Chapter 3 - A New System
?Happy twelfth birthday, children!? Shouted one of the Sisters, excitedly.
Like every year, we were having a birthday party for all of the kids on the same day, with homemade cakes and snacks of all kinds.
Some of the kids were running around, while others were just filling their plates to the brim with delicious looking food. Everyone was happy, like every year on that same day.
This birthday, however, marked our initiation as novices of the church, and something much more serious awaited us.
Two bells rang, and the Sisters came out with brand new clothing for each one of us.
Brother Matthias walked to the middle of the playing ground and lifted his arms in the air, applauding. Everyone got silent.
?It is with pleasure that I welcome you all to the real church.? He announced.
The Sisters lent us the pieces of clothing, telling us to hold them dear.
?Now that you are all grown up, you can finally start your own journey towards God?
We all looked at each other, some in confusion, others in excitement.
?It is normally the duty of our Father to give this speech, but he is very busy at the moment, so I will do it in his stead.? He declared, almost as if he had won some prize.
?Oh, I remember this day, when I was in your place! Great was my anticipation, just as great as my anxiety. But fear not, my children! for there will surely be a place for you in this world, thanks to the education you will receive from now on.?
His smile twisted, becoming a grin that, more than happiness, showed eagerness.
My mind went through his speech like I had heard it before, predicting every single word he would say, almost as if I had read his script.
Towards the end, however, something had changed.
?..Lastly, it is with pleasure that I welcome all of you-?
“To the Saint Tobias church!” I completed mentally, like I had been doing for the whole time.
?-to the Church of the Shard.? He concluded, smiling, while all of the kids clapped their hands.
Only I, among all of them, was standing silent. My head was turning frantically, looking around for something which I didn’t even know what it was.
The church of the Shard.. Yeah, that was the name of the institution that owned the orphanage. Why did it sound... wrong?
I felt the migraines coming back, like the day I had thrown up before lunch.
Waiting patiently for everyone to stop clapping, with my hand to my mouth, I went up to one of the Sisters and poked at her sleeve.
?What’s wrong, Elias?? She asked, in a motherly tone that seemed almost detached.
?I’m not feeling well, Sister: may I go to the bathroom??
Her gaze flinched for a moment, before she whispered to another Sister’s ear. She then took me by the hand, and pulled me to her while she was going back into the building.
?The ceremony is almost over, so don’t worry and take your time.?
While we were crossing the long corridors, I kept looking around for that thing I was trying to find in the courtyard.
Crosses, crosses, and more crosses: without them, the walls would have been empty. But were they always like this?
Looking at empty spaces in those walls, I noticed some marks that seemed like those that appear when you chip stone walls.
An image came to my mind: small stone idols used to be placed on those empty spaces. But who did they resemble? And why were they not there?
My hands started trembling uncontrollably, especially at the thought the Sister would notice.
?Oh dear, you are trembling! Are you sure I shouldn’t bring you to the nursery?? She asked, turning to me.
?N-No need! Sister. I think I might have just eaten too many sweets? I answered, knowing too well that if I went to the nursery, I wouldn’t have had the calm needed to realize what was going on. I needed to be alone for a few minutes.
The Sister waited for me outside, as I went inside the bathroom.
I opened the faucet, washing my face with the cold water. My head felt like it was about to melt.
There I was again: my head was a mess, and I was in the same bathroom where I had gone last time. Everything was the same, even that feeling of a forbidden memory implanted into me.
My brain went through everything that had happened in those few minutes, and some questions came naturally.
What was this “Saint Tobias Church”?
The place where I lived was indeed called “Saint Tobias Orphanage”, but what about this “Church”? Was it the previous name of the Church of the Shard?
And, even if it was, how did I know about it?
There was that weird feeling.. The one you get when something isn’t quite right, like there are details missing: what were those stone idols I vaguely remembered?
I could remember their shape; but the details, or who they resembled, was something I couldn’t really recall, no matter how hard I tried.
An acute pain struck my belly. I knelt, keeping my head just above the toilet bowl: it felt like shards of glass were piercing my stomach.
I started sweating, like my body was fighting against something I wasn’t aware of. Then, suddenly, everything stopped: my mind went blank for a second and, when I came back to my senses, I had completely forgotten what had been bothering me that much.
I stood up, feeling much lighter, and went outside of the bathroom.
?Are you feeling better, dear?? Asked the Sister, lovingly.
?Yes, Sister. I just needed to.. uhm.. have a minute for myself? I made up an excuse, since I didn’t really know why I had asked to go to the bathroom, or what I had even done in there.
?Ok, then, shall we go to the recreational room with the others?? She asked, smiling at me.
I followed her, still wondering about that hole of just a few minutes in my memory.
