Alexios

  Arun leans on the railing of the balcony, sunlight shining down on him so brightly that he looks like something damn near godlike. I want nothing more than to be on my knees for him as the sun continues bathing his beautiful red skin in warmth.

  I want to bend him over and t-

  Alexios.

  Oh, for fuck’s sake.

  I try my best not to let the displeasure show when Arun’s this close to me.

  “I’m going to see what the kitchen is planning to serve for lunch,” I say as I brush a hand over his shoulder, hoping desperately that my voice sounds casual enough.

  The moment I’m out of his sight and in the hallway, her presence deepens.

  You are drifting away.

  “From fucking what?”

  From me. From what you owe me.

  I force a slow breath out through my nose, biting my tongue in frustration.

  “I have done everything you’ve asked.”

  Not everything. You go to places I cannot reach. You make promises to me that you are not keeping.

  “I’ll keep them,” I bite back. “You know I will. I am yours, but he is not. Leave him out of this.”

  …

  Shall I prove you wrong?

  A flare of panic hits instantly, hands curling into fists so tight that I can feel my nails digging in.

  “You will not.”

  Then stop wasting time. Complete the orders I have been trying to give you for weeks now.

  I grit my teeth.

  “I’ve already told you. I can’t leave him right now. Not after…”

  I stop before she can know just how terrified I am to ever see that fear in Arun’s eyes again.

  I know how I answer defiance, Alexios.

  “Why are you doing this to me?” I hiss out through my teeth. “If you think I’m walking out of my home to kill for you when I need to be here to take care of him, you’re mistaken.”

  My home, Alexios. My home.

  A cold silence passes between us, leaving chills running down my spine.

  You will do it soon or I will make you regret choosing that little devil over me.

  The pressure in my head finally withdraws before I can spit something back at her. She’s clawing at something deeper now, leaving an absolute raw ache behind.

  Forcing myself to take a breath in, I make my way downstairs and the scent of warm bread becomes a comfort. When I reach the kitchen, servants are moving briskly as they slice fruits and pull fresh bread loaves from the oven.

  I nod politely to one of them and step closer to the counter, but halfway there…

  My stomach knots. Hard.

  It’s a sudden, twisting pull that almost makes my knees give out. The knot tightens even more somehow and the edges of my vision starts swimming before finally letting up.

  One of the servants gasps, concern immediately flooding her face. I shake my head to dismiss her. I tell myself I’ll reach for a few of these pears in the bowl in front of me and bring them upstairs, telling Arun I’m just simply in the mood for something light and fresh.

  And I hope to the gods that Arun won’t see right through me.

  I stay near the open door to let the cooler air touch my skin. It helps, I can’t lie, but not nearly enough. The knot in my gut shifts a little, like it’s pulling from somewhere more than just simply physical.

  One of the older servants moves past me and I catch their eyes looking at my hand that’s still gripping the counter far too tightly. I force it to relax.

  I pour a glass of water from the pitcher resting on the table and take a slow drink, desperate for the coolness to quiet whatever this is.

  I’m not even surprised that it doesn’t.

  If anything, it’s worse and now I can feel a slow thud in my heart that feels slightly out of rhythm.

  This is no doubt the work of her. She doesn’t even need to confirm it for me to know.

  A “harmless” punishment for my disobedience.

  My focus turns on controlling my breathing until the dizziness eases. Every second I stand here is just another reminder of how much she likes to play petty games.

  I pick up a few pears before walking back towards the stairs. I cannot let Arun see even a single hint of this.

  Thankfully, the tightness in my stomach has started to fade into something more manageable when I reach the stairs. As I walk back up, I use the time to breathe evenly.

  When I step inside our bedroom, Arun is still standing outside on the balcony, head tilted up towards the sky. For a moment, I forget all about the knot in my stomach.

  “I was starting to worry about you,” he says sweetly as I walk outside.

  “Found this for you,” I answer as I lift one of the pears to him. “Thought you might want something small to hold you over until lunch.”

  He turns fully and takes it from my hand.

  “Thank you. Are these from that farmer in Cervan?”

  I nod, placing mine down on the small balcony table.

  “Likely has a thing for you,” I say jokingly. “Who wouldn’t?”

  The bright laugh that Arun lets out feels almost like the sun itself.

  “Well, you’ll have to tell him that I’m all yours.”

  He turns to look down at the gardens below while I move to stand behind him, my arms sliding around his small waist, but when he looks up at me, worry floods his face almost instantly.

