Looking over at my assembled fort made out of random pillows and cushions, I a wave of pride budding in my chest, crawling my way inside from the hole in the side, I was met with an assortment of all the snacks and drinks we could manage to find With Michelle laying on the floor,casually eating one of the snacks, feeling exasperated I marched up to her, snatching the wrapper from her hands “what did I say about taking the snacks right now? And worst of all without me?” I said, annoyance flooding my tone. She shrunk back,surprised at my abrupt appearance “uhh sorry?” I wanted to keep pushing,but she just seemed so regretful, her cute eyes blinking bashfully “uhhh fine just…don't do that again” I said, deflating as all my righteous anger left me

  A wide smile split her face,in that moment the world seemed a little brighter and the air just a tad bit cleaner “Okay,okay when do we get to start!” She vibrated, already forgetting about what happened two seconds ago

  making my way towards our hidden stash, tucked underneath one of the covers was our ammunition for this war, two nerf guns, two more than was allowed at this point in the game “it should be soon, aunt Cassie should soon be back with the nerf guns she want to get” I answered, sliding the cover over the toys “awwnn, why can't we just go over to the boys place and just…boom..boom they lose!” She said, waving her arms around madly

  Shooting her a deadpan look, I tried infusing as much disappointment into it as much as was possible, and judging from her reaction, she got the message Sighing disappointedly, she plopped onto the ground, grabbed the discarded snack that I had dropped at some point and started devouring it, knowing her, there was no point in saying anything, so I just pulled out my notebook and started going over our strategies “okay get over here, were gonna go over our strategy one last time” I gestured She put up a good five seconds of pouting until I pulled a snack out of the stash"you get one” Her eyes lit up,I swear I saw stars in there somewhere “promise?” She asked, showing an unexpected amount of restraint,I nodded, immediately she was a whirlwind of movement, grabbing the snack from my outstretched hands and settling down right beside me, the embodiment of grace- except the crumbs stuck on her lips, I laughed, eliciting a glare from her

  “Okay then here we go….The plan’s really simple, after getting out equipment were going to head to our fake “base” at the end of the passage, that's where we'd start the game and since the boys only have one entrance to come from, because of this it'll be a lot easier to aim at them, and since there are no lights in here it would be a lot harder for them to find us, this is the most important part, you're gonna distract them by shooting wildly at them while I'm going to sneak to our real fort and retrieve the extra guns by the time this happens we will hopefully have the location and ammo advantage and they'd be easy pickings” I explained, my mouth already feeling dry from all that talk, I turned to Michelle, asking “you get it?” And with those eyes that definitely had no thoughts behind them, she nodded confidently, I sighed hoping she heard anything I had said but as I was about to go on a charade we heard a voice from the living room “I'm baaackk!” Aunt Cassie’s voice resounded without a moments hesitation Michelle immediately rushed out of the fort leaving me speechless and also behind, I giggled, getting up and checking if everything was in place before finally leaving the fort

  I left the room,the passage blurring as I sped past it until it finally opened up, revealing everyone huddled together including Aunt Cassie with a backdrop of a huge pillow fort behind them “that's ... .a bit overkill?” especially for something they wouldn't use that much, they probably planned on staying in there after the match, like us my gaze was forcefully torn from admiring the structure, fixating on the assortments of …equipment laid out on the central table

  “okay!” Clapping Aunt Cassie shouted, drawing our attention to her “Michelle, Sylvia, Geneva, ark! today is the grand finale of the nerf wars!” “We've never done it before so why would it be the grand finale?”Ark curiously asked , and was only met with a mysterious smile and four words “you'll soon find out!” Her voice unusually bright “Oh yeah uhhhh where was I again?........ Oh yeah as I was saying!, today we have at my front eight weapons from which each of you shall only choose 4!

  1st the jaywalking shield!, secondly the basic gun, reliable and efficient!, thirdly the machine turret, the fourth a certified ninja classic! The smoke bomb! Fifth! Temporary Deployable barricades!, sixth! Excalibur! The faithful sword of the king! Seventh! Spy drones! And last but definitely not least! The scatter shot bomb!” She went on a tirade, her grin widening as each object was mentioned

  “we can't allow them get the shield,it would be too dangerous, the smoke bomb could be useful, we don't need the drones we're gonna bring them to our turf, turret would be dangerous but they'd run out of ammo faster so that's a win for us, the deployable barricades would be a problem if they were allowed to take it” my thoughts spurned

  “Oh yeah and also you all are going to wear this!”Dramatically revealing a vest “ if you get hit, the vest is going to read it, and you can only get hit three times! Now time to choose your armaments! Okay, first to choose is decided by a game of rock, paper, scissors!, I smirked, Michelle never lost a game of rock, paper scissors

  “Michelle will do it”I told aunt Cassie “Okie dokie then!, boys?” Ark stepped forward

  “Rock,paper ... .scissors!” Both played scissors.

