This Lair was way more generous than the others. There were the achievements, to start.

  [ Shop Chopped

  Clear a HROGGAKRUPP Lair.

  Reward: +1 Bronze Shoplin Crate ]

  [ No Such Thing As Bad Press, HROGGAKRUPP Edition

  Demonstrate the effectiveness of HROGGAKRUPP vehicles by attacking a HROGGAKRUPP Lair with one.

  Reward: +1 HROGGAKRUPP Spare Parts Crate ]

  [ Everyone Out! We're Closing Early!

  Clear every Lair in your tutorial.

  Reward: +1 ZETTAMALL? Harsh Boss Crate ]

  [ Christopher Columbus Memorial Achievement Sponsored By VentureSoft

  Clear your first hidden mission.

  Reward: +1 Gold Quest Crate ]

  Our race positions formed the leaderboard—me first, then, Baz, this Sidus prick, Harmony, and Manaia. Instead of Most Damage or Killing Blow, everyone who raced got a gold Lair crate. I still had to ask Chaz what to do with those, actually.

  Did every Lair have a hidden mission? Were there clues we missed? Was it even something worth striving for, considering we basically bumbled into that one? I had no idea, and I honestly kind of hated that I felt excited about it at all, but I kinda hoped we'd do it again sometime. Not having to snuff out sapient beings felt nice.

  For his part, Helgrok seemed happy. The shoplins actually picked us up and carried us on their shoulders back to their Lair, where they started drinking and celebrating with anyone willing to join them. They even let people use their altar, which sat in the back of a stolen van.

  They set me down on a tire, put a medal around my neck, and offered me a trophy full of strange brown liquid. Helgrok nodded encouragingly when I lifted it to my lips.

  I shrugged and tried some. "Cheers?"

  [ Victory Milk! Your HP permanently increases by 1! ]

  "Oh, okay!" I gave Helgrok a nod of respect and kept drinking. It was chocolatey. "Okay! I'm into this!"

  Helgrok slapped my back, took a selfie with me, and led his cheering shoplins to bother Baz with another medal.

  Chaz pulled up a tire and joined me. "Nice work, bro. What's in the trophy?"

  "HP milk." I held out the trophy. "Want some? I couldn't have done it without you."

  He tried some and spat it out immediately. "Ugh! I think this is for you only. It tastes like shit to me."

  "You know what shit tastes like?" Val asked, as she and Lex joined us. She was visibly paler, but whatever was wrong with her she was trying to ignore it.

  "Oh, ha ha," Chaz rolled his eyes. "Wait, what happened to you?"

  "One of the guys at the back turned into a Ghost Rider," Val said. "Dude crashed into me. I'm at 75% Death Discount now."

  "At least the Lairs are clear," Lex said. "What now?"

  "One sec." I chugged the rest of the milk, then gave Lex the trophy. "Can you Snakpak this, please? Thanks. So, I'm thinking we still have some people to beat up."

  "Sidus, yeah?" Lex asked hopefully. "That guy sucks. I'm pretty sure he was checking me out earlier."

  Chaz agreed. "He's obviously got problems."

  I stopped them. "Not him. He can wait. I'm talking about Vaughn."

  "Vaughn?" Val stared at me like I'd just pulled a rabbit out of my mouth. "That dude's been helpful all day!"

  "Exactly." I dusted myself off and stood up. "Vaughn knows what's going to happen in advance, and he isn't telling us everything."

  Lex was obviously still suspicious of Vaughn, but the others were still sceptical. I wasn't surprised—he'd been nice to them all day, and Chaz was obviously compromised by their shared love of pockets.

  "Is this about the shortcut thing?" Val asked.

  I nodded. "Partly. I mean, why lie about studying the track just to tell me to look for a shortcut? Because he knew it was there and was worried I would lose."

  Chaz clapped his hands together. "Of course! Vaughn's from the future! When he died he returned to the past, and now he's changing the future."

  I paused my cool detective reveal. "Isn't that a plot from a webtoon?"

  "It's the plot of a lot of webtoons. They go back to the same wells a lot."

  "I was going to say Hieropant," Lex said.

  I pointed at her. "Exactly. Most of the OddBotz aren't allowed to share info with us, but Hieropant can. Vaughn already knew what was on the tapes. I'm just saying that he knows more than we thought."

