"

  "...Fair enough."

  "Don't worry," Kara said. "Most of them are fine. They've unboxed weapons and supplies and everything."

  "And we've got your back," Murray said.

  "True. How are the other floors doing?"

  "Harmony's crew went downstairs with Val," Chaz said. "Trinity and Jordan too. A lot of people went with Vaughn."

  "Is that bad?" Lex asked.

  I shrugged. "Probably not?"

  Manaia checked the clock. "Ten seconds, folks. Ready to show these jokers who's boss?"

  "Yeah." I tried to loosen up. "Let's do this."

  [ STATUS

  TIME: Day 2, 11:00 AM

  CUSTOMERS: 683/1167

  ODDBOTZ: 121/683 ]

  [ Access to the rest of the tutorial is now enabled. Good luck! ]

  Most people who hadn't leveled up yet were around halfway there, and we were pretty sure we could make it work. We didn't even reach the central concourse before the shoplins attacked.

  There was even a new type of shoplin: Scooterheads. They'd stolen some of the mall's electric mobility scooters, and bolted on weird shoplin tech that somehow increased their speed. Armed shoplins clung to the back and sides or fired their crossbows as they raced towards us, hoping to ram someone before dumping their payload right in our face.

  Lex and the other ranged fighters were able to pick a few shoplins off before the rest of us got close enough to fight. Manaia was reckless but clever, leaping at the scooters and trying to knock them off-balance. It worked well enough to open them up to attack.

  I did my part. The alien crowbar was easy on the hands, but not on skulls.

  [ You have defeated a Shoplin Scooterhead! Yum! ]

  [ Honorary Airport Luggage Handler

  Defeat a Shoplin Scooterhead.

  Reward: +1 WARCRIMES Bronze Sponsor Crate ]

  We soon reached the central concourse. From this level we could see a giant advertising screen hanging through the middle, which now rotated through Zettamall ads; the current one said "MOG-AGLOG: Nasty Brews At Nasty Prices!". Beyond it, across the concourse, a much longer corridor extended into the west plaza.

  The plaza to our north was a simple row of shops leading to the mall's main entrance, now covered by metal sheets. A couple stores had been shuttered, and the shoplins were camping outside.

  "Gotta be survivors," Manaia said.

  Chaz eyed a pop culture store to our left. "I'll check in here."

  "Let's do it." I fired a blast at the shoplins to get their attention, and it was on.

  [ Yum! ]

  We took the shoplins apart before checking every store, scooping a bit of each into Snakpak on the way. We turned up a few survivors, mostly behind the shutters: some baristas in a café by the entrance, the hungry patrons of a variety store, a slightly awkward trio who thought they'd die soon and had decided to spend their last hour banging in the back of a juice bar.

  Things were going pretty well. The first problem wasn't even us.

  "Hey!" Val called from downstairs.

  I stepped over to the concourse and looked down. Val and Joe were down there, riding commandeered shoplin scooters, and their pals were hanging off the backs. All of them looked pissed. The other survivors were nearby.

  "Everything alright?" I asked.

  "No!" Val said. "We can't get through to the other plaza! Some guys blocked it off!"

  "...Why?"

  "They said they're 'defending their territory' or some shit!" Val said, as Joe made a jerking-off gesture.

  Reg waved. "Can we just go with you, cuz?"

  I rubbed my head. Less than a day in a space mall with sentient cyberware, and already people were acting weird. My list of potential threats was already too long.

  "Go for it. Does anyone down there speak Tagalog, by the way? We found a scared old lady and this situation is really hard to explain."

  Baz raised a hand. "Yo. Coming."

  We slowed down to get the new survivors up to speed, and do a little looting too. We were getting more efficient with practice—the pop culture store was already empty. Once Chaz had enough anime shirts, we sent him to scout the west plaza corridor.

  That's where he found problem two.

  The west and central plazas were far enough apart to squeeze a whole department store (AJ's) between them. The entrance sat halfway down the west corridor, in a larger space that branched off its north side. Chaz's Suikatana figure extended his Ninja Vanish to a full minute, which gave him just enough time to scout the place and run back.