  “Are you okay?” he asks softly.

  Fuck.

  I nod quickly.

  Too quickly.

  “Just tired,” I answer.

  Arun turns to face me completely now and I hear a small gasp.

  “Alexios, don’t brush this off. You’re not feeling well.”

  “It’s nothing,” I insist. “I promise I’m okay.”

  I’m not and from the crease in his eyebrows, he’s not believing a single word.

  “Let’s go lie down,” he says, stepping away from the balcony. “Let me take care of you for once.”

  “Arun…”

  “I’m not kidding. Please?”

  His plea mixed with the worry in his amber eyes leaves me with no ground to stand on. I follow him to the bed as he starts adjusting the pillows, fussing with them until he’s finally satisfied.

  I let him help me back under the covers, pulling the blanket over me like I’m the one who needs protection right now.

  He walks over to the table in front of the hearth and pours a glass of water. The care is so genuine that it almost hurts to accept while her filth lingers inside of me.

  “Rest,” he whispers, kissing my forehead before sitting down on the edge of the bed. “I’m right here.”

  Exhaling deeply, Arun raises a hand and whispers a spell under his breath before soft golden light pours over my chest. I let my eyes close to focus on the calming feeling, but the dull ache never truly goes away.

  After a minute or two, the light fades and Arun lowers his hand, his eyes narrowed in a puzzled way.

  “You’re… not sick.”

  I attempt a low chuckle, but it falls short.

  “I told you, beloved.”

  “I…” he hesitates. “I don’t see anything wrong. At least not physically.”

  Forcing a smile on my face, I turn my face away to look out at the balcony.

  Arun’s hand comes to rest at my chest, his fingertips gently trotting over the fabric of my shirt.

  “Rest anyway,” he adds. “I’ll take care of you, okay?”

  I don’t have it in me to argue with him. I don’t feel fine at all, but his worry is far worse than whatever ache the queen is pushing into me.

  He stays beside me for a while, keeping an eye on me every now and then before turning to watch the curtains shift in the breeze.

  Poor sweet Arun.

  My eyes move quickly to the ceiling, hand covering Arun’s.

  Now isn’t the time, I say to her internally.

  You do not get to choose the time, Alexios. Do you really believe I cannot reach him?

  The knot in my stomach tightens again and I’m now acutely aware that even the slightest twitch in my expression will alert Arun.

  Please… leave him out of this. He hasn’t done a damn thing wrong.

  Finish what I need you to do. If you refuse and defy me again, I will show you what true loss is.

  Just before the queen’s voice fades, I feel the echo of cold laughter press through my head.

  Beside me, Arun shifts closer.

  “Are you okay?”

  I lift his hand to my lips to leave a gentle kiss.

  “I’m fine, thank you.”

  He sighs, but nods anyway.

  “I’ll let you rest then. Please let me know if you need anything, okay?”

  And with that, he leaves my side, likely to spend the rest of the day in the healing room coming up with some elixir to fix what simply cannot be fixed by our mortal hands.

  --

  Much later in the day, Arun steps back into the bedroom carrying a tray filled with roasted vegetables, sliced fruits and sourdough bread.

  “You didn’t come down so I thought I’d bring some food up to you,” he says gently as he puts the tray on the bedside table next to me. “You must be starving. How are you feeling?”

  I push myself up on my elbows and watch as he pours more water in my glass.

  “Better,” I tell him.

  Arun narrows his eyes, trying to read through me.

  “Better as in actually better or as in you’re just trying to humor me?”

  I lean back against the headboard and look away.

  “Does it matter if I let you keep fussing over me?

  “Yes,” he answers simply. “I want to know if you’re still hurting. Be honest with me.”

  He takes a seat at the edge of the bed, his hand coming to rest lightly on my upper thigh through the blanket. I reach for a slice of melon.

  “I feel well enough to eat,” I tell him. “That’s an improvement, right?”

  Arun tears a small piece of bread for me and passes it over. I know it’s an attempt to make me eat more, so I take it.

  How domestic of you.

  You have gone quite soft, Alexios.

  These little moments will not last.

  I take a much needed sip of water, but I know my grip on the glass is far too tight.

  Arun notices.

  “You okay?”

  I nod softly.

  “Just thinking.”

  “About what?”

  “You. Me. Together in bed.”

  Fortunately, it’s enough to make him laugh a bit before he goes to pick at a few grapes on my plate.

