PART 2

  Why Not

  Somehow, she was at supper again. Surrounded by classmates, almost a week after the Tactician’s Assembly had taken place. Fervent whispers of war died down to ordinary chatter amongst students while they busily prepared for individual exams by the end of the month…as if it made any difference, as if the only thing that could stop them would be a complete invasion of the Academy. They’d have to fight, anyway—what difference did it make?

  Slowly, she raised a wooden spoon to her mouth and took a sip of the pale soup. What kind of soup it was, she could not tell. It tasted normal.

  Normal, she thought to herself as she felt the warm liquid trickle down her throat. Why not normal? After all, her relationship with her classmates hadn’t changed much despite the talk with Nate, and the only exception to that was Faris, who started avoiding her.

  Why not? a voice in her head asked her again as she continued to lower her spoon into her small bowl and bring it back up to her lips.

  “’Ey, Cyril, what’s this medical-grade synthetics business?”

  “Meh, it’s just the purity. Shouldn’t you know? You’re the chemist.”

  “Medical-grade, though.”

  “Well, it’s just the specific percentage of organics is higher.”

  “And you ain’t gonna charge me an arm and leg?”

  “Kor? Why didn’t you ask Darius?”

  “Well, Sel, he—”

  “I busy. Lots of traveling. No time to stay, gather. Sorry.”

  “Then why not home, Kor?”

  “Haaah. You never know when to stop, do you?”

  “Kor!”

  Ty put down her spoon amidst the awkward silence at the dinner table, the small sound it made when it hit the bottom thankfully obscured by the rest of the noise in the dining hall as she pinched a piece off of her dinner roll to put into her mouth.

  “Things have been stressful after I asked them for the last favor that you had a part in too, Sel.”

  “You can still ask them. I’ll ask them.”

  “No, it’s alright. Cyril has them.”

  “Harrumph. I’m going to talk to mom.”

  Ty kept tearing piece by piece and putting it into her mouth, not really focusing on anything at all. Normal. Why not?

  “Oh, hey, since ya brought it up, how’s that new community thing goin’, Darius?”

  “Hmm. Is bit difficult. Hard to stay for long time…always on to the next…and next, and next. Sometimes it feel like no end, but I look forward to coming home. To Academy. I am happy here.”

  “Hah. I’m sure you are.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Alex—”

  “No, Callie—what does that mean, Kor?”

  “Relax, I’m not insultin’ anyone. Just sayin’, like, it’s pretty rough to be a nomad with no home like a lot of Ancients are right now. Dunno why they won’t just stay at the Academy.”

  “Oh.”

  “It’d definitely be fun to talk with ‘em more. And besides, they’ll have somewhere to be with all this community-relocating. Where else is safer than the Academy?”

  “MATS.”

  “Yes, if you wanna be a smart-ass, Theo. MATS doesn’t even give a shit about us.”

  “They care about our exams enough.”

  Strained laughter could be heard around the table as Ty put down her half-finished dinner roll and started working on her soup again.

  “Um, has anyone heard about the semester exam yet? One of my professors was talking about it…they changed our syllabus…”

  “Ugh, don’t mention that, Callie…I’ve got exams to pass first before I start thinking about the semester exam. One week in, and I’m already exhausted.”

  “Faris, no signature snark for Elias?”

  “Shut up, Kor.”

  “Fine, don’t talk. I heard they’re contemplating pushin’ the date up so training month is halved, and the rest of it is on the field? Maybe?”

  “Ah. Well…I guess we’ll see…if that’s the case…thank you for letting us know.”

  “I know I’m just the healer and all, but I mean, I’m sure it’ll be good practice. We didn’t get much experience in the field last year, so I’m excited. What say you, Theo?”

  “Didn’t really end off on a high note.”

  “What if we don’t have to fight?”

  Mid-drink, Ty looked up at Alex, who stared bashfully at the plate in front of her, as if her outburst had been unintentional.

  “What?” countered Sel immediately.

  “You know, like in the report from a week ago. The call for students to work at MATS for translation. That’s what I mean by helping them in a different way. That way we don’t have to put our lives on the line but still…still help.”

  Sel’s disbelief only intensified. “What are you even talking about? Why are you even here?”

  Trying to diffuse the situation a bit, Kor put a hand on Sel’s shoulder. “Hey, Sel—”

  Alex came to her own defense faster than Sel could continue her retort. “I’m just saying that war and death aren’t the only options. I feel like it’s not that crazy to stand on the side of self-preservation instead of spending it on the battlefield as some bigger institution’s pawn. I’ve spoken to some of my other classmates…some of us never imagined being at the front of the war.”