  His sneakers masked his steps, but we could hear him panting a little on the way back. When he reappeared, he had his hands on his knees.

  "There's a lair. At AJ's. Phew. Lots of shoplins. One sec. Hoo boy. Okay. It smells like chemicals. There's a miniboss there that just looks like a shoplin in a lab coat. Some of them might have explosives."

  I glanced down the corridor. From here we could see a sliver of the west plaza—there were a lot of plants—but nobody was coming. We'd be on our own.

  "Ideas?" Kara asked.

  I looked at Lex. "We could try the shield thing again?"

  "Could work," she said. "If it breaks I can't do another for ten seconds."

  "Then we'll start with ranged attacks and run if they don't work."

  "Sounds like you can use an old fuck with a bow," Murray said, pushing his way to the front. Trinity followed behind.

  "If I see anyone throwing a bomb, I'll stun them," Joe signed.

  "Sounds great!" Kara said. "Let's give it a try."

  We crept down the corridor, everyone who didn't have a bow or enough courage following behind. I went ahead and risked peeking around the corner.

  The space in front of AJ's had some pillars and sofas in the middle, but the sofas had vanished. The entrance to AJ's was flanked by glass walls; an advertising screen on the left displayed MOG-AGLOG's strange, wet-looking logo.

  Three shoplins stood guard outside. They looked like they'd painted a mural in their work clothes on their way here, and they had several large, round-bottomed flasks full of neon yellow liquid hooked to their aprons.

  [ SHOPLIN PRODUCT DEMONSTRATOR, Lvl. 3 ]

  The store behind them was a mess. It looked like the shoplins had pushed all the shelves against the walls, creating one big expanse of wooden flooring, and dragged the sofas inside so they could lounge around. The floor was stained with chemicals. One unwise shoplin was juggling flasks, while others chugged flasks of what looked like milkshakes.

  I got the attention of our archers and nodded towards a phone repair kiosk that sat in the corridor. They nodded in acknowledgment. Murray and Trinity nocked their arrows.

  "Should we bait them, bro?" Manaia asked quietly. He'd been allowed to stay with the ranged attackers when he produced a cricket ball he could throw.

  "Yeah, alright." I looked at Lex. "Say when."

  "Okay." She took a breath to calm her nerves. "Three... two... one... Go!"

  We ran.

  I fired blindly at the guards to rile them up and slid behind a pillar, followed by Lex. Manaia followed behind, adding a little sass.

  "Hey! HEY, GUARD GUYS! HUMANS RULE, ALIENS DROOL!"

  That did it. They each grabbed a flask, took a few steps toward us, wound up to throw, and...

  Lex dropped a Smak Rak right in front of them.

  It all happened in seconds.

  The shield appeared just as they threw. The flasks smashed into it—and exploded.

  There was a spray of yellow liquid and some kind of concussive blast, which shattered both Lex's shield and the glass walls. It didn't kill the shoplins, but it did send them flying back into AJ's, bouncing across the floor towards their buddies. More flasks flew out of their aprons, cracked against the tiles, and exploded.

  More shoplins were bowled over. Some had more flasks, which also exploded.

  The chain reaction sent screaming shoplins ragdolling across the store in a shower of discount shirts and glowing liquid. Wet glass sprayed everywhere.

  Several shoplins flew across the store and out of sight, the juggling shoplin included. His flasks hit something we couldn't see—

  KABOOOM!

  The windows rattled. A glowing purple sludge sprayed across the floor. A cat yowled for some reason.

  [ You have defeated a Shoplin Product Demonstrator! ]

  [ You have defeated a Shoplin Product Demonstrator! Yum! ]

  [ Yum! ]

  [ You have defeated an Alkemic Bastard! ]

  [ You have defeated a Warcrimes Liaison! Yum! ]

  [ You have defeated an Alkemic Bastard! ]

  [ Yum! ]

  [ Yum! ]

  "Whoops," Lex said.

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