Distant Memories

  “Thank you, Ty. Thank you for being alive. For allowing me to share my story,” spoke the Ancient as he walked over to her and bowed deeply. “I have never been able to.”

  “No, Darius,” spoke Ty hastily as she placed her mug down behind her and stood up to bow as well, the two stone steps leading up to the workshop balancing out their height differences. “I should thank you.”

  Darius let out a soft laugh, returning to his casual way of speaking. “As Alex says, ‘You are silly.’ We talk another time, and I return later. There is someone else you must talk to for now.”

  When she raised her head, his was already raised. His eyes were still glimmering and full of hope as he nodded and walked away.

  Theo, illuminated by the golden sun, stood by the entrance to the path leading to the workshop. A cloak over his shoulders, and a cloak in his hands. He did not move from his spot until Darius approached, then exchanged a few words with him before slowly walking over.

  He looked different. His eyes were glossed over, the black circles under his strained, bloodshot eyes puffy and a stark contrast to his pale face. His lips were thin and pale. He looked thinner, but his cheeks still looked soft and supple. His hair had gotten slightly longer, and it was messy, unkempt. She could see that his class robe was faded in some places.

  He always liked to poke around in the dusty areas of the library.

  Remember how you always teased him?

  You’re back now that he’s gone, huh?

  She walked down the steps to meet Theo when he finally approached, golden until he stepped into the shadow she cast, back to the sun.

  They locked eyes for a moment before she averted her gaze.

  “Thank you,” he said softly, extending her robe out to her.

  “There’s no need,” she replied quietly, taking it back with her eyes still fixed on the ground.

  “Do you want to go inside? It’s chilly.”

  Biting her lower lip and nodding, bracing herself for the inevitable, she carefully put her coat back on before walking up the steps again, mindful of picking up her mug to put on the table before sitting down on a stool.

  The coat…it was warm. It smelled like him. She could feel the weight of her books in her pockets, the silver class pin on the collar that reminded her it was there with its occasional cold tap.

  Theo did not sit down beside her. He walked over to the back, examined the dying fire, and then filled a kettle that had been sitting off to the side with water. He put it near some of the glowing embers in the forge and spoke a quick Ignite spell as he opened a drawer to take out a bundle of herbs for his mug.

  The kettle came to a boil quickly, and the workshop felt a tad warmer.

  “Would you like some?” he asked quietly as he sat the kettle down along with his mug.

  She nodded, watching him fill her cup with the boiling water before his own.

  “Did you sleep okay?” she asked quietly, nursing her mug with her cold hands as she stared at the floating leaves in her drink.

  “Yeah. I had a nice dream.”

  She smiled to herself briefly and sipped her tea as they sat in silence.

  “It’s gotten better. The noise.”

  She tightened her grip on her cup, her reply a whisper. “Yeah.”

  Theo was the one to take a sip of tea this time, and she took the opportunity to speak.

  “I’ve been…going out to sanctuaries. With the student council. Getting rid of them is helping. Hopefully…it’s the answer.”

  “Are you going to leave?”

  Silence.

  What she heard next was an ice-cold voice. Did you find a way, tactician?

  The warmth that was once in her chest, that she had felt outside—it was gone now as the truth escaped her lips. “I didn’t.”

  Silence, yet again. Every part of her ached as she held in her words, feeling the argument resurface. Feeling the unbearable emotions again, letting go of her mug so she could clasp her shaking hands behind her neck to force her head down. Steady herself. Remembering the day they had argued up in reports, going up to find the Headmistress, finding the student council instead. Getting pulled downstairs, taking the potion, blacking out and then being taken outside the Academy walls. The Ancients. The one with long hair. The young one. The one who begged. One by one. And then it was ten. Halle’s water. The Headmistress. Nate.

  The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

  Do you trust me?

  Of course I trust you, dear; you’re a part of me.

  She dug her nails into her skin to drive away the voice, trying to cement herself back in the present. The world that Darius loved, the one that she was going to save, the one that could no longer go back.

  It’s impossible. I’ve done the calculations hundreds of times. I’ve gone through the Headmistress’s books, I’ve asked the student council, I’ve asked Luci. I can’t do it. I can’t destroy all the sanctuaries and save everyone without leaving.

  “Ty? Hey, Ty?” A new voice pierced through the noise. “Ty?” Warm hands grasped onto her shoulders, trying to shake her back into reality.

  She did not yield, and neither did the cacophonous voices that mixed to form an endless, gargantuan wall of suffocating, crushing noise.

  Nothing’s wrong. Everything is normal. Don’t fall apart. Look what you did, you broke down in front of Faris. You were supposed to do it in your room. Did you do it on purpose, so he’d see? See, she was right. What are you going to do, save the world by crying? So weak. What changed? The sun. Blood red. Fire. Revenge.

  And then she was falling. She was literally falling off her stool, warm hands still on her as she fell onto the wooden workshop floor, the malicious voices dashed.

  Her hands were no longer on her neck; she had relinquished them to catch herself from falling.

  “Ugh, that…hurt more than I expected.”

  She felt pressure against her back and craned her neck to see that Theo was holding onto her. His arms were wrapped tight around her torso, his head resting against her shoulder.

  “W-what happened?” she whispered.

