82. Gently Merrily Hastily Brutally

  [Designation: COASTER]

  [Instrument Class: ZEALOUS]

  [Anchored Realm: PRETJORD (+1)]

  [Item Description: In times of yore, Rotgardian children would gather once a year and play upon the Netherpool, frozen solid by the wintry winds. They’d trade in their diving fins for rickety skates, with blades sharp enough to stitch a seasonal tapestry of their escapades. Some of these intrepid adventurers even invented a game, where players used sticks to pass a flat disc to each other—dubbed a ‘coaster’ for the way it smoothly sailed on ice. Victory came down to skill, grit, and—most important of all—teamwork. My, how the valleys echoed then with laughter and zeal. And how I miss the sounds of those vibrant winters, here upon the Realmtree’s withering Roots.]

  ***

  Serac’s first instinct was to push back. It wasn’t in her nature to be passive, especially when there was Karma up for grabs and when she’d already spent the whole ride as a passenger.

  But then a sudden swell from the water caused the turtle to roll, nearly 90 degrees until one side of it (along with Serac’s PULVERIZER arm) dipped into the water. And that was enough to put the fear back in a dense-boned Rakshasa, as she desperately tightened her grip on the turtle shell.

  Everyone else on the boat handled the turbulence with far more grace.

  Zacko—‘light on his feet’, as he himself had so claimed—hopped off his tippy-toes and balanced himself on the emergent edge of the shell. Lars on the portside leaned down until he lay nearly horizontally over the water, then pushed his OAR against the riverbank—a circus trick made only possible by his towering frame and rangy reach. Finally, Hans on the starboardside completed the save by using his own considerable weight to flatten the turtle back onto the water.

  All in all, it was an incredible feat of reflex, athleticism, and teamwork. So much so that Serac would’ve stood up and cheered if she weren’t so busy keeping herself from falling off the shell. Then there were also the questions of what and how. What had caused the turtle to nearly capsize, and how?

  She didn’t have to wait long for an answer.

  Another Rumpetroll came flying in from the portside. Lars, as before, swatted it away with extreme prejudice. But then the Rumpetroll, instead of flopping back into the water, exploded in midair.

  Serac came to an understanding then, even as she wiped off and spat out bits of Rumpetroll goop. These things are ticking time bombs! And one of them must’ve gone off right underneath us earlier, to have sent the turtle rolling like that!

  Which meant, for the duration of this fight, the sturgeon twins’ OARS served as much a defensive purpose as an offensive one. It also meant, if the Rumpetrolls were smart enough, they’d act as torpedoes as much as grenades.

  And that was exactly what they did. Writhing balls of black slime came from everywhere: portside, starboardside, overhead, and underwater. Serac braced for impact, just in case, but she had an inkling that this wasn’t anything the twins couldn’t handle.

  The Yaksha Wayfarers didn’t disappoint. As soon as the Rumpetrolls turned up their assault on the boat, the Tomasens adopted a new defensive strategy.

  First, Hans dove fully into the water, while Lars remained on the turtle shell. The drier of the twins then became something of a Yaksha whirlwind as he uncoiled a flurry of spinning OAR-swings, thus repelling a handful of Rumpe-grenades before they could go off.

  If his brother was a whirlwind, then the submerged Hans was a whirlpool. From where Serac held on for dear life, she perceived only a tremendous rotational pull that nearly sucked the whole boat into the water. She could only imagine, however, that it was the Rumpe-torpedoes that felt the full force of Hans’s attack.

  The first wave had been soundly rebuffed, but more Rumpetrolls soon swarmed the boat. The Tomasen brothers continued their spirited defense, but not before switching roles. Now Lars dove underwater, at exactly the same Ksana as a dripping-wet Hans jumped back onto the turtle shell.

  The transition was seamless, synchronous, and perfectly timed to allow the Yakshas a brief breather to recover Stamina. It required not only athleticism but also perfect coordination. So much so it was a wonder the twins had pulled it off without so much as a signal, verbal or otherwise.

  But then Serac remembered a special trait of Yaksha physiology, one Petter the mackerel had earlier demonstrated. Ripple-reading. The sturgeon twins didn’t need to communicate, because they could read and react to each other’s movements, faster than thought.

  It probably also helps that they’re, well, twins. Serac finally began to relax as she settled into the best seat in the house. She then sat back (read: lay flat on her stomach) and watched as her OARSmen batted away wave after wave of grenades and torpedoes.

  Not to be outdone, however, the Rumpetrolls pulled out a collaborative feat of their own.

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  First, the water calmed for a moment, lulling Serac into a false sense of security. Then a large, dark figure emerged further downstream, covering the entire width of the river while towering over a traveling quartet and their four-seater turtle.

  Oh, what is it now? This new ‘what’, as it turned out, was more of the same but in a wildly different arrangement. For the shapeless mass that spanned the river was made up entirely of writhing black slime—in other words, a swarm of Rumpetrolls stacked and clumped together to form a giant. Pathsight even had a new label for the monstrosity: [Rumpejette].

  Now, it was this upgraded and upsized Wildspawn that imposed its own center of hydrodynamic gravity. The whole river rushed toward the giant at speed, with the turtle boat powerless to fight the currents. Forget grenades and torpedoes; the Rumpejette stood as a barricade coated and primed with explosives, waiting to swallow the boat and its occupants into its world of hurt and goop.

  For the first time, genuine worry creeped into Serac’s mind. This is bad, and it doesn’t look like something the OARS could handle. Maybe it’s finally time for me and Zacko to step in… but how?

  But then she’d forgotten that the OARS were merely the Tomasen twins’ Auxiliary—that they still had their ‘shared’ Zealous Instrument up their sleeve. And she was soon reminded of that fact in emphatic fashion.

  Seemingly out of nowhere, both twins produced an object in each of their hands. The objects were each about the size and appearance of a wooden roundshield—if said roundshield was cut cleanly in half. The twins then reached across and pushed the two halves together into a full, circular disc: COASTER.

  Then several things happened in rapid sequence.

  Lars on the portside took the fully assembled COASTER and dropped it to his side, such that it looked as though the whole thing might fall into the river. On the starboardside, Hans jumped into the air, far enough that his entire frame now hovered above the water.

  In the exact Ksana where COASTER touched the river’s rushing current, Lars brought down his STROKE-SIDE OAR, sweeping it across his body to then make meaty contact with the wooden disc. With a satisfying ‘ping!’, COASTER flew across the width of the river, skimming the water and leaving behind a trail of solid, frozen ice.

  By then, Hans on the starboardside was ready to receive the pass. He too gave his BOW-SIDE OAR a mighty swing, meeting COASTER with a sweetly hit one-timer and redirecting it downstream. As he completed his jump, he landed—not in water—but on ice, the very same that had been conjured by his brother’s magic.

  If Lars’s pass was ice, then Hans’s ‘shot’ was lightning. In less than the blink of an eye, COASTER slammed into the Rumpejette’s center. As it did so, it also froze everything in its path, including its giant Wildspawn of a target.

  In an instant, what was once a writhing black mass became a frozen block of ice. Serac’s jaw dropped as she took in the action with eyes both naked and Pathsighted.

  [RUMPEJETTE Status Effect: SNAP FREEZE]

  Snap freeze?

  For a hell bumpkin like Serac, this would surely have been the first time she’d heard such a phrase. Yet the words—as well as the physical phenomenon they described—resonated with some unseen recesses of her consciousness. As if in response, her mouth watered and her stomach rumbled, all despite her [Satiety] gauge sitting comfortably half-full.

  Because something within her inaccessible memories told her that [Snap Freeze] was something you did to food. Her mouth watered and her stomach rumbled because in those same memories, that food had been freaking delicious.

  But far be it for her to interrupt a smite just to satisfy her culinary curiosities—especially when that smite had been earned in such majestic style. She sat back (read: arched her back and bent her elbows a little) and watched as the Tomasen twins finished the job.

  The OARSmen casually strolled over to the frozen Rumpejette, using the icy path for solid footing. They then each stood on either side of the giant as they swung their OARS to meet in the middle.

  One hit. One hit was all that was needed to smash the whole thing into icy smithereens.

  “Woooooooo!!”

  Before she knew it, Serac had stood up (read: had managed to get on her knees at least) to cheer. Then she noticed that the turtle was now completely stationary as it rested upon solid ice. Feeling much bolder, she finally did get to her feet, whooping and clapping all the while.

  She glanced over her shoulder and saw that Zacko too seemed to have enjoyed the show. The cross-armed Manusya had stopped short of clapping and cheering, but the smile he wore now was a bright and appreciative one—a far cry from his usual sardonic humor.

  For several blissful moments, Serac lost herself in the hype of it all. She forgot all about Palmr Jorgensen’s unpleasantness, about her misgivings about going after the Finless, and especially about her unkind prejudices against the Tomasen twins.

  These sturgeons were, not for nothing, KL-41 Wayfarers—veterans of the Path from whom both she and Zacko could learn a thing or two. And they struck especially dashing figures now, lit by swirling Souldust as they stood over the icy rubble of their latest and flashiest smite.

  But this impromptu bit of communal celebration—for better or for worse—was short-lived. For almost as soon as Serac stood to her full height, she nearly lost her footing again, as the ground, nay, the water beneath her roiled anew.

  Lars’s icy footpath fell away in an instant, broken up into tiny icebergs. The river and its currents began to rush again—somehow even faster and more unpredictable than with the Rumpejette at their center.

  Serac immediately resumed her prone position, dropping onto the turtle shell and holding on tight. This forced Zacko back onto his tippy-toes, though he was slightly better off due to the Tomasens’ momentary absence.

  The oarsmen in question had fallen into the water as the ice broke under them. But they were much stronger swimmers than their passengers; it took them no time to find their way back to the turtle, before breaking through the surface to grab onto the shell from either side.

  “What is it now?” Serac asked the closest twin—Hans according to Pathsight. “Have we got another Rumpejette waiting for us downstream?”

  Hans didn’t answer, instead pointing his silent glare downstream—at whatever new threat loomed in the distance. Serac thought she saw his scales vibrate—just like Petter’s did whenever he was focused on the ripples.

  Then Hans’s brother spoke from the other side of the turtle, giving word to what the Yakshas could read readily and their outrealmer passengers could only guess at in nervous anticipation.

  “No,” Lars said, with a clear note of urgency in his gentle voice. “Something much bigger. Much worse. The Wildspawns gather to protect their queen.”

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