  I frowned

  “Rock,paper, scissors!” Paper,both of them

  “Weird”I remarked

  “Rock paper scissors!”

  This time it was different. Michelle held out an outstretched arm with an unfurled finger,her face tight with a seriousness I had never seen before, but ark held out a fist “Well!Girls you choose first!

  “Shield”I answered Immediately

  “mobile barricade” ark answered

  “Basic guns”I shot back

  “Machine turret”the reply came

  “Smoke”my answer was heard “Drones”

  “Scatter bomb”

  “Excalibur”he said this one with spite

  “Uhh okay!To your bases!” Aunt Cassie said, trying to diffuse the unusually tense atmosphere

  As we marched back to our base,I pulled Michelle to the side and said “we have to win.” Michelle smiled,nodded furiously and also gave me a thumbs up ”okay then let's do this!” I shouted, feeling pumped.

  With spirits at an all time high we got to our fort and once again revised our plans,somehow our chosen equipment was already in our fort And soon enough our cue was heard“ begin!” Her voice echoed from the multitude of speakers she had installed around the house “ way too much effort went into this” i remarked, but I wasn't one to complain, immediately the announcement finished we both nodded at each other, in sync Michelle grabbed the shield and a single gun, storming out of the fort retrieving the second gun we had been given, I grimaced “ two pistols vs a machine gun, there's no way that was supposed to be balanced” shrugging my disappointment off, I aimed at the entrance to the corridor, waiting patiently for my signal and soon enough I heard it, footsteps, loud footsteps and in an instant The figure of Michelle entered my field of vision, sprinting down the hallway the shield mounted on her back , ark and Geneva lagging quite a bit behind her but soon The culprit for their apparent slowness revealed itself Geneva held the lumbering machine gun and ark had a hefty looking backpack which probably held the barricades, Geneva grinned greeting us by pestering Michelle with a nice spray of bullets, worry ignited in my chest but it was all for naught as Michelle skillfully dogged the bullets, some grazed her legs but none came close to her chest piece, “just be patient” I repeated to myself like a mantra, calming me down it wasn't long before Geneva crossed “the line” almost simultaneously the entrance to the passage slammed shut, leaving the trapped here with us

  A grin spit my face as I steadied my gun….and shot,the bullet landing squarely on his chest causing his chest piece to flash red, I fired another shot but was too late as ark had already arrived and faced Geneva, deflecting the bullet with his bag, immediately, both boys retreated away from my maximum distance, Michelle slid into the fort quickly signaling that she was totally fine and hadn't lost any of her lives “you should be quick they'd soon start deploying the barricades”she said, nodding, I retrieved a ball from our stash of weapons and threw it in their direction, smoke slowly filled the corridor and once again Michelle dove into the distance her mission to reduce their ammunitions as much as possible, but this time instead of hiding away in the fort, I snuck my way out into the darkness, heading for my room,

  with the map of the corridor imprinted in my head, I made way through the darkness easily making it to the door of my room Holding my breath I pressed down on the handle of the door,the door responded silently swinging open, a pregnant breath left me, although I had left the door open there was always chance something had gone wrong upon entering the room I closed the door behind me with a click, opting to leave the lights off, with urgency in my veins I worked my way into the fort quickly retrieving the guns and extra ammunition and started heading out once again, but upon reaching the door I heard it, a small buzzing sound coming from behind the door, instantly I paused all my movements and listened to the sound “ what's that sound?” The thought floated in my head, “it's very familiar…I can almost taste it” the nature of the sound eluded me..until I finally got it “it's a drone, it's the drones!.. they're trying to map out the corridor” naturally I already knew they'd try to do this, but this was way too coincidental, it wasn't too bad, as all I needed to do was wait for the drone to pass by this area, but this was a good opportunity to get rid of this drone