  "So, what's the problem?" Val asked.

  "Well, first, why not just tell us? He already admitted that Hieropant talks to him. But more importantly…" I raised a finger. "The safe zones. Vaughn got them up in Bullseye and Huge W really fast. By the time we ran down there, he was already set. He was probably camped out in Dandy's when they went on sale."

  "But that was good, right?" Val continued. Vaughn was on her list of Adults Who Hadn't Been Shitty. "Everyone in that store who could afford it was at OddBotz selection."

  "Right, but why leave Gateway? Even a warning would have been fine. Instead he just let Magic screw us. He'll give us tips, but he's hiding the huge stuff."

  Lex looked worried. "So… why?"

  "I don't know, but I'm worried about it. The only other person we know who was getting info was Pee Pants, and he was trying to kill his way out."

  Chaz checked his phone. "What do you think, sensei?"

  Yuzumaki appeared. "There are many reasons one's companion might have their restrictions lifted. It could be to encourage PvP, a sponsorship deal, a hidden mission…"

  Khan spoke up. "If we knew, we wouldn't be at liberty to say."

  Chaz smacked his fist into his palm. "Reborn Vaughn is still on the table!"

  "I will give you a thousand Funbucks if Vaughn is from the future," Val said.

  "You're on. Anyway…" Chaz raised a hand. "First, bro, I wanna say that I feel like you're becoming more proactive, and I love it. You actually seem more alive than you did when we first came here."

  "Thank you! I'm trying to be more Boney Hawk," I said. "Is it working?"

  "It is! I'm loving the vibe! Quick question, though: why are we punching him?"

  "Because we lost Gateway," I said. "So, I'm thinking we punch him until he explains himself, and depending on the answer, there might be more punches."

  I wasn't ready to admit it to the others, but honestly, I was just pissed. Why were so many people taking shots at me in this fucking tutorial? Why couldn't they just beat aliens to death and open loot crates like a normal person? Vaughn was more helpful with the others, but he was still screwing with me. My patience was wearing thin.

  "Do you wanna direct any of that energy to Sidus before we go?" Lex asked. "He's still glaring at us."

  I turned around. On the other side of the Lair, Sidus suddenly pretended to be talking to someone.

  "Whatever," I shrugged. "One prick at a time."

  "I could go tell him that you killed Pee Pants for messing with him," Val volunteered.

  "Technically a lie, but that would be great. You go scare his pants off, I'll go scare Vaughn's pants."

  GrindSetBonus 8:45 PM

  Found the Re-Couponator. He's in the cinema.

  He's a Lanari, actually. Like Dandy, but way scarier looking. Razor vines and everything.

  Shirokage428 8:45 PM

  That explains the video.

  WillT 8:45 PM

  This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.

  Do you need help with anything?

  GrindSetBonus 8:46 PM

  I don't think so, but he's pretty annoying to deal with. Lots of Expired. He has these machines that make them stronger too.

  He can climb walls and it's hard to pin him down. My attacks don't seem to be doing much.

  VKlerk87 8:46 PM

  Dandy told me that the Lanari's vital organs are in their central mass. Should be a big green lump with six red pads on it. Try hitting that?

  GrindSetBonus 8:46 PM

  Got it. Cheers!

  VKlerk87 8:47 PM

  No problem. Guess my work here is done.

  WillT 8:47 PM

  Damn, nice info. Hey, you're still with Kara, right? I just looted some pockets I wanted to show you.

  SkullGirl33 8:47 PM

  Oh, those guys ran off as soon as the last Lair went down.

  WillT 8:47 PM

  Interesting! Well, I'm coming to Bullseye. With pockets.

  SkullGirl33 8:48 PM

  Vaughn? You there?

  We marched up to Bullseye as a group. Would have marched into it too, but only I made it inside. Chaz and Lex were blocked at the entrance.

  Lex bounced off the force field first. "Dah!"

  Chaz patted it. "We're blocked? What's this for?"

  I looked around. The department store seemed empty. "And why not me?"

  Chaz shrugged. "Maybe he really wants to see those pockets. You still going in?"

  "I think I have to." I left them there and set off into the store. "I'll be back."

