04

  Found

  Memories of running through a great herd of shadows in the night plagued her. Now, even deep in the herd, the shadows might chase her. They were not as fast as the other herd members, but they were nearly as fast as she was.

  Sometimes, they came close to catching her. They would chase her until they could no longer run. When she tried to return to the herd, others would be waiting to continue the chase. They might chase her all day, but as night approached, she could slip past them to rejoin the herd.

  When the weather changed, the herd moved from bushland into the open plains following the rain. They were moving to a high, flat plain with water and food where the herd spread out, into family groups, foals were born, yearlings chased off by stallions, and foals learned to keep up.

  To get there, the herd was headed for a gap in the cliff that allowed them access. When there weren’t lions near the gap, there were shadows from then. As the leaders approached the gap, the herd bunched up, and she hid herself deep in the herd to escape notice. The narrow gap crowded and slowed the herd. If the shadows chased her here, she would have nowhere to run. The herd pushed and shoved as always, but it was moving too slowly. They would come to a place where the shadows had been before, blocking the path, but when the herd surged forward, the shadows became frightened and ran away. The herd should not be concerned, but it was. She could feel it.

  When she reached the place where the shadows had been, there was a thing across the path as high as her head. A gap let the herd pass through a few at a time. When she went through the gap, it was too small for her to hide from the shadows, but they did not chase her. Instead, they closed the gap to keep the rest of the herd from following. She and the zebra with her began to run until they came to another thing across the path with a gap, and more of the herd moving away. She ran after them to get through the gap, but the shadows let only a few through before closing the gap and chasing this small part of the herd away. Each time she approached the upper thing, some of the herd got through before the shadows closed it and chased the rest away.

  They were sending the herd away to leave her alone. Each time around, there were fewer and fewer left of the herd with her and more and more shadows. Until there were more shadows than herd, and they ran in at her from all sides. With nowhere for her to run, she was quickly caught and pulled to the ground. She kicked, struck, and bit at everything that she could until she could no longer move.

  She was tangled in something like vines, but stronger and very tight. Somewhere, she had a memory that wanted to be heard. What was it, and why did it want to be heard, not seen? The shadows dragged her to one side, next to the cliff. They left her tangled as they opened the gaps and let the rest of the herd pass. Alone! Was it her time to…? There were other memories of something black in a hole, and great pain in her chest. Vague memories of having to follow a shadow, and a thing that held her head, but they made no sense.

  When the herd was out of sight, but could still be heard, the shadows returned. She called out to the herd and felt better when the herd answered. When the shadows began to untangle her, she was frightened and confused. Why did they stop? They left her front legs hobbled. She alone in the herd did not need them to run, but she wanted them free. They left a thing on her head. They made her stand up and pulled on her head with a thing that came from under her mouth. She moved in the direction of the pull, and when it stopped, so did she. The pull came again, and this time she did not stop. In this way, she was led away from the herd. Confused, she felt completely alone.

  By the end of the day, she began looking to this small band of shadows for safety. They had not eaten her yet, and even the lions stayed away. As it got dark, they stopped moving and made a fire. She remembered being very close to fire and not being afraid, but that memory did not feel like hers. The shadows did things around the fire and ate what they had put into the fire. One of the shadows came to her with some of what he had taken out of the fire and some grass pulled from the ground. While not hungry, she did want to chew on something. Chewing always made her feel better. The shadow made some noises and placed both on the ground at her feet. She ate the grass. The other smelled all right, but she didn't know what it was.

  The herd had often slowed down in the dark, but it rarely completely stopped all night, and they never all slept at the same time. With the shadows, it was different. After eating, they all lay down and went to sleep. Now would be a good time to go back to the herd, except for the thing on her head. It was attached to a tree, not very near where the shadows lay sleeping. If her legs were not hobbled, she could take the thing off. The shadows wanted her to stay with their band. Well, that sort of thing happens every spring. The herd would break up into family bands. If this were her new herd, she would stay awake and watch.

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  When she wanted to chew, she had to lie down to get a mouthful and stand back up. Tangled as she was, that was not easy to do, and not being able to run made her very nervous. How would she run if a lion approached? Is this what the shadows did with members of the herd? They used them to feed lions so the lions would not eat shadows? In the morning, the shadows began moving and making noise. When they untied her and began to travel, she felt better. Moving was the natural way of things. Those left behind were never seen again. Moving was safe.

