CHAPTER 12

  "You are only coming through in waves

  Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying...

  ...I can't explain, you would not understand

  This is not how I am

  I have become comfortably numb."

  -Pink Floyd

  Royles, Penny, and Matt listened to Carls story. When he was done, everyone was quiet. Penny was the first to speak.

  "I thought you were messing around...you're serious?"

  "Yes. Dead serious. As far as I know, the real me is still hanging from a nerve cluster, or whatever the fuck they are in that weirdass rift."

  Royles finally spoke.

  "You didnt have anything to drink, or take anything last night?"

  "I DONT KNOW! This isn't my body...I dont have any tattoos. I'm just friends with Penny..."

  He turned to her.

  "No offense."

  She just stared at him.

  "Matt? What do you think? In the world I came from, you were our resident problem solver."

  "I dont know. I would need time to figure this out."

  Royles nodded to Matt.

  "Then get to it. Carl, until you're...you, all missions are suspended."

  "Thank you for hearing me out. I know this looks crazy, I assure you, I'm not here to disrupt anything. I just want to go home."

  "Hang tight while Matt works on it. Dismissed."

  Carl stood and walked slowly into the hallway. If he ever did get home, he was going to fucking murder Kane.

  He sat on the couch, his head leaned back. Penny sat at the kitchen table eating some warmed up pasta.

  "So, whats she like?"

  He lifted his head and looked at her.

  "Who?"

  "The other me."

  "Oh. Shes pretty awesome. She has a way of comforting me when I start spiraling. She carries a lot of trauma though, from her father, and her ex-husband."

  "I see."

  She twirled her fork in the pasta.

  "Whats the relationship between you two? Does she like you?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "I find you incredibly attractive, does she?"

  "I think so. There's a lot of tension there, but we try to stay respectful to each other."

  "Mmm-hmm. You've thought about it though."

  "About what? Me and Penny? I'm married."

  "You didnt answer the question Carl."

  "Uh, yeah...I've daydreamed."

  "Good."

  "Why is that good?"

  "Because, you're not in your body, youre in my husband's. Consider this a daydream."

  She wiped her mouth and set her fork down. Carl cocked an eyebrow as she pulled her shirt off and climbed on top of him.

  "Penny, I cant..."

  "Just shut up. I woke up wanting my husband. I got you instead. Its not your body, so like I said, consider it a daydream."

  He opened his mouth to protest further, but she had unzipped and unbuttoned his pants. Now she was moving her hands in ways that silenced him. It wasn't his body, his mind was just along for the ride. Why shouldn't he?

  She pulled his pants down to his ankles and climbed on. She started breathing heavy, and was beginning to enjoy herself moving up and down rhythmically, when she heard the first sob. She looked down, Carl was crying.

  "Carl? What's wrong?"

  He just looked down, his body shuddering with more sobs, tears dripped down his cheeks and off his chin.

  "I'm sorry."

  She sighed.

  "It's ok. I'm the one that should be sorry. You said you're married...I just see my husband. I shouldn't have..."

  "I miss my wife."

  She got off of him and sat next to him with her arm around his shoulders.

  "Talk to me."

  "I...I haven't seen her in months now. I have a son, Robbie. I miss them so bad. Now I'm trapped in these random fucking universes. GODDAMMIT! I just want to go home."

  He let his head fall back on the couch again. He didnt care there was a naked woman sitting next to him. He didnt care he was half naked. How could he? He wasnt really here, just his mind. He had no right invading this couples love life. He had no right cheating on Chloe.

  This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  He had...he had no right. He had nothing. No home. No life. He was drifting through the universe. He wanted to punch something, instead he quietly continued to cry. It was all pouring out of him. He let it. Penny held him close and put her head on his shoulder.

  "Its going to be ok Carl. If you're anything like my Carl, you'll figure it out, you always do."

  Carl sniffled and wiped his face.

  "Thanks."

  After Carl had gotten himself together, he pulled up his pants and Penny went and got dressed. She sat next to him on the couch again.

  "That was my fault. I can't seperate you from my husband."

  "You shouldn't have to. I should go see Matt, maybe hes figured something out by now."

  "Ok."

  He got up and headed for the door. He reached out and held the doorknob. Without turning he spoke.