  Bullseye was mostly empty, thanks to Vaughn unloading most of its contents onto Lex earlier. The bright overhead lights illuminated rows and rows of basically nothing. I made it all the way to the customer service desk at the back without seeing a soul. When I got there though, I started to hear muffled talking from the staff rooms.

  I didn't want to just barge in there with no information if I could avoid it, so I tried ringing the bell at the desk.

  It was silly, but it worked. Vaughn poked his head out. "Hello? Oh, Will! Hey, man!"

  I waved. I knew I said I'd punch him, but he'd at least been cooler than Pee Pants.. "Hey. Can we talk?"

  Vaughn pulled up behind the customer service desk. "Of course! You said something about pockets?"

  I took a deep breath. Screw it. Might as well just go for it.

  "Yeah, I lied about the pockets. I know Hieropant has been giving you strategies. Why didn't you tell us about the safe houses?"

  Vaughn's look of surprise confirmed my suspicions. Then he relaxed with a sigh and a little smile, as if he was glad this was happening.

  "I can't believe you figured it out..."

  I frowned. "Vaughn."

  He held up his hands and backed off towards the staff area. "Okay, okay! I might as well just show you. Come with me."

  I followed him into the back. Vaughn had amassed almost a hundred people, and all of them were just standing around back here. Some of them were carrying some of Bullseye's remaining stock in cardboard boxes, like they were preparing for a move. The shelves were mostly empty and the place had plenty of room, so my attention was drawn to a device against the back wall.

  It was a metallic archway, wide enough for two people. It was covered in cables, duct tape, and weird shoplin technology. A neat white square had been painted on the floor around it. I'd seen it before.

  "Is that a lair portal?"

  "It's the one from the first Lair, yeah," Vaughn said. "We, uh, got it working."

  It took me a few seconds to process that, but the moment I did, I turned on Vaughn.

  "You were hiding an EXIT?"

  The cargo crew started reaching for weapons. Vaughn threw his hands up.

  "Wait! Everyone stop! It's fine! Will, OddBotz can't go through this one! Only Hieropant and these guys can! You were already compromised when we met!"

  I made a fist. I wasn't excited about punching Vaughn, but it was still on the table.

  "Then why'd you let people keep picking bots? I saw you in the food court, you could have just—"

  "A hundred is the maximum," Vaughn said hurriedly. "If I went public there would have been a bloodbath, man. And I had to find people with the right qualifications for the job. You know PodStuff?"

  I paused. My anger was starting to yield to confusion. "Excuse me?"

  Vaughn cautiously lowered his hands. "PodStuff. The laundry pods? Someone in your store got her head turned into some?"

  I remembered Miss Levine. That was going to lead to some weird nightmares later. "What about them?"

  "Hieropant's parent company makes it," Vaughn said. "They bought recruitment rights from the tutorial's sponsor. I gathered up everyone I could who'd rather work for their sales department than deal with more roleplaying game stuff."

  I loosened my fist. This conversation was starting to get away from me. "You're leaving to work for a soap company?"

  "Absolutely. And I'm sorry about Gateway. Hieropant gave me tips to maximise recruitment. I've been trying to help as much as I'm allowed. Huge W couldn't afford a safe zone, and there were a lot of potential recruits—"

  I stepped forward and raised my fist. "And Gateway wasn't, huh?"

  Vaughn spoke faster. "I thought you would handle it! But Magic was already in the store, and he heard Dandy warning me that they couldn't be placed near each other. If I'd have known what he was—"

  I sighed and relaxed. He looked genuinely sorry, for what it was worth.

  "Fine. So once we're done with the tutorial, you're leaving to sell soaps?"

  I trailed off. Vaughn had winced. It was definitely an I'm-about-to-get-punched wince.

  "What is it, Vaughn?"

  "...We're leaving right now," he said.

  I looked at the cargo crew, who shrugged and nodded. I looked back at Vaughn.

  I punched him in the face.

  "Stop!" he said, more for the crew than for me. They'd started advancing. "Will, we just want to be safe! What's wrong with that?"

  "At the last selection, Zeddie told us that he would adjust tomorrow's fights based on the current number of survivors," I growled. "Now you're getting rid of ninety?"

  Vaughn wiped his mouth. "Eighty-eight actually, and now that I'm saying it out loud I realise that doesn't sound better."

  I shook my head. "It does not."