  The shadows made noise, so much noise that she wondered how they ever got close to anything. All day long as they traveled, they made noise, and when they stopped, they made more noise. Their four legs were like hers, and they used them constantly. They carried things with them, things that made her nervous. They tied things to their backs, and they did not eat along the way like the herd did. They would all stop and eat at the same time. Taking things from what they carried, rather than eating the grass that was all around them.

  When the sun got low in the sky, they came to a place with more shadows. These new shadows came running out to meet the group she was with. They touched and made a lot of noise. That frightened her a little bit. It also stirred something familiar in her that was just out of reach. In time, she was led to a tree, where something hard and heavy was attached to one of her legs, then her four legs were untangled, and the thing on her head was removed. Her four legs ached terribly, and moving them was a great relief. The thing on her leg kept her near the tree and would not come off, no matter how much she pulled on it. Now, at least she was surrounded by this new herd. She would not be the first thing the lions found if they came here to eat.

  Having been up all last night, she needed to lie down. The new shadows kept looking at her, but they kept their distance, and she was too tired to care, as long as they did not get too close. When the activity tapered off, she drifted off to sleep.

  She awoke alone in quiet darkness and listened for the herd. Afraid that it had left her behind, she got up to go after it. Something held her leg, causing her to squeal in alarm as she fell. She tried to pull her leg free until the smell of the shadows reminded her this was the herd now.

  She could not see or hear them, but she could smell them. What she could see around her were shapes that might hide a lion. She did not smell lions, but she wanted to see or hear a herd around her.

  As the light came back, this herd of shadows became active. Some approached and touched her. Small ones at first, and later, larger ones would approach and touch her. They touched her everywhere. Usually gently, but sometimes it hurt. Occasionally, food, mostly grass, and water were brought to her. Having something to chew on helped. By the middle of the day, the interest of this new herd moved on, and she was no longer worth much attention. Maybe they would let her return to her herd.

  The next day, some shadows put the thing back on her head, tangled her for legs again, and led her away. Eventually, they came to another herd of shadows. She was attached to a tree, and there she would stay until this new herd of shadows lost interest. Then she would be led to yet another small herd of shadows. Just like with the zebra, some herds would be big, some would be small, but it would always be the same: touch, poke, noise, neglect. This became the rhythm of her life.

  Eventually, she was led to a very large herd of shadows. Here, her days were the same. It just took longer for the shadows to lose interest in her. When they did, she had nothing left to do all day but stand or walk in circles. She could see the shadows, but they did not see her anymore. Alone in a herd, she felt confused and hurt in ways she didn't understand.

  Days became seasons. The only change came when she was chased into the herd of cattle. By day, they were driven into the bush to eat. At night, they were driven back into the village. The cattle were slightly better company than the shadows. When she smelled zebra and ran to join them, the shadows would chase her down and drive her back to the cattle. That gave her something to do from time to time. Of course, if she ran too hard, they would beat her when they caught her. So, she rarely made them work very hard to catch her.

  One evening, she returned favoring a hurt ankle. One of the cattle had stepped on her. This had happened before and would be no more than a memory when the sun came back, but now she was limping and in pain. A small colt of a boy approached and looked at her leg. She was not sure what this colt wanted, but she had learned to stand when one of the shadows wanted her to. She felt a shock of pain as the colt ran his hand down her leg past the last joint. Squealing an alarm sound, she tried to pull away from the colt, but the boy's grip on her ankle was firm. She lost her balance and fell with a grunt.

  The pull took the boy to the ground as well, and in the fall, his head struck something hard. When he got up, the zebra woman was slowly thrashing around on the ground. The boy knew that an upset animal could hurt itself. He remembered an upset calf and his father singing to calm it down. He sang the only song he knew, a lullaby his mother used to sing to him when he was small. While he sang, he cradled the zebra woman’s head, so she would not injure an eye.

  What is this sound, and who is holding my head? This has happened before, but where, when? This melody, I knew it. … Mother sang it… Father held me like this and sang this… lullaby. Zalika’s memories returned in a flood that overwhelmed her. Drawing her knees to her chest, she cried as she remembered. The eight-year-old child she remembered wanted her father to hold her and tell her everything would be all right. When she remembered him running away from her into the night, she curled up into the smallest ball she could make herself and shook as she cried.