  “Even unwell, you’re perpetually horny.”

  “Only for you,” I say simply, doing my best to keep a smile on my face.

  “Would you like a bath?” he asks suddenly.

  “A bath?”

  He nods quickly, leaning over to kiss my neck.

  “Yes,” he answers almost shyly. “I want to bathe you this time.”

  I raise an eyebrow at his suggestion.

  “You always help me bathe when I feel unwell,” he continues. “I want to return the favor now.”

  The idea is enough to ease the knot in my stomach ever so slightly.

  “You really want that?”

  Arun grabs both of my hands, pressing repeated kisses to my knuckles. What a lovely way to answer. I chuckle softly.

  “Well, how could I refuse you?” I tell him.

  He rises immediately and helps me up gently, my legs stiff from being in bed for most of the day.

  A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

  --

  The steam coming from the bath winds through the air while Arun gathers soap and a bottle of bath oil. When he helps me out of my shirt, his movements are almost hesitant like he’s worried about hurting me.

  It’s rather silly, but I let him do it anyway.

  He guides me down into the water and I sigh in pleasure. The water feels absolutely wonderful against my skin, the heat of it almost enough to chase away the pain still in my body.

  Kneeling beside the tub, Arun dips a cloth into the water and begins at my shoulders.

  “Thank you for letting me do this for you,” he whispers.

  “No,” I cut in. “Thank you for doing this for me. I don’t deserve you.”

  He keeps his touches soft, taking time to fully scrub my arms before moving to my chest.

  “You know you don’t have to be so careful with me,” I tell him, smiling softly.

  “I want to be,” he answers, turning his focus back to the cloth running over one of my pecs. “You are always so careful with me. Let me do this for you, okay?”

  I don’t argue with him. He’d win anyway.

  I let him wash the tension from my shoulders and back before he moves to pour water through my hair, fingers working gently at my scalp.

  When he’s finished, he sits back with a satisfied look on his face.

  “Better?”

  “Better.”

  It’s the first time today that it’s actually been true.

  “You’re good at this, you know?” I add.

  He blushes, wringing out the cloth before folding it neatly over the side of the tub.

  “Give me one second,” Arun says, reaching for a small jar of… something. When he opens it, I instantly smell chamomile and something a bit sharp on the nose. Menthol, perhaps?

  “What’s that for?”

  “Your shoulders,” he answers politely. “They are still far too tense for my liking.”

  His hands slowly work in the salve, moving in slow circles on my shoulder blades. I can’t lie… it really is helping. His determined touches coax the aches not only in my muscles but also in my bones.

  Arun’s touch makes it impossible to think about anything else.

  We stay quiet for a long time, enjoying one another’s presence. The vile poison that is the queen feel far away right now.

  “Ready to get out?”

  “Not yet,” I whisper while I close my eyes and lean back. “Stay longer with me?”

  He doesn’t verbally answer, but I do feel the softest kiss grace my temple. It’s the perfect answer for me.

  “I love you,” he says. “So much. I really do and I don’t say that lightly.”

  I reach up to find his hand before pulling it over my chest.

  “I know you do,” I respond. “You’ve stayed through things you had every right to walk away from. You’re choosing me every single day and I don’t take that for granted.”

  Arun’s eyes sparkle with fresh tears, but I reach up, wiping them away before they ever have a chance to fall.

  “I’m scared that I’m not capable of keeping anyone,” I admit. “I’m scared that I’ll ruin this or that you’ll leave me before I inevitably do anyway, but you’re still here. You’ve turned Blackwood into more than just… land and walls or even pretty plants. I’ll tear down anything that tries to take you from me, do you understand?”

  Anything, hmm?

  I ignore her, choosing to focus on wiping away more stray tears from Arun’s eyes. Then he leans forward to rest his head against my shoulder.

  “I… I know you will,” he whispers.

  He lets me relax in the bath a little longer while the water cools around me before finally standing up, wiping a damp strand of hair from my cheek.

  “Come on,” he tells me. “Let’s get you out before the water gets too cold.”

  Gently, he helps steady me as I step out of the tub and as soon as the cooler air hits me, that same twisting knot hits again, only sharper this time.

  I try to mask it as best as I can by keeping my movements light as I take the towel Arun holds out for me.

  “I can manage,” I say, but I know my voice just gave me away.

  He steps closer to wrap the towel around my waist.

  “You still look… unwell.”

  “Just the heat probably,” I lie.