The food had been moved to the recreational room, where everyone was still partying: the Brothers and Sisters were also having a good time, drinking and eating snacks while they talked.
For the first time, I was seeing them act as normal people. Maybe, since we were now old enough to join the church, they were showing their true selves?
Seeing Leo talking to other kids in the corner, I ran over to join them.
?What are you guys talking about?? I asked, while I was approaching them.
?Nothing much, we were talking about the studies we would like to start? Leo answered, smiling at me.
?Studies? What studies??
?Don’t worry, I noticed that you left before the ending. I will tell you everything later in our room, okay??
I nodded.
?Leo said he wants to abandon the church? A kid said, almost like that was an unreasonable desire.
?I just said there must be much more outside, and I want to see it.? Leo clarified.
?Not that your little brains could understand the feeling.? Added a girl, in a bragging tone.
?I would be more than happy to accompany you.? She looked at Leo with dreamy eyes while twisting her long hair around her fingers.
?It’s not kind to talk like that to others, Emi.? Leo scolded her, still keeping a gentle smile on his face.
Emily was an arrogant kid, who had just recently started hanging around Leo: she had clean, porcelain-like skin; long hair like strands of caramel and eyes that looked like they were made out of honey.
She had the assets to grow into one of those princesses in the fables, if it wasn’t for her habit of mistreating everyone, especially when she was around Leo.
?B-But they were making fun of you.. and-?
?They just didn’t understand.? He stopped her, with a firm tone.
?R-Right.. I, ugh!? She stomped the ground and walked away, with a look of defeat drawn on her face.
When she passed right next to me, I noticed her glaring at me slightly, almost as if she had heard my thoughts.
Without minding her, I went up to Leo and whispered in his ear:
?Shouldn’t you follow her??
Leo turned to me, then to her- a faint trace of guilt could be seen in his gaze as he turned back to me.
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?Why??
?I don’t know.. it feels right to do so, I guess.?
?She will do just fine? He responded, in a tone that didn’t really feel like his, before turning to the other guys to continue talking.
Leo had been weird since that talk he had with Max in the infirmary about one year ago.
He had always been a popular kid, full of friends and acquaintances; but lately it seemed like every time someone tried to become his friend, he would kick them back into the “acquaintance zone”. He had also been switching many groups, leading to all of his friends losing much of the affinity they had developed.
Our friendship had also gotten more distant, but it seemed like he hadn’t put up the same type of barrier with me, yet.
I walked outside the room, then crossed the corridor to get to the library and grab a book for the night, since I was a few pages away from finishing the novel I started reading a couple months ago.
Outside, one of those quick and heavy summer rains had just stopped, leaving droplets on the freshly mown grass. The sun was still hidden behind the clouds, lighting up the corridor in a grey-ish hue.
Looking out of the window, I noticed Max standing outside.
He was so immersed in the conversation that his hands were moving rapidly, even faster than his mouth.
Who was he talking to?
I moved closer to the window, trying to take a peek at the interlocutor, but the wall was completely blocking my sight.
A white handkerchief was blown towards me by the strong wind outside. Bordeaux stains were clearly visible on it.
I instinctively ducked and saw a big hand retrieve the handkerchief from the window.
The last detail I saw was a letter "J" embroidered onto the fabric.
I crawled back to the recreational room. “I can surely pick up a book another time” I reassured myself.
Well.. I was wrong: the next couple of weeks were filled to the brim with complex lessons, which, considering we had had little to no formal education in the past, turned out to be exhausting.
I would get up, go outside to do the washing ritual, pray, go to lessons, eat, and repeat. Every. Single. Day.
Leo had reassured that it would have been like that for the very first week, to let us get a grasp on the basic information, then we would choose our own paths, greatly reducing the variety of subjects, and by quite a bit the hours of lesson.
One subject was still missing, though, and its introduction was just about to begin.
We were reunited in the courtyard, where a whiteboard and some crates were brought; then, we were left there, without any explanation.
?Who is teaching this class?? I asked Leo, expecting he would know.
He shrugged, looking around like most of us, but only seeing other kids and the walls of the courtyard.
We all started talking with each other, and soon enough we were sitting in the grass, enjoying that sunny day while talking about the most random stuff that came up to our minds.
I had joined one of the groups that Leo had started hanging out with lately, and we were having a good time talking about myths and stories we had been reading.
?I'm telling you: horror stories are the best!? Said one of the kids, enthusiastically.
?I don't know, they don’t really get me.. How can something that you cannot see scare you?? Answered another.
?It’s probably because you don’t put yourself IN the story? I made a strange swimming motion, almost like suggesting he needed to “dive” into the story, in order to really feel it.