  "Can we...keep this between us please?"

  "Of course, it never happened."

  He looked back at her with a weak smile.

  "Thanks."

  He stepped out into the hallway and shut the door behind him. He walked slowly towards Matt's lab. Could life get any more fucked up? He knocked on the door jamb.

  "Hey Matt, how's it going?"

  Matt sat at his desk with a stack of medical texts. He had one open on his lap.

  "Well, I have an idea. Just a theory really, I'm thinking we shock you out of our Carls body. The brain is all electrical impulses, it stands to reason, if we disrupt those pulses, it has to reboot...I think."

  "You think?"

  "How can I be sure?! No one's ever encountered this situation before!"

  "Ok, fair point."

  "So, do you want to try it?"

  "Do I have a choice?"

  Matt shrugged.

  "Lets do it."

  "Ok. I actually have a taser here somewhere, I think if I shock you in the back of the neck, it could work."

  He was digging through drawers looking for the taser.

  "Found it! Ok, you might want to sit down for this."

  Carl sat in a chair and took a deep breath.

  "Ready when you are."

  "Ok, on three. 1...2...3."

  He pressed the crackling arc of electricity to Carls neck. For a split second there was intense pain at the base of his neck. His body convulsed and his head fell forward.

  Carls head snapped up, he was in near total darkness again.

  "Oh, thank god. Nano?"

  There was a pause, Carls spirits started to dip even more than they already had, then...

  "Yes Carl?"

  He breathed out.

  "Its good to hear your voice buddy."

  "I do not understand Carl."

  "Nevermind. Let's try and find the right one."

  He reached for the next disaster waiting for him with a sigh.

  The vein bucked in his hands.

  Carl barely had time to register the sensation before the darkness tore sideways and threw him.

  Sound hit first.

  Gunfire. Explosions. Shouts layered over each other, sharp and panicked. His body slammed into solid ground and rolled. Reflex took over before thought could catch up.

  Armor.

  He was armored again.

  His visor lit automatically, threat markers flaring red across his vision. A rifle was in his hands, heavy and unfamiliar, but he didn’t even look at it.

  He dropped it.

  The claws snapped out with a wet metallic hiss.

  Carl was already moving.

  He didn’t know who the enemy was. Didn’t stop to ask. He let instinct take over. Shapes rushed him through smoke and debris, and his body answered with brutal efficiency. He ducked gunfire, slashed at the nearest enemy, and pivoted to the next blur in the smoke. Claws punched through armor, through flesh. Something screamed. Something else collapsed in pieces.

  Too fast.

  Too easy.

  Were they even fighting back?

  He vaulted a barricade, landed hard, and tore through another cluster. Blood sprayed his visor. His internal compass screamed forward, clear the field, protect the unit.

  When it was over, it ended all at once.

  No targets. No movement. Just ringing silence broken by distant fires.

  Carl stood there, chest heaving.

  Blood dripped from his claws. Ran down his forearms. Spattered his boots. His armor was soaked, red-black and smelling coppery.

  He slowly turned.

  A squad stood behind him.

  Human.

  They stared at him like he wasn’t a man anymore.

  One of them had lowered his weapon without realizing it. Another was visibly shaking. A third looked like he might be about to be sick.

  “What the fuck was that?” someone whispered.

  Carl retracted the claws immediately, hands coming up. “Hey, listen. I can explain.”

  No one moved.

  “You just...” A man near the back swallowed hard. “You didn’t even fire your weapon.”

  “I know how this looks,” Carl said, his voice sounding wrong even to himself. Too calm. Too practiced. “I’m not...this isn’t what it looks like.”

  “Stand down,” the squad leader snapped. “Now.”

  Carl hesitated.

  That was enough.

  Weapons came up.

  “Easy,” Carl said. “I’m not your enemy.”

  “You just butchered half the grid,” the leader said, eyes locked on Carl’s armor.

  “You went off-mission. You went feral.”

  Carl felt it then, the wrongness. Not the battlefield. Not the blood.

  The certainty he’d felt while killing.

  That scared him more than the guns pointed at his chest.

  “I can’t stay here,” Carl said quietly.

  “Last warning.”

  "Motherfucker..." he mumbled quietly. This was not going to end well.