  Another out of rhythm pulse of the heart.

  Arun keeps his hand around my hip until I’m sitting on the bed again. He moves around our bedroom, pulling fresh clothes from the wardrobe while he talks casually about the weather, attempting to take my mind off the pain.

  I gladly listen to him because it’s much easier than letting myself give in to the knot in my gut. He helps me into a clean shirt before brushing my hair, one gentle stroke at a time.

  “Now rest,” he says softly, guiding me to lie back against the pillows. “I’ll be right here if you need me.”

  “I always need you,” I admit as I close my eyes.

  I hear a warm laugh as he moves around the room, setting a fresh glass of water on the bedside table.

  Pretty thing worries over you far too much. Is this truly what slows the terrifying Alexios down?

  And there it is, just as the knot in my stomach twists even more.

  Leave him alone, I think back.

  Do what I ask of you then or his worry will be the least of your concerns.

  Before I know it, my thoughts are blurry and I’m falling…

  --

  When I open my eyes again, it’s too abrupt. Arun’s watching me from the couch in front of the hearth, a book abandoned at his side.

  “Bad dream?” he asks, concerned.

  “No,” I lie again, shaking my head.

  Ignoring the way my entire body protests against any movements, I make myself sit up after a few moments. Arun wants me to stay put, of course, but I insist.

  “I can’t stay here all day,” I tell him plainly. “I’ll feel worse.”

  Not a total lie, I don’t think. If I keep myself in bed, it’ll leave me more vulnerable to her voice. At least moving around will give me purpose.

  Arun and I make our way downstairs together. He keeps close to me, watching to make sure I don’t collapse. I try to keep my posture sharp and elegant even as the knot becomes more prominent with each step.

  During my work, he brings me a hot cup of tea with the perfect amount of honey added into it, but his eyes never leave me as I take slow sips.

  “I’m worried about you,” he murmurs.

  I sigh, much too tired even though it’s still morning.

  “Yes, you mentioned it earlier.”

  “Well, it’s true, Alexios.”

  I try my best to hold easy conversations today, focusing more on progress in western fields of the plantation, but every now and then, my eyes drift towards the windows and doorways. If Arun can see truly see through me right now, I likely look rather paranoid, but I can’t stop expecting the queen’s shadow to be there.

  By later in the afternoon, I keep going through the motions of walking the hallways and gardens with Arun and even pretending to read while he sketches in front of the hearth in my study.

  My stomach never settles though.

  When the sun eventually sets, my head is pounding from trying to keep myself steady, especially when Arun showed me the little details he’s added to his latest sketch earlier.

  You are wasting time, Alexios.

  If you keep putting this off, the risk will grow.

  You know this.

  I practically slam the ledger down at the sound of her voice and I realize, she’s not wrong. If she really wanted to harm him, there’s nothing I could even do to stop it once it starts.

  As I glance toward the door of my study, I can hear Arun’s warm voice in the hallway speaking to one of the servants.

  Fine.

  I’ll do it.

  But only for him.

  I’ll make the arrangements, finish what she’s asked and then come back to him safely as if nothing happened. It’s the only way to keep her from hovering over him like a specter.

  It’s a business meeting, I’ll tell him simply.

  He’s curled up in the nook of a window when I find him, an unopened book resting in his lap. As soon as he looks up and that beautiful grin of his appears… it almost makes me want to abandon this idea.

  “Busy day?” he asks. “Hopefully feeling a bit better.”

  “Productive,” I lie smoothly. “Unfortunately, I’ve had a meeting come up. It’s out of town. Business matters that can’t wait apparently.”

  Arun raises his eyebrows.

  “When?”

  “I’ll need to leave before dawn,” I tell him. “I’ll only be gone for the day though. Back just before lunchtime and I’ll be in your arms again.”

  He places the book down on a side table.

  “Do you want me to go with you and keep you company?”

  I shake my head.

  “No, I’ll need to handle this one alone. Besides, I’ll need you here to keep an eye on things. No one knows this place more than you do.”

  He bites his bottom lip softly, visibly worried, but he nods anyway.

  “Okay, I suppose.”

  I reach down and brush my thumb across his cheekbone.

  “I’ll be back before you know it. I promise.”

  Arun moves to an armchair, pulling his legs up, and I take the one beside him. We talk about the book he wants to finish and a new elixir that will be tested next week.

  But then…

  “There was a fire in Malvatta recently while you were there,” he says suddenly. “Been in all the papers lately.”