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  “So, what?” Sel sat up straighter, swatting Kor’s hand away. “When people attack us and our community’s entire way of living and existing—we just stand back and ask for peace? When clearly the state’s the one trying to get involved in affairs that aren’t theirs to begin with, when they could have simply left us Ancients and magic-practitioners alone? What good is it going to be to be servile, yielding when it gets rough? Head in books, doing research on the Ancient language for Graces-know-what when we could be out there actually making a difference? Shouldn’t we retaliate and defend ourselves? Huh?”

  Alex’s bashfulness faded, replaced with regret and dejection. “It’s not for everyone. Maybe people change and decide they don’t want to fight. Maybe I’ve changed. I don’t know. The more of this war talk that I hear…the more it makes me scared. I have a family to take care of. I don’t know if I want a nomadic life like Darius, going from place to place and fighting battle after battle…I know that we’re important to the Academy, to the magic community, and that this is what I’ve been training for all my life, to defend everyone. I know it’s a privilege…but it’s just—it’s just that I have a home to go back to, and I want to be able to see them again.”

  Breathing heavily and standing up, it was plain to see that Sel’s words were more than just skin-deep.

  “What about those who don’t have a home?” she cried, grabbing the collar of Alex’s shirt with her small hands, tears in her eyes that refused to fall. “Do we just fight forever if we have no one to go back to? How do we fight for a home that doesn’t exist anymore, avenge the people who have been taken away from us if we don’t fight, if we just sit back and do nothing at all? How can you just sit by and watch everyone you love get torn away from you knowing you could have done something? How do you live with yourself knowing that you could have saved them if you had only tried?”

  “Sel, I didn’t mean it that way, and I’m sorry that—”

  “Don’t you dare feel sorry for me, you disgusting commoner!” she spat, her voice almost a frenzied shriek.

  Kor’s patience finally snapped. “Yeah, nope,” she announced sharply as she got up from her seat, picking up and ushering away the royal, who immediately relinquished her grip on Alex upon feeling the surprising feeling of weightlessness.

  Silence.

  Lowering her eyes, Ty no longer felt like drinking soup. She retracted her hands and waited for someone to say something.

  Normal, she tried to say to herself. Supper. Normal. Why not?

  “I…I just remembered I’ve got some practice to do. I’m going to head out,” Callie spoke up first, stacking Kor and Sel’s plates onto her own. “Did you want to come, Alex?”

  Still sitting in her place, Alex looked at her own food and then at Callie, a spaced-out expression on her face. “Y-yeah. Let’s go.”

  “Guess we’re all going, then,” grunted Elias, getting up with the rest of the table slowly following suit.

  Ty grabbed her plate with her bowl and bread with one hand, and the communal dish of assorted vegetables that had been closest to her with her other, making her way to the front counter like the rest of her class to drop off the dishes.

  “Hey Darius, you busy?”

  “Oh, Cyril. No, I am not.”

  “Great! I’ve got something I wanna show you—can we go to the workshop?”

  “Ah. No problem. Now?”

  “Yup, yup. Hey, Ferry, come with us; it’s some magicky stuff I’m sure you’ll take to. Besides, there’s no class tomorrow, and you can go back to the dorms and do your typical hermit-y thing if you wanna.”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “Nice! Hey, hey, Ty—”

  Suddenly remembering that she wasn’t invisible, Ty looked to her side after watching her plate get taken, the remaining half of her bread roll still in her hand. “Oh, um…I’m—I think I have some work to do. Sorry.”

  Cyril’s smile was still radiant, his eyes compassionate. “No worries. Another time! Promise!”

  The tactician nodded slightly. “Mm.”

  And just like that, everyone was gone. She walked back to their supper table, inspected it to make sure that it was immaculate, and then stood there. She looked past everything, through the window to the main inner courtyard, and saw that the sun was setting. The wind gently rustled through the trees outside, their shadows swaying and dancing below. There was the bench that she had taken a liking to. It had been a while since she had last sat there.

  Why not? the voices said this time.

  After making sure that no one from her class was still around, Ty slipped out of the dining room and sat outside on her favorite bench. The air was brisk, not at all uncomfortable. The cold felt nice on her face, and she had her robe on. There was no one there, and barely anyone walking around at this hour.