?Maybe you are right.. but still, how can something that I don’t see scare me? He said, squatting down to sit on one of the crates.
Before any of us could reply, he screamed and jumped up, falling head-first in the ground right in front of him.
Leo moved a step towards him, seemingly wanting to help, but stopped right away and just turned his back to him.
I rushed to help him up, asking him if he was alright.
?T-The crate moved? He said with shaky voice, triggering laughter among us all.
?Yeah, nice try! This still doesn’t prove your point.? Said the kid that was talking about horror novels, laughing.
?W-What do you mean?? He asked, still glancing at the crate.
?Yeah, we weren’t scared because you were the only one to react, not because we didn’t see anything.? He pointed out.
?N-No! It really did move!? The other kid shouted.
The door of the orphanage opened, stopping our little argument. From the shady corridors appeared Brother Matthias, carrying a suitcase with him all the way to the whiteboard.
?Welcome to our first lesson, kids.? He smiled, coldly as always.
All of the kids gathered like a battalion, standing in ordered lines.
?Today, we are going to learn how humans may reach Godhood.?
Those few words were more than enough to keep everyone hooked: the kids were staring at him with greedy eyes, ready to learn how to reach that almighty father that they had learnt to admire.
Brother Matthias sat on one of the crates, which, in fact, moved under his weight, like it had been hit by some internal force.
?As some of you may know, many religions in the past have talked about sins, and how they should be avoided to reach purity. However, our God has revealed the truth to us followers.?
He got up, and started writing on the whiteboard with a piece of chalk, pointing out each word and saying it out loud.
?Wrath. Gluttony. Sloth. Pride. Greed. Envy. These are those sins that religious people used to avoid.?
We all looked at those words with curiosity, since for most of us it was the first time seeing them.
?By avoiding them, religion was turning humans into something that couldn’t be considered human anymore. Thats why our God taught us the truth!? He preached, getting more heated as his monologue progressed.
?Sins are what make all of us into humans! We must not avoid them, but embrace them! We must make sin part of ourselves to be truly complete.? His voice was getting louder the more he continued.
I felt chills going down my spine. Not the pleasurable kind, no: the kind you get when something horrible gets closer to you. An ominous feeling filled my chest.
With a dramatic gesture, he pointed at all of us, asking a question.
?Tell me, children: what stories had you been reading lately??
We all stood silent: what was the purpose of that question?
Brother Matthias looked at me in the eyes, and smiled.
?Elias. Would you mind sharing with us? Maybe it would be easier for the others to do it too, if you started.?
?I'd prefer not, Brother Matthias? I answered, fidgeting with my shaky hands.
?Come on.. Don't be shy, we all know you're an avid reader.?
I really wasn't, but I couldn't contradict him. I was frozen, like a rabbit in front of the big bad wolf.
?A-A story abou-of youth? I mumbled.
?I'm sorry Elias, I couldn't hear you.. speak up a bit, please.?
?A story about a knight looking for the fountain of youth. Brother.?
His hands clapped together once, right in front of his chest.
?Good. And what does he want to do with it??
?H-He wants his sick mother to drink from it, so she would regain her health.?
He smiled in satisfaction.
?Do you think it is right for him to do so??
?I-I think so..?
?But isn't it... ?? He put a lot of emphasis into that last word.
?Y-Yeah..?
?Then how could it be rightful, if greed is a sin??
I couldn't answer, none of us could. And he knew that.
We hadn't received enough education to reply to such a complicated question.
Seeing my hesitation, he went on.
?See, dear children? There is no sin in this, just humanity. It is your own reason that tells you that.?
He went on asking the other children about their books, using them as "proof" of his claims.
Not once did he fail, despite the stories being so diverse. Were all of the stories in the orphanage selected to have double meanings, or was he just that good at finding them?
An ancient gladiator looking for a better life? "You see kids, hi pride showed him that a better life was possible"
An old man living his life at home, reading poems? "Sometimes being lazy brings inner peace"
A gentlemanly thief stealing to give the poor? "Greed is needed, when life hasn't given you all you could want."
I had no opinion on the matter: his points made sense, and I had no prior experience that would tell me whether sins were bad or good.
The absolute certainty in his eyes, though. Was it supposed to be like this? Was there really no room for doubt?
I pinched my cheeks.
Of course not! That was the path of God, and he surely knew it all.
I needed to have faith...Brother Matthias scared me, but he was a servant of God, and his word was God's word.
I kept repeating those words in my head during that night, unable to fall asleep.
The rain had started falling again, tapping on the window like it was asking me to let it in.
Leo was already sound asleep.
We had barely talked during dinner, and he crawled into the bed as soon as we stepped inside the room.