  Vaughn's expression turned firm. He wasn't backing down. "Come on, man. You think I'm poaching your best fighters to sell detergent? You know what Hieropant is looking for?"

  If the crowd in here had something meaningful in common besides wanting to slap me around right now, I couldn't see it. "People who are comfortable wearing cargo shorts?"

  "People who don't want to be here," Vaughn said. "These guys don't give a crap about levels or loot boxes or anything like that. They were never going to be warriors. They just want to go home. And seeing as home is in a different galaxy, this is the best they're gonna get."

  Some of the cargo crew started stepping forward to protect Vaughn, not with weapons but with words.

  "I'm pregnant," one woman said. "I'd rather save my baby..."

  An older man spoke up. "If I were twenty years younger I'd be all over this, but I'm not."

  "I have UBS," a Gateway refugee said.

  "IBS," I said automatically.

  "Yeah, that."

  Vaughn stepped forward. "I'll admit some of them are just scared, but what's wrong with that? They wouldn't be useful in a fight anyway, would the? When the big fight comes, everyone here would just be cannon fodder. Are you gonna ask them to stay and be your meat shields?"

  I took a deep breath. I was still pretty angry about this, but in this room, in front of these people, I couldn't articulate why.

  "...No."

  "Sorry, Will. I really am." Vaughn put his hand on my shoulder. "But speaking as someone who knows what the Zettamall is like... you have to be realistic."

  I sighed. I almost wished he'd been more of a jerk so I could hit him. "You know what, screw it. Fine. Anything else?"

  "Well, first..." Vaughn cleared his throat. "I was actually going to block everyone from the safe zone and open the portal as soon as the last threat was cleared, but I really wanted to hear about those pockets. Were you lying about that?..."

  "That was a ruse, sorry. Well, not that sorry. I'm still kind of pissed off."

  "That's fair. In that case, let me show you something before you leave."

  Vaughn reached into Hieropant, pulled out a key fob, and pressed a button. Electricity sparked around the portal as it crackled into life, and the space inside the arch changed. I could see an empty white room on the other side.

  "You all go ahead, I'll be with you soon," he said to his crew, and put an arm around my shoulders. "I was going to post in Zettachat right before I left, but I might as well tell you now. Come with me."

  As the cheering cargo crew filed out of the portal, Vaughn took me out of the back and into the fitting rooms. They weren't far.

  "We have to pay a transportation fee to use the portal, so I can't help with Funbucks," Vaughn said. "But we could leave this behind..."

  He opened the fitting rooms. All but one m was packed with crates. Most of them were pretty basic, but I could see boss crates, lair crates, even a few Furtyv crates and stranger ones I hadn't seen before.

  "Holy shit," I breathed. "Why didn't you lead with this?"

  Vaugh patted my back as he led me into the last room. "I felt I owed you an explanation. And I trust you, man. You're smart, you're flexible, you've got that One Piece thing going on. I think you'll do fine."

  "Yes, the anime I've seen," I said.

  The last room had a tote bag full of keys and a pile of Zettamall loot. Vaughn handed me the bag. "This might not make up for losing eighty people, but it should help."

  I took it gratefully. There were upgrade keys in there... "I can work with this. Thanks, I guess."

  "You're welcome. Anyway, I gotta go... here."

  Vaughn pulled me into a hug before I could react. I patted his back awkwardly.

  He patted mine a few times, and began to whisper. "Listen. Shut up for a second. They don't have eyes in here."

  I blinked. "Who?"

  "Listen!" Vaughn hissed. "We're not allowed to give you any information about tomorrow. This is the best I can do. Take Kara's skeleton key to the roof. You'll see lights on in the office tower. That's where the things running the tutorial are. It's dangerous, but Hieropant says you might be able to do it. Do not share this with anyone."

  I had a lot of new information to process tonight. "...Alright."

  Vaughn patted my back one last time and disengaged with a smile. "Good luck, brother. When you get out of here, I'll buy you a beer."

  I sighed and offered a hand. "Okay. Take care, Vaughn."

  Vaughn shook my hand and left.

  I gave it some more thought and called after him. "I'm still mad!"

  "I'll make it a small beer!"

  [ STATUS

  TIME: Day 2, 8:59 PM

  CUSTOMERS: 430/1162

  ODDBOTZ: 430/430 ]