  Only for a bit. I’ll finish my bread. I can do this. I can’t fix my classmates, I can’t control what they do and say, how the others will react and how they feel, but I can do this. If anything needs to be fixed, it’ll be fixed with time. They’re adults. They’re not children.

  She sat there, at the rightmost corner of their bench overlooking the main courtyard, the old Elm tree rustling behind her from time to time. She listened to the chatter of students and professors walking past while the sun set. Eyes trained on the horizon behind the dark silhouette of the lecture hall building, she watched the spell-candles around the campus illuminate the Academy in a cozy golden glow, one by one.

  Someone even took a seat at the other end of the bench, but they didn’t bother her, so it didn’t matter. All she focused on was the present. The normal, the why not. The shadows walking past the warm orange lights, those leaning on the windows on the upper floors to catch a final breath of the dying day. In the last rays of the sunlight, she even spotted a cat she had seen many times before with white, brown, and gray markings, this time with a smaller, black cat following it.

  And then the sky turned into a warm royal blue, the moon beginning to show its face behind some wispy clouds. The students turned sparse, and her mind began to stray. Had it been that long since she had sat down? The last classes must have been dismissed by now. Several professors made their way up the lecture hall stairs, and some disappeared into the Great Hall, likely to return home after a day’s worth of research done in the lecture hall library. It was the perfect time to get up and head back to her dorm to hang up the day’s report so even the earliest risers could see if they had any appointments or outstanding items.

  Darkness came. The moon, obscured by fluffy, billowy clouds, cast a dim glow over the open courtyard. The spell-candles faded. The lights of the lecture building were put out, and the library had shut its doors a while ago, which left only the dining hall open for light refreshments. The Great Hall was dark as it usually was, save for a single spell-candle at its entrance.

  Silence.

  She breathed in deeply and exhaled it just as slowly. She brought her knees up to her chest, and then she laid her chin between them.

  Not much has changed, huh, Ty? You haven’t apologized to Faris yet. You haven’t spoken to Theo about any of what’s happening. There hasn’t even been another mission. You’ve only spoken to Luci about it—but what good is that? He knows everything already. What about Chel? What about Halle? Seth and Pia? What about their suffering? Have you told Nate that you appreciate him for being sincere to you, that you’re sorry you haven’t lived up to his expectations? That he’s had to live through Circle after Circle watching over you?

  What are you going to do? Are you going to get your revenge? Against fate, against the world for giving you the purpose you so desperately sought?

  Of course you won’t. You can’t fight against the Earth Mother. Her way is the only way, even if it’s wrong. You’ve seen it yourself. There is no happy ending for you.

  Yes, I’ve got to tell them. I’ve got to tie up my loose ends. I’ve got to help them while I can…before I go. If…if I’m going to be your pawn, enact your revenge, why can’t I get my own? I may not be able to change my fate, but I’ll be able to change my friends’. I can save them. I will save them.

  Revenge.

  Feeling her neck ache, Ty turned her head to the left, where the other person had been earlier, and rested her right cheek on her knees.

  Is that who you’re trying to save?

  A small, robed figure. Just about her size. Short and rough, chocolate-brown hair. Knees together and leaning to the left. Brown book bag slung across their shoulder, so weathered you could see several patches of mismatched cloth.

  Is that who you’re forsaking me for?

  His eyes were closed. His robe was on, but it was exposed in the front. She could see his necklace softly glowing under his shirt from what felt like a lifetime ago. A warm, heavenly blue enveloped in gold pulsed slowly and gently, just like his own shallow breaths.

  She passed her sleeve across her face before standing up quietly from her spot, careful not to make any noise. She silently took off her coat, not caring if her tactician’s ring was in it, or her books, or her letter from her mother, and inhaled deeply as she pressed the robe’s warm fabric to her cheeks and imagined a moonlit clearing. Soft, dewy grass underneath her feet. The sound of trees gently rustling. The smell of the forest and rain. Flowers, as brilliantly pink as the first hints of sunset on a clear, blue day, gently brushing against her feet as she walked. Where she was going, she wasn’t sure. But it didn’t matter, just like that night when she was wholly, undeniably, happy.

  And then she opened her eyes again. She looked at her robe, which looked the same as ever, walked two steps over to where Theo lay, and nestled it in his lap.

  She sat beside him, hugged her knees, wiped her tears away with her hands this time, and then closed her eyes.