Unable to talk to my friend, and incapable of falling asleep, I started recollecting the details about that day: Max, the handkerchief, Brother Matthias... there surely was a lot to think about.
"Lets start with order." I told myself.
Max. He sure was suspicious: he met with someone in the backyard, talking in secret, and that someone appeared to be an adult, since they had a handkerchief made out of fabric.
"They were male." I recalled the hand on the window, far too big to be a woman's. And the letter "J"... well, nothing to be said there: among the Brothers, at least two or three of them had names that began with that letter.
The stains on that piece of fabric weren't uniform, neither in color, nor in shape. Paint? Mhm, no reason to paint on a rainy day... maybe something like fruit juice? Yeah, probably. That colour, though, was it some new mix of fruits? I had never seen a stain like that.
Anyway, knowing that wouldn't have brought me any closer to find out who the interlocutor was, since the brothers switched duties quite frequently.
I scratched my head furiously. Why would I even care?! Max could talk so anybody, and it would've been none of my business.
My gaze shifted to Leo. His new demeanor was also suspicious: he was never the superficial type, and he never had any issues letting people in. Why was he distancing himself from everyone, including me?
God... This whole situation was really impossible to decypher. I missed pieces, a lot of them.
Brother Matthias was also part of this enigma: he had always been so kind and thoughtful, and still was. Yet, I felt like I needed to keep some distance from him.
A cold breeze of wind passed through the window, blowing all the way to my neck the second his image popped in my mind, making me shiver.
His way of talking, along with the absolute confidence in his words, really weirded me out. Was that how it was to be devoted?
I looked up at the robes they had gifted us: white as snow, hooded, with the insignia of the church sewn on it. It was just like theirs, only smaller.
At around three a.m. my eyelids started feeling heavier, and I finally drifted into my dreams.
The Sister came to gather us the next day.
Washing, eating, studying and repeat; before I knew it, the sun was already down.
We hurried into the classroom for our last class of the day: nature, with Brother Julius.
The way he used his hands to replicate the sound of any bird's chirping was amazing.
?This is the sound baby sparrows. If you happen to hear them, it would mean you're in Sping, since that is normally the time when they lay eggs.?
From the roof, water would constantly fall behind the window, creating some sort of background tune.
The costant dripping noise really made me want to go to the bathroom.
As soon as I raised my hand, Brother Julius turned and looked at me with his sunken eyes.
?What is it, Elias?? His voice low and clearly bothered.
?I... need to go to the bathroom, Brother.?
?I'm sure you can keep it in for a few more minutes.? He turned his back to me and went on with the lesson.
I tried holding it a little bit longer but soon found myself raising my hand again.
?Kids these days... you can go.? Brother Julius sent me out with a gesture of his hand.
Five minutes. Not a second more spent in the bathroom.
In that small amount of time, though, everyone had left the classroom.
A hand reached me from the back, touching my shoulder.
When I turned, Leo grabbed my hand and started running.
?Sister Melody told us dinner will be served early, and that we should gather in the dining hall!? He said, panting while he sprinted down the corridor.
We hurried to the dining hall, finding ourselves fighting against the wave of children that converged into the big opened door.
Leo held my hand firmly, so that we wouldn’t get lost in the crowd.
We sat in our places, and quietly waited for everyone to settle.
The fragrance of cooked food filled the air.
Was it... tomato sauce?
As soon as everyone was sitting, a bell rung, and the Sisters brought out the dishes: that night, it was fresh pasta with tomatoes and basil.
We all ate our fills, and some even asked for refills on their plates, before the time for the dessert came.
We were all waiting eagerly for the sweets, anxious to know what it was going to be, today.
Cheesecake? Muffins? Chocolate cake? Or maybe some fruit shakes?
Sister Melody got up- her strands of bright blonde hair following her like the rays of the sun.
She tapped her glass with a fork, and everyone got silent.
?From today on, the time for sweets will be the most rewarding for you, dear children.? She smiled warmly, then picked up an aluminum plate.
?I ask for each of you to come her in order, and pick up a chip from here.?
We did as instructed, and each of us found themselves with a shiny copper coin in our hands.
We looked at each other, confused on what to do with them. Som of us even tried biting into them, thinking they could be made out of candy.
Of course, they were not.
?From this day onwards, these copper coins will be distributed to the ones of you that behave as we request of you. You may expend them for various things, such as a dessert, or even free points on a test. Use them as you please.?
A Sister came to ask everyone if we would like to “purchase” the dessert, and most of us agreed to do so.
Leo and I put our coins in the pockets and refused, since it felt like those coins would have been much more valuable than that.
No further instructions were given: the Brothers and Sisters used to tell us what to do and not to do.
But this time they didn’t.
Did it mean that there was no limit to what we could do with them? Or.. to get them?
