We looped Kara in through our party chat, and hashed out a plan.

  There were four hundred people with OddBotz, but realistically only around fifty of us were useful. Many were children, elderly, terrified, traumatised, incompetent, or jerks. There was an entire party of guys who hit level three in the porc lair and immediately pretended to throw their backs out. Some picked OddBotz that weren't great in a fight (like Dale), or bots that sucked. Some were unaccounted for—we never connected with Buy-Lo, and there were a bunch of people in Zettachat who'd been trapped in a safe zone in elf territory this whole time.

  Most people used ranged weapons and fought from afar. We held the frontlines, Cosmo's party watched the rear, and Val and Harmony's parties went wherever they seemed needed. Since Kara was out of commission and half of Cosmo's party were dead, this setup was no longer tenable.

  That said, the only real gap between our party and the rest was gear—our early start and position on the front lines got us more money and better crates. All we had to do was spread the love.

  WillT 6:13 PM

  Harmony's group probably needs the most help. They've been behind on gear since Magic screwed them over, and they're short a healer.

  Shirokage428 6:13 PM

  Most of us are short healers. It looks like everyone assumed someone else would do it.

  Lexy 6:13 PM

  Well, there's one more round of bot selection!

  Shirokage428 6:13 PM

  Not sure how many we'd get. Nearly everyone who doesn't have a bot is in Vaughn's crew.

  WillT 6:14 PM

  I know they've been helping out a lot behind the scenes, but I still don't trust that guy.

  Shirokage428 6:14 PM

  They're taking over for Cosmo, so we don't have much of a choice.

  Anyone else we're gearing? The teens?

  WillT 6:14 PM

  Val's team doesn't need much more, but we might as well. They'll be on the frontlines anyway.

  Lexy 6:14 PM

  Raven? She's already pretty awesome, but we have Breaker Supply crates now.

  SkullGirl33 6:15 PM

  I'll talk to her! I think she can use a break from the bats.

  Anyway, I finished sorting Rick's stuff. You ready to feed me?

  We returned to Toys B. Goode with Kara's meal, and let the teens leave for dinner. We didn't see her right away—it was a big toy store which went all-in on big, colourful decorations, so at first she was lost in the cardboard rainbows, fluffy clouds, and worrying blood trails. Also, she was doing a bit.

  She popped out from behind the counter as we passed. "Ta-da!"

  "Oh, there you—" I nearly jumped out of my skin. "Holy shit!"

  Kara's skin had turned pale, except for her eyes, which were dark and sunken. She was starting to look like a skull.

  Lex gaped. "What happened?!"

  "Death Discount, apparently!" Kara said cheerfully. "Weird, right? I don't feel any different."

  "Really? You look like if Frankenstein brought his monster to life in the microwave," Chaz said.

  "It's probably fine," Kara said. "Come with me, I'll show you Rick's stuff."

  Lex coughed. "Ummm... while you do that, mind if I take a look around? I thought, you know, maybe the kids that survived would like—"

  "You don't have to lie, it's fine," I said. "Can you grab some remote-control cars if they've got any?"

  "Lego for me, please," Chaz said. "There's some other stuff I want, but I'll get it myself."

  "I already filled a trolley with everything I want," Kara said. "I'll help you once I show Chaz the goods."

  Lex started looting as Kara led us to the staff room.

  Rick's crew had robbed a lot of people, and they'd kept the spoils here. I saw weapons laid against the walls, a table covered in folded clothes and gadgets, a second table stacked with crates, and tubs full of stolen phones and wallets. A fridge sat in a corner, with a big jar of grey powder on top. Boris was sitting beside the crates, making himself a drink.

  "Welcome back," he said. "Juice?"

  "No thanks," I said. "Cosmo kind of ruined regular juice for me."

  Kara headed for the fridge. "So! The gear's okay, but the real good stuff is in here..."

  She opened it. The inside was packed, top to bottom, with fruit and vegetables. Most of them sat in plastic tubs, to reduce the chances of anything being jostled too hard. Three copies of the blood orange I'd used on my very first Lair sat in a shelf in the door, next to a bottle of Bepsi.

  My eyebrows shot up. "Is that..."

  Kara beamed. "Fragger's Co-Operative, yep! Except the Bepsi, that's just a soft drink. Don't shut the door too hard or the whole thing might blow."

  I took a step towards the entrance, just in case. "...We should store those in Snakpak. How are the crates, Chaz?"

  Chaz looked up from the inspection he'd been conducting. "Most of these are pretty basic. I'm guessing they were altar fodder."