  His words were barely audible, close enough that she could feel every word on her cold skin. “I…I asked you if you were going to leave. And then you started mumbling…you seemed like you were in distress, so I tried to snap you out of it.”

  Still somewhat stunned, Ty tried to shuffle away—it had been a long time since she had last been hugged, and the sensation made everything more confusing than it already was in her head.

  “Oh—sorry,” apologized Theo quickly, his arms lingering for a moment before Ty broke away and turned around.

  Retracting his arms and hugging his crossed legs, Theo tilted his head to the side, his cheeks unmistakably red.

  “Thanks…for knocking me out of it,” she uttered quietly, looking away as well. She could feel her face turning hot. “I don’t know what happened.”

  You know what happened.

  He doesn’t want you to leave. He doesn’t trust you.

  Why are you doing this? Go away.

  With his eyes still averted, he replied with a nervous tremble in his voice. “No matter what you were going to answer, I wanted…I was going to tell you that if you really wanted to go…it’s okay. I need some time to process it, but…if it’s what you want…I can accept it.” He craned his head even more, so that his face wasn’t visible to Ty. “I don’t…I don’t want it to be like this anymore. I…I love you, after all.”

  Groaning loudly after the confession, Theo pulled his hood over his head to cover his beet-red face.

  Ty’s eyes widened, and it took her a moment to untangle her thoughts. “You’re not…going to tell me to stay?”

  A long sigh escaped from the class physician, who lowered his hood and turned to face Ty with a melancholic expression. “No, I won’t force you to stay.”

  The tactician dropped her head. The aching returned, spreading throughout her like poison. “I’m sorry for not saying anything. I’ll do better. I…I’ll make it so you can trust me. I want you to…”

  Unsaid words hanging in the air, she glanced up at Theo. His eyes were now downcast, watching himself scratch the wooden floor under him with his index finger.

  “Hey, do…do you remember the time we visited the restaurant Callie worked at, and we ran into Elias?”

  Theo stopped what he was doing and looked up, confused. “Yeah. I do. It was fun.”

  “R-right? Um…Callie was so embarrassed.”

  He let out a chuckle. “Yes, she was. And so was Elias when I teased him.”

  “That was…that was a good day. A happy day.”

  “Yeah. Callie even got to sit down after a bit of persuasion from the owners. I remember her looking so bashful but pleased at the same time.”

  “Mhm.”

  Their gazes drifted apart.

  “What…brought that up?”

  Do you…do you remember when we were happy?

  “You…you looked sad. It looked like I made you sad.”

  “Ah. No, that’s not it.” Theo retracted his hand, the same sad look on his face as he stared at the space in front of him. “I missed this. I missed you so much after I realized I was wrong to have said what I did. But I also didn’t know what to say to you, and the longer I waited to find the right words, the more scared I was. What if I only made it worse? What if you no longer cared about us? What if that fight was the last proper conversation we’d have? I had this…this feeling that it had happened before. That you really left without saying anything to us, leaving me with a single letter and that last conversation playing over and over again in my head. You would do your part to save the world, and I would keep getting stuck on the fact that I never got the chance to say goodbye to you. To apologize. And…then suddenly the answer was presented to me. The chance to go back. The chance to turn back time, to go back to the beginning. Forsake the world to save you. And because…because I never got to make it up to you, because I was weak, and because I never gave you a proper goodbye, I…I said yes.”

  It was the Headmistress’s voice that echoed in her mind, her words that left Ty’s mouth. “One life for the world.”

  “Isn’t it wrong?”

  Their gazes met.

  “Isn’t it wrong that one life should dictate the fate of the world? We’re not gods; we’re nowhere close to being the Graces or the Earth Mother. How did we ever get here?”

  Her voice was gentle, a stark contrast to Theo’s aggressive, incredulous one. “Because we’re selfish. We want things we can’t have. Like time, like power. Like people.”

  Despair dispelled the disbelief in his eyes as he turned away. “Do you remember our conversation in the infirmary earlier this year, when it was only Hythe and Caspos that were severed?”

  “I remember every word.”

  He took a shaky breath. “Have we…have we really spent enough years for a lifetime together if we don’t live it now?”

  “There’s no going back anymore.”

  “Can you really call it enough? Can you really call yourself happy?”

  “Yes.”

  Theo raised his head and slowly met her eyes. He blinked. “What?”

  “Yes. I’m happy.”

  Silence followed. A long silence as they stared at each other until the tears finally fell.

  “Why?” Theo shook his head, his voice breaking and shoulders trembling. “How can you possibly be happy about any of this?”

  Ty looked out into the golden afternoon, hearing the voices in her head but listening to only one.

  I have faith in the life She has given us. The path She has set us on. It has all led to this.

  On her knees, she shuffled over to the person she loved the most in the world. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him tightly, nestling her head against his chest. Feeling his heartbeat, the invariable warmth that he exuded. It was real; all of it was real. It didn’t matter whether it would be forgotten, it didn’t matter if she was going to leave, it didn’t matter if no one else knew. It was real to her.

  I feel him in the sun today. His warmth. Can you feel it too?

  “Because I get to live. I get to have you. I get to spend my life with everyone I love. I get to save everyone I love. I get to choose something other than drowning in the storm. I get to choose to be happy.”