Uggh. Green. Why did Inanna pick a green suit? I look terrible in green. Green is the worst color. And this tie. A brown tie with a green suit. I look like a walking tree over here. And this ain’t a clip on. How did ties survive the apocalypse? I swear to Space God if I could I’d go back in time and strangle whoever invented the tie to death with the very first tie. Butterfly effect be damned.

  “Fairy, you wouldn’t happen to know how to tie a tie, would you?”

  “Do either I or Sugar seem like the type to wear ties?”

  Oh crap, Fairy is green. Now I feel like an ass and she will never know why. She’s got a red, frilly dress that waves and shakes with her moves. Very adorable. Sugar is in a tight ice blue cocktail dress. Far more flattering than the cook get-up. They have matching purple flower corsages. Yeah, seems like neither would be the type to need a tie. Another day of them making me jealous.

  “Well, I need someone to help me with this thing.”

  “What’s wrong, warm blood? Need your mommy to help dress you?”

  You're one to talk, Raze. What 17th century wine drunk failed poet did you skin to get that blouse? First time I ever see you wearing a shirt and it’s something out of a highschool rendition of Romeo sans Juliet.

  “I suppose you know how to-”

  “Fuck no. Those are for sissies.”

  You smell like petunias Raze.

  “Hey Inanna, you know how to work one of these? This whole thing was your idea after all.”

  The half closed bathroom door which Inanna is on the other side of causes her voice to come back muffled with a slight echo.

  “Figure it out. I need to finish with Joan.”

  “Joans no needs you help. Joans can scuEEEccck!”

  “Stop moving and this will hurt less.”

  Kind of wish I could see what was going on in there. Might make it worth having this all going down in my room. Why are we doing this in my room, anyway? Between Joan making this her go to hang out, Inanna going through my underwear drawer to make sure they are suitably folded to Captain standards, Fairy always hanging around to help with one project or another, and I suspect Deed sneaking in when I sleep for some reason, feels like it’s not actually my room anymore. The only person who doesn’t spend any amount of time here is Alcea. Speaking of…

  “Tom to Alcea. Are you coming to get dressed with the rest of us?”

  My com watch is coming more static-y than usual. Just enough to prevent a clear image on the micro screen. I’m sure that being an issue while attempting to call my lead tech expert is just a coincidence.

  “Alcea reporting in. I’m afraid I need to call out on this one. There is extensive maintenance needed in Sectors 23-28.”

  “We have plenty of staff who can handle that.”

  “N-NO! Er, that is, I can take care of it. No need to bother others. It’s best I do it anyway. Lots of advanced issues, only so many who can deal with it. Don’t call again. Really busy.”

  Maintenance, riiiight.

  “Deed, are you also going to be calling out for the Gala?”

  Deed has been stuck in a corner hand make up and bobby pins to the ladies from the other side of the door.

  “Acknowledgment: Indeed. I am preexposed to assist Alcea tonight.”

  “With maintenance?”

  “Correction: There is no major maintenance needed on the Moby. All systems are nominal and should be easily handled by regular staff.”

  “Figured. So what will you two be doing then?”

  “Acknowledgement: Lead Engineer Alcea has requested we have a “Date Night” in her quarters. For what purpose I do not know. Most likely none.”

  You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

  “No way. You two are a couple?”

  My ear is assaulted by a Vixten and Lapyn squeeing in unison.

  “I knew you two were an item.” Fairy practically screams. “I can’t believe you fell in love so fast.”

  “Rejection: I have not fallen into this location you refer to as love and we are separate individuals who cannot be a single form.”

  “No, I mean you are boyfriend and girlfriend, aren’t you?”

  “Rejection: While our relationship could be classified as friendly I possess no true gender and simply refer to myself in masculine terms for ease of identification. Alcea’s species likewise is Mono gender and so technically is neither boy nor girl, simply referring by-”

  “No Deed,” Sugar steps in. “We want to know if you and Alcea are together the way me and Fairy are together.”

  “Inquiry: What about your situation is different from anyone else in this room?”

  And I have had it up to here.