  "One of Rick's followers had a bot that was its own altar," Boris said, topping up his glass with a bottle of something alcoholic. "You want special juice?"

  I changed my mind. "You know what, sure."

  Chaz accepted a glass too. "The fruit bombs are definitely the highlight. We can pass the gear around and feed the crates to the altar."

  Special juice tasted pretty good. "We kind of forgot about the porc altar, didn't we? Probably should have gone back after the Branticore..."

  "It's still active, actually," Chaz said. "We got time. Sacrificing those shoplins probably extended the duration."

  "Sounds like a plan." I reached for the last unexamined item, the powder jar. "What's this, by the way?"

  "Rick's son's ashes," Boris said. "His bot warned him about the Re-Couponator and he did not want to see his zombie son."

  My hand froze, half-extended. "Oh."

  You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.

  Kara frowned. "Should we be touching that?"

  I thought about it for a moment before deciding that yes, I would loot the remains of my enemy's child. I grabbed the jar.

  "It feels wrong to leave it. Maybe we can bargain with it if we see him again."

  "Dark," Kara said. "I like it."

  "We should get going," Chaz said. "I have something I want to try at the altar. And I wanna see if this place has any dinosaurs."

  We managed to clean out the toy store in only ten minutes. Raven turned up as we were wrapping up.

  "Hey," she said. She'd cleaned herself up, and traded her sweaty office clothes for an oversized dark Space Banshee jacket and comfortable joggers. She looked much cooler now. "Kara told me what's up. You guys okay?"

  I waved. "We're doing fine. You here for the Breaker Supply stuff?"

  "That and I needed a break. You're trying to raise the average gear level, right?"

  "More or less." I pointed to the counter, where I'd left my Breaker Supply hoodie with our Construction Crates. "Help yourself."

  "Cool. First..."

  Raven offered a fist-bump.

  [ Halley Bopp has transferred $5000 to Will Tombaugh. ]

  [ New Total: $6,336 ]

  My eyebrows went for a hike again. "Are you sure?"

  "I'm good. I make plenty 'cause of Mall Monarch. Go help some guys."

  "Well, I won't say no. Thanks."

  "Wanna hang out while you're here?" Kara asked. "We've got all kinds of toys."

  Raven struggled to maintain her cool face. "...Sure, I'll take a quick look. I was gonna rest and then hunt the Re-Couponator."

  That got my attention. "You know where he is? That'd solve a lot of problems..."

  "No, but nobody's seen him inside the mall, right? I'm gonna check a few more buildings on the roof and scope out the car park. Don't worry, I'll leave the Lairs for you guys."

  "Thanks. I'd say we can help if you need anything, but obviously..."

  "Mall Monarch, yeah." Raven waved a hand. "It's cool. I'll let you know if I need anything."

  Chaz put one last dinosaur figurine in Snakpak and dusted his hands off. "Okay, we should hit that altar. You ready, bro?"

  "Just a sec." I grabbed my anti-Expired crowbar and held it out to Raven. "I assume the Re-Couponator will have a lot of zombies with him, so..."

  Raven took it with a grateful smile. "Thanks. I promise to clean this before I give it back. Good luck with the gambling."

  Lex wanted to stay behind and "guard Kara" (hang out with Raven) too, so Chaz and I collected their excess crates before leaving.

  Gateway had been reclaimed, not that it meant much. Most of the shelves had been emptied or destroyed. Even Troy had finally abandoned the customer service desk.

  The altar sat in the self-service area at the front. This one was more sci-fi, a long metal rectangle with glowing purple light strips and a bloody stone slab set into the top. At one end sat a big plastic device that resembled a cartoon porc head with speakers for eyes.

  I turned to Chaz. "What did you want to try?"

  "I'll show you." Chaz summoned a black camo crate. "I've been trading for these."

  [ A WARCRIMES Pillage Crate! Contains a selection of WARCRIMES items. May also contain up to 3 crates carried by customers who died in this mall. ]

  I knew Chaz well enough to catch on. "You want more crates, right?"

  "A lot of people must've died with crates in their inventory," Chaz said. "Especially if there are posthumous achievements. I was hoping to get some OddBotz crates and try to complete my set, but we can grind the altar and get gold crates for the others too."

  "How many do you have?"

  Chaz summoned them from his crate window. Crates began popping into existence, spilling out across the floor and piling up around our feet. They just kept coming.

  "Thirty-seven," he said eventually.

  I stared. "You could have just told me."

  "This was funnier."

  "Fair enough. I guess Raven's paying for keys..."

  I gave Chaz some funds and started popping crates. The first one gave me a simple spear and two Starter Crates. The second gave me a shoplin Glamthing and a Limited Edition OddBotz Crate. The third...

  A few minutes later, I had a mass of crates in my system windows and a mound of weapons at my feet.

  "And... that's the last one," I said. "What's the total?"

  "Sixty-eight," Chaz said. "Not a bad haul. We've got six OddBotz Crates, a Confused Husband Late Anniversary Gift, a Killtacular Crate which looks like it's from Mike, some Death Daddy stuff, a bunch of Lair crates, a couple boss crates... the rest is all altar feed, I think."

  "And we have a bunch of great weapons we can pass out," I said, as I picked one up.

  [ A WARCRIMES Star Clown Nemesis Club! The first blow you land on each Star Clown deals bonus damage. ]

  "We have a bunch of weapons we can pass out," I amended.

  "Some of these look good," Chaz said. "I'm seeing some armoured vests, some Rare bows, swords... We're gonna need a couple trolleys for all of this. Be right back."

  I started dropping crates on the altar. "I'll do this. Gimme your feed crates."

  The altar looked different, but the concept was the same. When I fed three crates into holes on the stone slab, the porc head would play a jingle and cough out a new crate.

  Between the crates we'd just unboxed, Rick's stash, and the ones we'd been getting from minor achievements, the altar ate well. Each Gold crate took nine Bronze to make though, more if I got unlucky. In the end I received seven gold crates: a Starter, a Sponsor, two Porc Crates, and...

  [ A FleshMart Premium Prehistoric Crate! Open to receive a premium neogenetic organ and a FleshMart Cooler. The organ is self-installing, and the Cooler will automatically store whatever garbage "natural" organ you've already got rattling around in there in case you change your mind. ]

  [ A Neo-Enigmatics Agentic Adversarial Crate! There is an 80.33% chance that this crate will be opened by the human Troy Palomar, who will receive an Epic-tier pair of gloves from any partnered brand. If anyone else besides William Tombaugh opens this, they get a Rare item from any partnered brand. For William, this functions as a Random Brand Crate. Don't bogart the crate, man.

  Neo-Enigmatics: This Altar's Next Crate Probably Sucks, By The Way ]

  I put in some bronzes next, just in case.

  [ A Fragger's Co-Operative Overripe Crate! Contains a selection of Fragger's products which have been left on the shelf too long and developed new, unstable effects. ]

  [ Called it. ]

  That one became fodder for the final gold crate:

  [ A Slurp Nurse Discontinued Crate! Contains a premium Slurp Nurse product from a previous season. Sign a legal waiver for a free can of a currently unavailable Slurp Nurse drink! ]

  Chaz finished loading up the trolleys just in time. "Anything good?"

  I tossed him the Neo-Enigmatics crate. "Mostly. I got this though."

  Chaz turned it over. "Oh, damn. Troy might be a good candidate for gearing up too, actually."

  "Troy's a good candidate for a punch in the balls."

  "I know, but he did save your life," Chaz pointed out.

  "... Goddamn it. Fine, you're right. Anything you want to keep?"

  "The Lair crates and the OddBotz crates, if that's okay," Chaz said. "I only need two more Ninja Fruits, and we're better off saving the Lair crates for later."

  "Knock yourself out." I grabbed a trolley. "Let's get back to the others before I change my mind."

  [ You won't. ]

  "Oh, fuck off."

  WillT 6:46 PM

  Okay, almost ready. We're bringing a bunch of stuff up to the top food court.

  Val and Harmony can take what their groups need, then the rest can go out to whoever.

  We've got some crates for you too.

  Shirokage428 6:46 PM

  And Troy.

  WillT 6:46 PM

  Chaz is talking to Troy, yeah.

  GrindSetBonus 6:46 PM

  Raven here. I'm bringing Lex to the food court. I was told a lot of people have Breaker Supply crates for me.

  Harm 6:46 PM

  Got it. Take the items to the chicken shop, the guys there can distribute them to everyone.

  And hurry up! Break time's over at 7PM. No way am I going to bed with these Lairs up.

  VVVVVV 6:47 PM

  Be there soon! We found the last item shop and we're checking it out.

  WillT 6:47 PM

  Let me know if you need help. Raven spotted us some cash.

  VVVVVV 6:47 PM

  We're good. This doesn't work like the other item shops anyway.

  You should come before the raid if you can though. I bet you'd like the shopkeeper.

  WillT 6:47 PM

  What's their deal?

  VVVVVV 6:47 PM

  He's dead.