  Carl didn’t wait for the next one.

  He turned and ran.

  Rounds cracked past him, pinging off armor as he vaulted debris and burned thrusters in short bursts. He didn’t look back. He didn’t need to. He could feel their fear chasing him.

  He found the hospital by accident, white walls, red crosses smeared with ash. Alarms wailed inside. People scrambling around, instructions being yelled to nurses.

  Carl slammed through the doors and skidded to a stop.

  Crash cart.

  Electricity to snap him out of this body.

  He ripped the paddles free, hands shaking now, not from fear, but from the weight of what he’d done.

  “Come on,” he muttered. “Come on.”

  He cranked the charge. The machine whined, rising.

  “Sorry,” he said, to this Carl, to the soldiers, to whoever he’d just killed.

  He slapped the paddles to his chest and fired.

  Darkness swallowed him whole. Again.

  Carl screamed as he snapped back into the vein-space, fingers clawing for purchase.

  Nano’s voice cut through the ringing in his head.

  “Carl. Your stress levels are...”

  “I know,” Carl gasped. “I know.”

  He stared into the pulsing nothing around him, heart hammering.

  That wasn’t a mistake.

  That wasn’t panic.

  That was him.

  Carl tightened his grip on the vein, breathing hard.

  “This is getting worse,” he said. “And if I don’t figure this out soon…”

  He didn’t finish the thought.

  He didn’t need to.

  Much like the feeling he had once had in the void, he felt something. The overwhelming urge to let go. So he did. He closed his eyes and let himself fall. He didnt know why. Just like before, it seemed like the only real choice he had left. After falling for awhile he fired his thrusters to slow his descent and grabbed the first vein he saw.

  He landed in an empty field. Hard. He lay there rocking back and forth and groaning as the pain from the landing radiated through his right shoulder and leg. He felt that, was he really here? Or just in another body?

  "Nano?"

  "Yes Carl?"

  "Where did we just come from?"

  "Some sort of rift with multiple nerve clusters that seem to lead to different universes."

  "So, this is my body?"

  "Yes Carl."

  He rolled over onto his back, he winced at the pain in his shoulder. This was real. He sat up and looked around. He saw no signs of civilization. Great. Now where the fuck was he?

  He tried to stand but he felt way to heavy.

  "Whats wrong with me? Its like I can barely move."

  "The gravity here is increased Carl."

  "Are we back on the hub world?"

  "I am unsure Carl."

  A blade shot out of his gauntlet and he jabbed it into the grass. It hit metal.

  "Oh thank god."

  The blade retracted and he started crawling. Slowly at first, eventually he was able to get to his hands and knees. He had to stop a few times, the strain on his body was intense. It was close to two hours before he could stand again. By then his legs were shaking from the muscle strain. In the distance he could just make out the tops of the buildings on the fake village. So there was curvature to the metal planet. That means it can't be very big. The man braiding saplings came into view, he oriented himself from that and returned to his rift. He fired the thrusters and flew through, sliding on his chest back into the facility. Completely exhausted, he rolled over and lay there, staring at the ceiling. A face came into view, Andy was crouching over him.

  "Holy shit, Carl? Are you ok?"

  "No."

  Carl sat in full armor in the conference room. His helmet open, he refused to look at Penny. All eyes were on him, with Royles standing at the other end of the table.

  "How long was I gone?"

  "Five and a half months. We thought you found your home."

  A pained look crossed Carls face. He closed his eyes, he looked on the verge of tears. He breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth.

  "No. I found another version of you guys, I found a war...but I never found home."

  Royles had been leaning on the table, he straightened up now.

  "Im sorry Carl. Your personal effects have been boxed up, your apartment is empty. I'll have the boxes returned immediately."

  "Thanks."

  Steve reached over and put his hand on Carls shoulder.

  "Are you ok?"

  "I will be."

  Carl smiled at Steve. He appreciated the man, but he had to lie. Truth be told, Carl didnt think he'd ever be ok again until he found his home. He sighed and looked at the floor. He could feel Penny's eyes on him, but he wasnt ready to open that can of worms.

  "I need to go lay down. I'll give you a full report tomorrow."

  He left the conference room. Left the concerned eyes, the questions...he could deal with that later. Right now he wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep.