CHAPTER 15

  "I've seen your face before my friend, But I don't know if you know who I am,

  Well I was there, and I saw what you did

  I saw it with my own two eyes..."

  -Phil Collins

  ...

  Carl sat up in his bed, the bruises from the fight outside the rift had gone from purple to a sickly yellow. He felt every one with each movement, he had long ago learned to live with pain. You don't live a life like his and not get to be intimately familiar with all varieties of pain...it still annoyed him though. He groaned as he stood and stretched, the rib was mending but still sent sharp spikes of pain through his abdomen when he moved the wrong way. The little light on his phone was flashing, someone had left him a message. He swiped the phone open, went to voicemail and listened.

  "Hey Carl, when you're free I'd like to run something by you. Ok. Cool. This is Matt by the way. I don't know if..."

  The message cut off.

  He smiled.

  Matt was usually the smartest guy in the room, but he could be a bit awkward. It was one of the reasons he liked him, he reminded Carl of Skeever. Who was actually him in a few thousand years. So, technically he liked Matt because he was like who Carl would become. He rolled his eyes. Between tinme travel and dimension hopping it was easy to get confused. He threw on a pair of jeans and a black tee and headed for Matt's lab. No sense even stopping by Matt's apartment, the big nerd was rarely ever there.

  "...so each planet, or uh, universe has its own unique resonant frequency. I have this nanotech vial you put the bug blood in, but I can't get a clear frequency signature from it. Its all muddled, probably with its homeworlds frequency. So, basically, I need your actual body."

  Carl gave him a smirk.

  "You wanna at least take me to dinner first?"

  "I, uh...what?"

  "Nothing. I'm game for whatever bud. Especially if it helps me get home."

  Matt pulled a tarp off of a big glass tank in the corner of the room.

  "Check this out, shes a beauty huh?"

  "I only call women and cars beautiful, that is a big glass tank...not very beautiful."

  "Well, uh, agree to disagree. I need you to get in it."

  Carl stood, opened the tank and stepped in.

  "Oh! Uh, without Nano."

  Carl opened the door and the Nanotech seeped out of his skin, forming the armor. Nano walked over to a chair and sat down. Carl closed the door.

  "Now what?"

  "Ok, so, just hold still a minute. This shouldn't take long."

  Matt was plugging wires into the bottom of the tank, they led to a machine that was plugged into a laptop. He ran over to the laptop and typed for a minute then looked at the tank.

  "The program is running now."

  Carl smiled at him. It was nice that he was still trying to figure out a way to find his universe. Carl was slowly losing hope though. This was his home now, his job, his universe. Chloe knew what she signed up for when she married him, she would understand. Matt was holding up a finger.

  "Just another minute, almost have it locked in."

  This universe wasnt so bad. Royles was fair he had a place to stay, and there was Steve. Steve had become something akin to a best friend. Swapping music and discussing the differences between their worlds. He understood now why Steve never pulled that trigger, he was a sensitive soul. Carl could be himself around Steve. Unlike Andy, who radiated "bro energy", it was exhausting to be around. Still, he considered both men to be friends. That was something he was coming to realize, it was easier to cope with his displacement when he had friends. Matt was giving him the thumbs up. He stepped out of the tank and closed it behind him.

  "Did you get what you need?"

  "Yes! Andy's been cataloging the rift frequency signatures, maybe we'll get a match."

  "Nice. Keep me in the loop. Anything I can do to help, I will."

  Matt nodded.

  "I'm gonna start comparing it to what we have on file so far. Ill let you know if I find anything."

  "Sounds good."

  Andy had given him a pill bottle full of little blue painkillers. They were stronger than any he'd had back home. He was sitting on his couch, hed taken two about thirty five minutes ago. The sandman was coming for him, he could barely keep his eyes open. He was nodding hard, his head snapping back up every few seconds. He didnt even hear Andy come in to check on him.

  "Carl? You ok bud?"

  Carl was snoring into his chest and Andy was about to leave him to sleep when his head came back up. His eyes were unfocused, he looked at Andy, growled and grabbed his shirt. The claws on his right hand came out and he put them to Andy's neck.

  "Where am I?"

  Carls grip was like stone, Andy was completely at his mercy.

  "JEEZUS! CARL! SNAP OUT OF IT!"

  Carl looked at him, blinking rapidly. He shook his head, he was all mixed up from the drugs.