  “I just need to make sure it doesn't notice where I'm coming from” I thought So I waited and soon enough after checking the area,it continued on, moving past my room into the darkness, making sure there was enough distance between me and it, I crept out of the room, following the faint buzz of the drone deeper into the corridor, after I had gained enough distance from the room I acted, throwing a blanket over the drone, sending it crashing down onto my waiting hands, I quickly wrapped the drone with the blanket and tied it down, not having it in me to destroy such an expensive gadget Immediately after completing that mission, I headed back where I came from, sprinting all the way “ it would have already been tiresome for Michelle to hold on all by herself now with the added information that I'm not at base the boys most likely would start an offensive, knowing that I'd be rushing back, they most likely would send a drone to scout for me, the benefits outweigh the cost, if they manage to deal with Michelle it would only be me left and that'll be GGs” I thought as I sprinted down the corridor

  “Speak of the devil” at the corner of my eye, I saw it, the drone hovering it's one beady eye mocking me, in no mood for trivialities I jumped, grabbing hold of the flying drone twisting my body mid-air and slamming it on the nearest wall With that out of the way,I knew I had little time left so without skipping a beat I continued sprinting Bursting into the corridor,I was met with a scene of a retreating duo of Ark and Geneva with a heavily breathing Michelle barely blocking a hail of bullets sprouting from the machine gun in Geneva’s hands, without thinking twice I released a hail of shots targeting the general direction in which both of them existed, I heard a beep from their general direction so there had to be at least one of their life taken, unwilling to take more risk they retreated into an inflated “wall” that I'd assume was the “barricade” that they'd gotten

  Rushing to Michelle,I help her up, walking her back to the fort “How many taps do you have left?”I asked her immediately we got into the fort “one” she weakly answered “Damn that's not good at all,did you manage to hurt them?” I interrogated her “I managed to hit ark once and when you arrived you hit Geneva with that your indiscriminate attack, so- it's still even” I said, completing her sentence

  “At this point they probably think we're low on ammo so we can use that too our advantage and we still have the bomb, our only problem is finding a way to get rid of that barricade, we can wait it out but I don't really have the patience for that” I continued on

  “Well let's first go scout the barricade to check for any weak points”I said to Michelle who nodded her head furiously, her energy already coming back And so we were out again,with our backs against each other micelle with the shield because she needed it and I held the bomb in my left hand, ready to use it at any point in time

  Soon after, we reached the barricade. Michelle approached it, her shelf in hand, prodding its smooth surface, trying to find any flaws “ Sylvia!, I found a hole!” Michelle shout- whispered “ oh wait I'm comin-” I was interrupted with Excalibur thrusting towards Michelle reacting on instinct Michelle moved backwards, barely dodging the sword, I quickly moved, trying to help Michelle, but that was a mistake I would come to regret at the corner of my eye I glimpsed a flash of movement, it was Ark with the machine gun pointed straight at us, reacting purely on instinct I moved, managing to block majority of the bullets from reaching Michelle, my eyes widened as my chestpiece rang out three times in succession before locking up causing me to stumble “ I made a horrible -” just as I was about to sink into despair I felt a woosh of movement passing over my head, my eyes widened as I watched a shield soar towards ark and in quick succession, I turned to see Michelle shooting into the opening from before a beep sounding from beyond the barricade and without missing a beat sped towards the downed ark who was about to groggily get up, stomping on him and giving him his last two shots directly to his chest- point blank

  “Uhh uhh the girls win,uh yayy?I swear I thought the boys would get it this time. "Aunt Cassie's voice came from the speakers embedded around the house. She spoke some more but all I was able to think of at the moment was “this time?”

  . I was at the fort again,this time I was alone, looking around I tried to remember what had happened before I got here “I I I I-oh yeah! We won the game!” I exclaimed, wincing, my head throbbed a headache forming out of nowhere, my insides flipped as I fell to the floor heaving and retching, “ what…. Is it going on? Where is everyone?” I thought, knowing for a fact that if I was this sick, Michelle wouldn't leave me alone here, I stumbled my way into the corridor shouting for assistance all the way, leaning my shoulder onto the wall, I used it as a support to help me traverse, and so I continued walking, and walking and walking, the exit of the corridor staying a constant distance away from my position, panic gripped my heart as I started to sprint towards the and as I did so I started to notice more and more details that were off, no doors to any other room except mine, the corridor has no beginning and no end and like a chameleon that has its camouflage discovered, it's true colours were revealed any semblance of reasoning was removed from the scene, erratic turns, seemingly random doors in the middle of hallways leading nowhere, the corridor slowly but surely trapping me, on my last leg and panting like a dog in heat, my calves burning and my lungs prickling me, my vision blurred, sweat rolling down my forehead

  A thought suddenly appeared abruptly in my head “this is a dream” and like a deck of cards, everything started crashing down and as everything fell I saw something- a silhouette I was strangely drawn to it slowly I started moving towards it, the destruction around me slowing, but not halting but as I got closer and closer to the silhouette I realized something, It was humongous, massive beyond my comprehension it felt like a shadow of something…. higher, given form, a part of me struggled, kicking, trashing, shouting but It was Soo nice.. So peaceful It felt,it felt like I was in _____ arms Something in me woke up “No,no, no NO! I will not forget! I don't want to forget! Give it back to me !! GIVE IT BACK TO ME!” Everything shattered

  The fabric of everything tearing to pieces and as I was fading,I saw it, a pit of irrational fear suddenly blossomed from my chest, spreading outwards the eyes I did not have widened, the chest that has been lost to the nether tightened and a voice that was not mine screamed “No NO NOno, please PLEASE!- .

  .

  .

  .

  .

  I woke up screaming, sweat drenching my covers, my hands outstretched as though trying to grab onto something, my breath came out in rapid puffs, my heart beating like a war drum

  I could still feel it, the fear… it lingered, and yet I did not know what scared me so

  My erratic breath slowly stabilized and my trembling body slowed down, releasing a huge sigh, I sunk back into my bed, the feeling of calming down washing over me, relief

  i took a good look at my environment, an irrational need to be assured of my own reality, but one look was enough

  It was still grey, everything was still grey

  Never once in my life had that thought brought me comfort but this time I felt myself sinking deeper into the bed, my muscles relaxing

  “what kind of horrible dream would leave me like this?” I pondered out loud, shivering at the memory of the fear,I turned on the bed trying my best to forget the sensation

  I stared at the alarm, it stared back- unapologetic my eyes widened comedically in horror “fuck fuck fuck FUCK!” I screamed, evicting myself out of the bed howling as though I was sleeping on lava, and in this context I very well may have been, I rushed towards the shower jumping into it like every teenagers love life- haphazardly a few minutes later I was out, my hair a wet and tangled mess, whilst still trying to dry my hair with a towel, I grabbed my toothbrush, brushing away as fast as I physically could, furiously rinsing my mouth I sped out of the bathroom grabbing hair dryer on my way to the room and with all the momentum of a whirlwind I burst back into my room, immediately headed for the wardrobe, swinging it open with fury, despite my bravado with the wardrobe, the content therein humbled me

  I was always horrible at fashion, objectively terrible at choosing clothes, on a normal day I would have chosen whatever horrendous clothes I was going to wear the next day, the day before but it seems this time I had forgotten and now?

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  Decision paralysis

  Hit

  HARD

  It was only after staring into the void of the next five minutes that I came back to my senses..and it was already slipping away

  I

  Randomly choosing whatever my hands landed on I closed my eyes and kicked the accursed wardrobe wasting another ten minutes dueling the hodgepodge of clothes I had chosen, with my mind still seething with the fact that I'd probably regret the clothes I had chosen, I dove into the kitchen leaving behind the sensibilities of fashion in the room in which it mattered as for now it was time to appease the beast within,

  My decision was swift and merciless to myself and to the toast to which I devoured “Sorry toast, you were the fastest and most logical option, I wish you luck in the afterlife” wasting a precious five seconds praying for the fallen toast

  I had already spent too much time preparing, it was time to go, rushing forward I grabbed my keys, sprinting towarddddddddds the door, it was until after I had crossed the threshold did I realize that I had left my laptop behind, almost in tears I rushed back into the house, searching for the laptop

  frantically searching for the laptop I checked everywhere bathroom, bedroom, storage, attic

  Nothing

  I found

  Nothing

  Despair crept up my spine, I paused it down with sheer will, heading back to to the living room, and lo and behold the laptop lay there, unbothered by the comings and going of the mortal realms probably saying something like - we are all one and all that shall begin shall end, once you truly understand this, you will be set free- Sylvia's crazy laptop

  I took deep breaths and held my impulses tight, I did not want to know what would happen if I did not, but I had a sinking feeling that It would probably end with the laptop in pieces

  Grabbing the laptop with as much anger as I could without breaking it, I sprinted out the door upon checking the time, my heart froze

  Fifteen minutes

  That's was not enough time, not nearly enough time, I sprinted into my car, praying that at least one thing would go well today

  I swear, my life is the butt of some cosmic joke

  The engine decided that now was the time to rebel, that was the tipping point, from the moment I had woken up till now, it had been simmering beneath the surface, but I couldn't take it anymore

  I screamed

  By the time I came back to my senses my voice was hoarse and my eyes damp

  My restlessness slowly cooled leaving only a damp void left,I got out of the car, walked back into my house cooked a full meal, changed my horrendous clothing, dried my hair and applied the little makeup I knew how to

  before going back into the car and starting it once again, this time it started with no hiccups, throughout the ride to work I kept glancing at my phone, already imagining the words that would fly out of my bosses mouth, but surprisingly not a single message as I got closer and closer to work nagging feeling grew in me

  I shook the feeling off, thinking I was feeling such because of what happened this morning, but at that point it didn't matter anymore- I was already at work

  Striding into the building, I nervously checked in with the receptionist, no outward reaction

  So I tiptoed my way into the elevator, heading for my work floor, as soon as I got there I started sneaking behind the crucibles, avoiding any and all cameras that may rat me out, although I knew it was futile and my boss had probably already been notified about my arrival, I still did it either ways, that's was until I ran into…Ben

  “Oh hey Ben” I said as I slowly sank backwards, I expected surprise or anger but I only met confusion and pity? in his gaze “why are you here?” He asked

  “Uhh the meeting? For today? Wasn't I the one that was supposed to do the presentation?” I answered, shrinking backwards

  “ No? The meeting was already canceled yesterday, didn't you?- oh you prob didn't see it because….well uhh you know …what happened yesterday” he replied

  “What happened yesterday?” I asked, my heart thundering, I could feel it again, this time it was so insistent, so…close

  “Uh Sylvia I know you work really hard and all that but maybe take a break this time? .. and uhh also the boss is looking for you” Ben rapidly said before rushing away, obviously uncomfortable about whatever happened yesterday

  No longer in the mood to sneak and also since I was directly told to come here, I went straight for my bosses office and on my way I noticed them, the stares, the hushed whispered and…the pity

  I rushed towards the office door before closing it shut behind me, as I turned I saw a worried claymore get up and walked towards me “Sylvia are you alright?, why did you come today?” He asked his whole posture screaming worry

  “Okay what on God's green earth happened yesterday?” I asked backing away slightly from claymore

  He just stared at me, seemingly surprised that I did not remember “you- you don't actually remember?” he said

  “For fuck sake no! I wouldn't be asking you if I did!” I snapped, completely forgetting he was my boss

  “Oh I see, that make sense now* he said in a low voice

  Continuing he said “ Sylvia… It's about Michelle.. her condition got worse”

  Everything paused, I wanted to deny it, to rage, to claim it was impossible, but the memories that came pouring

  I staggered back, claymore reaching out to stabilize me “ I remember it now” I said, my eyes unfocused on anything my voice rang hollow in my ears

  My body slowly slid down the wall, I barely registered any sensation, I think claymore was shouting something but I couldn't hear it

  I just stared into the abyss

  And let it all loose

  “You're a wreck Sylvia, a wreck” I muttered to myself staring straight at the dashboard”you can't do anything right can you, you couldn't help her, you couldn't help yourself, now you can't even go see her? You fucking useless useless USELESS, PIECE OF GARBAGE!” I screamed in my car, hot tears ran down my face

  “ So fucking useless you decided to forget it ever happened, I hate you Sylvia, I hate you, why do I have to be you Sylvia, why?” Weakly slumping against my seat, soon weak sobs graced the car once again before escalating into shouts the sobs…again and again and again

  I knock on my window jolted me out of my sleepy state, it was dark outside, ignoring all that, I moved my attention to the unimpressed officer at the front of my door, wiping the tears off my face I wined down the window, probably because of how puffy my eyes looked or my overall dehelvedness or both , he seemed surprised, flinching back at my appearance

  “ Uhh ma'am you do know you're not allowed to be parked here at this time of the day yeah?”

  “ Sorry…rough day” I replied honestly

  Sighing I stood upright “ I was gonna write you a ticket but you seem to be suffering enough at the moment so I'm not gonna do that, so please do leave right now”

  I nodded, thanking him for his kindness, my throat too dry for me to verbally express my thanks

  I drove out of the park, my destination set

  Soon enough I was there cladimore hospital steeled my breath, and started walking towards the towering building, the closer I got the greater the anxiety I felt, all I could hear was the beating of my heart, every step felt like running a marathon, my body trembled with every movement towards that building

  And in a blur of sweat, fear, anxiety and tears, I reached the reception desk

  “Please state your business here?” The receptionist, not noticing or perhaps not caring about my disheveled state asked

  “ I've come to visit Michelle O'Neil, I'm her spouse” I answered, my voice a lot more confident that I felt, quickly checking, her device for whatever she does on it, she looked up at me, a glimmer of emotion appearing in her eyes before being quickly snuffed out

  “I remember you, you know the way to her room by yourself right?” she asked, I nodded to convey my answer “very good,you can go see her, but Doctor Amelia wants to have a word with you so she'll meet you at the room”

  I could finally see her, but everything in me wanted not to

  Everything became a hazy mist, my head throbbing to the best of an unknown music and my extremities were cold, dead cold but even with all that, I still moved with urgency, my feet carrying me to somewhere it had found itself in countless times

  The fog suddenly cleared, and everything gained a crisp look to it appearing as though it was in 4k resolution

  I knew every pattern, hole, roof tile.. everything of this view because this was the same location I had come to almost every single day for two whole years

  I could still remember it, the memories of when she just got sick, we were so optimistic, thinking it'll be gone in a few weeks, but then it dragged on and on and on at first, anytime I came she'd be awake, waiting there, lighting up every time I came and slowly but surely I started seeing her less and less until it was few and far between, but I always had hope, they said it hadn't spread to far, that they could deal with it

  I stood at the front of the door my breath coming in rapid huffs as I placed my hand on the doorknob, every muscle in my body screamed for me to let go, for me to go hide underneath my blankets and stay ignorant

  I smiled wistfully, opening the door, the desolate beeps of the —--- was the only sound coming from the room, the dissonance hit me like a truck bringing back memories of when she was still active, the windows were open, sunlight streaming through the blinds with the ambience of her smile lighting the whole room up

  Now the place was just an empty husk, all the gifts I had brought for her over the years lying haphazardly and her favourite flower sunny, wilting by the window side, the unnatural silence hurt my ears to listen to it and so I moved towards the windows and has coincidence would have it, I heard a light tapping on the window, trying to investigate it, I moved the curtains to the sides, revealing the windows and beyond it, a crow was perched, pecking at the glass window, I sighed in relief opening the window and letting it into the room and onto my hands “it's been a while Rufus, how've you been?” I said whilst ruffling his feathers and as I pet him I brought out a handful of seeds I always brought with me incase I ever ran inti him at the hospital, but instead of pecking at it as he usually did, he flew off into the distance

  I watched as he flew away, remembering the time when I got to the hospital only for Michelle to start bragging to me about the new friend she had gotten in the hospital only for it to turn out to be a crow

  Tears formed at the Corners of my eyes, just as I was about to fall into a full blown sob, I heard the flapping of wings, turning back only to see Rufus flying into the room with a hundred dollar note in-between its beak and for the first time in a while I laughed

  Petting Rufus I graciously accepted the bill between its beak, planning on leaving it behind once I ….left here

  Taking a deep breath I asked Rufus a question “so do you wanna see your old friend?”, he tilted his head before jumping onto my outstretched arm as though he understood, at least I liked to assume he understood

  And without further ado I turned to face the lying Michelle

  it was unbearable to look at, her skin was deathly pale and her chest slowly rose and fell almost all her fat had disappeared and what was Left was only skin,some muscle and bone

  Overall, not so different from how it was before, but now I allowed myself to see her for what she truly was- a dying person

  I knelt by the bed, taking everything in for the first time in…ever

  Breaking out into sobs,my cries were muffled by the bed, at some point Rufus flew up to my face, snuggling his close to mine in an attempt to cheer me up, an ugly smile crossed my face as I thanked Rufus by petting him softly, finally feeling bold enough I took a seat at the edge of her bed, staring directly at her face as I held her limp hands in mine, Rufus curiously hopped around her, lightly pecking her all to no reaction

  Taking a deep breath, I started talking

  “ Uh sorry for not coming tomorrow, I ….heared the news so you know me, I was to afraid to come see you to acknowledge the fact tha- that there was no way for you to recover, to acknowledge the fact that I'd have to watch as the life slowly slipped out of your eyes?, till now I still reject that notion, everyone’s already giving their condolences like you're already dead or something..now away from the deary topics” I said a bit teary eyed

  “ Ever since you've been more asleep than awake I've been really trying… it's been so hard, I try my best but my best isn't cutting it anymore, I've received two promotions since then and yet I felt nothing, I remember when I used to get promoted back when you were still active, we'd be so happy…such glorious times, now ever just melts into this grey blur of everything now I don't even see colour again, the doctors say there's nothing wrong with me, it's probably just because of the way you process grief they say but I knew the real reason, you were disappearing from my life, so was the colour in my life, I've already lost everyone. Mom, dad, josh … I can't lose you too Michelle, if I lose you I'd have nothing to love for, and I- I don't know what I'd do Michelle, I feel like I'm gonna do something stupid” I said, tightly holding her hand to restraining my trembling

  “ Oh yeah, your parents never contacted me, even if they just landed a hand, maybe just helped here and there,maybe things wouldn't be like this, maybe we'd still be singing and dancing and playing and laughing with each other, I know you don't like hearing about your parents, especially from my mouth, so I'm going to wait until you wake up so I can vent everything, it's been hard Hun.. really hard but id weather any storm, any day anytime just to see you get up and talk with me

  Despite all my bravado, tears still poured down my eyes in Droves and so I just sat there, holding her hands for the next thirty minutes only punctuated by the rhythmic beeping of the -_&$ machine and my sniffles

  “ Okay, I'm leaving now, take care” I said as I hesitantly unlinked my fingers from hers

  As I got to the door I paused, released one final goodby and left the room

  Upon leaving the room I was met with a doctor- whatever her name was, pacing up and down the corridor, seeing that I had left the room she immediately walked towards me “mrs-” she started, but I quickly interrupted her “if you're not going to say anything helpful please shut the fuck up, I don't want to hear your excuses, I don't want to hear any diagnosis, it's not gonna fucking help me at this point so please do not open your mouth” my voice coming out a lot colder than I expected

  “ I want to ask a question, doctor, why? Why did you guys lie to me eh?, why not just tell me the truth and just let me decide what I'd do with it, instead you fed me lies for two years straight- why? I mean I don't blame you all I was obviously too desperate”

  She paused her mouth opening and closing as though she was struggling to say something so I just stared, waiting for her answer “ well… her condition normally would have killed her in a little over a month but for some reason she kept miraculously surviving… so we decided to keep her here to see if we could see the reason why she was so resistant to it .”

  I plopped on the nearest chair, losing all the strength in my limbs “ yeah, what did I expect of course she shines even in sickness”

  Finally gaining the courage to say whatever she was holding back, the doctor spoke “well, you should be happy, the data we got from her will save so many lives!”

  .

  .

  Everything was black, as far as the eye could see I felt free, liberated, gone were the struggles of the flesh The only sound in my ears was the beating of my chest, it was so cool, so nice only I wanted to stay here forever

  I regained consciousness with a snap, whatever trace I was in dissolving into nothingness like a dream, the doctor was on the floor, my body towering over her a terrified expression plastered on her face, whispering at my every movement, a scalpel in my hand, my brain quickly whirled, catching up to my actions

  My nerves were fraying at their ends, today was too much, too much in one day, I pulled back from the doctor who scampered away in fear

  “Please do not say such a thing again and if you wish to please do not say it in a place my ears can perceive, I do not want a life on my hands” I said numbly, staring in her general direction

  “ Are you mad?, why THE FUCK did you attack me what the fuck is wrong with you!, can't you fucking see?! It's just her deat-”

  Everything disappeared again, I was floating once again, it was peaceful again, my heart thundered in my eyes, then

  I came back with a gasp, more literal than anything as the air was squeezed from my lungs by the bodies atop me, they were shouting something but i couldn't hear, I stared at the scalpel in my hands, the vivid red of blood contrasting against the greyness of everything

  I turned my head back to the doctor who clutched her hands, blood pouring out of it, I smiled

  “You asked if I was mad, happy now?”

  Stopping my struggling, I was dragged away by the security,

  I stared at the ceiling, idly counting the time since I was placed here, the door opened and footsteps slowly approached me from behind, this was where I'd usually turn around, but sadly I was in a straight jacket and tied to the chair, coming from behind me, a doctor which I had never seen sat on the chair ahead of me separated by a distance of two tables in length, taking a deep breath he spoke “mrs- fenrir the sun eater? Yhup That's me!” I interrupted the doctor, and without missing a beat he continued, either used to this or extremely good at keeping his emotions “ yes Mrs fenrir the sun eater, after what happened prior, we decide that it would be too dangerous letting you go this evening as you are clearly unstable, and so we decided to keep toi in the psyche ward until we're able to contact your friends, family or next of kin”

  “Oki dokie, sur! I shall stay in place here like a good mentally damaged human without a peep!”