  My heart almost stops.

  Tsk tsk.

  “Was there really?” I say, trying to keep my voice calm. “I must have left before it happened then.”

  “It was horrible,” Arun whispers. “Three people died. Charred so badly that the city guards couldn’t even tell which corpse belonged to whom.”

  Well, at least they cannot track it back to you, Alexios.

  I swallow hard, reaching over to take his hand into mine.

  “Don’t think about it too much okay? You’re safe here.”

  He nods slowly.

  At one point, he leans over and hands me his book.

  “Will you read to me for a while?”

  I take it without a second thought and begin reading aloud where he left off. Arun listens intently, resting his head against the side of his chair as he drifts off every so often.

  When we eventually go upstairs to the bedroom, I carry him in my arms, keeping his head tucked neatly against my shoulder. As I slip him into bed, following behind shortly after, he presses closer, horns brushing softly against my shoulder.

  “Promise me you’ll be careful,” he tells me.

  “Always.”

  A soft kiss on my shoulder tells me he’s satisfied enough with my answer and before long, he’s asleep soundly, curled around me.

  I fall into my trance shortly after.

  --

  Not a glimpse of sun is visible when I wake from my trance. Arun is pressed against me, one hand wrapped around my upper arm. I take a moment to let myself look at him, reminding myself this is for his safety, then I slip from the bed as quietly as I can.

  My bag has been packed with the bare essentials and I move through the familiar motions as calmly as I can, keeping silent as I move around the bedroom.

  I step into the hallway, realizing that it’s so early the servants are still asleep.

  Outside, the carriage waits.

  I’ll be home by nightfall. Everything will be okay. Arun will wake up to nothing more than just an empty space in bed. I’ll make sure he never has to know what kind of work I really do.

  But everything in my mind is telling me otherwise.

  Each turn of the carriage wheels makes my stomach hurt even worse as it carries me further away from Arun.

  For the first time in more than 150 years, I’ve been given a deadline.

  I keep my shoulder pressed against the wall of the carriage, eyes closed. The merchant district of Suppiti isn’t far now. It’ll be easier to find him before the day really begins and the streets fill up with too many possible witnesses.

  By the time we arrive, the first few rays of sunlight are just now beginning to show. I pay the driver handsomely to wait for me, stepping down as my boots hit the ground sharply.

  Somewhere ahead is my target and I intend to make this quick.

  The cold air is a bit more brutal than I’d care for this morning so I pull the hood of my cloak lower, blending in with a few early morning townsfolk strolling about.

  I try to keep out of view to avoid drawing any unwanted attention. The queen has been… “kind” enough to give me hints about the target during my ride here, even going so far as to tell me the exact cut and color of his coat, and his nail-biting habit.

  Just as my eyes begin to wander, I spot him right where she said he’d be. He’s moving toward his store with a satchel draped over his shoulder. The edges of his velvet coat, a deep green color, fly with the breeze.

  Slowing my pace, I let him get ahead so I can follow at an angle, making sure my eyes look elsewhere when he looks over his shoulder.

  The shop door opens and he disappears inside. I count to thirty before stepping inside too. Thankfully, most of the townsfolk are still preoccupied with their own work.

  As I step inside, the shop is still kept quite dim with only the smallest bit of sunlight coming in through the windows.

  The man is digging through his satchel behind the counter, back to me.

  “You sure are an early bird,” he says without even looking up.

  “It seems so,” I answer, voice low with warning.

  His head turns at the sound of my voice, suspicion lacing through his eyes. Our eyes meet and… he realizes something’s wrong here.

  “You’re not a customer.”

  “No.”

  The man’s hand immediately reaches for the drawer under the counter, but I’m far too quick right now, stepping around to close the space between us. He abandons whatever idea he had in the drawer and lunges for me.

  He’s far stronger than I even expected, shoulder driving into mine hard enough to make me stumble causing a few glass jars to crash to the floor.

  I let adrenaline take over and when he tries to strike again, I extend my hand as a spell flickers to life before inevitably blasting him back, square in the chest. He grunts in pain as he’s thrown back into the counter.

  When he tries to push himself up, I’m already throwing another spell at him, but this one is far more painful. It’s not meant to just simply knock him down.

  I want to see it drain the life from his beady eyes.

  The man’s knees give out first, crumpling forward as he ineffectively gasps for air. My eyes find a thin piece of metal from a broken lid so I pick it up quickly, turning it over until the sunlight bounces off the point.