  “Deed, are you and Alcea fucking?”

  “Finally.” Raze is on my side for a change. “Get to the point, oil blood.”

  “Acknowledgment: No. Alcea and I are not currently attempting to reproduce via physical contact.”

  Like pulling teeth with this guy I swear. All I wanted to know.

  “Elaboration: Alcea has asked me to perform the actions of biological mating on multiple occasions. However, these actions could not possibly lead to any form of offspring. Regardless of how enthusiastic she has been each time.”

  “... I think I speak for everyone in the room when I say I really hate you right now.”

  “Acknowlegment: Understood. I shall take my leave then. The time spent here has been exceptionally unproductive.”

  Deed clanks away. Has no idea how lucky he is. I’d give anything to get out of some stuffy upper class BS if I could instead spend the night with someone so "enthusiastic" about being alone with me.

  Inanna comes out of the bathroom. She’s in what looks like a naval uniform according to some flamboyant musical. White with big golden buttons and tassels attached to shoulder pads. Expect her to break out in song any moment.

  “You ladies done yet?”

  “Almost. Vivvian is just finishing up Joan’s make up.”

  “Suprised you got that on her without Joan eating it.”

  “Vivvian has a large stockpile. By the way, you owe him Three thousand credits.”

  “Bill it to the Union.”

  My expense report is getting ridiculous. Already going to have a hard enough time justifying more polkadot underwear.

  “One more thing Captain. For large events such as this, it is customary for someone of your status to go with a date.”

  “Really? I was just going to go stag as usual. But if you are offering-”

  “Oh, no. I couldn’t. It would be improper. And someone needs to watch Joan. Make sure she doesn’t eat something she shouldn’t.”

  “Yeah, yeah. I suppose you’re right. Not like I can take Joan either. I can’t even get her to not eat on my bed. No way I could handle all that.”

  Joan must have heard us, because she decided now was the time to let me see what Inanna and Vivvian had been working on for the last hour and a half. And I must say, they should have sent a poet. Somehow they slipped her into a little black dress. The top rides low and the skirt rides high. Long silken gloves and stockings cover her chitinous arms. Makes her look more soft. More human. Gold bands around the tail and a flower bouquet dangled from her stinger dull her edge. Her dull, flat hair is raised, forming a slightly curved crown. Her face, that lovely lovely face, accentuated by blue lipstick and eyeliner under all six eyes which pop against her pink skin.

  “... I want to take Joan.”

  “Sir, you are not taking Joan.”

  “But I wanna.”

  “That is an order, sir.”

  “I’m the Captain here.”

  “And I am the one in charge as you so often like to say.”

  “Oh now you take that responsibility.”

  “I wouldn’t have to if you could be trusted with personal issues the same way we trust you with our lives.”

  “Are you seriously saying you trust me more with a weapon of mass destruction than you do with a woman?”

  “Yes! Infallibly."

  Yeah… I have no counter to that. I’ll just enjoy the view while I can.

  “Tom green now?”

  “Yeah. Wasn’t my idea.”

  Joan, why are you getting closer? I know it’s not my color.

  “Green good. Tom be green more.”

  And she walked off, eating a tube of lipstick as she goes. I love green. Green is a great color.

  “Ok, I think we’ve stalled enough. Inanna, please tie this stupid thing so we can go.”

  “I don’t know how to tie that. Did you never learn?”

  “My dad died when I was seven. Why do you think I had a clip on? Does nobody in this entire ship know how to tie a tie?”

  Last and not least, Vivvian comes out. She is far more low key than the rest of us, yet somehow more eloquent. A simple flowing gown that matched the purple of her feathers while giving a smoother texture. Sequence sparkles make her shine with each step while her rainbow feathers are allowed to steal the show after a through coming and highlighting. Vivvian takes no time walking up to me and, in a motion so fast and subtle I don’t even feel it, wrapped the tie in a well fitted knot. Then strolls away as if it was the easiest thing in the world. I look at the tie, then Inanna, who is looking back at me thinking the same.

  “Oh Vivvian…”