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  "Andy?"

  "YES! YES! ITS ANDY, PLEASE DONT STAB ME!"

  The claws retracted and Carl let go of him. Andy backed away, never taking his eyes off of Carl.

  "What...is going on? Did I...? NANO!"

  He stood and stepped out of Nano.

  "I'm sorry Andy. These painkillers have my head all..."

  "It's ok. I think we need to get a "do not disturb" sign for when you are doped up."

  "Uh, No, I think Nano and I need to seperate when I'm on drugs. I could have killed you man!"

  "Yeah...no shit."

  "I understand Carl." Nano said, then sat at the end of the couch.

  Carl collapsed back onto the couch and laid his head back.

  "I'll let you rest."

  Andy was backing out of the apartment.

  He closed the door quietly.

  "Fuck...that could have been bad."

  "I am sorry Carl, I should have stopped you."

  "Its not your fault bud. In a sense, you are a tool. Just like a gun, I shouldn't be using you while I'm under the influence."

  Nano said nothing. Carl laid his head back again and closed his eyes.

  Later that evening, the pills had worn off and the pain was knocking at the door again. He decided to go for a walk, it'd be nice to get some air. He left Nano in his apartment, he planned to buy some beer. He still couldn't believe he almost stabbed Andy. It was reckless of him to be wearing Nano under the influence. These people trusted him, he had to be more careful. This was something 26 had learned within a year or two of having the armor. Why did it take him a few hundred years to learn the same lesson? He laughed and kicked a rock off the side off the road into the grass. He was in another goddamned universe and he was still comparing himself to 26. He stopped walking a moment and looked up into the sky. He wondered where 26 was, right now. Probably still in space, he said it would take almost a year to get to Tal-kit. He started walking again, shaking his head. Would they ever see each other again? Probably not. It didn't matter anymore. Nothing did. Well, it did. It was just the things that were once important, didnt matter as much. He would always love Chloe and Robbie, but he had to face facts. He would never see them again. The town was coming into view, he headed straight to the grocery store and bought two cases of beer and a big bag of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. He walked out with the beer on his shoulder, just a guy looking to get fucking wrecked. He started drinking halfway back to the facility. He figured he could get about four drank before he got home and really got a buzz going. That was not the case. He downed his third beer and had to sit on the curb. He squinted at the writing on the can, fifteen percent alcohol. Shit. Beer was way stronger here. Ok, only three beers in...he could do this. He stood and started walking again. Making sure he was well over in the grass, away from the road. He was buzzed, but not so far gone he would do something stupid like walk in the road. He crossed the parking lot and used his badge to open the door. He was really feeling it now. He stumbled down the hallway but didnt fall. He got into his apartment and set everything on the floor, including himself. He sat there in front of his open door, drinking another beer. He laid down, the carpet was so soft. It felt good.

  "Carl, would you like me to take you to your bed?"

  "S'okay Nano. I'm good...hard rule buddy...We can't bond when I'm fucked up."

  "I can help you up at least."

  "No! S'a loaded gun in my hands man."

  He rolled over, his face in the carpet now, his legs sticking out into the hallway.

  "'Sides iss really comfy here."

  "Carl?"

  Carl opened his eyes, then immediately winced. His head hurt.

  "Carl, are you ok?"

  Penny was standing over him. Her long hair framing her face. Her blue eyes shining in the morning light. She was very pretty, like some kind of hangover angel. He chuckled and immediately regretted it. He tried to sit up, but everything hurt.

  "What time is it?"

  "Uh, nine-oh-eight in the morning."

  He rolled over, cans clinking and crushing together as he rolled onto them. The bag of cookies lay open, half eaten, he grabbed it as he stood up with a groan.

  "Cookie?"

  "No, I'm good. Did you..."

  "Get hammered? Yes."

  "You should probably go take a shower."

  Carl looked down at himself. He was covered in crumbs and there was a wet spot on his pants. There was a matching wet spot on the carpet.

  "Shit...I think I peed a little."

  He laughed but Penny didnt share his humor. She continued to look at him with concern.

  "Its alright, I just drank too much. Where I come from beer is like five to seven percent alcohol. You guys with your fifteen percent is nuts."

  "Uh-huh. Go. You stink."

  "Oh, ok."

  Carl shrugged and headed to the bathroom. Penny was shaking her head as she shut the door to Carl's apartment.

  Carl knocked on Penny's door. She opened and looked up at him with her ice blue eyes.

  "Hey. You dont stink."

  "Yeah, about that. Sorry. Sometimes the only way to cope with...everything is to ignore it."

  "And get fucked up?"

  "Exactly."

  "I get it. Just, maybe, drink with someone next time."

  "Who? Steve's a smoker not a drinker."

  "I dunno, Matt?"

  They looked at each other and laughed.

  "Ok, so Andy then?"

  "Andy's cool, but hes too much like a frat bro."

  "A what?"

  "Oh, uh, like a college kid."

  "Oh, yeah, I can see that."

  "He can be too much sometimes."

  "You could drink with me."

  "I'd love too, but I'm not sure that would be a great idea. I'm pretty sure I'll never find my universe, but I'm not ready to let go yet."

  She cocked her head to the side, it took her a second to understand what he meant.

  "Well, do you want to come in, or are you going to stand in the hallway all day?"

  "No. I just wanted to apologize. I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing."

  "I was being bored...so, do you want to come in? Hang out?"

  "Sure. Wanna watch something? I haven't seen any movies in this universe."

  "Yeah, that'd be fun."

  "Show me one of your favorites."

  She grinned and jerked a thumb toward the couch. He sat down and she shut the door. The door opened again, Carl ran to his apartment and grabbed the bag of cookies and shut pennie's door behind him as he re-joined her on the couch.

  "So, that was basically just Die Hard on a plane. I love it."

  "Whats a Die Hard?"

  "The name of one of, if not the greatest action movie in my world."

  "I see. Its not on a plane?"

  "No! Its in Nakatomi Plaza. Thats a big skyscraper."

  "Uh-huh. Well, I'd like to see that."

  "I wish I had a copy."

  "Can I ask you something?"

  "Yeah, whats up?"

  "What did you mean, you're "not ready to let go yet" earlier?"

  Carls smile disappeared.

  "I know I'm never going home. I just..."

  "Matt's working on it though."

  "Yeah. The bald alien dude in the hub said there are "billions" of earths. I'm never going home. I'm learning to accept it...as you saw this morning, in my own way."

  "I don't want you to think this is too forward, but if you ever fully accept this place as your home, I'd like to be in your life somehow. Even if it is just friends."

  "Oh, Penny. I would like that. I mean, we are friends...but the other thing. Its just too complicated right now."

  "I know. I just wanted to put it out there."

  "You understand my hesitation though? Like, yeah, I'm not sure we'll ever find my world, but what if tomorrow I find the right rift? Its goddamned confusing and annoying."

  "So let it out. Lets talk anout what youre feeling."

  "What I'm feeling? Everything at once. I'm bummed out for obvious reasons, but also happy. I've made a really good friend of Steve, hes the best. I like working for Royles, hes not just competent, he actually cares. Thats rare for management. Then theres you. On the one hand, you've been so nice and have helped me over some major emotional hurdles, on the other hand, you're fucking gorgeous and well...I'm still married. Even if I am a few billion worlds away. Like, how do I reconcile these feelings? Do I keep holding on to my home, knowing I'll probably never go back? Or do I let go and try to have a real life here? Or do I say "fuck it" and the next world I find thats similar to mine, do I just disappear into it? I'm lost, plain and simple. So...yeah, thats what I'm feeling."

  "Whoa. That's...a lot. I suppose last nights episode makes a lot more sense."

  "I...I didnt mean to unload on you."

  "Dumbass. I asked you to."

  "Ok, fair...I just dont think I should have said everything out loud."

  "The part about me?"

  "Yeah."

  "It's ok. If its your truth, its not wrong. I feel the same way about you. On the one hand, I see a strong, capable, handsome man. On the other, I see a husband and father thats basically grieving. Thats not normal, for anyone. Its no wonder you're self medicating."

  "Thanks for understanding. Sorry for crossing the line again."

  "You've never crossed the line with me Carl. I won't let you. You may have lost hope, but I'll carry it for you. You will get home Carl. Also, You called me pretty again, thats it. Nothing wrong with that. No lines were crossed. Ok?"

  Carl smiled.

  "You really are the best person around here to talk to, you know that?"

  "Well, duh."

  They laughed, their eyes met and the room was filled with a comfortable silence. They could each see a future in the others eyes, but neither was willing to admit it.