  Whether he was uncomfortable or not was not noticeable from his demeanor, he simply nodded and then left

  I stared at the ceiling once again, a deranged smile on my lips “well let's finally meet”, I said as I suddenly slumped.. asleep

  Looking over at my assembled fort made out of random pillows and cushions, I felt a wave of pride budding in my chest

  crawling my way inside from the hole in the side, I was met with an assortment of all the snacks and drinks we could manage to find With Michelle laying on the floor,casually eating one of the snacks

  Frowning I shook off the offending thoughts

  I marched up to her, snatching the wrapper from her hands “what did I say about taking the snacks right now? And worst of all without me?” I said, annoyance flooding my tone She shrunk back,surprised at my abrupt appearance “uhh sorry?”

  I froze, Michelle stared at me, “are you alright?” She asked sliding closer to me

  Immediately, I backed off

  She's wrong

  Once again, I was floored as everything unraveled once again, but this time Michelle sat there her face slowly unraveling and slouching off “why do you fight so much?, of you simply give up, you shall live your best life….why?”

  A wave of emotion, no more like impressions hit me, a cat biting the hand of someone who was try to help it

  I scowled, I

  the melting ball of what used to be Michelle peered at me through its melted flesh a morbid curiosity blooming in its gaze

  I thrashed at my bindings, desperately trying to free myself

  Incensed by the futility of my efforts, I screamed at the top of my lungs, pleading and begging to be released but alas my plea was not granted

  Something cracked, but it was of no notice euphoria lighting up my limbs as awkwardly placed as they were

  My hands came free from the strap which held it in place, dragging my failing body to the looming door, a crimson trail forming behind me

  with no way to forcefully unlock the bastion, I desperately held up my bloodied hand to the handle, to my bewilderment

  it swung wide open

  The inky blackness of the night stretching beyond it, churning and twisting

  I dove in without hesitation

  No sound apart from the disgusting one of my body sliding on the tiled floor, in pitch blackness the sound of my body scraping the floor echoed but it didn't matter

  Nothing mattered

  Everything dissolved into one point

  It was far..far away, everything was far away the walls, they ran from me

  Slowly everything was descending into darkness

  The biting cold of a metal handle coursed through my body

  I'm at her door

  A-

  The knob twisted open, a pit forming in my sense of self, I couldn't turn back anymore

  Not anymore

  It was silent, the room- was silent

  My form scrambled towards her resting place, bumping into unseen forms, all reaching out to pull me back, their shadowy appendages pulled and pulled

  They could not stop me after all

  I had nothing to lose

  Tearing off the inky appendages tearing at me, I finally made my final dash for her

  Ple-

  It was cold, her hands –

  Cold -dea

  Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, Cold!, Cold!,Cold! COLD!, COLD!, CO-

  It was here again, couldn't be heard, seen, touched

  I could feel it

  “Please” my hoarse voice whispered into the darkness “please- save….. her” I pleaded

  I stared into the darkness and-

  It smiled back

  Reaching out an arm and in this disjointed liminal space, my shattered self reached out

  It paused, the darkness rumbled

  And hissed

  It swole, a pregnant bulge in its- self, it's awareness washed over me

  Sadness, annoyance and most powerful of all, curiosity

  Finality

  It burst

  My brain throbbed

  I'm aliv- Michelle!

  I turned the movement causing a spike in my heart and opened my eyes

  Only to see

  Colour

  From the window the orange light from the rising of dusk streamed in, reflecting on her brown hair, producing mesmerizing patterns, her lovely freckled face stared at me with the same confusion I felt, her face cycles from confusion, to surprise, to denial, then….elation

  I rushed into her arms, my tired body finally resting after all the hard work, it was finally, finally time to

  I sat at the reception desk, waiting for the stupid doctors to let Michelle go and there he sat besides me

  “ So…what was your name?” I asked him as calmly as I could

  “I.. really don't know anymore, it's.. complicated” it answered

  “ Thank you….., for, arriving when you did” my thanks sincere

  “It's my pleasure” she said, before continuing “ anyway! Enjoy your new life!” Walking out of the hospital

  At the same time Michelle walked into the room, her smile as beautiful as it had always been and her colours breaking the saturation

  Life was good, hysteric, lovely, beautiful, colourful, crippling, hot to the cheeks, 5 out of five stars