  Kneeling beside the man, I press the tip of it into the side of his neck, slowly drawing it across as he lay dying in front of me. Blood wells up slowly and I lean down, pressing my lips to the wound to drink.

  The taste is… bitter and wrong now, but I’ve done this far too many times now to even complain. I’m sure I’ve tasted worse blood before, but this is starting to taste more like guilt every time.

  Good, but far too much fighting there. Messy work for someone of your experience, Alexios.

  I grit my teeth, forcing myself to breathe as I step over shattered glass and spilled herbs.

  “I wasn’t expecting him to fight like that,” I mutter.

  No, you worry too much about that tiefling at home. It makes you sloppy.

  I shove as much of the broken rack as I can into the satchel. I hate the idea of carrying it all the way back home, but leaving it here is simply not an option.

  If you cared for your lover less, you would work faster.

  “I just want you to leave him alone,” I say almost under my breath. “You have no reason to even look at him.”

  Hush now, Alexios. Get back to work.

  I look down at the body, sprawled out in an awkward angle.

  “What do you want me to do with him, my queen?” I ask, rolling my eyes.

  …

  Burn what you can, I suppose. The rest, scatter. I do not care where, but you must get rid of him.

  I peek over at the windows of the shop.

  “That will draw attention.”

  Then do not let anyone see you. Hurry, sweet Alexios. I would hate for you to be late getting back to your… “husband”.

  Her dismissive tone almost sends me into a fit of rage, but I catch myself at the last second and crouch again, looping my arms around his body to drag him toward the back door. Fortunately, he’s not too heavy. Just dead flesh now anyway.

  There’s an alleyway just outside, perfect for hiding a body.

  I keep moving step by step, glancing around every now and then to make sure no one is watching. Finally, I drag him back to an edge where a few old kilns still stand. From what I can tell, no one comes here judging from the look of some old equipment sprawled around.

  I keep my invocations sharp and a fire flares up so bright, it hurts my eyes. Bit by bit, the corpse is fed to the flames until there’s nothing left but fragments. When it’s done, I scatter the ashes into the wind before brushing my hands clean on my pants.

  Now go home, Alexios. Pretend you have been an honest man.

  As I walk nonchalantly back to the carriage, I realize just how long it took me to get rid of the corpse. More townspeople are walking through the streets now, heading to lunch or to one of the many shops tucked along the path.

  I told Arun I would be home by lunchtime. It’s not just the lie about where I’ve been that starts to make me panic. It’s also the thought of him sitting in the dining hall wondering if I’m late because something bad happened to me.

  --

  The carriage rolls to a slow stop in the courtyard and if I didn’t think the guilt was bad before, it’s eating me alive now.

  I step down and stretch my arms out, hoping to give the illusion that I’ve just been on some tiresome errand, but before I can make my way up the steps, the front door opens.

  Arun is standing there, beautiful as ever, with his eyes on me.

  “There you are,” he says evenly.

  “I apologize,” I answer as I step around him, pressing a kiss to one of his horns. “I was held up.”

  He closes the door softly, but when he turns to face me…

  “There wasn’t a meeting today,” he says quietly.

  I pause briefly when removing my cloak, then move again to set it down on coat rack.

  “Is that right…?”

  He nods his head.

  “One of the council members stopped by this morning to drop some documents off for you. She said the council didn’t have anything scheduled. Will you… will you tell me where you really were?”

  “I told you,” I say. “I had business to take care of, that’s all. It wasn’t with the council though, but it was still something that required my attention.”

  Arun sighs and when I look over at him, I see the tears gleaming in his eyes.

  “Something you can’t tell me about?”

  “No,” I answer far too quickly. “Not right now.”

  He steps closer, a small tear rolling down his cheek.

  “Alexios?”

  I don’t answer. I can’t. I don’t know what to say right now.

  “Is there… someone else?” he asks.

  My eyes widen.

  “What?”

  “Someone else,” he repeats. “Someone who’s… pleasing you.”

  As soon as he elaborates, all I can do is just stare at him, completely taken aback.

  “You think…”

  “I’m not enough for you anymore, am I?” he cuts in, tears falling freely now. “I know we haven’t been… intimate with each other in a bit. I know that’s important to you, but…”

  I step towards him so fast that he leans back a step. Instantly, my hands come up to cup his jaw, thumbs wiping away his tears.

  “Don’t you ever say that again,” I respond. “There will never be anyone else. You are everything to me, Arun. Do you understand?”

  His eyes close at my words, but I know he’s still uncertain. I lean down, pressing kisses to his cheeks, full lips, nose and forehead.

  “You are mine,” I add. “I am yours. That will never change.”

  Arun begins to steady himself again, finally.

  “Then where were you, Alexios? Really?”

  I let my hands fall from his face to his waist. I can feel the lie of an answer shaping itself already and I fucking hate it.

  “It was for you,” I tell him. “Something I can’t tell you about just yet. It’s… supposed to be a surprise?”

  He tilts his head up to me, eyebrows raised.

  “A surprise?”

  “Yes,” I say politely. “It’s something I’ve been working on since you came with me to your first meeting and it needed to be handled in person.”

  Oh, Alexios.

  The uncertainty in Arun’s eyes shifts to curiosity.

  “You really can’t tell me anything at all?”

  “Not yet,” I answer. “But you’ll know soon, okay? I promise.”

  Before he can ask anything more about it, I’m gently coaxing him into my study.

  We share a glass of wine as Arun nuzzles up against me on the couch. My arm stays wrapped around him and I can feel the tension fading from him little by little.

  You lied to him so easily. I wonder if he would be proud of you if he really knew what you have been doing for me.

  Please, I think desperately. No more today.

  Why not? He is right there. You could tell him everything. I want to see how he would look at you then.

  I leave a gentle kiss in Arun’s hair in an attempt to hide my disapproval. He kisses my neck, completely unaware of her poisonous words in my head.

  You know what rots quicker than flesh?

  …

  Secrets.

  My hands drift up and down Arun’s back as he drifts off into a nap.

  I did what you told me to, I respond in my thoughts.

  After I threatened you. Numerous times. You let yourself get distracted and wasted my time.

  You will make my orders your priority again. Next time, do not take the scenic route to complete them.

  I would hate to think my beautiful Alexios is becoming… unreliable after all this time.

  The queen’s voice finally fades. Arun stays tucked against me, blissfully unaware.

  I find myself envying that feeling.

  “Let’s take a bath, hmm?” I whisper.

  I’m more than desperate to wash this entire day off, yet I know all the soap in the world could not cleanse me of the guilt I feel nowadays.

  --

  Arun stays pressed against me in the bath, fingertips tracing over my chest and down my stomach.

  “I’m sorry,” he says softly.

  I look down at him.

  “For what, my love?”

  “For accusing you of having someone else earlier. I shouldn’t have. I just… I missed you and I worry sometimes.”

  His head drops, remorsefully, and the guilt is back, stronger than ever. He’s apologizing when I should be the one begging for forgiveness for every wrong thing I have ever done.

  I reach for his hand, bringing it to my lips.

  “You should never apologize for missing me. Besides, I missed you more anyway.”

  Just that alone is enough to pull a warm laugh from him.

  “Did you at least feel better today?” I ask quietly, hand moving back down towards my hipbone. I let out a soft moan at the touch.

  “Better now.”

  When he leans in to kiss me, I feel his apology on his lips alone and his hands drift higher over my ribs. I let my arms circle around his waist to pull him into my lap. He moves gladly as his lips drift down to my throat, teeth digging in sharply before leaving a soft kiss in its place.

  I wonder if he would be just as lovely if he were mine.

  My grip tightens far too hard on Arun’s hips, but I quickly try to recover, smoothing my hands over his body.

  “Did I hurt you?” he asks, pulling away from my neck.

  I shake my head, desperate to find the moment again before it was interrupted.

  “No,” I say. “You could never hurt me like that.”

  Don’t you dare touch him.

  I move back in to capture his lips with mine, hands sliding up his back. Arun melts against me again, his head dropping back down to my shoulder.

  “Let’s stay here a while longer, hmm?” I ask.

  “I’m not going anywhere without you,” he answers.

  I bury him in slow kisses and small touches, keeping my mind on him and the way his gorgeous eyes close when I pepper his neck with kisses too.

  The queen doesn’t speak for the rest of the day, either out of boredom or annoyance, but I don’t care. My mind stays solely on my beloved Arun, the center of my universe. But the underlying guilt never leaves me alone today. I don’t think it ever will again for the rest of my life. Every order I take from her feels like another knife in his back.

  I wonder how long it will be before this becomes something I can no longer hide. When that day comes, will he still want to be in my arms?